Thursday, November 20, 2008

Country B(p)umpkin

"Titan, you're game is as dead as this skull on my chest."

Clowning Around with TT

"Titan, I juggle work and tennis regularly, that's the challenge - not you."

Lying to myself...

"it would have been different if I weren't playing for the third consecutive day."

No Court Appeal

"Titan, don't be saying you are stiff from playing too much this week, you're always a 'stiff' in my book" chided Stuart 'Santa Anna' Gourd at picture time in Northwest Park. 'Santa Anna' had graciously agreed to renew his tennis rivalry with the 'boisterous blowhard' during his lunch break from his position of Assistant Supervisor of Appeals at the Texas unemployment division. Titan had fought gamely in the set one (4-6) loss at the athletic attorney, taking most games to multi-deuce and squandering several chances to get the early break back. Set two was entirely another matter. With his wheels firmly in the parked position, deflated from his narrow set back, the 'bullshitting blogger' packed it in, losing the last five games as if he had to catch his plane back to Nueva York today. The (1-6) demolition enabled the 'barnstorming barrister' to throw out an olive branch. "Enigmatic Egotist, I may be in NY this spring. Perhaps you can produce another (7-6) victory against me on your own turf like last year." Titan chortled,"Gourd, you abused me on this court like I was unemployed illegal. While you go back to work know that I am going to the Olive Garden and engorge myself." Stuart fired his last ace with, "Titan, at least I made you look like a gourd today. You were my personal 'pumpkin.'

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

'Special T' Hubbard and Richard Ku

"Titan, I took it easy on you. I think 'Ku is for you' if you know what I mean. If you can't handle my serve speed, maybe you can handle his foot speed."

Cross off Crossan from my 'to do' list.

"Dad, forget about 'Special T,' the Broad Street Bully is red meat for you."

He's got Pigeon Feet too"

"The Bully was going to fall to me this time, but somehow he got the lights to fail."

Two Briscoes = Double Vision

"We're really going to start drinking at the softball game. This is a warm up, Titan."

This Ain't No Softball

"Is that Texas enough for you, ol' man?" snickered 'Special T' Travis Hubbard at McNeil Park in Round Rock at the conclusion of his one set shoot out with the Tennis Troubadour. 'Special T' had gotten his game fully together after dropping the opening three games to TT and resorted to some smash-mouth tennis, Longhorn style. The 'immobile minotaur' was facing an 80mph serve that painted the T and dotted the sidelines with increasing frequency in his (3-6) loss to this 'raging bull' out of Texas State. 'Never you mind' quibbled the 'bloated behemoth' to Cackling Chris Cockrum, 'Jesse Crossan is someone I know I can whip. He's from the northeast too." But we'll never know. The lights conveniently went out at the town park with TennisTitan up a break (2-0) and about to take the third game from the brash 'Broad Street Bully' from Newark, Del. Russ 'Hoya Saxa' Briscoe attempted to console his old man walking to the softball field with some soothing words. "Rest easy dad. Briscoe honor is fully maintained. I barbecued that 'BSB' in two straight (6-3, 6-2)." At the conclusion of the Dell team's 13-1 loss on the diamond, Grant 'The Enforcer' Brashear cracked, "Pigeon feet may help Jesse to take small steps on the tennis court, but all I saw was a lot of bird droppings around second base tonight." Cackling Chris commented "At least the beer is as cold as the team's sales performance this quarter." 'The Enforcer' didn't look none too happy.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Man from Madras

"Titan, let's just say I got more education tonight and leave it at that. You kicked me around the court like an old Tomato can - crushed tomatoes, that is."

Currying Favor?

"Titan in my country you would be a Brahman" in the tennis world exclaimed a befuddled Sanjay Tomato at the conclusion of his three set defeat at the hands of the TennisTitan this evening. Indeed the 'braggadocios blowhard' had agreed to an 8 PM match with the 'Man from Madras' India. Titan was afraid he bit off more than he could chew against the well- educated, athletic 29 year old emigrant who plies his trade in Austin's silicon valley. But it was the 'bloated behemoth' who imparted an advanced education in court guile and baseline control against 'Typhoon Tomato' in the crisp fall air at the South Austin Tennis Center. The 'pedantic prevaricator' only wishes his serve was 'Untouchable' to have made this a 'perfect storm.' The 'immobile minotaur' rolled to a (6-0, 6-1, 6-2) sweep. TT had it all working under the lights, quickly taking control of the points with groundies to both the forehand and backhand sides as he was never threatened by the man from the subcontinent. As the combatants met at net for the obligatory pictures (to be posted this weekend upon return to NY) TT explained the 'egomaniacal egotist's' blog, 'Typhoon Tomato' quipped, "Do not caste stones at me in your inane write up of this our first meeting. I will be travelling to New York in 2009. My game will continue to improve. Remember there is always a better second course in Indian cuisine! And are you not aware that in Texas Brahman is a type of cattle. And you should know the apostle Thomas was martyred in Madras"

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Bronc Buster

"I'd say it was 'Texas Toast!'

Back to the Ranch

"Titan, Robert Reed never treated Florence Henderson like this."

The Brady Bunch

"You can't threaten me. I didn't even watch the show" howled the TennisTitan at the conclusion of his two set sweep (6-0, 6-1) of 'Sally the Rancher' at Northwest Park in Austin, Texas. TT connected with this aspiring horse woman/itinerant masseuse from Brady Texas for some singles play. 'The Rancher' was 'broken more times than she has colts on the back forty' exclaimed the 'bloated behemoth' at picture time. The 'pedantic prevaricator' rejected Sally's insistence that if she brought the rest of the Brady girls -Marcia, Jan and Cindy- next time, they'd be sure to beat the 'boisterous blowhard.' The 'immobile minotaur' quipped, 'Rancher', you're supposed to have good hands in your line of work. You should have also reined me in at net."

Saturday, November 08, 2008


"It would have been a good day to watch a movie but the gang loves tennis in any conditions."

'High Plains Drifter' 'Outlaw Josey Wales'

"Titan, I'd say we 'Paint Your Wagon' today!"

I wonder if Clint plays tennis

"I loved Rawhide as a kid. Clint was great as Rowdy Yates. But 'Dirty Harry' Callahan was his best movie character."

Play Misty For Me

"Titan, you are 'Unforgiven' for the way you played that second set" scolded Joe 'Gimpy Knees Cruz after his (3-6) loss with TT against George 'Chemist' Hauss and Lou 'Pistol Gerencser' this wet Saturday morning at Kinsley. The 'bloated behemoth' had performed like a "Million Dollar Baby' in their first set (6-3) victory over Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Big Al' Dio Dati to advance to the winners bracket. 'Kraut' whose game is 'Absolute Power' was deprived of his main asset due to the heavy water logged balls that prevented appropriate top spin. "Big Al' was often 'In the Line of Fire' exclaimed the exasperated 'Arrogant Aryan' upon his departure. At picture time, as the light mist turned to a steady rain 'Pistol' opined, "in these conditions you play to win 'Any Which Way You Can.' You had to run like you were on a 'Tightrope.' 'Chemist' remarked that in 'A Perfect World' Joe can be 'The Enforcer' on the court for the 'immobile minotaur, but today I threw down 'The Gauntlet' and hit the ball with such 'Sudden Impact' that I easily overcame Titan's 'Magnum Force.' With that 'Gimpy Knees' turned to 'The Beguiled' partner and said "Boisterous Blowhard, I hit the ball 'Every Which Way But Loose' and you stand there in a 'Dead Pool!' If I had 'A Fistful of Dollars' I'd be playing indoors today and never have to witness your game - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!'

Friday, November 07, 2008

Let Me Tell You Straight...

"We used to make beautiful music together on the tennis court. Today was a sour note."

Cut out the Country Crap, this in NY

"Joe, maybe we should ask Titan to yodel instead of talking during the point."

The Tennis Troubadour

"Tommy boy, 'If Heartaches Were Horses" and unforced errors were cattle, you'd be a rancher today" quipped Der Klugemeister at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this afternoon. Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz had attended to their unfinished business from Tuesday in capturing two of the three sets played. TennisTitan and Frank 'Slats' Slattery had come out smokin' taking the first set (6-3) in impressive style. The tide slowly turned in the middle games of set two when 'GK'/'Kraut' began to extend the rallies and gain full measure of control over their top spin power groundies. 'TT/'Slats' also acquitted themselves well in the second set (2-6) but they were too often responding from behind the baseline. The 'bloated behemoth' was neutralized with power strokes to the feet that yielded sitters for his bug eyed opponents at net. 'Slats' attempt to stave off the onslaught in the third set (2-6) went for naught as his defensive prowess was overwhelmed with power drives to his fore hand and an increasingly mobility-impaired bystander to his right. As the boys met in the twilight for pictures Titan remarked, "Kraut, I didn't realize you were into George Strait lyrics." 'Slats' winked and said, "Yeah Titan, your favorite must be "Give It Away." 'Kraut' opined "I just said 'Come On Joe' to begin that second set. Titan sighed and remarked 'It Just Comes Natural' I guess.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

At least these Democrats lost something...

"Check out 'EBL's shirt. Do I give him a work out or what."

The Maven Muses

"I do miss my glasses, but I miss my ear plugs even more."

Just Like the Dodgers of old...

"We'll get 'em next week."

The Arrogant Aryan

"Titan doesn't know 'gracious' nor does he know 'victory.' You ask why? Because he plays me!"

Dennis Eckersley Remembered

"I don't believe what I just saw" quipped a beaming Max 'Tutor' Tuchman in his best Jack Buck voice at the end of the ninety minutes of spirited play at Yonkers Tennis Center this date. Indeed, the usually bespectacled maven of Dobbs Ferry had announced upon arrival that he had forgotten his glasses, hence "don't expect too much from me today, Titan." But who knew? Titan had cast himself in the role of Curt Gibson and came up big in the clutch time after time in the only set played to conclusion (9-7, 1-3 partial). The 'immobile minotaur' who gets around on the court like Gibson did on the bases, was effective with his back hand against the tandem of 'Big Al' Dio Dati and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully to an uncommon degree. Placement serves and control of his baseline enabled the 'braggadocious bloviator' to dictate play as he proved time and again "this is why I play the ad side" to the chagrin of his opponents. TT was 4 for 4 in service holds winning the 12th game at love to force the extra session and closing it out equally impressively in the 16th. As the boys met at net, after TT and Tutor both chest bumped and hip bumped ala football style, 'EBL' opined with a wry twinkle in his eye, "It's what I like about you so much, Titan. You're so gracious in victory." Bob 'Kraut' Kluge, a spectator throughout the contest, scouting the 'boisterous behemoth' for tomorrow's match , cackled, "Titan doesn't remember how to behave after a victory; it's been too long." Max chortled "better I forget my glasses than my ear plugs."

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Lull after/BEFORE the Storm

"I think there is a tsunami brewing in my intestines about now" mused TennisTitan.

A Matter of Intimate Urgency

"Well, you played like crap here, you might as well go now and do your thing in the proper environment" snickered Frank 'Slats' Slattery to TennisTitan as the 'bloated behemoth' made a hasty retreat to his car. TT was still smarting from the disappointing defeat he and 'Slats' received from Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz (6-7 [6]) at Kinsley this afternoon. It was a particularly well played set that saw both sides miss opportunities to close out games and the match itself due to fine play by the opposition. Down 3-5 the 'Slats'/TT rallied to send the set to a tie breaker. Up 5-1 in the breaker the boys couldn't close the deal as 'Slats' final backhand clipped the tape and fell back on to the wrong side of the court. Making matters worse for the Titan who was indisposed by a call of mother nature just as the second set was getting under way leading to his rapid departure were the comments of the intrepid victors. "Titan, I said 'run for the ball,' not 'run for the bowl' quipped 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. Der Klugemeister chimed in with, "Guys, those cheap Wilson sneakers the Titan wears that leaves marks on the court - the DNA will match the skid marks in his shorts today." The 'boisterous blowhard' yelled from his Honda racing up Park Av. "Yeah, and my cheeks will be tighter than Frankie's wallet on the 15 minute ride home.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

He doth protest too much

"If he doesn't shut up I'll show him my best back hand - on the backside of his head!"

'Goulash' and the 'Kraut'

"TT, if you'd just pan that camera down a bit, you'd see that once again we're standing in the winner's circle.

'Not Espn' with 'Slats'

Titan, this is not 'Dave the Rave.' But based on your calls today, can you really be sure?"

Saints and Sinners

"Maybe tomorrow Titan, that's when it'll be All Souls Day" commented Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman as he departed Kinsley this beautiful Saturday morning. TT was still smarting from his first set loss with 'SL' to the likes of Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Lou 'Pistol' (Goulash) Gerencser (5-7). TT/'SL' let a 5-4 advantage slip away and were relegated to the loser's bracket to salvage their second set victory (6-4) against 'Dave the Rave' and Frank 'Slats' Slattery. The 'Wimpish Whiner' was still pissin' and moanin' wondering when 'Speedy Legs' would run around that erratic back hand that had put the second set in jeopardy and provided the opening for the 'Kraut'/'Pistol' comeback when 'Slats' called the 'bombastic bloviator' to task at picture time. "Today, being All Saints Day Titan, consider yourself dead - like any self-respecting saint. By the way who's your patron saint? St. Choke-up!?