Thursday, September 30, 2010

My Liege

"King? I'm not even that in my own house. The only thing feudal about me is that futile feeling I get whenever I play with the Titan."

"I Knew it was 'in the cards' today."

"We are quite a Pair, aren't we? I wish all the Kinsley Krew were here, then we'd have a Full House to enjoy this."

"We got a Bad Deal"

"Okay, Titan, have your fun today. But next time it'll be business as usual. I'll call you, then raise my game and we'll see who wins then."

My Royal Flush

"Well, Titan, have I made my point" beamed Gene 'King' Slattery as he turned to the 'bloated blowhard' at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "Gene-O, you not only made your point, but you most assuredly made my day" guffawed the 'pandering pedantic' as he turned to a 'stunned stallion' and a 'down trodden trolley.' Yes, it was come uppence day for the 'Italian Stallion' and the 'Tullyville Trolley who were alternately broken and derailed this afternoon in two sets (6-1, 6-4) against the TennisTitan and the man he calls 'My Liege.' The 'blogging bullshitter' seldom has the opportunity to pair with a player his better against 'Big Al' Diodati and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. The 'King' and TT came out smoking hot in the first set, losing but a handful of points on their own services and dominating most points on their return games. The second set was much more of a dog fight. 'EBL' raised his level to the King's and Titan's fell to the Stallion's. At 3-3 the horse was broken. The 'cantankerous crank' consolidated the break, for 5-3. 'EBL' staved off the inevitable, forcing the 'King' to assert his dominion on his serve in the tenth and decisive game. As the group met at net TennisTitan observed, "The King and I were delivering Aces and service winners all afternoon." Tullyville Trolley remarked, "you guys Jacked me around the court like never before." 'Big Al' observed, 'fatuous fathead,' even the African Queen playing in my stead could not have helped 'EBL' to victory today." 'King' quipped, "Yul (Brenner) have to give Titan a Ten for his effort on the court. As the group of junior players filed onto the court as TT snapped his photos, the tennis pro said with a Straight face to his 10 year old charges, "Kids, these Jokers were Wild during their 90 minutes, now let's get serious with our drills."

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The Therapists

"Der Klugemeister named me 'Big Red' many years ago before I proclaimed myself TennisTitan. I owed him this victory after his first set mishap with the anonymous Gas Man."


"Titan, you make our Saturday mornings a mental health day and there is no co-pay."

A Billable Hour

"You're damn lucky I'm not trying to double bill you" screeched the TennisTitan at Frank 'Slats' Slattery at the conclusion of play at Kinsley Park this morning. 'Slats' felt he was gyped out of more action against the Titan and partner Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. The 'coddling counselor' was miffed that it was 'one and done' for him and the George 'Chemist' Hauss against TT. "Psuedo Psychologist,' you know I come here every Saturday morning (that Patsy lets me out of the house) for your therapy. Listening to your bluster and self-proclaimed talent gets my blood boiling and I have a catharsis right here on the court." 'Kraut' retorted, "You and the 'Chemist' had your fun in the (6-3) victory you somehow managed against Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man' and moi, but the party was over once the 'Big Red Machine' stepped on the concrete to replace Carl. Titan brought us back from 2-4 down and his racquet did all the talking in our (7-5) triumph." "But Bob," started the 'henpecked hacker' from Dobbs Ferry, "it was only one set." 'Chemist' jumped into the heated fray. "Frankie, the Titan toyed with us for the first six games. It actually took them 65 minutes to hang that defeat on us in 12 games." "So?" the 'incredulous incompetent' replied. "Even I know" interjected a soured 'Kraut.' A therapist gives his patient a 50 minute session and bills them for a full hour. Titan gave you an extra 15 minutes!" "I get it now. It's something like when I show up for work at the high school at 7:30. Finish what I have to do by 10 and get paid until 2:30." "See Frankie, you've got a racket too" laughed the 'garrulous gargantuan' as he took out his camera.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Three Against One

"Titan, I know that if I play poorly enough I can be 'EBL's partner and 'Big Al' will be stuck with you."

It's Painful as Partners

"Vlad, I just want to put you on the Orient Express and send you to Vladivostok."

The Tsar of Tennis

"Hey, Vlad, you might as well have been on the Trans Siberian Railroad for all the support you gave Titan this afternoon" quipped 'Big Al' Diodati at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "Nyet" retorted 'Russkie' Kartsev. "I left my game on the beaches of the Cayman Islands where I vacationed last week. 'Russkie, you appeared to be still on Russian holiday during today's match" interjected Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. "The 'corpulent crybaby' chased down dozens of balls during today's rallies while you stood by as if you were receiving American foreign aid" continued EBL. "But we only lost that first set (5-7)" insisted the 'eponymous emigre.' "Can't I take some credit for that? We were down love-five and came back to tie it before TT was too tired to run anymore. Then we dropped the second set (1-6)." "Russkie," declared the TennisTitan, you play the game like you are a tourist standing in Red Square in Moscow. You do a great imitation of the statue of Lenin." "But of course" blasphemous blowhard," that is why my mother named me Vladimir." "Russkie, enough already!" screamed the 'apoplectic asshole.' She should have named you Ivan!" "Why's that?" questioned a bewildered Italian Stallion. "I know, I know" effused an ebullient 'EBL.' "Then tell him, Bill. I haven't the energy at this point" reposited the 'bloated behemoth.'... "Vlad, Titan thinks you are... TERRIBLE."

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

All in a Day's Fun

"My hat's off to you Titan. Today, you delivered."

Safari, So Good!

"When 'Big Al' called, I simplysimply "Sure, I'd love to go big game hunting hunting."

The African Queen

"Titan, next time we play, you serve like a man, and I'll serve like a girl! Get it?"

Remembering Nuggies to the Head

The voice on the other end of the line was easily recognizable. It was 'Big Al' DioDati requesting a favor. Would the TennisTitan be a last minute substitute in a long awaited match the 'Italian Stallion' had arranged with John 'Irish' Gallagher. 'Irish' was pairing with his daughter Marybeth on leave from her missionary work in Africa. Marybeth's on court skills had been widely trumpeted by her dad, the scion of Yorktown. The 'Italian Stallion' did not want to be 'ridden rough shod' by a clan whose roots are from Eire. The first set was exceedingly close. 'Missionary Mary' had plenty of game and was fairly dominant on her serve. Titan knew from the first ball that there would be no second collection at this mass for the propagation of the faith if he did not bear down and play a strategic game. 'Big Al' was clearly pressing early on in the set and his play suggested a possible defeat. But the steady play of the 'immobile minotaur' held sway in the (7-5) victory in the opener. The 'braggadocious blowhard' served it out at love after leading the charge in breaking 'Irish' in the pivotal 11th game. TT's lobs were impeccable throughout and 'Big Al's cross court returns found their mark as the contest wore on. The 'otiose oaf' had sufficient pop and placement on his serve to frequently set up the 'folly floater' that confounded the opposition. The (6-2) triumph that followed was mere icing on the Stallion's cake. As the foursome met at net 'Irish' opined, "Titan, you threw your full repertoire of shots at my daughter, but I am thankful that you were at least remarkably constrained in your usual on court crass remarks." 'Big Al,' turned to his pal John and said, "You don't know the half of it. The Titan had Franciscan Sisters for 8 years of elementary school and he had a score to settle. I didn't tell him MaryBeth wasn't a nun, but rather was a lait missionary. So I knew doing that you had but two chances of winning today, 'Irish'... slim and NONE."

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The 'One' (for 2 more years)

"You're surprised!" Titan despises my socialist policies. I am even more arrogant than he is. My ego is even greater than his. I will only read his tennis blog with my teleprompter. Haven't you noticed my head moving side to side. I am truly the POMPOUS PREVARICATOR that he claims to be."

This "Star" flamed out

"But, today, it can be said: "I am truly 'the one' ... in games won/per set...and sets won.

An Easy Feat

"Playing against 'Not so stellar' we each won two sets."

"Sehr Gut, mein Titan"

"Now that's what I call "an accomplishment!

The 'One' and Only...

"Thank God. I thought I was going to lose another set at 'one' exclaimed Mike 'not so stellar' Stella at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this morning. 'Not so stellar' had been rotated and routed through three other partners before salvaging a (3-6) victory as Bob 'Kraut' Kluge's team mate against TennisTitan and George 'Chemist' Hauss. Try as they might TT, 'Chemist' and Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man' could not win more than one game when 'NSS' paired with each of them. The 'bloated behemoth' saw the handwriting on the wall early on in his first set (1-6) and pulled the plug on any thoughts of continuing to play with the 'misfiring misfit.' The 'lumbering loud mouth' proved to have made a wise decision as he benefitted from the constant stream of errors coming off the racquet of 'a star man in complete eclipse.' The 'garrulous gargantuan' cruised to easy (6-1, 6-1) triumphs when pairing with both the 'Chemist' and the 'anonymous Gas Man' when 'NSS' was spraying his backhand and bricking his volleys from the other side of the net. As the crew met at net 'Der Klugemeister' observed, "Mike, earlier I was bullied around the singles court by Dave 'Big Daddy' Lipscomb and I knew it wouldn't take too much effort on my part to shut Titan up and give me a renewed feeling of accomplishment." "Accomplishment?!?" laughed the 'Chemist.' "I think not. The 'lethargic lout' was no where to be found in his fourth set. I think I played it by myself. And he never shut up!"

Thursday, September 16, 2010

"I'll only play 2, but I'll drink a fifth."

"Come on Joe. Let me buy you another drink to celebrate."

Geritol Drinkers

"Hey, don't forget about the first set."

A "Neat" Drinking Match

"Titan, when I don't drink, I stink!" quipped Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz as the team mates left the field of battle. 'GK' had acceded to be the TennisTitan's partner at the YTC as a last minute substitute setting the stage for an epic battle in the second set against Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and trusty cohort 'Big Al' Diodati. The afternoon had not started well for the TT/'GK' tandem as they were routed (1-6) in the opener. 'Big Al' was again his remarkable self, controlling the alley and slipping his cross court return by his rum imbibing adversary with regularity. The bagel was barely avoided with a sixth game victory in a multi-deuce game setting the stage for the finale. Fortifying himself with several swigs from his favorite flask, the 'Puerto Rican Flash' became the 'conquering conquistador' of days gone by. The 'nettlesome nitwit' continued his consistent play in the second contest forestalling another rout led by the ever present 'EBL' always patrolling both ends of the far baseline. As 'Big Al's level dropped 'Gimpy Knees' elevated his game beyond his own high mental state. 'GK'/TT's double break, four games to one lead disappeared in a freakin' flash and the stage was set for the 'chortler's choke.' At 4-4, EBL's service was ultimately broken at the third deuce through timely Titan lobs and the Puerto Rican's pounding returns. The 'conquering conquistador' stepped it up on his own service in the 10th game to bring home a (6-4) victory as time ran out. As the group gathered at net 'Big Al' remarked, "Joe, you know that flask will be outlawed next week." 'EBL' asked, "do you always drink that rum straight like that?" 'Gimpy Knees' hiccuped and replied, "Hell no! That's where I get my top spin. Only Titan hits flat and straight."

Saturday, September 11, 2010

A Teacher evermore...

"Pompous Prevaricator,' there was a lesson to be learned by you this morning...and it had nothing to do with chemistry."

Kudos Due

"Titan, I'll have to tip my hat to you and the 'Chemist' this morning. Your octane rating was off the charts."

The Ol' Lube Job

"These knees worked well for two and one-half sets, then got creaky."

Change in Energy = Chemical Reaction

"Titan, it's not how you start, it's always how you finish" beamed Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso at the conclusion of play this morning at Kinsley Park in Yonkers. 'El Prezidente' and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz had managed to damper TT's ebullient spirits with their hard fought (5-7) victory over the 'tempestuous tyrant' and George 'Chemist' Hauss. The 'loathesome loud mouth' and his 'Chemical compatriot' had had a fast start to their days activities as they rolled through Carl the 'Anonymous Gas Man's pairing with 'Happy Jack' Carey (6-1) in the opener and then with Stuart 'Not Espn' Scott (6-2) in Carl's (nee 'Speedy Legs') second attempt. "Contemptible curmudgeon" smirked the 'Briarcliff buzzsaw' I am tired of you asking me 'if I am tired' after a long point when it is you who move like a sway back camel expecting your partner to get every ball that is minimally out of your reach!" "I am svelte and spiffy in my tidy whities, as you say. I cover more ground in one set on the court, than you do in three" continued the 'hurtful health educator.' As the group left the ball yard the 'Chemist' remarked, "Irksome Idiot,' we basically oxidized in that third set. At 5-5 I saw a drop in our energy level that was a spontaneous reaction to our being out played." 'Gimpy Knees' quipped "you guys combusted. Although Titan brings some heat on his serve, and George, you are light on your feet, but all in all, you had no energy left. Better you should have played the 'anonymous Gas Man again and syphon his tank."

Thursday, September 09, 2010

"Titan, heads - I win..."

"It doesn't matter who my partner is, I always come away smiling with a victory."

"tails - you lose!"

"Same here EBL. It doesn't matter who my partner is, 'Big Al, 'Russkie,' 'Tutor, 'I don't have enough game to defeat you unless your partner has an horrendous day."

More of the Same

"Big Al', they may have redone the office/lounge area at the Yonkers Tennis Center over the summer, but it sure didn't change the on-court results, now did it" lamented the 'loquacious loudmouth' as he left the court. "How do you think I feel" countered the 'Italian Stallion' who had partnered with the TennisTitan during the opening session of the indoor season. "I usually play with Bill Tully; today Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev arrives late and he gets the free ride as 'EBL's partner. Is that fair?" "Fair? fair!!" responded the 'arrogant asshole' "I play my heart out each and every week against the 'Tullyville Trolley' and all I get is an occasional 'great shot, Tom' and the accompanying two or three losses." And so it was again today. After the (1-6) blowout in the opener, Titan pushed his opponents to raise their game (4-6, 3-1 partial) for the balance of the match. 'Big Al' and 'Russkie's play basically offset each other, but the 'lumbering libertine' cannot counter balance the overall consistency 'Energizer Bunny Legs' brings to the table. A smiling 'Russkie' remarked, "Talkative Turkey,' your remarks about always playing against the 'Irish Icon' reminds me of the cold winter in the motherland: bitter, harsh, and unending."

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Newbie: The 'Rah' Man

"With a name like Derek Rahman, couldn't you have decided to call me 'Jeetz' - a would've liked that. But at least you're cheering me."

Godfatherly Advice

"The 'Bomber' here was just a few more double faults away from me being at another christening for him. I was thinking Rob 'Bummer' Briscoe."

'not so stellar' Stella says...

"Come on 'braggadocious blowhard' admit it. We played damn well together, having never met before this morning. You choked in that second set against us."

"Temper, temper"

"Tired?, Titan. No, not really. It's the trite cliches and incessant, unending commentary in your game that wears a brother out!"

Weary Warriors

"You think I'm happy the 'Chemist' and I held on in the 4th set, me being so damn tired, 'George is even happier that I can't blame another loss on him."

Goodbye Earl

There were 17 players in the Kinsley Krew this beautiful, albeit windy, Saturday morning in Yonkers. TennisTitan paired with Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe in three of the four sets the 'blogging bullshitter' participated in. TT/'JB' split two sets (6-4, 5-7) against the tandem of Mike 'not so Stellar' Stella and newbie Derek 'Rah' Man! Rahman making his initial Saturday morning appearance. The 'grumpy gourmand' had few charitable words for his 'nattering nephew' who left his sometimes potent serve in New Jersey. The remnants of hurricane Earl impacted play throughout the morning as all lofted balls required 'team coverage' and was the likely cause of 'JB's eight double faults. TennisTitan was not spared the ignominy of his own embarrassment with three doubles and a wildly ineffective lob. The 'Briscoe Brood' had markedly more success in their (6-1) thumping of Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and 'Dave the Rave' before parting ways. While 'JB' was being thrashed (1-6) in singles by Bob 'Kraut' Kluge, Titan took George 'Chemist' Hauss under his aegis in their (7-5) survival fight against 'not Espn'/'...Rave.' When the weary warriors met at net the 'incorrigible incompetent' commented, "because I'm Irish, I thought the wind was always at my back." "No," retorted 'not Espn,' "it's because your Irish, you spit out the car window at 60mph and get a face wash."