Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Bunsen Burner Man

"Titan, didn't your momma tell you not to play with fire? Well..."

Farewell Gift

"Titan, face it. You are no match for me in singles anymore" quipped George 'Chemist' Hauss at the end of play at Kinsley this evening. TT had been outclassed in the only set played to completion (2-6) by the 'bunsen burner man and was struggling mightily to remain on serve in the second set (2-3 partial) when darkness called a halt to play. The 'bombastic blowhard' wanted to get one more tennis opportunity in before departing for a two week sojourn to Florida. The 'pompous prevaricator' performed to his overall ability against the 'Chemist' but was typically undone in the long rallies that 'Chemist' can sustain. As the boys met at net in the glimmering twilight with the distant thunder rumbling in the background Titan remarked, "George, taking that last game from you putting us back on serve is about all the victory I can expect tonight. I think it's too dark to continue." To wit the laboratory maven retorted, "I don't know how you actually won the four games you did, 'bloated behemoth. Perhaps the poor lighting effected your ability to put one foot in front of another and run after a ball out of your one yard radius?!"

Saturday, July 19, 2008

'The Portuguese Pup'

"My name is Pedro Monteiro. Do you have to be collecting Social Security to play in this game or is contributing to the system enough?" And Titan, 'NBF' should mean 'not a bad forehand.'

Tired? Who's tired?

"All Titan needs is 'Cervesa Rhinegold.' Maybe an IV like yesterday would help too."

'No Body Fat' [NBF] and Chemist

"Titan, we may have lost a squeaker to you and Joe, but surely you've got to admit 'we look a damn bit better than you at days end!"

Schoolin' da Gama

Less than 18 hours after TennisTitan awoke from his Demerol daze the 'boisterous behemoth' was back on the courts at Kinsley. TT paired with Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz for two sets today that will approximate the conditions the 'pedantic padre' will face when he next takes the court in Lee County Florida. In stifling humidity with temperatures in the mid 90's Titan prevailed in both sets. 'GK' did not have his 'A' game today and it was the egomanical egotist' who did more than his share of the heavy lifting in the (6-4) defeat of 'Happy Jack' Carey and Pedro 'Portuguese Pup' Monteiro in the opener. TT/'GK' then outlasted the 'Portuguese Pup' when he paired with the always formidable George 'Chemist' Hauss in a thriller (7-6 [0]) that tested the heart and stamina of all leg weary participants. As the boys met at net to replenish their lost body fluids 'Chemist' remarked, "Titan, yesterday's colonoscopy appears to have elevated your game somewhat." 'Happy Jack' interjected, "Yeah George, I'm looking forward to giving yours a lift too one of these days." To wit the newbie to the group, 34 year old Pedro, opined "Gigante, tu e seu amigos seja louco but I had mucho fun. Obrigado!"

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

"...medicine sans license"

"No, it's not a "V" for victory. I played twice today, but this is to remind Titan that he's gonna get it twice this week. I just gave him the first one"


"I had the pleasure of giving you 'your first hosing,' Titan"

Kraut and Chemist Romped

"Titan, perhaps you should consider one of us as your partner next time?"

Early Enigmatic Enema

"Titan, you should thank me! With me there is no co-pay," chuckled Frank 'Slats' Slattery after his woeful performance as TT's partner in their humiliating two set defeat at the hands of Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and George 'Chemist' Hauss this evening at Schultze Park. It all started out so wonderfully. TT/'Slats' had a 3-1 lead in the first set that became a (3-6) defeat quicker than 'lax laxative taker's' proctologist will say on Friday "now roll over on your side and try and relax, this won't hurt a bit." Titan didn't know that he'd get a more painful hosing 40 hours before he's to be truly violated! Set two was more of the same as the 'bombastic bloviator' would prevail in his only service game (1-6) as 'Slats' lived up to his moniker - easily broken, offering no support!" As the foursome met at net, 'Slats' lamely opined, "Titan, I shouldn't have played between 2 and 4pm knowing that I'd have to carry you at 6pm." Kraut commented, "Frankie, you just had a bad day." Chemist quipped, "Guys, let's look at it this way. Soon the "bloated behemoth" will be a little less bloated. Frankie, you did play like crap. Titan will be thinking of you when he's tethered to the toilet tomorrow. Maybe there'll even be less bullshit in the blog!"

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Arrogant? No, Dominant is the word.

"Titan, we laugh at your frustrations"

Denied our match!

"but we had the last laugh."

Randy and Mike were walloped

"This guy with the camera is nuts...let's get out of here!"

Court Short(age)

"Titan, you'd have no chance against us - you might as well let 'Slats' screw up your singles game" was the sage advice from the 'Chemist' on the adjacent court. George 'Chemist' Hauss and his buttinsky partner for the morning were in the process of dispatching their fourth doubles opponent - Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Chris the 'Prosac Kid' (6-4). This is the same score they had wrested control of the court from 'Big Al'/'GK' (6-4) two hours earlier. TT's efforts against 'Rockin' Rick Ricci in singles were rudely interrupted. It's not that the 'immobile minotaur' hadn't had his chance to dethrone the arrogant duo. But then again, a twosome of TT and 'Happy Jack' Carey leaves TT short a net player. The predictable result, (1-6) was only matched by the thumping administered to Stuart 'Not Espn' Scott and HJ by Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Big Al' Diodati in the opener. 'NotEspn/'RRR' fell (6-2) to 'Chemist'/'Slats' who dominated all morning. So 'Slats,' who didn't mind others waiting idly for a game on his court, took it upon himself to invite 'Mike the Marine' and Randy 'Handy-Dandy' who had waited 20 minutes for a court opening, to play doubles aginst the 'bombastic blowhard' and 'Rockin' Rick. After the two veterans annihilated the generation xer's (6-1) 'Rockin' commented, "Gentlemen, what'd you expect? A walk in the park!"

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Who's up to It?

"We spun the racket. I lost. Get on my back Titan opined 'Slats.'


"Next, I roll over you!"

Working Men

"Titan, a full days work develops good habits on the tennis court. Try it some time."

Motivational Tool?

"Frankie, maybe this is the kind of incentive you really need to work harder on the court."

Work Ethic

"Frankie, I said can I call you if I have leg cramps?; not call me lagging Gramps!" So lamented the 'exhausted egotist' at the conclusion of play at Schultze Park this evening. Titan had done all he could on the court to insure his maximum performance (except properly hydrate himself) for a late day session. The 'boisterous blowhard' and Frank 'Slats' Slattery did battle against Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and George 'Chemist' Hauss in two high quality sets of doubles. TT/'Slats' fell quickly behind in set one, love - three, but made the Teutonic duo sweat it out as they rallied to a 5 all tie. TT failed to hold in the critical 11th game and 'Chemist' served it out for their (5-7) victory. In the second set it was 'Chemist'/'Kraut' who played catch up as TT/'Slats' closed out the evening with a (6-4) triumph. As the boys met at net to offer congratulations to one and all for an exceptionally well played match 'Kraut' opined, "Let's see, 'Slats' you're on summer vacation and Titan you're retired. 'Slats' you claim you rested all day "to carry the Titan" this evening and TT you had 4 cups of coffee at 5PM to jump start your performance." With that 'Chemist' intervened, "Bobby, we out-worked these yokels both before and during the match!."

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Tennis 'Lite' Weights

"If I could only get him to drink with me now, we'd really be good partners."

'Kraut' and 'Slats'

"Consider the rainout as Your Victory. We'll save ours for later in the week"

Not ESPN with Chemist

"Blowhard, I couldn't carry you to victory. Maybe George can."

'Teacher' and 'Pistol'

"Titan, we Carried You to DEFEAT! Now What?"

No Rockets Red Glare - Just a Dud

"Titan, now don't you go counting this as a victory. After all it was only one game that you won" snickered Frank 'Slats' Slattery when play was halted during TT's fourth set of the morning at Kinsley. The 'boisterous blowhard' had paired with George 'Chemist' Hauss in what was to be the final set when the rains returned with TT/'Chemist' already down 1-3. The 'obnoxious ox' had already dropped the first three sets he participated in when he paired with Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott against Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman (2-6). And then with 'Happy Jack' Carey (4-6) against George 'Teacher' Febles and Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser and against 'Slats' and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge (2-6). TT was the last to arrive at the rain-swept court and drew a rusty 'not ESPN,' making a rare appearance, and the already once defeated, always court-challenged 'HJ' as his partners. The 'immobile minotaur' does not have sufficient game to counter more mobile pairings when so encumbered. As the boys retreated to their cars in the pouring rain 'HJ' observed, "Titan, even your camera misfired today when you took your group shots." Not ESPN opined, "No Sports Center for you tonight, blowhard. You are reduced to watching ESPN Classic - Riggs vs. Billie Jean King. And my back hurts!"

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Cold War Warriors

"Titan, you are a HOT AIR blogger."

SALT Talks at Kinsley

"Russkie, how is it possible you cover less court than me?"

'Big Al' and 'Pistol' were victorious

"Titan. it'll be a COLD Day in July before you ever beat us,"

Revolting Play

"No wonder you lost the cold war" complained the 'boisterous blowhard' at the completion of the second set played at Kinsley today. TennisTitan was quick to lay blame at the feet of Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev for their (3-6) defeat at the hands of "Pistol" Lou Gerenscer and 'Big Al' Diodati. "The statue of Vladimir Lenin in Red Square moves better than you on the court, Russkie" whined the 'bombastic bloviator' to the bemusement of Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Happy Jack' Carey who sat idly on the sidelines. 'HJ'/'Gk' had been dispatched (7-6 [4]) in their meeting with TT/'Russkie' in today's opening match. The late set charge that had brought Titan/Vlad back from a 3-5 deficit in set one was no where to be found against the veteran pairing of 'Pistol'/'Big Al' in the nightcap. As the boys met at net 'Russkie' got off his best volley of the day stating, "Titan, comrade Lenin is long since dead. But you, who still suck all the oxygen out of the air, have cement in your sneakers and show the loyalty of Trotsky to your partners. You are indeed a 'dead man' walking!"