Saturday, March 28, 2009


"Speedy Legs" Gessman plays with a white glove. I think he has Kryptonite in his right hand."


"Come on Al. If we look happy, maybe we'll confuse the readers."


''Big Al' has lost enough today. One with 'Slats' and now one with me. I'm sending him home early."

Heartless Duo

"Let's play a fifth."

And the Beat Goes On.

Your TennisTitan continued on his roll this morning on the Kinsley Courts. The 'immobile minotaur' partook in four sets of doubles this date and came away victorious in all of them. Titan first paired with Carl 'Speeedy Legs' Gessman for two sets. TT/'SL' had much too much for the tandems of Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Big Al' DioDati (6-1). Next up, Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Happy Jack' Carey who were shown the door at (6-2). With the departure of 'the Speedy One' the non paying crowd of Portuguese Americans on playing Courts 2 and 4 came to a stand still to watch the 'boisterous blowhard' hold serve with 'Slats' as his patner at (7-5) to close out the comback attempt by 'Kraut'/'Big Al' who had been down 5-3. The 'Yonkers Yakker' had much to crow about in the fourth and final set as he and 'Slats' swept to an easy defeat of the 'Kraut/'Happy Jack' tandem (6-2). As the teams met at net Der Klugemeister, seldom a three set loser, opined, "Titan, your best play today was when you picked your partners." 'Happy Jack' winced and responded, "Bobby, I wish I could say the same. I almost miss George 'Chemist' Hauss on a day like this." 'Slats' chimed in, "Titan you always said the 'third set was about heart,' but in that fourth set, we were absolutely 'heartless to them!"

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Heartthrob Kids

'You're surprised? We hardly ever win as partners, but this, wow!

Brunch was Served

"I didn't even know I was hungry."

What the hell happened?

"I need a drink to forget this."

A Double Dose

Your TennisTitan joined forces with 'Big Al' Diodati at the Yonkers Tennis Center and went from heartbreak to heartthrob during the three sets played against Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. The 'bloated behemoth'/'Big Al' held a commanding 5-3 lead in the opener and were unable to close it out. 'GK'/'Russkie' rallied to force a tie breaker and played the critical points more effectively to come away with a (6-7 [4]) victory. But even more surprising than this disappointing defeat to the half dozen junior tennis players ringing court one was the total transformation and domination of play that occurred in the last forty minutes of play. Can you say 'goose eggs' on a roll, or more descriptively, "Joe and Vlad do not have to share, they'll each have their own bagel" as 'TT'/'Big Al' reeled off twelve (12) games in a row to rout 'Russkie'/'GK' (6-0, 6-0). "We were so hot" quipped the Italian Stallion, "that Vlad put sun tan lotion on his ashen skin and Joe thought he was back on a beach in Puerto Rico." At picture time Titan meekly inquired, "Russkie, since you had the bagel, I'll make the toast, God bless America, pass the Stoli."

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Won and Done

"If anyone can clean up a mess, it's Frankie. Remember I only blog complete sets."

Gimme a drag

"George, maybe we should think about Titan's dogs being our partner. We played like crap."

A Mixed Bag

"Hey, Titan, you left me holding the bag" charged Frank 'Slats' Slattery as the Titan made his way to the car. TT had paired with 'Slats' in the one set Titan played to completion. The bombastic bloviator'/'Slats' thrashed George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Happy Jack' Carey (6-1). Bob 'Kraut' Kluge joined forces with 'Happy Jack' against the tandem of 'Slats'/'Chemist for another (6-1) spanking as the Titan elected to walk his yapping dogs, Tully and O'Reilly. For the final set TT opened as the 'Chemist' partner against 'Kraut' and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman. Trailing love-four TT stepped aside for the prearranged re-entry onto the court of 'Slats.' As the 'immobile minotaur' opened the door to allow the Bichons in the backseat, he fired a perfect ace of bagged dog feces into the nearby receptacle. "No, Frankie, it is I who was left holding the bag. And I got rid of it! It's your job to spoil the bagel. Now that you've gotten rid of me."

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Mi Caballero

"It'll be tough, but somebody's got to bail you out of that losing streak you're on."

'The Little Engine that Could'

"You thought you had us, Titan, right? Well, think again!"

He's My Gaucho

"The way things have been going recently I'm happy to get a win in one set at least."

My AIG Bailout

The TennisTitan returned to the Yonkers Tennis Center for two wonderfully, competitive sets against Bill 'EBL' Tully and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. The 'boisterous blowhard' joined forces with Hanibal 'Caballero' Mistorni subbing for the absent 'Big Al' DioDati. TT/'Caballero' suffered a let down in the second set allowing for a nice comeback by the opposition (6-4, 3-6, 1-2 partial) from a 3-1 deficit. 'Russkie's serve improved dramatically as the games progressed and 'EBL' began to more effectively find the range at the feet of the Argentinian craftsman. The 'blogging bullshitter' acquitted himself well throughout the match, engaging in several long rallies with 'Energizer Bunny Legs.' Hanibal's serve continues to be a significant part of his game. The 'Caballero' remains quick to and at the net. As the crew met at net when time expired, Titan quipped to Tully and Kartsev, "Hanibal was my AIG bailout this afternoon: 'He's Argentinian, he's Intense on the court, but, most importantly, he's Good!" And he saved my ass from another double defeat!!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Faith 'n Bejesus

Conaty and Gallagher, a Guiness Stout and an aged Harp's Lager!

You Know that I am An I.C.B.M.

"Happy St. Patrick's Day." "One Irishman can never beat two."

Uneasy Alliance

"Titan, what's this that 'You are an I.C.B.M.' The cold war is over, comrade" implored 'Russkie' at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. But the 'whining wanna-be' was taking no prisoners after another annihilation between the white lines (2-6, 4-6, 1-2 partial). Titan/'Russkie' were no match for John 'Irish' Gallagher and Tom 'Fireman' Conaty. Vladimir Kartsev did not have the game that distinguished itself so well last Thursday. But then again, he did not have a partner to cover his inability to anticipate returns or minimize the use of his backhand. TT was able to remain in rallies with the 'Fireman' but lacked the fire power to close out points against the speed and athleticism of the retired 'hose holder.' The unforced error always seemed inevitable once the ball went to 'Russkie's off hand or a volley was called for. 'Irish' more than held his own against the 'red menace.' As the foursome met at net 'Russkie' darted to the exit declaring, "Titan, you are no rocket, no matter what you call yourself! I have the A.B.M. system in place when I am your partner: 'All Balls Missed.' The 'boisterous blowhard' then went nuclear, "Russkie, remember: I.C.B.M.' I Can't Blame Me!" The 'Fireman' turned to Irish and with a twinkle in his eyes whispered "I had heard of the St. Valentine's Day massacre, not the Paddy's Day slaughter."

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Did You Drop By for Breakfast?

"I win with everyone, Titan, -

'Spindley Legs' and 'Slats'

Except with You!

'Humiliated' and 'Ashamed'

Can I Go
Home Now?

'Roots' of despair

"He's no Kunta Kinte" whaled the 'Whining Wimp' to no one in particular as he took his seat to watch the final match of the morning while his partner slinked out the school yard. The 'immobile minotaur' was front row for the 70 minute slugfest between Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Happy Jack' Carey verses George 'Chemist' Hauss and the haughty one, Frank ' Slats' Slattery (7-5). 'Slats'/'Spindley Legs' Gessman had dispatched 'HJ'/'Chemist' (6-3), and then creamed TennisTitan (making his first Kinsley appearance in '09) and 'Dave the Rave (1-6).' 'Happy Jack'/'Kraut' took out Lou 'Pistol' Gerencer/'Chemist' (6-3) while TT/'Rave were served a bagel (0-6) in their second attempt at respectability against 'SL'/'Slats.' The 'bloated behemoth' took little solace from 'Pistol' seated next to him as they awaited winners in a game that would never happen. "Titan, they're afraid of us. I've taken so much Demerol these past few weeks, that playing with you would be painless!" 'Kraut' quipped, "the Rave would have to be Arthur Ashe to have won with you. Titan chortled, 'He's waiting for Obama to give him a scholarship to come to net!" 'HJ' queried, "Demerol?...hmmm. Can I smoke it?"

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Vodka (with) Tonic

"Titan, have some Bailey's. You got creamed!"

"Shocked" and "Dismayed"

The Losers' Reactions

Could've, Should've - But Didn't

Your TennisTitan was back on the YTC courts this afternoon pairing with Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz against 'EBL'/'Russkie' in a heartbreaking loss (6-8). Vladimir Kartsev was a major contributor in the come from behind victory. 'Russkie' came up big on his service games at crucial times during this, the only set played to completion. His hold at 3-5 turned the tide. 'GK' couldn't get the job done in games 10 or 14, double faulting on the final point. Your 'bloated behemoth' did in no way distinguish himself, shanking some critical volleys that would have closed it out on set point. Titan/'EBL' were up (4-0, partial) in the second set when time expired. As the crew met at net 'GK' lamented, "Titan, only Bill Tully could mask your deficiencies today." 'EBL' quipped, "Mask? Joe, I needed my leprechaun costume to get us that four-love lead." Titan retorted, "Phew, I was afraid you noticed the four leaf clover pinned to my shirt. 'Russkie' slammed his final winner: "And here I thought that it was only me with horseshoe up his ass today!"

Thursday, March 05, 2009

"I took a bullet for the team."

"I had to finish it. The outcome was foreordained long before the Italian Stallion was scratched."

War Horses

"Titan, we're just young Colts. How about Johnny Unitas and Alan Ameche, huh?"

The Ides of March are Coming

"Maybe 'Big Al' is also as old Julius Caesar" is how the TennisTitan summed it up as the threesome met at net. Titan had to dance to "Canadian sunset" in the finale of his double defeat at the hands of Bill 'EBL' Tully and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev (2-6, 2-6). In a group for which it is very difficult to balance out competitive teams 'Big Al' had crossed to the other side of the net to play opposite the 'Energizer Bunny Legs." And he paid the price as the 'immobile minotaur's partner. Down 2-4 to 'Russkie'/'EBL' the Italian Stallion pulled up lame attempting to return one of 'EBL's cross court droppers. Soon thereafter the ol' war horse was led back to his stall. Your 'egotistical egomaniac' (who only blogs complete sets) completed the beatdown solo. TT/'Big Al acquitted themselves reasonably well as team mates managing to be within striking distance at 2-3 in each set before their house of cards caved to the vastly more agile Tully. The 'bloated behemoth' quipped as he put his rackets away, "Lucky, 'Big Al' bailed before we took our pictures. I always wanted to see the movie 'They Shoot Horses, Don't They!" "I carry so much crap in this bag, I just might have a gun!"

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Dumb and Dumbfounded!

"Just look at him. He can't believe it either. 'Big Al' actually asked me if it was Thursday and started calling me 'Energizer Bunny Legs.'

An 'Irish Russian' on the rocks.

"This tandem left the YTC needing a drink!"

I Heard that Somewhere...

"Titan, you know only some Russian history" cackled Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev between sets two and three. TennisTitan and 'Big Al' Diodati had just put the wood to the tandem of 'Russkie' and John 'Irish' Gallagher (6-2, 6-0). "This ain't no Battle of Stalingrad" quipped the 'braggadocios blowhard' as he and the Italian Stallion had ripped off nine games in a row in this one sided affair. Titan had it all working for him in this Yonkers Tennis Center matinee performance at which he was a last minute sub. The 'lumbering loudmouth' owned the alleys and the middle. Point construction went unchallenged as the 'egotistical egomaniac' took control either on his service or on his service return. After running off the first five games of the third set 'Russkie'/'Irish' broke through and the day ended mercifully for them trailing (5-2, 30-love partial) with 'Big Al' set to close it out. When the group met at net emigre Vladimir opined, "Titan, remember the Iron Curtain and your great President Reagan. It will soon be for naught. With that Articulate, Socialist Seditioner (ASS) in the White House, Putin will tell him he 'likes soul,' see that his spine is made of jelly. And tell him 'Tear down that Wall street, Obama!" It's already started.