Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Man With the Golden Gun

"Tutor's wife says that in eight years she'll start calling him "Octopussy." He's only 72 now so I call him gross, make that half a gross!

'Russkie,' 'EBL' let one slip away.

"Titan, Vladimir has a PhD. Can I call him "Dr. No?"

Tennis is Like "Diamonds Are Forever"

"Titan, his favorite American movie must have been "From Russia With Love" quipped Max 'Tutor' Tuchman at the end of today's play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'Tutor'/TT had just completed an improbable comeback in their second set against Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and Bill 'Energized Bunny Legs' Tully to steal a seemingly lost set (6-4) in which they were down love-three with no prospects of winning on the merit of their play. TT/'Tutor' were barely competitive in their (2-6) opening set loss. Max was already telling his 'pedantic partner' between games "Titan, don't worry I will remember to atone for today's poor play at schul in two weeks!" Who knew that the 'Energizer Bunny' battery would run down one hour into the match? Who would have suspected that 'Russkie's respectable serve would go awry midway through the final set as he gifted the 'Tutor' four double faults in two crucial service games. As the boys met at net following the (1-2 partial) third set Tully proclaimed, "Titan, 'You Only Live Twice', was a Bond classic you lived out this day. TennisTitan replied, "Bill, it certainly wasn't my 'Thunderball' of a serve that won it for us today." Vladimir retorted in his thick Russian accent as to how his game suddenly fell apart, 'Go figure...' Max chortled, "Yeah, 'Goldfinger' was my favorite!'"

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Electro Lux hosed 'em good!

"Just anothe fun day in the park with TennisTitan" proclaimed the elder statesman, Bill Ching."

'Russkie' with the 'Neck'

"Titan I lost two to you today so fast my head is spinning on my neck. You stretch the truth in your blog. Now stretch my neck!"

Titan with 'Mosquito"

"This is Lil Pappi. His game is 'mas grande

Mosquito Coast

"Titan, in my country of Ecuador, they call me the 'Mosquito from Quito" quipped Pappi at the end of his set with TennisTitan at Kinsley this afternoon. The Mosquito/TT trailed Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev/John 'Neck' Manzi love-three before the 'boisterous blowhard' got his game in gear. Thirty minutes later the talented tandem closed out their rousing (6-4) comeback victory against a bewildered 'Neck' and the befuddled Russian immigrant. For the second set your 'bloated bloviator' was joined by Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching against the split tandem of 'Neck' Manzi (4 games) -Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz (6 games) pairing with 'Russkie.' Titan served it out at (6-4) sending the 'egomanical egotist' home ecstatic. As the boys met at net for their post match pictures 'Electro Lux' opined, "Titan, maybe you should have played a third set today. It would have been great to see if you could have won with the 'Neck' as you partner. To wit Titan fired his fourth ace of the day, "Bill, that's a stretch, even I couldn't make."

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Titan Temper Tantrum

"He say's "it's about heart" then plays like this. I'm going to tear his out."

'Rave' and 'Slats'

"Titan, this is a man I can win with. You are an abomination on the court. 'The Rave' is from the Obama Nation."

'Chemist' with 'Poppa Doc'

"Titan, I think you should call him 'Andre the Giant.' He killed you.

New Blood

"It was a perfect day for tennis at Kinsley except for the outcome" winced the TennisTitan at the conclusion of his three sets this date. The 'bombastic blowhard' joined ten fellow hackers on the last day of summer under cloudless skies with the temperatures in the mid 60's - just like the players ages! TT paired with Frank 'Slats' Slattery for the two sets (5-7, 6-4) against Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and a newbie, 'Dave the Rave.' Neither TT nor 'Slats' distinguished themselves in this pairing as they failed to capitalize on 'the Rave's' lack of court discipline and 'GK' leg weariness in the first set which was within their grasp at five all. 'Slats' departing comment cut his conservative crony to the quick: "That's another reason I am considering voting for Obama. He's got no more experience than the 'Rave' and look what he did!" Stuart 'Not Espn' Scott filled in as Titan's partner in a third set that was played against George 'Chemist' Hauss and another Caribbean import, Andre 'Poppa Doc' Perpignan. Andre proved more than capable of humbling your 'bumbling bloviator' (3-6) with pop on his serve and crisp ground strokes. As the boys met at net 'Not Espn' commented, "Andre, continue playing like that and we'll get you on Sports Center." 'Poppa Doc' chortled, "Titan, I'm from Haiti - you break it down - hate Tt. Do you get it now? To you, I am 'Andre the Giant Killer.'

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Bill 'EBL' Tully

"Titan, you know that I am still your master on the court regardless of today's unfortunate result."


"Don't worry Dad. You will always be my master, wherever you are. And 'EBL' doesn't know fast, until he sees me run."

Ralph Kramden said...

"How Sweet It Is!"


"Titan, the gospel says "the first shall be last, and the last shall be first" in heaven (and at the Yonkers Tennis Center). Today we proved it!"

Dog Day Afternoon

"Titan, it's not he who laughs first, but rather he who laughs last" sighed a happy Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully at the end of play this date at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'EBL' and 'Big Al' DioDati had managed to come back strong (1-6) in the second set against the tandem of TennisTitan and Max 'Tutor' Tuckman to gain a split in the afternoon's activities. The 'bloated behemoth' and the maven of mayhem from Dobbs Ferry out lasted 'EBL'/'Big Al' in the opener (6-4) in an especially competitive and satisfying set for the 'Yonkers Yapper.' TT/'Tutor' had seen their three-love lead wither away to a four all tie when Titan summoned the best elements of his game to hold serve in the ninth game and then break 'Big Al' to grab his first ever victory against 'EBL.' As the boys met at net 'Tutor' quipped, "Bill, I thought you were dogging it a little bit in that first set, just not covering as much ground as you usually do at the baseline." The 'boisterous blowhard' chortled, "Max, don't you know that when the Titan dogs it, in my house we say "we are Dilly-Tullying!"

Saturday, September 13, 2008

He Knows When to Quit

"Why press his luck. There's no where for 'Speedy Legs' to go but down after this set."

El Profesor, Teuton - Tsk, Tsk

"Titan, it's true we are tired... but you had nothing to do with it!

In Happier Days...

"The Pup has a lot to learn from us 'seasoned' players."

Control (Substance) Expert

"Titan, I'm just the man to teach the Pup about control on the court" quipped the 'Pistol.'

Redemption, but no Salvation

"Please Titan, I have my 'A' game with me this morning, pair with me'' pleaded the recalcitrant Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman as the 'bloated blowhard' arrived at Kinsley this date. And so it was. TennisTitan and 'Speedy Legs' went up against Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and George 'Teacher' Febles in the first of TT's two very competitive sets. Unlike his dismal performances of the recent past 'SL' was the dominant player among the foursome matching the fierce returns of the 'Teutonic Bomber' stroke for stroke to carry the day (6-4). The 'bombastic bloviator' held up his end of the bargain by containing the defensive prowess of the 'Teacher' with exquisite serves to the backhand and thunderous groundies down the middle that had "El Profesor" searching for his Spanish to English thesaurus by sets end. To Titan's dismay 'Speedy Legs' made a hasty exit after the victory. TT adopted the 'Portuguese Pup,' Pedro Monteiro as his partner for the ensuing battle on the champions court. 'PP' was no match for the skill put forth by Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. Titan's strong performance went for naught as the Iberian Neophyte doubled faulted eight times during the (4-6) set and couldn't keep 50% of his returns within the court. As the group met at net Pistol' opined, "Titan, 'Gimpy Knees' and I had our game on this morning. We won our first two sets against George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Happy Jack' Carey even easier than with the gift giving done by the Pup in the finale. When I put the pistol away today, I'll only make half a notch for you."

Thursday, September 11, 2008

'Titan, and you claim to be my friend!?!"

Tutor Reflects...

"Titan, my parents used to always take me to the Bronx zoo on my birthday. That's why I'm eating this banana while you monkey around with your stupid camera."

Titan, Tutor, Big Al

"If the picture looks a little blurry, that might account for why 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz misses some line calls too."

I'm Here for the Party

TennisTitan returned to the Yonkers Tennis Center this date to mark his return to the indoor season. He joined two of his regular Kinsley mates - Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Big Al' DioDati - and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman, major domo on the Thursday Indoor game. Titan paired with 'Tutor' for two competitive sets (6-3, 3-6 [3-2 partial). The 'bombastic blowhard' brought his 'A' game which featured effective baseline ground strokes interspersed with several lasers down the doubles alley that had 'GK'/'Big Al' doing turnstiles. 'Tutor' contributed key volleys at net and some impressive half-volleys from the baseline before tiring in the second set. As the teams met at net 'Tutor' expounded, "Titan today is my birthday and playing along side of you is the icing on my cake." 'Big Al' quipped, "You claim to be 72 years of age, Max. You must be thrilled to know that a man six years your senior can dominate you as I did today." 'Gimpy Knees' remarked, "I can't wait until I am in my seventies too, then my serve can be as big as your egos too."

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Commited? Yeah, to VICTORY

"Chemist and I shovel the snow in the winter, roll the courts dry after a summer rain. Did you really think today's weather would deter us?"

'Speedy Legs' with 'Not Espn'

"Titan, I brought my own partner this week to make sure I didn't have to play with you. I prefer to lose without you than even win with you."

Graphic Description

"Titan, I run the graphics for CBS at the Open. For you I would scroll: 'Here's TT - All talk, no talent."

The Lull before the Storm

TennisTitan joined five of his mates this date to get some doubles in at Kinsley prior to the arrival of tropical storm Hanna. "We came to hear your wind bag mouth and maybe rain on your prideful parade before contending with the storm" rankled Stuart 'Not Espn' Scott as he warmed up with Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman on the challenger's court. Titan and George 'Chemist' Hauss had paired for the mornings activities and were in the process of dispatching the tandem of 'Happy Jack' Carey and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz (6-4) in the first of their three sets played. "I guess my bluster was good enough" reprised the "bloated behemoth" forty minutes later as he and the 'Bunsen burner' man celebrated their second (6-4) victory. In the finale TT/'Chemist' ambled to a resounding (6-2) thumping of an over matched 'HJ'/'Not Espn' that even had phlegmatic 'Chemist' quip, "We all know that Titan has problems with his legs, but who knew his arms are double jointed! How else could he adeptly pat himself on the back while simultaneously hitting his shot with the other hand!!!"