Friday, January 30, 2009

It's Back to Indoor Tennis in NY

"The Van Dycks have the same passion for tennis as I do. We were rained out this morning at BCK but got our 'good-bye TT game' in anyway this afternoon."

TT with Doug 'on-the-attack' Dack

"His game is big, I swear."

Phillips Park Play

"Take that back to your cronies in New York" chortled the 'Canadian Cruncher'. Joanne Van Dyck had proved true to her word leading the 'bloated behemoth to his only victory of the day (6-3) at Phillips Park. Fellow Michiganders Ron Van Dyck and Doug 'ever on the attack' Dack were less successful when pairing with the 'Yonkers Yakker.' Your 'boisterous blowhard' acquitted himself quite well in the (4-6 [with Dack]), (3-6 ]with Ron Van Dyck]) losses. TT's placement serve was especially effective with 7 of 8 easy holds. Titan led both of his partners to one break advantages early on in each losing set only to see the lead frittered away with loose play at the net by his partners. As the crew met at net to bid TennisTitan adieu as he departs Pine Island tomorrow for a few months, Doug Dack opined, "I wish I can say you'd be missed 'braggadocios bloviator' but being from New York, you'd know better." 'Michigander' Van Dyck interjected, "Doug, we're all from 'the Great Lakes State. We've lost so much industry in our state,' we should consider it our job now to make Titan think he can play competitive tennis with us down here in Florida." 'Canadian Cruncher' quipped, "yeah, Titan is competitive at Tennis...that Wii game played on an X-Box. Eh?!?"

Monday, January 26, 2009

Titan's Plea

'Yes Jeremy Rubash. It is you I want. Come to Pine Island and play with Grandpa and his cronies!"

Steelers or Stealers

"It would take Kryptonite to defeat us today. We played like Mean Joe Green and Jack Lambert."

'Rust Belt Relics!?'

"Titan, don't flatter yourself. We're 'Snow Birds.' That's why we wear white."

True Men of Steel

Your TennisTitan hosted Ed 'Pittsburg Panther' Rubash, Jim 'Royal Tee' Cherfoli and Tom 'Captain's Cove' Marrs for three sets of fun doubles this morning at beautiful Blue Crab Key. Titan paired with 'PP' for a sweep of their opponents in the two hour match that was played under cloudless Florida blue skies in 70 degree temperature. Weather that Nancy Matuszak can only wish for back home in the Keystone State as her brother frolics with the 'immobile minotaur'. The 'bloated behemoth' and the bicycling geriatric from western Pennsylvania were too much for the men from Michigan. TT/'PP' cruised to an easy (6-1) victory in the opener. The Titan's placement serve and the back hand cross court slice from the man from Steel City were unstoppable. With the 'lagging Lothario's energy draining and the Panther's foot off the pedal, the second set became much more of a contest. The (6-3) victory saw the 'blogging bullshitter' and the 'fast-a-foot feline' take the last three games. Similarly, 'the big cat' started slowly in the finale but came on strong with his volleys as TT/'PP' rallied form a love-three deficit to take the last set (6-4). As the teams met at net Panther opined, "yeah Titan, it's going to be a big week for Pittsburgh. The Steelers will crush those birds from Arizona even more easily than I pounded my overhead volleys at net against these 'snow birds'. Your effective lobs to their baseline against these 'rust belt relics' were like Roethlisberger bombs." 'Royal Tee' quipped, "Ed, speaking of rust, you didn't bike up to Blue Crab because you knew you'd have to carry the 'bombastic blowhard' didn't you? To wit Captain Cove commented "Ed, don't talk! I got screwed royally with 'Tee' as my partner. Next time I play with TT!" Jim retorted "Marrs, you're not only out of your mind, you're in orbit!"

Thursday, January 22, 2009

"I'll Wring His Neck!"

"Come on, George. Can't you take a joke?"

Bloated? or Gloated!?!

"He's such a 'shit' to celebrate like that."

Innkeeper and the Jay Hawk

"Taking us to lunch is the least you can do with all the crap we have to put up with when you visit Tarpon Springs."

Road Trip

TennisTitan made a quick 300 mile round trip up the west coast of Florida to see some old friends and get in a couple of games of singles at the Sail and Tennis Club in Tarpon Springs this week. Your 'bloated behemoth' was granted his usual accommodations by Harry 'my Tom Bodett' Cardon ("back bedroom, no maid service, clean the toilet yourself, you freakin' freeloader!") and was graciously entertained between the white lines by the irrepressible George 'Genealogist' Pratt. 'Genealogist' is not used to playing in the crisp 40 degree temperatures that greeted the combatants this morning and is primarily a doubles specialist on his local court. Taking on the 'bombastic blowhard' was more a sense of duty for the transplanted Jay hawk who seldom doffs his windbreaker when temperatures fall below fifty degrees, no less pick up a tennis racket. Nonetheless, 'GG' rose to the occasion and gave the 'Yonkers Yakker' all he could handle in 90 minutes of intense action in the (6-3, 6-4) contest witnessed by the landscapping crew. As the 'crippled crybaby' exited the court Manuel Santana, the gardener, shouted "Viva el Gigante" as he resumed his hedge trimming duties. Andres Gomes relegated to raking debris commented, "Adios amigo, su juego es tan feo como la grasa de su cuerpo!" 'Genealogist' quipped, "Titan, what does he know? He voted for Obama!"

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Paying Homage

'Titan, go forth and bring joy to your opponents on the court through your commentary... realize that your ship has sailed in singles."

Titan with Russ

"I'm thinking that a new moniker is in order Pop. How about honoring the legend from your youth. Call me the 'Rocket!"

Letting Youth be Served

"Ol' man, see if you can handle this rocket!"

Beat Down - Family Style

TennisTitan hooked up for a set of unexpected singles this afternoon at Blue Crab Key. Russell 'Hoya Saxa' Briscoe visited the family compound and laid a (3-6) whipping on the ol' man in front of a half dozen senior citizens walking the perimeter of the resort complex. At the sets conclusion the 25 year old computer salesman from Austin, Texas taunted his father by suggesting that those activities outside the fence would seem more suitable for a mobility restricted senior than chasing down a ball being returned at 85mph. Indeed the outcome of this well played set was determined by 'HS's ability to run down balls men twice his age wouldn't try for and pounding his serve and groundies at speeds TennisTitan can only dream about. As the father-son tandem met at net the senior Briscoe opined, "Russ, you've got a Dell'ova game now." The upstart business executive quipped, "You're lucky tennis wins are not based on commissions, dad. You'd be on the unemployment line looking for extended benefits a long time ago."

Friday, January 16, 2009

Early Birds

"Titan, I gotta start slinging the grits and hash browns by 10, so we have to start at 8AM. These guys, unlike you, serve and volley.'

A Statement of Fact

"Ron was the big winner today... both sets and he didn't have to play with me."

Early Bird Special

"Titan, I sometimes screw up orders at Captain Con's too. So I laid an egg" commented Joanne 'Canadian Cruncher' Van Dyck at the conclusion of TT/'CC's (5-7) loss to Ron 'Michigander' Van Dyck and Bob 'don't call me' Lavender. Somehow a 4-1 lead, and later, a set point advantage turned into a heart breaking loss for the 'bloated behemoth' and the part time waitress at the Bokeelia eatery. The missed opportunities at net by the spiked-haired 'female flash' and the lead in the 'sarcastic statue's sneakers proved fatal this chilly morning at Blue Crab Key. Set two saw an attempt at a similar comeback that fell a tad short. Titan/'dcm' rallied from a 1-5 deficit to fall (4-6) to the Van Dycks. The matches featured crisp groundies and a panoply of lobs that the wind played havoc with. At picture time Titan bemoaned the fact that 'Canadian Cruncher' found both her serve and volley in the second set sending the 'blogging bullshitter' to his double defeat. 'Michigander' quipped, "my wife works for tips - here's one for you Titan: See the ball; hit the ball, but most of all, run for the ball!" Lavender cracked a wry smile and murmured, "Titan it was 5 degrees in Yonkers this morning - you are a winner today no matter what!" 'CC' chuckled "Titan, you got egg in your beard.'

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A Razzing from a Razorback

"Titan, my beard is so much better than yours. Matter of fact, you've got chiggers in yours."

Ozzie 'Gator Nation' Davids

"Titan... the 'F' is the grade I give your tennis."

The Ozark Kid

"Come on now Titan. You never saw Grizzly Adams and me at the same time. Right?"

Chiggers...and a two-legged pest!

"Titan you are so damn annoying on the tennis court that you remind me of the parasite chiggers I have to deal with back in Arkansas" quipped 'Razorback' Whiteside. "Yeah," chortled Ozzie 'Gator Nation' Davids, "this 'bombastic blowhard' has a nice tennis court at Blue Crab Key, but what good is it to him if all he does is stand in one corner and flail at the ball while he prattles on with that aggravating voice!" "Now fellas" commented Walt 'Show Me' Klein, Titan will tell you on his website 'that this is the price you pay' when you say 'yes' to an invitation to a TennisTitan doubles game. You also get a camera shoved in your face, inane platitudes up the wazoo, and to top it off, he tries to make you feel sorry for him when you pummel him on the court." This from the guy who dominates on Pine Island. TT/'Gator Nation' paired for the first two sets against Jay 'Don't Call Me a Hog' Whiteside and Ozzie "Don't Call Me Wendell' Davids in (6-3, 2-6) outcomes. Coach Klein put it in perspective, joining TT in the (6-2) thumping of the two newbies to BCK in the finale, "I had a root canal yesterday, it can't possibly pain me as much to be your partner as long as this is the last set."

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Colorado, Missouri, Pennsylvania

"Titan, your challenge: Make sure you get beat by a representative of the other 47 states."

Bob 'don't call me' Lavender

"Out in Colorado I was a damned good contractor. But Titan, I cannot fix your game!"

I'm Ready for a Beer

'Blowhard, I didn't ride my bike to Blue Crab because I knew you'd be my partner.'

Teachers teach...

"Titan, it's more of a challenge to win with you than defeat you as an opponent... but of course you already know that."

Eking one out...barely

"Titan, I am a Survivor! But you surely test my limits on the tennis court' cackled Walt 'Show Me' Klein at the completion of the third set played at Blue Crab Key this date. 'Coach' Klein had the duty of trying to insure TT a victory this morning after Ed 'Pittsburg Panther' Rubash, and Bob 'don't call me' Lavender (sic) blew their opportunity to be celebrated for their play as the 'bombastic blowhard's partner. The 'Yonkers yakker' initially paired with the 'Panther' against the two more agile and superior players and received the anticipated(1-6) drubbing. Set 2 and 3 were far more entertaining and competitive for all the combatants. The 'immobile minotaur'/Lavender Blue combo acquitted themselves well in their (4-6) loss in the middle stanza. Timely volleys from the 'Panther' and the strong serve and crisp backhand returns from the Man from Missouri carried the day. 'Don't call me' (I'll call you instead) kept the 'bloated behemoth' in the set with his quick first step to the ball and fine net play. Kudos to the tandem of 'PP'/'DCM' in the finale as they hung tough to rally from a 4-2 deficit to knot the contest at 5. TennisTitan managed to come up with a strong service game and find his touch on the lob to give 'Show Me' enough support to take the contest (7-5). As the foursome met at net to hear TT's spiel 'Show Me' commented, "Next time, I play with you first, 'Tortured Tortoise.' The 'Panther' purred, 'Titan, watching you play makes me feel young again.' The cool Coloradan chortled, "Remember Titan, 'dilly, dilly' - 'I'll call you,' now let's go have a Coors!"