Saturday, July 18, 2009

Weary Warriors

"Titan, we wish you showed up earlier. Then we'd see who gets 'temporal punishment.'

"Won and Done!"

"They didn't know what hit 'em, Kraut."

Temporal Punishment

"Titan, losing to you is testing my faith" commented Father Tony Ekanen after suffering another defeat at the hands of the TennisTitan this morning at Kinsley. Your 'appalling apostate' teamed with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge in a one set slug fest (6-2) against the 'Cagey Cleric' and partner George 'Chemist' Hauss. The late arriving 'lothsome Lothaire'could only get one set in this hot, humid day due to construction going on at Titanville but the 'bothersome blowhard' made his abbreviated time count against the two weary warriors trying to defend champions court one last time. 'CC'/'Chemist' had reigned supreme against combos of Der Klugemeister /Mike 'not so stellar' Stella, and 'Rockin Rick' Ricci/ 'Speedy Legs' Gessman in earlier sets. Titan had the fresh (if not fast) legs and made dependable deep returns to the backhand corner that supplemented the usual fire power from the uboat Kapitan playing the forehand. As the teams met at net it was the 'incorrigible egomaniac' who offered pastoral counseling. "Father we will play again during the week. Perhaps I shall make an Act of Charity and let you win." 'Kraut' chortled, "Tommy boy, without me as your partner, isn't that an Act of Hope? 'Chemist' giggled, "It's an Act of Faith. Father told me he will take another Vow at the Altar: Not to lose to you again!"

Monday, July 13, 2009

Stuart 'Santa Ana' Gourd

"I appreciate Tom's hospitality but he's no Tom Bodett, that's for sure."

"Abused on my own home court."

"Who knew? This Gourd is no pumpkin on the tennis court. He is my intractable problem!"

"Leave the Light On..."

"Titan, I told you that when I retire from my present job in the Texas Unemployment Hearing Office, I would become a Public Defender Attorney. You just got a foretaste" commented Stuart 'Santa Ana' Gourd after his pounding of the TennisTitan at Kinsley this evening. "You're lucky I was sitting nine hours in a car before I hit Yonkers. That's why you got three games in the first set." Indeed the peripatetic barrister took half a set to get his mojo going before overwhelming the 'immobile minotaur' with a display of athleticism that will long be remembered at Kinsley. Titan could not penetrate the staunch defensive returns of the 'Austin Assassin' who dominated from start to finish. TT played to the best of his ability but could not withstand the consistent shot making of 'Santa Ana' nor control points in multi-ball rallies. Having dropped the opener (3-6) the 'ludicrous libertine' mustered a deadlock at two games all before the Gourdian Knot was applied. The (2-6) outcome was indicative of the disparate mobility between the two tennis aficionados. Stuart made no bones about it during the post game repartee at net. "Titan, I am the Lone Star at Kinsley now! You are my Motel 6 tonight. And that's SIX, as in 6-3, 6-2. The South has risen again!"

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Father Tony

"Titan, playing with you must be my penance. I shall offer up this suffering."

'Cagey Clergy' and 'Handy Andy'

'Titan, be merciful next time. And yours will be the kingdom of heaven."

Blessed are the Peace Makers

"Panzer Attack with Luftwaffe Support"


"So what's with your friend, the Titan" asked Father Tony Ekanen to 'Big Al' DioDati at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this morning. "Titan thinks Christ said 'the meek shall not inhabit the tennis court.' He doesn't know about the 'meek inheriting the earth,' Father. He thinks Christ's Beatitudes meant "beat the dude!" reasoned 'Big Al' to the visiting cleric. Indeed the 'braggadocios blowhard' was anything but meek after this mornings three set sweep. The 'pedantic prevaricator' took out 'Handy Andy' Gilbert (6-3) in an set of singles to start his day off on the right foot. Then with the arrival of the parish priest and 'Der Klugemeister' he and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge led a blitzkrieg (6-2) against the tandem of 'Handy Andy'/'Cagey Clergy.' The carnage mounted further in TT's finale when 'Big Al' and George 'Chemist' Hauss succumbed (6-2) to the panzer attack of the 'Kraut' and the Luftwaffe lobs of the 'boisterous braggart.' As Titan retreated to his car for an early departure and the remaining six players formed new pairings, Father Tony remarked "Titan should teach homiletics at the seminary." Stuart 'not Espn' Scott quickly opined "one thing's for certain 'Titan hungers and thirsts for tennis, and he's never satisfied." 'Rockin' Rick Ricci quipped "And TennisTitan is 'not ever poor in spirit, his must be the Kingdom of Kinsley."

Saturday, July 04, 2009

My Wimbledon Final

"I did what the doctor told me. 'I took two.' But I don't have to call him in the morning, just mention him in the blog."

"Ripped and REALLY ripped!"

"Frankly, I can't figure it out either."

Remembering Luca Brasi

"I'm gonna put a horse's head in his bed next time. Today I was sleeping with the fishes."

Every Dog Has Its Day!

"That's our dad. We never root against the hand that feeds us."

My Independence Day

"The 'W' on my cap stands for 'Winner' of course. I wore whites today so that you'd know that you are my Wimbledon final" cackled the TennisTitan to an ashen and chasten 'Jersey Bomber.' Indeed the 'bloated blowhard' made his nephew Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe "say uncle" at the conclusion of today's match at the prestigious Winding Brook Tennis and Swim Club in Tinton Falls, N.J. The 'blogging bullshitter' had foregone regular Saturday morning play at Kinsley to fight the Garden State Parkway traffic for an opportunity to take the sting out of the pesty kinsman. The pair had split two 6-4 decisions when they met at Kinsley a month ago. The 'Jersey Bomber' was not so fortunate this date as he was steamrolled in the first set (6-2). Perhaps even more devastating to the athletic and physically fit 44 year old was to see experience and court savvy overcome a 3-5 deficit to rally and take the second set (7-5). When the combatants met at net to acknowledge the cheers and barks of family and canines present and pose for pictures, Titan said to his godson "And you don't think to call me Godfather; instead you come to your father's tennis courts on the day the Williams sisters play for the championship at Wimbledon and you are surprised that I have the stamina to win that second set from you?" With fire in his eyes the 'Jersey Bomber' retorted, "Next time we take it to the mattresses. Then I will make you an offer you cannot refuse. I'll bring the balls, you bring the canollis."