"Titan, I don't know how you do it, but you do it to me every time" commented an exasperated 'Rockin' Rick Ricci at the end of his 100 minute ordeal against the 'bloated behemoth.' TT had accepted a last minute invitation for a late afternoon singles match against 'RRR' to be played at Schultz Park in Northeast Yonkers. 'Rockin' Rick was itchin' to get off the schneid (having never beaten TT in singles) against another tennis whore who never has enough sense to 'just say no.' The two sets played were very different in content but brought forth the same happy result for the 'boisterous blowhard.' "It was like a truck hit me" lamented 'RRR' after the first set massacre (6-1) that saw TT run to a 5-love, 40-30 lead before choking on his bagel. The resurgent retired NY Times pressman broke the 'pathetic panderer' in the first game of the second set at love and held (also at love) to set the tone for the uphill struggle for the 'languid lothario.' TT came back from love-30 in the 3rd game, and love-40 to break 'RRR' after the 4th deuce to level the set at 2. The 'implausible impostor' ginned up his game to knot the contest at four and hammer nailed his forehand with precision to break 'RRR' at love in the decisive ninth game. As the combatants met at net after the 'flatulent fathead' served it out without difficulty, the Irascible Italian complained, "I blew that second set quicker than I ever blew into my saxophone in my gig playing days." Titan replied sheepishly, "what just happened, it's be done before: John 11:38-53.
"Titan that first set reminded me of D Day. Just like 65 years ago today, June 6th 1944, you were slaughtered by a 'Kraut' as you hit your Omaha beach- Kinsley Park" chortled the Teutonic One, Bob 'Kraut' Kluge after he annihilated the TennisTitan in their set of singles (2-6). 'Der Klugemeister' then joined forces with the 'blundering blatherer' for a set of doubles against 'Rockin' Rick' Ricci and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott. 'RRR'/'not Espn' had survived their first set meeting (8-6) against the tandem of 'Dave the Rave' and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman to earn the right to defend champions court against 'Kraut'/TT. And defend they did! 'RRR' dominated the baseline rallies with 'Kraut' and 'not Espn' played above his norm to open a surprising four-love lead. But just as D Day turned the tide in the allies fortunes three generations ago, so too did the steady play of the 'ponderous panderer' working 'not Espn's' backhand. 'Kraut,' struggling with his serve and back hand this day, began to find the mark. With the set even at four, 'Kraut' was again broken to give the upstarts a 4-5 lead. The bombings of Dresden and Berlin to end WWII were no less devastating than TT's/'Kraut's winning the final three games to take the set (7-5). As the boys met at net 'Der Klugemeister' declared, "Tommy boy, you are the new Eisenhower! You may be run over by superior firepower at the beginning of a tennis battle, but you always seem to have a plan, an Operation Overlord, to win the set in the end. "Titan rejoined, "Kraut, my man Winston said "Never was so much owed by so many to so few" after the Battle of Britain." "This applies to you today."
"Your dogs barking rattled my game more than anything you threw at me on the court, Titan" was Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe's comment during the changeover between sets one and two at Kinsley Park today. The 'bungling Bomber' (5 double fault gifts) had just dropped the first set (6-4) to TennisTitan and was determined to avoid the ignominy of a sweep. The 'unctuous uncle' captured the critical seventh game with a break at love and held on to serve it out three games later. The 'Jersey Bomber' went to plan B in set two and eventually righted the ship. The 'naughty nephew's hustle and all court play dwarfed his one dimensional 'rotund relation' throughout the two hour struggle. That effort paid off midway through the second set when the 'Jersey Bomber' turned a three-love deficit into a 3-4 lead with effective serve and volley play and consistently running down TT's near winners. Titan gamely hung in there avoiding a complete melt down evening the set at 5 apiece. "I talked to my cousins, Titan, - your sons - 'Big Daddy' Jeff and 'Hoya Saxa' Russ. They told me you can't finish. They're right!" quipped the 'resurgent Robbie' as he waltzed to his (5-7) victory by breaking his Godfather at love to end the match. "And TennisTitan please refer to me as the 'Mammoth of Monmouth' in your insipid blog. You'll hit the Chinese buffet harder than your first serve."
"Titan, isn't it clear to you yet? You don't win without a Slattery at your side" averred Gene 'King' Slattery at the conclusion of TT/'King's (6-4) victory over George 'Chemist' Hauss and Frank 'Slats' Slattery at Kinsley Park. The 'flamboyant fathead' was justifiably rejoicing in the triumph that more than offset an earlier (4-6) loss to 'Slats'/'Dave 'the Mellow One' when the 'egotistical egomaniac' had paired with Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman. 'King' was a little testy during the match having already dropped a set to 'Chemist'/Bob 'Kraut' Kluge (1-6). "Titan, carrying you to victory is always a chore. When I was routed with Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso as my partner it was no big deal. Cousin Frankie could take no credit." But when the family pride is on the line, I take no prisoners! Play better or you will be my serf forever!! "My Liege, your wish is my command" retorted the 'boisterous blowhard.' A retreating 'Prezidente' chortled as he entered his car, "pompous panderer,' even I shall gallantly expose the glaring weaknesses in your game. Soon I will dine on your nickel at Squires.
"Dad, I was a classics major at Georgetown, trust me, this was your Thermopylae, so corrected Russell 'Hoya Saxa' Briscoe upon completion of his two set sweep of the TennisTitan at the Yonkers Tennis Center this afternoon. 'Hoya Saxa' blew into town for the weekend to celebrate his ol' man's 63rd birthday. "Pop, I guess I also came north to celebrate a (3-6, 4-6) Texas ass kicking of the 'paternal prevaricator.' "Russ, give me credit for hanging in there and making you play your best in the final games of both sets to close me out." "No can do 'grumpy geriatric' this was no marathon run on my part." "Can't I claim it a Pyrrhic victory at least. I know I lost but I put up a good fight" pleaded the 'pompous pontificator.' 'Hoya Saxa' completed his domination of the 'aging agnostic' this date firing this ace at picture time: "Don't shoot the messenger - I am Xerxes, King of Persia, you are Jerksys, Titan of the Tennis Kingdom in Yonkers, and the Son has set on your empire. Happy Birthday."
"Titan, if I am your 'King' then you are my Prince Valiant" quipped Gene 'King' Slattery upon completion of the second set at the Yonkers Tennis Center. Indeed, 'King'/TT salvaged the final set by breaking 'Big Al' DioDati in the twelfth game to end the afternoon on a happy note. Their (7-5) defeat of the 'Italian Stallion' and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully nearly mirrored the opening set loss (5-7) to the indefatigable 'EBL' and the resilient 'steed.' 'EBL'/'Big Al' had hung tough in the opener to break 'my Liege' in the eleventh game preceding a Tully hold to salt away the victory. 'EBL' schooled the 'King' with deft lobs over the left shoulder at critical junctures in this particularly well played match. 'Big Al' similarly came up with the goods all too often when receiving serve on his forehand. But the 'King' reestablished his domain in the nightcap with exemplary work coming in to net from the service line to lead the attack. The 'immobile Minotaur' did his usual yeoman work from the baseline. TT's support at net was reminiscent of a Playtex Living Bra - giving (away) a little too much at times, but holding firm in the right places. As the foursome met at net, 'Big Al' opined, "these will be the matches we'll look forward to next year." 'EBL' commented, "this foursome brings all our levels up." 'King' queried, do we ever change partners?"
'Frankie, you didn't earn it, at least not from me" lambasted the TennisTitan before 'Slats' could open his mouth at net this afternoon at the conclusion of play at Kinsley. The combination of 'Big Al' Diodati and Frank 'Slats' Slattery defeated the 'loathsome loud-mouth' and his erratic partner Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott (5-7, 4-6). Unlike this past Saturday when TT was also on the losing end of a Slattery sweep, kudos could not be offered truthfully today to superior opponents. No, it was inferior play that was the 'bitching bullshitter's undoing. As far as Titan was concerned both sets were gift wrapped and delivered courtesy of the pseudo Sports Center anchor. 'Bellicose bawler,' doubles is a team game' opined 'Big Al' Diodati who outlasted 'not ESPN' rally after rally. "You should be ready to hit the ball too" chortled 'Slats' each time Stuart mistimed his swing and only fresh air whistled through his strings. Titan riposted "Munchkin Frankie, Stu misses more balls than you miss line calls!" "Titan, we expect you to play error free tennis to win a set, but the only errors you don't make are line calls" cackled 'Big Al.' A chagrined and chastened 'bloated blowhard' turned to his forelorn partner and said, "Stu, let's challenge 'em to a game of wiffle ball and see who has the last laugh." 'Not ESPN' deadpanned: "Titan, I only want to pitch to you. And no helmets allowed."
but 
"Titan, you can claim you won the first set...I don't mind" giggled Frank 'Slats' Slattery as the group broke up after this morning's play at Kinsley. 'Slats' could be magnanimous. He had just run the table with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. TT and two weary partners were the victims in a three set sweep (2,2,1). The 'bloated behemoth' had expected much, much more from his partners but neither Clarence 'Gazelle' Williams nor Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz could deliver the goods. Both the 'Gazelle' and 'Gimpy Knees' have the capacity to be game changers at net but neither was up to the task of out playing 'Slats' in the forecourt. Titan acquitted himself reasonably well from the back line but 'Der Klugemeister' still offers too much fire power on his serve for a sustained counter attack. TT had to be satisfied with his 2 winning games contribution to 'GK'/'Slats' first set victory over the "Double Dave Duo" from Peekskill. "The 'dormant doormat' lived up to his sobriquet" quipped Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser from the adjacent court. 'Big Al' DioDati commented sagaciously, "Lazy Loud-mouth, you belong in our game. 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and 'Happy Jack' Carey are more your level." 'HJ' enjoined "Pistol, I refuse to play with anyone you describe as 'sober'." A bewildered 'Dave the Rave' and his partner 'Dave the Mellow One,' African Americans awaiting winners, said in unison, "Sagaciously!?! - man, tennis is a white boys sport!"
"Why can't he run that way in the game" was all the exasperated 'blogging bullshitter" could say as the 'Chemist' beat a hasty retreat to his car. "Titan, George cost you the third set as surely as he did as your partner in the (4-6, 3-6) defeats Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and I laid on you and him earlier," commiserated Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser. "Hold on Lou," quipped Der Klugemeister "I said 'I'd play with the TennisTitan in the third set.' But no one can guarantee a victory when the 'bloated behemoth' is his partner. A (2-2 partial) let me off the hook. Thank you, Mrs. Hauss." Indeed, 'Chemist' had overstayed his welcome at Kinsley. The Bunsen Burner had jumped higher when his cell phone rang than he had at anytime during the scintillating two sets that preceded the "get your ass home now" command. Doubles play was particularly strong this morning at Kinsley. Shot making and hustle from the foursome was of a high calibre. Too bad no other Saturday stalwarts had the heart to come out on a dreary, humid morning and observe the display. As the trio gathered at net, Titan lightened the mood. "Boys, George's 90 year old mother is up from Florida for Mother's Day. Odds are, that was her on the phone, not his wife. He was just making her feel young again."
"Well, Titan, I didn't want to make a complete liar out of you" Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully quipped at Dom and Vinnie's Restaurant. 'There's enough of that in the blog as it is." The Thursday foursome was putting a wrap on the indoor season with dinner together in the Hollow area of Yonkers. "I see you are having Chicken Giambotto" exclaimed 'Big Al' DioDati between bites of spinach lasagna. "Perhaps you and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman should order a carafe of Merlot to take away the bitter taste of the (1-6, 1-6) ass whipping 'EBL' and I administered earlier. "Easy Al, Titan foretold his readers of what was to come in yesterday's blog. Let's give him credit for being prescient anyway." "Titan - President?" - misheard Max, the Maven of Mayhem. "He acts so damn Supreme on the Court. "Congrats TT on finishing the season bageling 'Big Al'/'Tutor' (6-0) as my partner"chipped in 'EBL.' "Congress?" chortled the Maven, "I couldn't vote for the 'bodacious braggart;' Titan misses more easy shots than Nita Lowey misses budget hearings. And I'm a Democrat!"
"I figured I better get my wins today because tomorrow will be another story" commented the 'bloated behemoth' to the tennis pro on the adjacent court. TennisTitan had accepted a last minute invitation to substitute as the 4th in the 'odd trio' group at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The 'immobile minotaur' rotated through the 'tempestuous triad' giving each member his only taste of triumph. In the first and most challenging set TT paired with Stuart 'not Espn' Scott in a (6-4) defeat of Chris 'Prosac Kid' and Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching. Next Titan took 'Golden Shoes' under his wing and cruised to a (6-2) thumping of 'Electro Lux'/'not Espn.' The 'bombastic bloviator' dominated play by pounding the backhand corner and whistling forehands into the deuce court against all opponents. In the afternoon's finale the 'pedantic prevaricator' returned the smile to 'SuperBillyBoy' Ching's face with their (6-2) thrashing of 'Prosac Kid'/'not Espn.' As the crew convened at net Titan remarked, "Boys, tomorrow I get my ass kicked. So today I decided to take the Tullyville Trolley to the YTC and stay out of the rain."
"Can I get you a crying towel" opined Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully to the 'wailing whale' at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'EBL' orchestrated the three set sweep of the TennisTitan (2,2,0) pairing with 'Big Al' DioDati for the first two, and with Max 'Tutor' Tuchman for the bagel. The 'boisterous blowhard' acquitted himself well in the first two sets, winning his services, hanging in points against the vastly superior 'EBL' but he doesn't have either the firepower or mobility to lead his team to victory. That triumph can only come from a partner who is able to raise his game beyond the ordinary effort. 'Big Al' offered little solace at picture time quipping, "Bellowing bawler, next week we'll make the sides fairer - Tully will play against all three of us!" 'Tutor' hooted, "Al, better still, let's have Titan play with himself, no doubt he's already good at that!"
"Frankie baby, my pockets are full" howled the 'bombastic blowhard' to the delight of the 8 twelve-year old boys sitting on the bench outside of the Champions Court at Kinsley. The lads couldn't fathom how four grown men their grandfathers' age could have fun chasing a tennis ball in 90 degree weather while they were savoring an afternoon cigarette passed among them. Titan had paired with 'Rockin' Rick Ricci for two glorious come from behind victories against Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Happy Jack' Carey. Each set had TT/'RRR' trail 2-4, love -30, against 'HJ's service before the tide turned. Both TT and 'RRR' enjoyed serving it out to secure (6-4, 6-4) triumphs. As the group gathered at net 'Slats' pleaded with TT for a third set: "and Jack can be your partner this time." "No can do" opined the 'pedantic procrastinator' "I've already put a 'win in each of my two pockets' - no place to put a third today." 'HJ' turned to the preteens and asked, "Got an extra smoke?" 'RRR' observed "Jack's got his priorities about what he'll plead for."
"the gang's all here" greeted Titan's ears as he entered Kinsley at 9 AM this date. Indeed two doubles games had already started on the champion and challenger courts relegating TT to court three for his warm up with George 'Chemist ' Hauss. Thus the 'bombastic blowhard' paired with the 'master of spin' 'Herr Formula Won' for the three sets played by the 'procrastinating prevaricator.' TT/'Chemist cruised to solid victories against a combo of Frank 'Slats' Slattery and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott (6-2) and 'Rockin' Rick' Ricci and 'Happy Jack' Carey (6-3). Upsets were the hallmark of the entire morning as the tandem Carl 'Speedy' Legs Gessman/Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz fell to 'Slats'/'not Espn and 'Big Al' Diodati/'Lou 'Pistol' Gerencer were nipped by 'HJ'/'RRR.' So, TT/'Chemist's loss in their finale (2-6) to newbie 'Mellow Dave' and 'Slats's surprised no one. Not on the 'bloated behemoth's dance card was another newbie Darnell, the 'Tuckahoe Rabbit' who cleaned Bob 'Der Klugemeister' Kluge's clock in singles. As the group departed for the day Titan opined, "If only a 'King' and a 'Teacher' were here we'd have had a full house."
The 'whining wimp' was wailing so loud that he had to be shushed from the adjacent court: "N-M-F, N-M-F, it's never my fault," TT chanted as today's play concluded at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "Where was the triumphant return" queried 'Big Al' Diodati who was complicit in the (3-6, 2-6) defeat that he and 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Bill Tully hung on the 'boisterous blowhard' and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman. "What return!" kidded 'EBL' who handled the best that TT could offer. Indeed, Titan played to his capabilities but came up short at critical times. 'Tutor' couldn't do enough to offset 'Big Al's control of the allies. Titan can hardly ever out rally the Tullyville Trolley. The 'Beacon of Boca' was not quick afoot on the court but rapidly retorted at net repartee, "N-M-F yourself, you 'bearded blunderer.' No More Foolishness!" "Max, hold on a second' chimed in 'EBL' "without the Titan's antics Tennis would really become 'N-M-F' - Not Much Fun.
"Just helping Slats.' He doesn't like the rain running down his forehead. I'm the steady hand on the court too."
"Titan, you must have some pull with the rain gods" complained ''Happy Jack' Carey as the foursome scurried to put their gear away. "HJ" was annoyed from the moment he had stepped on to the court because his post-work nap had been disturbed by an unexpected call by TT from Kinsley with the sudden break in the weather. Now TT and Frank 'Slats' Slattery had managed to put a (6-2) whipping on 'HJ' and his erstwhile partner, George 'Chemist' Hauss before the heavens opened up again in Yonkers. The rain had ended in late afternoon allowing the 'immobile minotaur' to de-puddle and roll dry a court for the 5PM engagement. The 'preposterous pontificator' made the most of the 50 minute playing window by dominating the action. "You should be the most effective player" quipped 'Slats,' "we all have to work a long day before playing in the late afternoon. Titan, you read magazines and do crossword puzzles all day." TT retorted in kind, "Frankie, have you forgotten the standard I set with the Board of Education? Didn't I do the same thing at school. I just made sure I walked fast and had a clipboard in my hand. Only now I hobble around the house (and these courts) with a tennis racket in my hand!"
