Wednesday, December 30, 2009

My Picture Cards

"Amackassin's Royalty"- 'Jack', 'Queen' and 'King'.

Simply stated...

"She's half my size, but more than twice the player I am."

0-6! then 6-4

"I knew if I waited long enough the 'King' would eventually show up."

Chess Anyone?

"So Titan, didn't I tell you" prodded Rich 'RC Cola' Condon at the conclusion of the fourth set played this wintry day at the Yonkers Tennis Center. RC had touted that the 'Queen of Amackassin,' Debbie Samis would be the determining force in this day's court action, just as Bill 'EBL' Tully had dictated play Monday at the YTC. Fortunately for the Titan he had the benefit of playing along side the Queen for his (6-2) victory against RC and Gene 'King' Slattery. Your erstwhile 'bombastic bloviator' was the victim of a particularly quick 'checkmate' as he and the 'King' were annihilated at love (0-6) in the opening set. 'My Liege' who had started so strong this past Monday against TT/'EBL' had nothing to contribute in the 20 minute shellacking administered by his fellow Amackassin Club players. Titan was ready to send the his 'King' on a one way ticket to the Indianapolis 500 (The Brick Yard) with the amount of bricks the 'King' deposited into the net or beyond the baseline in the opener. But the 'King' regained his form in the finale when he again paired with TT in handing 'Queen Debbie' her only setback of the day (6-4). As the foursome gathered at net to bid their goodbyes the 'petulant pedagogue' responded to the 'RC's query. "Richie, it's what you didn't tell me that I'll remember most about today's action. You hung in there tough in that third set as my partner. You were the 'Jack' of all trades in our hard fought (3-6) defeat to the 'royalty' of Amackassin." Slattery, anticipating what was coming from the 'insipid instigator' quipped, "No, Titan, you are not the 'Ace', just because you delivered five of them in today's play. After all, four of them barely made it over the net." Debbie said, "And I thought I was supposed to serve like the girl!" "Who knew!?!"

Monday, December 28, 2009

The Bullet and The Marksman

"I had to reprise these pictures. RC's no better with a camera than a racquet."

Amackassin Artillery

Gene Slattery/Rich Condon: "We didn't bring enough ammo."

RC Cola

"I feel like I've been scalped - by the hat below of course."

'Nuff said'

Trash Talking

"No way were you the Joker today, Titan" (see 12/17 blog) exclaimed Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully as the two compatriots sauntered off the Yonkers Tennis Center courts. TennisTitan and 'EBL' had rallied to take the last two sets from Gene 'King' Slattery and Rich 'RC Cola' Condon (6-2. 6-3, 4-2 partial) when time ran out. Your 'boisterous blowhard' had successfully answered the bell and played extremely well alongside the 'Tullyville Trolly.' 'King' Slattery had come out strong, booming his serve past and or through the 'loathsome loudmouth' in the (4-6) opener. 'King' had predicted that his 'Amackassin artillery' would be more than enough to quell the 'bragadocious braggart' no matter how well the 'Crestwood cruiser' vollied and patrolled the back line to make the 'immobile minotaur' a winner. It looked like that might be the case early on, making this a long day on the har-tru. But the slight drop in 'King's first serve accuracy after a dominant first set performance, and with 'EBL' hitting stride, and TT solving the riddle of Condon/Slattery at net, the tide turned. Titan raised his game, particularly at net, to compliment the 'ubiquitous urchin' who runs everything down. The 'petulant pedagogue' had an effective 'folly floater' and lasered the alley often enough, to create the seams that needed to be exploited against these net-rushing adversaries. As the teams met at net for post-mortems 'King' opined, "Blowhard, how come you don't raise your game with me, when we partner against 'EBL' and 'Big Al'? 'RC Cola,' endeavoring to curry favor with TT responded, "Ah, 'King', speaking of raising one's game...what about the 2nd and 3rd sets." Tully chimed in "Titan's a gamer. He doesn't promise what he can't deliver. Today's effort was 'C.O.D.'... put Condon on the Defense!" ' Then 'King' delivered this fatal warning to his unsuspecting partner: "Richie, you'll be lucky if Tommy TrashTalk doesn't change that 'n' in your name to an 'm.' He can be a REAL scumbag in his stupid blog, you know."

Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Entourage

"We don't care what you put in the blog. Everyone knows you write and take better pictures than you play tennis."

King of Flubs

"Titan, I'm not the least bit worried about my game. Afterall, you are my next opponent."

The Joker

"King's gonna be gunning for me now. I'm gonna bring my two 6 shooters next time."


"King, are you sure it was your knee that was operated on" joked the TennisTitan at the completion of the two sets played at the Yonkers Tennis Center today. 'My Liege' had paired with TT against Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and 'Big Al' DioDati and was surgically dismembered by that combo (2-6, 4-6). Titan who had played very little tennis on his recent Senior Southern Tour played creditably, to his own undistinguished level. The 'King of Kinsley' had no answers at net and was unable raise his game to his usually high standard coming off a two month layoff. 'Big Al' quipped, "It's a damn sad day for tennis when the 'fatuous fathead' volleys better than anyone he partners with. Gene laid more bricks at net than the day masons I hire to work my construction jobs." 'EBL' choosing to see the glass half full opined, 'the King was a little rusty today. Just read the Titan's blog about this match. Then you'll see real rust. I bet, not even one funny line, and he's been away from the keyboard only one month!" Slattery turned to the 'blathering blasphemer' and said, "In 10 days we meet again, but then I'll be on the other side of the net. I will again be your king; you will be but a joker in the deck I shall deal you that day!"

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Capo di tutti Capi

"Today, Rob became a 'made man.'

I wear a black wife beater...he goes Italian

"For this, I make a 125 mile round trip!?!

Big Al and Prezidente

"Titan, your ego is as big as this racquet's face."

Prozac Kid and Pistol

"The way I played today, I thought I was on Prozac."


"you couldn't beat us."

Coming of Age

"These guys make me feel young" beamed Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe at the conclusion of his fifth set this glorious day (for the Briscoes) at Kinsley. "Better still, they should make you feel talented - given their level of play" quipped the proud Tio Titan. The 'Jersey Bomber' had made the 60 mile trip in from Monmouth County to visit his mom and help TT with some repairs around the house. Who knew that his most potent assist would be repairing the Titan's tarnished image on his home court. After dropping their first set (1-6) to the tandem of George 'Chemist' Hauss and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman TennisTitan and the 'Jersey Bomber' were formidable: thrashing 'Big Al' Diodati/Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso (6-2); overwhelming Chris 'Prozac Kid'/Lou 'Pistol Gerencser (6-3); and outlasting Frank 'Slats' Slattery/ George 'Chemist' Hauss (6-4). The 'naughty nephew' reserved his finest offering for the crowd of defeated elders eager to hear his synopsis of his final victory of the day over 'Prozac'/'Chemist' when he paired with the 'Pistol' in their (6-3) triumph. "It's good that the Titan is watching and resting now, so that he can rest even more while he watches me from a lawn chair while I work on his roof. And you know those 'it's in the DNA' cries he was bellowing as I made shot after shot, running my ass ragged, to pull each set out. Well here's my DNA. "I - DIDN'T - NEED the ASSHOLE."

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Frustrated Flatulent Fabricator

"F...k, we had it. I could pull my hair out"

"Tsk, Tsk 'Tutor."

"Do I look sad enough now for you, Titan." (Hmm, I wonder what's for dinner).

The Stallion Prancing

"Here, have a drink. Cool off TT. You didn't have a snowball's chance in hell."

"that and $2.25 will get you on a subway"

"Titan, you can't play any better than that, and you still lost" gloated 'Big Al' Diodati at the end of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this rainy afternoon. TennisTitan had put together his strongest outing of the year and came away with 'nuttin'! Teaming with regular cohort, Max 'Tutor' Tuchman, the 'bloated barbarian' raised his game several notches in his double defeat to the 'Italian Stallion' and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully (3-6, 5-7). Tennis Titan connected on just about everything today; surprising himself with efficient net play, crisp backhand returns that prevented 'EBL' from taking control of points on his serve, well placed lobs when 'EBL' was coming in, and going backdoor on the Tullyville Trolly as the speed merchant anticipated needing to cover the middle at net." 'Big Al,' did I mention I liposuctioned your gut several times when I decided not to laser the forehand down the alley, but instead rocket it into the body?" TT/'Tutor' managed to get the second set to 5-5, rallying from 3-5 down, but did not get the job done. A remorseful 'Tutor' opined at photo time, "I feel bad for you, 'egotistical egomaniac.' Had I played half as well as you did today we would have had a victory." Tully chortled, "yeah, and I suppose you two will have a snowball fight in Florida."

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

"Nupercanal, Anybody?" says Mr. Whipple

"When I'm not being charming, I'm using Charmin."

Canyon of Zeros

"Okay, you won. Now what? A parade in Getty Square?!

'Gimpy Knees' Cruz Stategy

"You know I'd quit before letting you beat me."

Chaos at Court

TennisTitan took to the outdoor courts this afternoon at Kinsley and took down his adversaries as easily as the surrounding maple trees were losing their leaves on this beautiful, crisp fall day. TT paired with Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching for the first of his two sets. With the score knotted at four games apiece it became tennis-interruptus as John 'The Neck' Manzi excused himself for a 30 minute bathroom break! Indeed, the maven of mid-week tennis had to take an emergency dumper thereby temporarily abandoning his partner 'Lil' Papi. The 'boisterous blowhard' did not flinch at the opportunity to take 'Lil Papi' as his partner during the ensuing break. TT and the 'Ecuadorian Mosquito' led the tandem of Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Electro Lux' four games to two when the 'Neck' reappeared with his bathroom host, Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. The Titan and the vacuum repairman finished their business, wiping (and whipping) the asses of Manzi and Lil Papi in 2 quick games to complete their first set (6-4) victory. Because 'Gimpy Knees' reneged in his stated commitment to play a full set and ceded his spot along side 'Electro Lux' to the 'Neck,' 'Russkie' joined the 'bombastic blogger' to complete the aborted second set, another (6-4) triumph. As the group met at net 'Lil Papi' opined, "I don't know if I won or lost with the the 'Gringo Gigante? It's like I had a taco, but no enchillada." 'Electro Lux' commented 'You lost, we beat you 6-4." The 'Neck' cringed and quipped, "Titan is my hemorrhoid. I always feel a little bloody and sore after he works me over with the rough, raw lasers to the backside corner. I know I lost more than my dignity today."

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Oppressors

"Russkie, you remember another Red Army?"

"No, Titan, the joke's on you."

"Very funny Titan. But your Obama will soon give you socialism. None of you dumb Americans will be laughing then."

Who said What

"If I only had his hair. If he only had my net game."

Lend Lease Program Revisited

'So Titan, how else can you explain it" smiled 'Big Al' DioDati. "Each week you get your butt kicked by 'EBL' and me and your blog credits Tully with doing all the heavy lifting in my victory?" The 'Italian Stallion' was feeling his oats after this afternoon's (7-5, 3-0 partial) triumph (sans Bill 'EBL' Tully) as TennisTitan's partner against Max 'Tutor' Tuchman and a subbing Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. TT/'Big Al' appeared to on the way to an easy win, up 5-1 when the 'stoic socialist' caught fire and raised his game to knot the contest at five games apiece. "Big Al,' chortled the 'braggadocios blowhard, "how about that 11th game when I served at love to end the hemorrhaging? Vlad must have thought it was the Berlin wall coming down signaling the end of the USSR." 'Tutor' quipped, "you'll always be a loser in my eyes regardless of the outcome, - what's so beautiful is that I think of you as my loser." The 'reflective Russkie' opined "Da Comrades, no 'EBL' today! EveryBody Loses if Titan doesn't write his blog. Only Max loses if the Energizer Bunny Legs doesn't show up."

Saturday, November 07, 2009

"Ready, aim,...

"We usually play our best tennis when our backs are to the wall."

"Yada, yada, yada"

"I'm so used to this... you see, I'm married a long time."

'Fair Weather' Friend

"What'ja expect Titan? Me to cry over your disappointment."

The DL List

"Carl, you folded like that cheap accordion you diddle with from time to time" eviscerated the 'bloated blowhard' at end of the third and final set played this beautiful fall morning at Kinsley. Rather than being gratified that the 'grouchy grandfather had taken the set (6-4) against Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and a combination of George 'Chemist' Hauss (departed at 3-3) and an aching Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz, the TennisTitan was annoyed that he had to share the glory with partner Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "What's up with you" quipped the perplexed 'Slats' to the 'miffed misanthrope.' "Slats, there's no way I can be happy after the way 'Chemist' and I frittered away the second set to you and 'Big Al' Diodati (3-6) after having dominated you (6-2) in the opener." An injured 'Der Klugemeister,' in attendance to scout TT at a 2nd consecutive event, retorted from the sidelines, "Slats, - and you too Carl- put yourself on a 'DL' list with me immediately! - DON'T LISTEN!

Thursday, November 05, 2009

"Leave me out of this but...

"It's cheap entertainment. I was bored stiff at home and to see the 'wobbling whale' try and cover the court makes me feel less injured."

The Peanut Gallery

"We're always happy to have an audience. Our problem is that the 'Kraut' took one of the 'comp' seats that the 'lard-ass Lothario' uses during change overs."


"Titan, since when do you need and audience to show your ineptitude on the tennis court" queried partner (of sorts) Max 'Tutor' Tuchman at the end of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this afternoon. 'Tutor/'TT' had just received a (1-6) drubbing in the second set against 'Big Al' Diodati and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. The 'insufferable idiot' had played especially well in their (4-6) loss in the opener but the 'truculent teacher' was having none of it at picture time. "Titan, don't give me that crap! I can lose six love without you expending less energy in the defeat than giving it my all and losing a close contest with you at my side" an exasperated Tuchman trumpeted. The guest photographer opined, "I came to watch you guys play because I couldn't go to work due to a backache. Now I've got a headache to deal with too!" TennisTitan commented "Innocent Bystander Meddling."

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Deja Vu

"It figures, we work, you snap."

A "Chicago' Tune remembered

"There's nothing better than 'Saturday in the Park.' (But do you remember the Storyline Headline Tune) Click on the link!

"He Made a Point Here at least"

"Titan, I never hear you complain when I do this work for you on the court."

Bagel Servers

"Titan, we made sure you didn't go home hungry"

The Rain, the Park and other things

"Titan, I forgot to tell you, I failed my HS Chemistry regents exam back in '62" a sheepish George 'Chemist' Hauss admitted at net. TT and 'Chemist' had paired for four sets this rainy morning at Kinsley Park with decidedly mixed results. The boys were on fire in the opener, bageling the tandem of Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and Rich 'El Prezidente' Prezioso (6-0). When Der Klugemeister Bob Kluge teamed with 'SL' for the second set the table was turned even more rapidly producing a (0-6) undressing of the 'Bokeelia braggart' and his MIA partner. 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Prezidente' continued to expose the errant play of the 'Chemist' and the lassitude of the 'indolent idiot' during the final two sets. After dropping the third set (4-6) due to the insistence of the 'stubborn scientist's failure to adjust his game to accommodate to the swirling winds and mist impacting play, the 'trash-talking tactician' turned it on for their finale, a (6-2) triumph. 'Prez' opined at departure, "Turkey Tom, sitting out the second set, I learned how to beat you - just get the ball back to your half of the court." 'Kraut' quipped, "yeah, without 'Chemist' being on his game, it was like two against none, rather than the usual 2 against 1." The 'somber scientist' offered this explanation for his inconsistent play. "I minored in physics. You guys all hit flat. My top spin was more greatly effected by Newton's little known 8th law: 'SBS' - Soggy Ball Syndrome. Titan commented 'I wonder if any of my readers remember the Cowsills." (don't forget to click on the blog title in red to obtain a special treat),

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Some Partner!

"Florida, schmorida. Titan plays New York tennis... he's like the Statue of Liberty...he doesn't move."

Irrefutable Logic

"But Max, just because I get the 'Early Birds' in Florida doesn't mean I have a quick first step."

All in a day's work

"Don't believe your lying eyes, Titan. It really is no sweat beating you!"

Old Timers

"Titan, maybe you should've stayed in Florida. The old folks there seem to be more your speed" chorused an ebullient 'Big Al' DioDati and an enervated Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. That trusted tandem had just completed 'the usual' - a two set sweep of the out classed pairing of TennisTitan and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman (2-6, 3-6). 'EBL' controlled the front and back courts with his speed game and the 'Italian Stallion' emulated "Old Reliable," Tommy Henrich, in inestimable fashion when need be by keeping points alive. 'Tutor' opined at net as the group was set to depart, "Titan, you'd think 'Big Al' would've treated you better today, with you having arranged that party for his 80th birthday the last time he saw you." Tully quipped, "Nah, Al is too much like Early Wynn. He'd knock down his grandmother with a high inside fastball if she was crowding the plate." 'Tutor' chortled "Titan, it looks like you were crowding the plate recently at those Early Birds." DioDati had the last word. "Titan, one thing I know is that when I play against you 'I have an early win!'

Saturday, October 24, 2009

"If it's not raining - WE ALWAYS PLAY"

"Titan, you show up late when there is work to be done."

An adage for everything

"The 'Chemist's winning smile will be my umbrella"

Coming up short

"Prosac, now go home and take a real shower."

Two 'sick' puppies

Hard up to play

"Titan, you not only bring your dour disposition back from Florida, but also crappy weather" carped 'Der Klugemeister' Bob Kluge as the rain poured steadily down on TT and his three cohorts at Kinsley this morning. 'The Kraut' was in a sour mood because the 'flatulent Floridian' had teamed with fellow tennis whore George 'Chemist' Hauss in a one set triumph (6-4) over the tandem of 'Kraut' and Chris 'Prosac Kid.' 'Kraut' and 'Chemist' had squeegeed and rolled the puddle soaked concrete dry to enable the 'boisterous blowhard' to break more than wind in the 30 minutes of play before the heavens opened up with the teams tied at three apiece. With 'Prosac' showing signs of tennis withdrawal: "How can we play in this weather" Titan prevailed with his irrefutable logic as the set was played to completion. "The tennis balls are sopping wet already. We might as well stay and get our balls wet too." As 'Prosac' beat a hasty retreat to his lair across the street from the courts in the unrelenting downpour 'Chemist' averred "Chris just ain't into it like we are. How about a game of singles Bob" as Titan took out his camera.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"Him too!?!"

"And I'm gonna buy him lunch too at the 'Lucky Dill.'

Bad Moon Rising!

"Titan, you're the ass. I'm only going to show you my forehand."

Fit to be Tied

"Okay wise ass, what have you got to say now" opined George 'Genealogist' Pratt after his first set thumping of the TennisTitan at the Tarpon Springs Sail and Tennis Club this morning. Indeed the transplanted Kansan put an indelible mark on the 'bloated behemoth's tennis curriculum vitae. It took TT until the 6th game (1-6) to get on the board against an erstwhile opponent that he once dominated. The smile on the 'Wichita Lineman's face surpassed that which he displayed when the sigmoidoscope was extracted from his rectum after he completed his recent colonoscopy. "Consider this your barium enema" chortled the 'preening peacock' as the combatants prepared for their second set at the idyllic complex where the 'bullshitting blogger' is about to purchase a condo. "I will not be your doormat here anymore!" Well, the Titan got off his duff and answered the bell in the second set, coming away with a (6-2) victory in a set that was closer than the score indicated. The 'Genealogist,' almost 10 years the 'boastful bumbler's senior, is light years quicker and in far better shape thanks to his active lifestyle. As the adversaries met at net to decide on their luncheon fare George quipped, " Do you eat crow? And Titan, there's still time to reneg on the purchase contract." TennisTitan turned to the 'avuncular antagonist" and said: "George, that endoscopy you said you also had. That'll be nothing compared to what you can expect upon my return in December. I will shove a three set sweep down your throat and even provide you a bagel to clear the esophagus!"

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Vanquished to Challenger Court

"Okay, now we'll find out if those energized legs of 'Prez' can out last me in singles."

Bachelors of (Court) Science

"Titan, we'd never let you off the hook. Experience would get you bubkas with us"

The Friendly Confines of ...

"The only thing Wrigley about you Titan is that gut you tote around Kinsley Park" a rankled Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso retorted at the conclusion of play this morning. TT had opined that "Kinsley is to the 'bloated behemoth' as Wrigley Field is to the Chicago Cubs: a great place to play if not win." But TennisTitan did win another thriller from the Mavin of Briarcliff Manor. Titan had paired with 'El Prezidente' in doubles in the opening set against George 'Chemist' Hauss and Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser. 'Prez' had played extraordinarily well in their (5-7) defeat that had relegated the two ex Lincoln HS compatriots to singles play on the challenger's court. TT dispatched the retired health educator (6-0) in their first set and seemingly had matters well in hand before a revivified 'Prez' rallied to take a 4-5 advantage. The tandem of George ' Teacher' Febles and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge who subsequently defeated 'Chemist'/'Pistol' (7-6 [5]) were privileged to witness with rapt attention the stirring come-from-behind victory the 'arrogant asshole' hung on 'El Prezidente.' "Coup d'etat" panted a near exhausted 'boisterous blowhard' as he closed out the breaker (7-6 [5]) to the amazed onlookers ready to administer CPR to the 'winded windbag.' "With the Titan, it's always about heart in the third set" shouted the 'Kraut.' "It can't be about ability" quipped the 'Teacher.' 'Chemist' chortled "smoke and mirrors - but most of all - experience."

Monday, September 28, 2009

Bang, Bang. Your're Dead! (again)

"Titan, think of it this way. These are my Six-Shooters. Six bullets in each, enough for six games per set."

Pinata Time

"I guess I just like to get blogged. It can't be the competition" joked 'Santa Ana' as the rain began to fall. Stuart Gourd surprised the TennisTitan with a call this morning to reprise their duel in the sun. The outcome was another two set rout (1-6, 3-6) of the 'inveterate idiot' at Northwest Park under mostly cloudy skies in humid conditions. The 'pedantic prevaricator' acquitted himself reasonably well getting the majority of games to deuce or better but was worn down by the relentless hustle of his 'athletic adversary.' TT may have gained more than he lost with his 90 minute double defeat had not the skies opened up. The 'engaging egotist' had cajoled two fellow sixty somethings playing singles on an adjacent court to engage in a set of doubles against the 'bombastic blowhard' and the 'hyperactive hippy-attorney' that was washed out in the first game by the sudden shower. The departing Cliff and Eddie told the 'whoring tennis-hooter' "we generally play at Northwest every morning... drop by if you'd like." The "pumpkin plunderer" smiled wryly at the two older gentlemen and said, "you don't know what you're letting yourselves in for." "Titan, adios until your next visit."

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Texas Justice

"Titan, next time I take the scalp too."

Who'd ja think won?