Thursday, April 29, 2010

Irish Step Dancers (follow link)

"See these shoulders. I know how to use them better than he does." (follow the link in the last line of the blog.)

Kasekuchen (My Cheesecakes)

"Next time we'll yodel our way to victory."

'Acrobatic Accordianist'

"Titan, schuplattler? Let me show you a German slap-dance."(make sure you follow the underlined link at the end of the blog)

The Second City

"So Titan, you did show up" greeted Bob 'Kraut' Kluge as the 'blogging bullshitter' sauntered into Kinsley this afternoon. It was more of the same conditions today that had wrecked havoc during yesterday's play at the ball yard which had caused TT to depart after one set. The 25-30 mph gusting, swirling winds today were compounded by a cloudless, clear sky, unlike Wednesday's overcast weather, that made Mr. Sun a significant factor in the action. The Teutonic Duo of 'Kraut' and Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man' had the better of the elements in the opening set (3-6) against TT/Frank 'Slats' Slattery. Neither the 'pusillanimous pedant' or the 'confabulating counselor' were able to handle the wind aided additional pace on the returns of their hard hitting adversaries. TennisTitan readily acceded to a change of venue from court 1 to court 4 for the second set that took away the impact the shadows had created by the sun shining through the overhanging tree limbs in the opener. 'Der Klugemeister' and his partner, the 'acrobatic accordionist,' were out on a limb in the second set (6-4) because they did not have enough schuplattler to get the job done. 'Kraut' quipped as the foursome met at net, "Titan, remember I lived in the Windy City for three years recently, so I expected to WIN in these conditions!" To wit 'Slats' replied, "Then, Bobby, you should also know Chicago's other nickname - that's what I am all about when I partner with the Titan.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Wednesday's 'winded' Warriors

"Nothing impacts a game more adversely than gusting, swirling winds."

When Fun is NOT fun!

TennisTitan filled in for a set at Kinsley this cool afternoon for an ailing Chris 'Prozac Kid' Tyrone and paired with John the 'Neck' Manzi in a (4-6) loss to Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Lil Papi.' With Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching available to substitute TT declined to play another set due to impact the gusting winds had on the game. As the 'bellowing blowhard' exited the court he exclaimed, "there's so much energy being supplied by mother nature, why waste mine when it's so limited to begin with?" 'Kraut' remarked, "yea Titan, we might play tomorrow anyway with 'Slats' if he can get a fourth player. Bring your 'A' game and enough AA batteries to make your legs work better than they did today."

Saturday, April 24, 2010

'Pistol' flanked by Capt. Fire and Pom-Pom

"Titan, why me? Why do I have to explain your odd behavior to these newbies."

Senor Bullshit wilh Profesor Pequeno

"George, I don't think these boys will ever learn their lesson."

'not so stellar' with 'not Espn'

"Titan, you and George gave us a lesson - but with you it's never in humility!"

The Welcome Wagon

The TennisTitan was joined at Kinsley by seven of his regulars and two newbies who added to the fun on this glorious spring day at Kinsley Park. Yeah, the conditions were ideal for tennis; low 60's temperature, light breeze and cloudless skies, but any day is glorious to the 'bloated behemoth' when he leaves his playground with a clean sweep. TT paired with George 'Teacher' Febles for two sets in which they dominated ( 6-3, 6-2) Mike 'not so stellar' Stella and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott. The 'blogging bullshitter' did not have to reach deep into his tennis arsenal and was content to work out the residual aches and pains from Thursday's quality effort. Indeed, the 'insolent idiot' kept his eye on the opportunity to challenge the winners playing on the champions court. Frank 'Slats' Slattery and Carl 'the anonymous Gas Man' were in fierce battle against the tandem of Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. As newbie Harry 'pom-pom' Pomeranz practiced his serves on an adjacent court 4 while newbie Stan 'Captain Fire' Nowak filled in for the now departed 'Gas Man' on court 1, it was only natural for the 'bombastic blowhard' to draw these first timers into their first doubles match featuring the 'irksome urchin.' In the finale of the morning 'Pistol' paired with 'Captain Fire' but it was the Titan and 'Pom Pom' who had all the fire power (6-1). As the foursome left the now vacated park 'Pistol' quipped, "Titan, I hope these boys don't have the impression that your racket is louder than that mouth of yours because time will reveal the truth...and we want them to come back."

Thursday, April 22, 2010

"Today, I owned it!"

"Hey, let's not call it EARTH DAY. It was surely TITAN DAY!

My Super Bowl

"We're on Cloud Nine. What a way to close out my season. I'm sending Max to the Met game - he didn't play well enough for Disney World."

'What d'ya mean...Handicapped?

"we hate to see you go, we hate to..."

The boys bid a fond? farewell to the TennisTitan until next indoor season

coming down to EARTH DAY

"Titan, you played 'out of this world' today" commented Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The 'improbable imposter' had his game firing on all cylinders alongside of Max 'Tutor' Tuchman. The 'loafing libertine' came up big in all aspects of his game. With plenty of pop on the serve, clutch running forehands, timely lobs and lasers down the line, the TennisTitan concluded his last scheduled play date at the YTC with his best performance of the year. 'Big Al' Diodati could only gasp "this was The Day the Earth Stood Still in my estimation. Anytime the Titan plays that far above his ability level, you know there's a partial eclipse of the sun or a full moon at least." Titan retorted "My play was so hot it was like a Journey to the Center of the Earth." The 'Jewish Jacaranda' concurred, "If I had played half as well in the first set (3-6) as I did in the finale (6-3) the Titan wouldn't be writing a blog tonight, he'd go Around the World in 80 Days or he'd be writing a best seller titled: 'Me, Myself and I or how I beat the pants off the Tullyville Trolly." As the group bid goodbye to the 'fortunate frump' 'EBL' whispered to the 'Italian Stallion,' "We didn't do our job. Earth Day is all about cleaning up the environment Al. I got a feeling that a little more of Titan's garbage will be in cyberspace tonight."

Saturday, April 17, 2010

"HJ, I'll never demean your tennis again"

"Shit,Titan! You are always mean, but today I was da Man!!"

The KKK (Koide Kid, Kraut)

"We think 'Happy Jack' found a 13th step in his program today. 'Screw everyone whoever criticized his tennis before."

It was a Broadway Show

"You're damn right I'm happy" retorted 'Happy Jack' Carey as he dragged on his cigarette at the conclusion of play at Kinsley Park this cool damp morning. Jack was not going to take any crap from the TennisTitan who had predicted that 'HJ' would revert to form in the second set. The limo dispatcher had played remarkably well as TT's partner in the first set (6-4) against Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Sab 'Koide Kid.' 'HJ' was ripping first serves left and right and was very effective coming to net. TennisTitan decided to get off the Jack bus before the usual crash and was left with his big mouth agape as HJ finished off the second set (4-6) by dropping another winner in front of the 'bullshitting blogger.' 'Koide Kid' turned in a strong performance in both losses alongside 'Der Klugemeister' and the 'bellowing blatherer.' 'KK' imparted his sage wisdom to the watchful Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz who withstood the early morning drizzle to attend the matches. "Joe, san, where are our fair weather friends this glorious Saturday? You were privileged to watch an 85 year old doctor, an unemployed truck driver, and a mendacious motor mouth be upstaged by The Most Happy Fellow - Jack "is it always this easy?" Carey. The ecstatic victor in both sets remarked "make sure you use 'Jack' and 'off' in the blog so I'll know it's about me."

Thursday, April 15, 2010

1040? No, usually 40-love!

"These guys tax my ability to think of a new blog theme... the results are always the same with this foursome."

"We Can't Admit Our Mistakes"

"Titan, even though we both voted for Obama, we are more embarrassed to have had you as a friend and partner."

IRS Day (Inaccurate Returns and Serves)

"A freakin' tsunami, Tutor" was all TennisTitan could say as he ushered the 'sanguine Snow Bird' to the other side of the net. "Give me the 'Italian Stallion' and you take the 'Jewish Jacaranda.' I'll throw in three used tennis balls, a broken vibration dampener, and a sweat towel" was TT's offer to 'EBL' to start the 3rd set. Max 'Tutor' Tuchman had just returned to YTC action from his four month winter hiatus and was unceremoniously mistreated (1-6, 2-6) by 'Big Al' Diodati during his first two sets as TennisTitan's partner. TT fared no better with 'Big Al' in the near completed third set (0-5 partial) when 'Tutor' paired with Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. Indeed, both Max and Al shine as support players at net when the Tullyville Trolley patrols the baseline and keeps the ball in play by forcing defensive returns. "Titan, we can't support you, because you can't support yourself on the court" asserted the 'dynamic duo' at plays end. The 'blathering blowhard' could only look askance at 'EBL' when Tully observed, "Titan, one of these days I'm going to be stuck with you as my partner. Let's hope that your game is not too taxing for me. You ain't no Tea Party, you know. With your court coverage being what it is, you should file for an extension."

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Keys to Victory

"Patience. First, with him...then especially with my game. He can't out run me or out hit me. Talk - that's another matter."

"Old tricks."

"Hey, I'm happy. At least I got the first one before he woke up!"

A Family Affair

"He's one sick puppy, that's for sure."

Canine Commentary

A hush fell over the teenagers sneaking their cigarettes in the adjoining parking lot. Play stopped on the adjacent court as two Asian women bowed in homage toward the jubilant 'bearded behemoth' screaming his own praises. The TennisTitan had successfully held on to defeat Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe in their first set at Middletown North HS this evening. TT had raced out to a 5 games to one lead before 'JB' got his legs under him to come storming back to knot the set at five. But the magic left the Tinton Falls hacker just as quickly. The 'Bomber' lost the eleventh game at love and then proceeded to double fault twice as he served to stay in the match (7-5). The unsympathetic 'irksome uncle' quipped to his 'naughty nephew' as play began in the second set, "Rob, that choke you pulled to finish yourself off in the first set must remind you of 'Bear,' your dog. It was like there was a collar I had around your neck and I decided to pull on it." However the 'bombastic blowhard' was unable to withstand the 'Jersey Bomber's late rally in the second set, frittering away his early break, then dropping serve at four games apiece, enabling the 'Monmouth man' to earn a (4-6) victory over his 'unctuous uncle.' As the opponents met at net the 'Jersey Bomber' unloaded one final bomb. "When I harnessed my serve, and I unleashed my ground strokes, you might as well have been at dog obedience school, Titan. Tully and O'Reilly would have enjoyed seeing you with your tongue hanging out, slobbering down your beard, begging for a treat - a soft second serve or a double fault. You got nothing! Now go back to Yonkers with your tail between your legs."

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Senor Wences

"Enough with the criticism. Let a smile be your umbrella, Titan. You remind me of Topo Gigio anyway."

"Your Last Stop Old Man."

"I didn't fail today, now did I?"

'Slats' and 'Big Al'

"The picture may be old, but the results never seem that way to us."

The Road Test

"George, Carl threw me under the bus in the first set, but you damn near backed over me with your pitiful performance in today's finale." Titan had plenty of blame to throw around this morning at Kinsley. The 'blathering behemoth' paired in his first two sets with the anonymous 'Gas Man' for (3-6, 6-3) sets against Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and George 'Teacher' Febles. 'Teacher' has no pop in his offensive game and when his milktoast backhand is errant - as it was today - he fails the course! Such was the case in the finale (4-6) against 'Big Al' Diodati and Frank 'Slats' Slattery when Senor Febles made this senior (sic) Wences! 'Der Klugemeister' put it in perspective for the 'truculent tyrant' as the group gathered their belongings. "Titan, I just failed my first attempt at becoming a school bus driver. It was because I forgot to check all the bus' safety equipment. This morning my forehand ran all over your sorry-ass returns, my service game had your yellow flashers on! George through the emergency break so I would STOP the destruction of your EGO.

Thursday, April 08, 2010


"The way we see it, Titan, winners are in the picture; losers take the picture."

Taking One For The team

"Oh my aching bones' lamented TennisTitan before, during, and especially after his two sets of doubles today at the Yonkers Tennis Center. Too much tennis with too little recovery time is never enough incentive for the Titan to decline an opportunity to sub when needed as was the case today. Did you say, "Not too smart, dunderhead?" But as always TT squared off opposite Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully drawing Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev (3-6) in set one and then 'Big Al' Diodati (1-6) for partners. Try as he might the 'bloated behemoth' can only support a better player's effort to victory over the superior talent presented by 'EBL.' That was not to be the case today. "Now I'll throw you a bone" commented 'Big Al' after his abysmal performance against the resurgent 'Russkie' in the second set, "Titan, you play with Bill in the third set. "As the teams met at net the 'braggadocios bullshitter' taunted the 'Tullyville Trolley.' "Billy-Boy, Titan even with 'Big Al,' I had it 2 2 (partial) in games in the third set. I don't need you as a partner. I need you as an opponent to raise my game. Next week, I'll be given you a lesson on the court. After all, I'll have a 'Tutor' at my side, Max Tuchman!"

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

"So Much for 'Trash' Talk."

"Titan, you play...I will make you pay."

"Dead as a Door Nail"

"What's so funny? Haven't you ever been hit by an angry truck driver?"

"Yeah, right. Blame Us, Titan

Teutonic Tirade

'Now do you get the picture, Titan!" 'Der Klugemeister' was angry. He didn't appreciate the criticism leveled at him in Saturday's blog by the 'bombastic blowhard.' "That was doubles, today you overstepped your ability in trying to play me singles." Bob 'Kraut' Kluge had a lot to crow about after laying a double defeat on the 'egotistical idiot.' "Which was more painful?" quipped the 'arrogant Aryan' to the 'masochistic malcontent.' "Was it the delicious bagel (0-6) I served you in the opener? I personally preferred wrenching that almost victory out of your hands (5-7) in the nightcap. Know why? I love to see a grown man cry before he whines his way through the blog." "But I do give you some credit. We couldn't get a doubles commitment from flaky Prozac or that weasel, the anonymous Gas-Man, so you couldn't call 'Slats' to be your legs. At least you showed up...if only for the second set!

Saturday, April 03, 2010

(un)Holy Saturday

"Kraut', er - I mean 'Crap', you played like raw cabbage today" exclaimed a disappointed TennisTitan at the conclusion of his doubles partnership with Bob Kluge this morning at Kinsley. TT and Der Klugemeister let a 4-1 lead fritter away against Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Big Al' Diodati to become a (5-7) defeat. The 'blustery blogger' complained that 'Kraut' put far too many balls into the net and had no moxie on his often heralded serve. Making matters worse for the Teutonic base liner was the fact that 'Big Al' won more than his fair share of base line rallies against 'Kraut's vaunted ground strokes. Titan had some net game but not nearly enough to compensate for 'Kraut's aversion to come to net. The 'immobile minotaur' was exposed time and time again for his lethargic response to the short ball. 'Kraut' and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz exploited this glaring deficiency in their (3-6) first set defeat of the 'bombastic blowhard' when he paired with Mike 'not so stellar' Stella making his first return visit to Kinsley this season and living up to his appellation. As usual the teams met at net for post match pictures. There are none! Titan makes his shots both during the match and after it. The biggest loser was the incompetent attempting to take the photos... now who might that be?