Sunday, April 28, 2013

What Can I Say...

"If I had three more points, like this field goal signal, I'd  have won the set."

The 'Jersey Bomber'

"I'd describe it as 'perfunctory,' you know, just another day at the office."

Titan's Only Fan

"He's lucky I don'y play him for the dog. Then he'd really go home unhappy."

A Family Affair

"Rob, I can't help myself...let's play" opined the TennisTitan. Titan traveled to the lair of the 'Jersey Bomber' for a family visit this date and concluded a hellish period of four days of play in a  five day period in a predictable manner, if something less than grand style. Tennis Titan once again failed to close out a set on his serve and went from 5-4 up to a (5-7) defeat. "Titan, I will spare you another second set defeat and call it quits in my own self interest" stated Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe. "What do you mean 'naughty nephew'? queried the 'unctuous uncle.' "Dinner's on you, ol' man."

Saturday, April 27, 2013

The 'I-Man' Cometh

Facetious Factoids

"Rick, just smile, maybe the readers will think we won."

"Good morning and GOOD NIGHT, TT"

"Titan, if you can't beat us, what'd expect expect against them!"

An African Rampage

"Titan, I am like a baseball player in a batting slump. My backhand has completely deserted me" lamented 'Rockin' Rick Ricci after play this Saturday morning. 'RRR,' teaming with TennisTitan had just experiences a 'double dip,' another two set loss. "Losing to "Big Al' Diodati (2-6) with George 'Chemist' Hauss in the opener was a real downer, 'insipid ingrate,' continued 'Rock' but at least we performed credibly in that second set (4-6) defeat at the hands of 'Dave the Rave' and Chris 'I Man' Ikhigbonoaremen. I mean we had them 4-4 (40-love) in that ninth game Titan before we let it get away." "Do you think we can call it a moral victory, Rick" queried the 'odious oaf.' "That'd be a stretch" 'bogus bullshitter' responded the 'aging artisan,' "because most of us really question whether you have any morals to begin with." "But there is a moral to the story, 'Rock.' "And what's that, Titan?" "When you play with a man whose last name is virtually unpronounceable because it has 6 syllables, you better expect to lose 6 games. He's my 'Nigerian Nightmare' for sure."

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Too Much to Handle - Always

Max is Always Lost on the Court

"Just Desserts"

Taking it Literally

"All for naught" lamented the TennisTitan. "That's a real kick in the ass" added Max 'Tutor' Tuchman. 'Tutor' and TT had manged to get the opening set to four (4) games apiece against 'Big Al' Diodati and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully before the trap door opened. The Titan had continued his strong play from Wednesday onto the indoor surface of the Yonkers Tennis Center but again came up a few games and fifteen minutes short of an upset. "A (4-6) defeat is something you should be proud about" snickered the 'Italian Stallion' at picture time. You often loose far more decisively to 'EBL' do you not?" "But Al" countered the 'bloated blowhard,' "our indoor season is near an end, and once again I have gone zero for the season against the Tullyville Trolley." "But you aced me three times and even got Bill once - you were incredible today." "What was incredible Al, was that the Titan thought he had a chance in the second set (2-4, partial) when I teamed with 'EBL' chuckled the 'meshuga maven.'

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

It''s Pizza Time

"Frankie, says 'my game is thin and well done.' He's got some crust to criticize me."

Taking candy from a BABY

"Titan, look at you. You should skip lunch altogether."

"Need I say more."

Some Crust

"Titan, I said that I'd buy lunch if we won two sets. Sorry 'ludicrous loud mouth', but you dropped the ball in the second set. So bring your wallet to the pizza joint" quipped Frank 'Slats' Slattery at Andrus park in Yonkers. "We had 'em 5-4 in that second set Frankie when you left the door open" retorted TennisTitan, not wishing to take any responsibility for a 15 minute glitch in an otherwise dominant performance "I carried you in that first (6-2) set 'Slats' need I remind youWho would've thought that 'Rockin' Rick Ricci would get his act together and be the difference maker." "Titan, you can't continue to be lucky against me. Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and my come from behind victory (5-7) over 'Slats'/'TT' will be more satisfying than a pepperoni pizza" quipped 'RRR.' "But 'Slats,' pleaded Titan, I had us up (4-1 partial) in the third set when 'Kraut' had to call it quits and go back to work." "I know, 'nettlesome knucklehead,' that's why I'm buying Bobby a wiener schnitzel on Saturday."

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

'Slats' and 'Kraut'

"We both can beat you like a drum, Titan."

"Don't worry my one cares"

"I gotta figure out a way to sugar coat this."

Shhh...Don't tell anybody

"The set was somewhat surprising as the 'Kraut' was broken twice early on and was down 4 games to 2 to the lesser conditioned player when things shifted dramatically.  Bob 'Kraut' Kluge proceeded to turn his fortunes around and win the next ten games." "Wait a minute, TennisTitan, exclaimed Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "I can deal with this 'lesser conditioned player' nonsense. Bob did prevail (6-4) over me in the first set but there's no way, 'bombastic blowhard,' that you're gonna sweep your embarrassment under the rug with 'win the next ten games' crap. Ten minus the four I lost makes six - you were bageled (0-6). You gloat over the one you administered to 'Rockin' Rick Ricci last Saturday yet you won't report when you were blown out!" "No problem, Frankie. You just did it for me," grinned the 'deceptive dupe.'

Saturday, April 13, 2013

At least for today

"THE Man and man's best friend."

The Long and Short of It

"They are the 'K' boys and I always seem to strike out against them."

Chemist celebrated a birthday this week...

so this victory was a piece of cake."

"We got Gassed... Man, another loss"

"I finally found a decent guy to play doesn't matter if I make an error or two with Carl."

"It was your fault"

"Temper, temper, Rick

"Ah Fangoul, Titan. I just had a bad day at your office."

The Venerable Dr. Sab 'Koide Kid'...'our inspiration.'

"Perhaps Titan might beat me later this year when I turn 90...but perhaps not."

Oh my...

"Take it easy 'Rock,' it'll happen someday. Someday you'll beat me in singles. Just not today." was the churlish comment made by the 'insipid idiot' as the group met for final pictures. 'Rockin' Rick Ricci was beside himself having bought the trifecta this morning at Kinsley. "I played so well earlier this week at the Tennis the hell did I lose all three sets today. And no less having a bagel (6-0) stuffed down my  throat by the 'prevaricating provocateur.' Titan then reminded 'RRR,' "Sab is eleven years older than you Rock, and I can't beat him. You're 11 years older than me. Doesn't it make sense you can't beat me. See the symmetry in it all." TT/'RRR' had fallen (2-6) as partners to the'Kraut'/'Koide Kid' to open the day's play. "But the 'anonymous Gas Man' is a much stronger player than you, 'bombastic blowhard.'  If I played my usual game Carl and I figured to beat the tandem of TT/'Chemist' (6-4)  in the final set. "That's the problem Rick. You can't figure this game. The 'Chemist' played like he had propane in his jets today and the Titan had high octane in his tank this morning; so winning for me was at a premium. You just paid the price."    

Thursday, April 11, 2013

"It's Not Always Kosher...

"to complain but Max woke up just in time to save my bacon. He had lox of help of course."

Good to be back...I think

"Oy vey! Can you imagine if we'd lost!?"

A Stallion and A Bear

"We choose not to look at the camera... we're too embarrassed the way we lost."

Delicious Drivel

"Titan, today you displayed graciousness on the court" beamed Max 'Tutor' Tuchman to the 'ebullient egotist.' "Hell, Max you're so old you had a brain fart and showed up to play - even though you weren't scheduled to be in today's foursome - you should blame the schedule maker" retorted TennisTitan. "But that'd be me" answered 'Tutor.' "Exactly" re-posited the 'arrogant antagonist'.' "And you would've gotten plenty of blame from me had we lost that set to 'Big Al' Diodati and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. (7-6 [3]).  We were in the hole 1-4 before you got your mind off I-95 and made a few plays at net. I was beginning to second guess my generosity in allowing you to play the first set in my stead. You even made 'EBL' Tully work in the opening set victory you had over the 'Italian Stallion' and the 'Russian Bear (6-3)." "TennisTitan, or TT if you allow me, I may be the 'Tutor' but you are more aptly named my 'Tutee" chuckled a 'mawkish Max'.

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

So Close...yet so far

"If I could have pulled it off John Paul would have been credited with a miracle and be one step closer to sainthood."

Different Court, Same Result

"Titan considers a tennis court his church. So this is perfect."

Edict at Woodlawn

"Titan, instead of buying indulgences perhaps you should purchase something to steady your nerves," So quipped Bob 'Kraut' Kluge at the conclusion of the tiebreaker in which he routed TT seven - zero to take the set (6-7). "And no self-respecting Lutheran is going to be intimidated by a ne'er do well wearing a seventeen year old t-shirt with the likeness of a dead pope emblazoned on it." Titan had given the 'heckling heretic' all he could handle in the 65 minute set. Indeed the 'Catholic choker' served for the set twice at 5-4, and 6-5 only to be broken by the 'Germanic gyro.' "TennisTitan, you must Reform your game. Your salvation on and off the tennis court can only come through the grace of God (and maybe a few more unforced errors by me). Here's my Thesis, even though it's only one, not 95 like Martin Luther demanded: Go on a Diet of Worms: you'll wiggle out of difficulty easier as you slither around the court and as an added benefit we won't excommunicate you from Kinsley."

Saturday, April 06, 2013

"Rock and Roll"

"Rick's earned that nickname with his rock solid play. And if you ever get a peek at Titan's silhouette, you'll agree 'Roll' does me justice.

Meet 'Befuddled and Bewildered'

"We still don't know what happened."

Focus on this

"We sped by them in the tiebreaker so fast it seemed like a blur to them too"

Not Worth Mentioning

"Kraut, I don't blog sets that are not played to completion" was the Titan's response. "Der Klugmeister had given his all as TennisTitan's partner in the set that ended (5-5) against Carl the 'anonymous Gasman' and George 'Chemist Hauss. "But Titan" continued the 'Teutonic dynamo' we came from 1-5 down in the breaker to win the eleventh and deciding game by taking six points in a row. Can't you report about that, if not boast about it?" "Sorry Kraut, beating the 'Chemist/'Big Al' Diodati tandem (6-3) in the first set with 'Rockin' Rick Ricci at my side will have to satisfy my readers that the 'bombastic blowhard' played some terrific tennis today."

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Sartorial Splender

"Who wears a coral shirt!?"

His Hat is off to You

"Big Al' and I have been playing each other for 20 years.  Do you think by now he'd stop calling me Tom Bristol. Pasta fagioli in his ears, I think."

From Russia with Love

"I told him my name was 'Bond, James Bond." And Vlad responded, "My name is Vladimir, Vladimir Putin." But I think he's putin' me on.

Everything Has a Price

"Freedom isn't free" trumpeted the TennisTitan as he trundled off the court at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "But you're as cheap as they come anyway" chirped the Italian Stallion, 'Big Al' Diodati. Titan had just enjoyed the fruits of having paired with Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully in a second set (6-0) thrashing of the Italian Stallion and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. 'Big Al' was pissed because, unlike the 'Russian Bear' who in the first set had enjoyed a (2-6) triumph over the Titan with 'EBL," 'Big Al' could only claim a two (0-2) game lead against the TT/'Russkie' tandem when time expired. "Comrades" interjected the 'ebullient emigre,' I can assure that 'Freedom isn't free.' I had to pay the 'State' 1,500,000 rubles to leave the motherland in '92...and it has been worth every asinine moment I have had to spend with the Titan since."