Thursday, April 30, 2009

"This Ain't Boca Tennis"

"I'm just thinking, 'how's he going to put a happy face on this' in the blog."

"It's no effort at all."

"Titan, they also use to say 'break of the Yankees' back in the 50's."

Just Not Good Enough

"Can I get you a crying towel" opined Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully to the 'wailing whale' at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'EBL' orchestrated the three set sweep of the TennisTitan (2,2,0) pairing with 'Big Al' DioDati for the first two, and with Max 'Tutor' Tuchman for the bagel. The 'boisterous blowhard' acquitted himself well in the first two sets, winning his services, hanging in points against the vastly superior 'EBL' but he doesn't have either the firepower or mobility to lead his team to victory. That triumph can only come from a partner who is able to raise his game beyond the ordinary effort. 'Big Al' offered little solace at picture time quipping, "Bellowing bawler, next week we'll make the sides fairer - Tully will play against all three of us!" 'Tutor' hooted, "Al, better still, let's have Titan play with himself, no doubt he's already good at that!"

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Choke Artists

"Barbara, first he has my lunch on the court; now he wants to come over for dinner. And do I have any shorts with three pockets?"

Tennis Whores

"Rick dropped his work at home to put out for me on the court - and it didn't cost me a dime."

A Pocketful of Miracles

"Frankie baby, my pockets are full" howled the 'bombastic blowhard' to the delight of the 8 twelve-year old boys sitting on the bench outside of the Champions Court at Kinsley. The lads couldn't fathom how four grown men their grandfathers' age could have fun chasing a tennis ball in 90 degree weather while they were savoring an afternoon cigarette passed among them. Titan had paired with 'Rockin' Rick Ricci for two glorious come from behind victories against Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Happy Jack' Carey. Each set had TT/'RRR' trail 2-4, love -30, against 'HJ's service before the tide turned. Both TT and 'RRR' enjoyed serving it out to secure (6-4, 6-4) triumphs. As the group gathered at net 'Slats' pleaded with TT for a third set: "and Jack can be your partner this time." "No can do" opined the 'pedantic procrastinator' "I've already put a 'win in each of my two pockets' - no place to put a third today." 'HJ' turned to the preteens and asked, "Got an extra smoke?" 'RRR' observed "Jack's got his priorities about what he'll plead for."

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Missing in Action

They are smiling now because they do not have to face or hear the Titan so long as they shun Kinsley.

"Hail, Hail...

"the gang's all here" greeted Titan's ears as he entered Kinsley at 9 AM this date. Indeed two doubles games had already started on the champion and challenger courts relegating TT to court three for his warm up with George 'Chemist ' Hauss. Thus the 'bombastic blowhard' paired with the 'master of spin' 'Herr Formula Won' for the three sets played by the 'procrastinating prevaricator.' TT/'Chemist cruised to solid victories against a combo of Frank 'Slats' Slattery and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott (6-2) and 'Rockin' Rick' Ricci and 'Happy Jack' Carey (6-3). Upsets were the hallmark of the entire morning as the tandem Carl 'Speedy' Legs Gessman/Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz fell to 'Slats'/'not Espn and 'Big Al' Diodati/'Lou 'Pistol' Gerencer were nipped by 'HJ'/'RRR.' So, TT/'Chemist's loss in their finale (2-6) to newbie 'Mellow Dave' and 'Slats's surprised no one. Not on the 'bloated behemoth's dance card was another newbie Darnell, the 'Tuckahoe Rabbit' who cleaned Bob 'Der Klugemeister' Kluge's clock in singles. As the group departed for the day Titan opined, "If only a 'King' and a 'Teacher' were here we'd have had a full house."

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Nutty Male Friends (NMF)

"Hey, it's always fun."

Beacon of Boca

"But I need to find a "Beacon of Hope."

'Believe me, TT, nothing to it."

"We'll give you another try at us next week."

Nutty Male Friends

The 'whining wimp' was wailing so loud that he had to be shushed from the adjacent court: "N-M-F, N-M-F, it's never my fault," TT chanted as today's play concluded at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "Where was the triumphant return" queried 'Big Al' Diodati who was complicit in the (3-6, 2-6) defeat that he and 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Bill Tully hung on the 'boisterous blowhard' and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman. "What return!" kidded 'EBL' who handled the best that TT could offer. Indeed, Titan played to his capabilities but came up short at critical times. 'Tutor' couldn't do enough to offset 'Big Al's control of the allies. Titan can hardly ever out rally the Tullyville Trolley. The 'Beacon of Boca' was not quick afoot on the court but rapidly retorted at net repartee, "N-M-F yourself, you 'bearded blunderer.' No More Foolishness!" "Max, hold on a second' chimed in 'EBL' "without the Titan's antics Tennis would really become 'N-M-F' - Not Much Fun.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Working Men

"Titan, don't wake me up from my nap again if you're going to be inhospitable."

He Uses Halo Shampoo, no doubt.

"Just helping Slats.' He doesn't like the rain running down his forehead. I'm the steady hand on the court too."

All that work - for SOMETHING!

The scene three minutes after the (6-2) set was completed.

Window of Opportunity

"Titan, you must have some pull with the rain gods" complained ''Happy Jack' Carey as the foursome scurried to put their gear away. "HJ" was annoyed from the moment he had stepped on to the court because his post-work nap had been disturbed by an unexpected call by TT from Kinsley with the sudden break in the weather. Now TT and Frank 'Slats' Slattery had managed to put a (6-2) whipping on 'HJ' and his erstwhile partner, George 'Chemist' Hauss before the heavens opened up again in Yonkers. The rain had ended in late afternoon allowing the 'immobile minotaur' to de-puddle and roll dry a court for the 5PM engagement. The 'preposterous pontificator' made the most of the 50 minute playing window by dominating the action. "You should be the most effective player" quipped 'Slats,' "we all have to work a long day before playing in the late afternoon. Titan, you read magazines and do crossword puzzles all day." TT retorted in kind, "Frankie, have you forgotten the standard I set with the Board of Education? Didn't I do the same thing at school. I just made sure I walked fast and had a clipboard in my hand. Only now I hobble around the house (and these courts) with a tennis racket in my hand!"

Saturday, April 18, 2009

'Juggernaut' and 'Pirates'

"Titan, we should have charged you a 'lesson fee' allowing you to watch our doubles."

"He's upset...could it be my play?"

"Enough of these 'jerk chicken' comments, man. You are just a jerk!"

Wandering Wondrous Wally

"This is a 'newbie' I pressed into action because we needed a fourth. I owe him a lot already - he got me my 2 victories today!"

This Ain't Somalia

"Ahoy, matey, The Pirates of the Caribbean stole one from you" chanted Clarence 'Gazelle' Williams and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz as they came to net for pictures. The leg weary Titan was left on the sidelines for this day's finale which ended with Gazelle/GK's amazing comeback from a 1-4 deficit to take the set (6-4). Their victims were the German Juggernaut - Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and George 'Chemist' Hauss. Titan had paired with both Deutchlanders for a set earlier on this picture perfect day for his two victorys. TT/'Chemist' defeated 'Kraut' and newbie 'WWW' - 'Wondering Wondrous Wally' (6-3). Then pairing with 'Der Klugemeister'/ TT bageled 'Chemist'/'WWW' (6-0). Breathing a heavy sigh of relief that the 'braggadocios blowhard' was not on their dance card were the teams of 'Slats'/'Big Al' and 'Happy Jack'/'Speedy Legs' who had battled for two sets before calling it a day. With no opposition for the 'blogging bullshitter' to engage, entered The Jamaican Cricketeer. "Man, I will test my abilities and play with the 'loud-mouth loser' against you two who have already carried the 'bloated behemoth' to victory." The (3-6) defeat at the hands of the 'German Juggernaut' did not forbode the robbery that was to take place when the Puerto Rican maestro replaced the 'immobile minotaur' for the last set. The final insult was hurled by the 'Kraut' as Titan took the final picture, "There - (looking at TT) he blows!" The 'Chemist' wryly quipped, "Bob, Titan 'ain't no Moby, but he sure is a dick!"

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Fractured toe? My foot!

"Georgie here. He means well. I figure if his wife won't listen to him, why should I?"

The Winning Formula

"You see. First I carry him; then he carries me."

"better late than never"

"Make sure to note that it seemed like I played that second set all by myself!"


"Titan, I need a few minutes alone with my friend Mr. Marlboro."

Timothy Leary tripped too.

"I'm smiling but I fractured my toe when I fell here in this photo from March 14th."

Fractured Friendship

"Titan, your stimulus package has arrived" chortled Frank 'Slats' Slattery at the conclusion of the second set at Kinsley Park this date. 'Slats'/'TT' had just completed a (7-6 [3], 6-3) sweep of 'Happy Jack' Carey and George 'Chemist' Hauss. 'Slat's had come up big in the second set leading the charge that saw his team rally to take the last five games of the contest. 'Slats' agility at the net had been sorely missing in the opener which had the 'bombastic blowhard' do much of the heavy lifting. This set also was marked by a rally from 1-3 and 2-4 deficits. The 'pedantic prevaricator's tenacity was never more in evidence with his service hold in the eighth game. Fending off five break points the 'obnoxious ogre' survived eight deuces to tie the contest. The 'crusty curmudgeon' was similarly clutch with an easy service hold to knot the set at six and force the breaker. As the teams met at net 'Chemist' related that he felt heartened by his ability to play as well as he did given the fact that he had fractured his toe with his fall at Kinsley about a month ago. 'Happy Jack,' not one to let a sitter go by, quipped "George, I always feel hobbled with you as my partner and my toes are fine. Why don't we fracture this uneasy relationship. I need a cigarette."

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Excuses, Excuses

'Chemist,' don't you watch The Deadliest Catch? You'll learn how to use the net."

'Speedy Legs' with 'Kraut' on the Side

"Titan, don't be so hard on your partner. We may be stuck with you next time."

Now Play Nice Boys

TennisTitan joined Georege 'Chemist' Hauss for a late afternoon game of doubles against Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. In a well played set 'Speedy Legs'/'Kraut' prevailed (4-6). With the set knotted at 4 apiece the 'Chemist' imploded at net. Der Klugemiester/'SL' capitalized on the vulnerable unprotected middle of the court time after time late in the match to secure their hard earned victory. Titan rallied impressively on several key points against the Luftwaffe but was undone by balls overplayed at net. As the teams met post match 'Speedy Legs' opined, "Titan, I guess you should have played with me, we had great success together last Saturday." 'Kraut' commented, "No, Carl, Titan should play with me - he's a hot dog on the court, ain't he? 'Chemist' erupted, "Why do I get stuck with him. I just took a Defensive Driving course. And he takes two points off every game!"