Saturday, November 30, 2013

Hearty Hooples

These fellas may be 'taunted' (by me) but they are also 'undaunted' by the weather."

"We start at 9:30 boys."

"You guys show up after 10 o'clock and it's a balmy 28 degrees.It's fitting that you lost a set together (6-4) to 'Slats'/'deli man'."

"But George. 'How does it feel?"

"Titan, I like that you use my oft heard quote in the title of the blog today. Can't you think of something original?"

"It's fun mornings like this that I'll miss so much when I am on the beach in Florida next month."

"Is it always this easy" ob cit: 'Happy JacK'

"Today was really my feast" quipped an 'exuberant egotist' as he reached for his camera. "Titan, you've got much to be thankful for, but your tennis skills should not be on the list" opined 'Big Al' Diodati. "It probably should be your choice in partners" smiled George 'deli man' Hauss who led TennisTitan to impressive bookend victories (6-2, 6-2) against the chastened 'Italian Stallion' who had paired with Frank 'Slats' Slattery and then with Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man.' "And what of my third set triumph then?" deli man,' countered the 'blatant blasphemer.' I took the 'coddling counselor' under my wing, and lo and behold, 'Slats' had a win. Need I remind you former 'Chemist,' that I doused your Bunsen flame (6-4) to complete my sumptuous meal against all who opposed me this frigid morning at Kinsley Park. 'Happy Jack' Carey, victimized along with the 'haughty Hauss,' summarized it best as he dragged on his cigarette, "Titan, we all knew that your 'bloviating hot air babbling' during the sets would more than offset the 25 degrees temperature this morning."

Saturday, November 23, 2013

"We tossed your salad."

"This was the best ante pasta to the wonderful meal we will celebrate with our families. I go nuts when I beat you."

"Easy as Apple Pie"

"Titan, just say 'I set the table. The 'Kraut' served as well as always."

The Invited Guest - not!

"This German friend said. 'he tried to duck me as his partner, but soon came to realize his 'goose was cooked.'

Basted, then Roasted

"Why don't you just declare this 'Your Turkey Day' cackled 'Big Al' Diodati as he happily smiled next to Bob 'Kraut' Kluge as they reflected on their (3-6) opening set victory over TennisTitan and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. "You see 'odious oaf.' I can and do win when I pair with a complete player. And his name doesn't have to be the Tullyville Trolley, just not the 'braggadocios blogger" continued the 'Italian Stallion. 'Der Klugemeister' continued, "I might have had some concern in the second set when Rick wised up and chose to play with me when you drafted fellow Deutschlander 'Carl the Anonymous Gas Man' to be your partner, but even he could not negate your ineptitude on this chilly, windy day at Kinsley Park. The (2-6) thumping was the gravy on this blustery day you got your just desserts, Titan." "Bobby, you were stuffing your power serve right down the tee. With Mr.Potato head as my partner, there was not much I could do,  We were mashed! 'I will turnip my nose and that cranberry soon enough. Let's get out of here before the turkey is cold," laughed the 'anonymous Gas Man.'

Thursday, November 21, 2013

"You know what I say...

might as well dress a good game if you can't play one."

The Big 'Green' Apple

"Once Vlad got his backhand going to complement his serve, he made it tough for me in the third set."

They know me too well.

"Don't worry Al. Titan will make some excuse why he didn't win with you as he did easily with us."

A failure to deliver..

"But Al 'it's not over until the fat lady sings' was TennisTitan's pathetic response to a disconsolate 'Big Al' Diodati's forlorn look as he sat on the bench awaiting the inevitable end of match picture. "We were coming back from a 2-5 deficit in the final set and had it (4-5 love -30), well on our way to breaking when time ran out" pleaded the 'loathsome loud mouth.'  "But 'insufferable idiot' responded the 'Italian Stallion,' you had dominated the opposition when you had had Max Tutor.Tuchman (6-2) and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev (6-1) as partners in the first two sets. You promised me a victory. Why did your game desert you when I was your partner, queried the 'officious octogenarian'.?" The 'Russian Bear' interjected "In the old Soviet Union our leaders were men like the Titan, 'boisterous buffoons,' always making promises they never intended to keep. To wit the 'sagacious septuagenarian' a taunting 'Tutor' replied, "Vlad, that seems to be the problem we have here in America now. And, by the way Al, you can keep your partner, period! And to think we both voted for that 'inept incompetent' twice."

Saturday, November 16, 2013

"How to hit a backhand, page 22"

"If you can't play it...or in this case, read about it."

"Titan, it's not read my lips...

it's read my chest!"

Today's Another Story

"At least George saw me play very well yesterday."

Deli Man's Delight

"I think I have finally found the partner I want."

Nigerian Nightmare

"In my country they use a machete to clear the bush. Here, the tennis racket will do fine."

Getting Cut Down to size

"At least it was a beautiful day" offered Rockin' Rick Ricci in his attempt to soothe TennisTitan's disappointment in dropping both sets (3-6, 3-6) to 'RRR and Chris 'I-Man' Ikhigbonomarem at Kinsley this delightful fall morning.'Titan, you can't expect to play as well against "I-Man" as you did against me and 'Slats' yesterday; his game is at another level" sympathized George 'Deli man Hauss.' "But, how about me - and my game" interjected the 'Rock.' "Your play 'was lights out today' agreed the former 'Chemist' turned 'sandwich maker.' "The only way we would have won against these two this morning is if I invoked the old 'Deli man's' trick" observed George, "And what's that?" queried my 'Nigerian Nightmare.'  "Thumb on the scale as you weigh the cold cuts." "Anyhow Titan, you already cheat with your bad calls" giggled 'Rockin' Rick.

Friday, November 15, 2013


"Bobby, do you think it was good for them too. Offer them a cigarette."

"My Afternoon Delight"

"Ok, Titan, you can say 'you had your way with us."

"He never considers my feelings

"I'm spayed!"

"When the time is right' says the ad

"Well I have been known to have had an occasional breakfast at the Mont Olympus diner on Central Park Avenue" was TennisTitan's deadpanned response to the praise lavished on him by Bob 'Kruat' Kluge following TT/'Kraut's double victory (6-4, 6-0) over George 'deli-man' Hauss and Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "You played like a veritable Greek god today, 'exalted egotist,' remarked a 'flummoxed Frank.' "He must be on steroids" interjected his 'Tuetonic teammate.' "Six weeks without playing a set in Florida and he dominates us with his play today" said a 'doleful deli man,' I suspect 'testosterone therapy' continued the 'coddling counselor.' Indeed, TennisTitan could do no wrong at the Andrus courts this date. Power serves, razor sharp returns, deft volleys coming off his racket like never seen before. The sine non qua that proved the Titan's unfettered prowess was TT/'Slats' (4-3 partial) effort in the truncated finale over 'Kraut'/'Deli man.' Fittingly, Titan ended the contest's tie breaker with a hard nonreturnable serve to 'Der Klugemeister.' "And remember 'V' is not only for Victory, but Viagra too" offered the 'vacuous vociferant' as he stood erect and then packed up his dog. "Two hours on the court or two minutes in bed. Sex was never this good," the group agreed as they headed to their cars.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Oh, Auntie Em, look who I saw...

Extra kudos to those of my readers who used to watch Mr. Wizard on TV. If you remember his name respond in an email and i will give you my autograph on a used tennis ball.

The Munchkins

"or would you prefer Flying Monkeys?"

The Wizard of Blog

"There's no place like home" sighed the TennisTitan as play concluded at the Yonkers Tennis Center this date. "This ain't Kansas" remarked 'Big Al' Diodati to the 'smiling sexagenarian.' Titan didn't much care that the results played out as expected in today's sets. The (1-6) opening set loss with 'Big Al' was the prelude to the (6-0) effort with 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Bill Tully as Titan's partner. The (3-4 partial)  final set with Titan pairing with Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev proved to be the most competitive. "This is the pairing we should always use with this foursome" commented the 'bloated blowhard' at picture time."Well, some people without brains do an awful lot of talking don't they?" retorted the Russian bear. " I am not the Scarecrow" the Titan answered back. "I know who you are" interjected the 'Tullyville Trolley.' "Since you played with so much heart in that third set as you always do against me, you can't be the Tin Man. You must be the Cowardly Lion who has the courage to write this stupid blog." "Think again EBL" said 'Big Al.' "Who else brings a dog to a tennis match? And serves like a girl?  Titan is Dorothy in drag!"