Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Winning Formula

"You see, I always have a Slattery at my side. And the 'Chemist' concocted the recipe!"

Close... no cigar

"Speedy Legs' back was hurtin' today (because of me) was his game (ditto)."

Prez' Fighting Words

"My time has come. You shall be humbled on the clay of Briarcliff as sure as I will have a martini at 5PM tonight."

An Ill Wind Blows in Briarcliff

"Titan, isn't it clear to you yet? You don't win without a Slattery at your side" averred Gene 'King' Slattery at the conclusion of TT/'King's (6-4) victory over George 'Chemist' Hauss and Frank 'Slats' Slattery at Kinsley Park. The 'flamboyant fathead' was justifiably rejoicing in the triumph that more than offset an earlier (4-6) loss to 'Slats'/'Dave 'the Mellow One' when the 'egotistical egomaniac' had paired with Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman. 'King' was a little testy during the match having already dropped a set to 'Chemist'/Bob 'Kraut' Kluge (1-6). "Titan, carrying you to victory is always a chore. When I was routed with Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso as my partner it was no big deal. Cousin Frankie could take no credit." But when the family pride is on the line, I take no prisoners! Play better or you will be my serf forever!! "My Liege, your wish is my command" retorted the 'boisterous blowhard.' A retreating 'Prezidente' chortled as he entered his car, "pompous panderer,' even I shall gallantly expose the glaring weaknesses in your game. Soon I will dine on your nickel at Squires.

Friday, May 29, 2009

"I paid plenty for those teeth" said TT

"So winner pays for court time is only fair."

"I'll go 26 miles or 26 sets"

"No way I travelled 1700 miles to lose, birthday or not."

TT can celebrate a loss.

"Unlike the messenger after Marathon, I did not collapse and die."

Hoya Saxa' Continuing Education

"Since I am paying, maybe I did lose?"

Ancient History, Current Results

"Dad, I was a classics major at Georgetown, trust me, this was your Thermopylae, so corrected Russell 'Hoya Saxa' Briscoe upon completion of his two set sweep of the TennisTitan at the Yonkers Tennis Center this afternoon. 'Hoya Saxa' blew into town for the weekend to celebrate his ol' man's 63rd birthday. "Pop, I guess I also came north to celebrate a (3-6, 4-6) Texas ass kicking of the 'paternal prevaricator.' "Russ, give me credit for hanging in there and making you play your best in the final games of both sets to close me out." "No can do 'grumpy geriatric' this was no marathon run on my part." "Can't I claim it a Pyrrhic victory at least. I know I lost but I put up a good fight" pleaded the 'pompous pontificator.' 'Hoya Saxa' completed his domination of the 'aging agnostic' this date firing this ace at picture time: "Don't shoot the messenger - I am Xerxes, King of Persia, you are Jerksys, Titan of the Tennis Kingdom in Yonkers, and the Son has set on your empire. Happy Birthday."

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Marionettes Anyone?

"I pulled some strings to get him to join this group, and psst...( to get him to play his best.)

"I tired them all out" said TT

'King' stood tall both in the match and in the bullshit aferwards.

Ever Gracious in Defeat

"Alright Titan, we'll let you crow a little with that second set win, but don't overdo it."

Getting Our Moneys Worth.

"Titan, if I am your 'King' then you are my Prince Valiant" quipped Gene 'King' Slattery upon completion of the second set at the Yonkers Tennis Center. Indeed, 'King'/TT salvaged the final set by breaking 'Big Al' DioDati in the twelfth game to end the afternoon on a happy note. Their (7-5) defeat of the 'Italian Stallion' and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully nearly mirrored the opening set loss (5-7) to the indefatigable 'EBL' and the resilient 'steed.' 'EBL'/'Big Al' had hung tough in the opener to break 'my Liege' in the eleventh game preceding a Tully hold to salt away the victory. 'EBL' schooled the 'King' with deft lobs over the left shoulder at critical junctures in this particularly well played match. 'Big Al' similarly came up with the goods all too often when receiving serve on his forehand. But the 'King' reestablished his domain in the nightcap with exemplary work coming in to net from the service line to lead the attack. The 'immobile Minotaur' did his usual yeoman work from the baseline. TT's support at net was reminiscent of a Playtex Living Bra - giving (away) a little too much at times, but holding firm in the right places. As the foursome met at net, 'Big Al' opined, "these will be the matches we'll look forward to next year." 'EBL' commented, "this foursome brings all our levels up." 'King' queried, do we ever change partners?"

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Not appearing on Sports Center

"And to think Arthur Ashe was one of my heroes."

Al brought the balls, TT hit the balls, Stu...

"Okay, can you find the ball buster?"

Wiffle Ball Anyone

'Frankie, you didn't earn it, at least not from me" lambasted the TennisTitan before 'Slats' could open his mouth at net this afternoon at the conclusion of play at Kinsley. The combination of 'Big Al' Diodati and Frank 'Slats' Slattery defeated the 'loathsome loud-mouth' and his erratic partner Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott (5-7, 4-6). Unlike this past Saturday when TT was also on the losing end of a Slattery sweep, kudos could not be offered truthfully today to superior opponents. No, it was inferior play that was the 'bitching bullshitter's undoing. As far as Titan was concerned both sets were gift wrapped and delivered courtesy of the pseudo Sports Center anchor. 'Bellicose bawler,' doubles is a team game' opined 'Big Al' Diodati who outlasted 'not ESPN' rally after rally. "You should be ready to hit the ball too" chortled 'Slats' each time Stuart mistimed his swing and only fresh air whistled through his strings. Titan riposted "Munchkin Frankie, Stu misses more balls than you miss line calls!" "Titan, we expect you to play error free tennis to win a set, but the only errors you don't make are line calls" cackled 'Big Al.' A chagrined and chastened 'bloated blowhard' turned to his forelorn partner and said, "Stu, let's challenge 'em to a game of wiffle ball and see who has the last laugh." 'Not ESPN' deadpanned: "Titan, I only want to pitch to you. And no helmets allowed."

Saturday, May 23, 2009

"NMF" applies as always


"Come on Clarence, 'many are called, but YOU were chosen! - Not My Fault!!"

Gazelle, Slats, Kraut

"Titan, beating you three times in one day - very satisfying. Winning a set with you as my fill-in partner - very challenging."

Memorable Memorial

"Titan, you can claim you won the first set...I don't mind" giggled Frank 'Slats' Slattery as the group broke up after this morning's play at Kinsley. 'Slats' could be magnanimous. He had just run the table with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. TT and two weary partners were the victims in a three set sweep (2,2,1). The 'bloated behemoth' had expected much, much more from his partners but neither Clarence 'Gazelle' Williams nor Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz could deliver the goods. Both the 'Gazelle' and 'Gimpy Knees' have the capacity to be game changers at net but neither was up to the task of out playing 'Slats' in the forecourt. Titan acquitted himself reasonably well from the back line but 'Der Klugemeister' still offers too much fire power on his serve for a sustained counter attack. TT had to be satisfied with his 2 winning games contribution to 'GK'/'Slats' first set victory over the "Double Dave Duo" from Peekskill. "The 'dormant doormat' lived up to his sobriquet" quipped Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser from the adjacent court. 'Big Al' DioDati commented sagaciously, "Lazy Loud-mouth, you belong in our game. 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and 'Happy Jack' Carey are more your level." 'HJ' enjoined "Pistol, I refuse to play with anyone you describe as 'sober'." A bewildered 'Dave the Rave' and his partner 'Dave the Mellow One,' African Americans awaiting winners, said in unison, "Sagaciously!?! - man, tennis is a white boys sport!"

Saturday, May 09, 2009

"Sorry guys, gotta go."

"Hey, George, you forgot your hat."

Chapeau George

"One word, yet it says so much."

Kraut and Pistol Prevailed

"Titan, we are a winning team."

"I was robbed" said TT.

'Kraut' doesn't look so sure.

A 'Hallmark' Day

"Why can't he run that way in the game" was all the exasperated 'blogging bullshitter" could say as the 'Chemist' beat a hasty retreat to his car. "Titan, George cost you the third set as surely as he did as your partner in the (4-6, 3-6) defeats Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and I laid on you and him earlier," commiserated Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser. "Hold on Lou," quipped Der Klugemeister "I said 'I'd play with the TennisTitan in the third set.' But no one can guarantee a victory when the 'bloated behemoth' is his partner. A (2-2 partial) let me off the hook. Thank you, Mrs. Hauss." Indeed, 'Chemist' had overstayed his welcome at Kinsley. The Bunsen Burner had jumped higher when his cell phone rang than he had at anytime during the scintillating two sets that preceded the "get your ass home now" command. Doubles play was particularly strong this morning at Kinsley. Shot making and hustle from the foursome was of a high calibre. Too bad no other Saturday stalwarts had the heart to come out on a dreary, humid morning and observe the display. As the trio gathered at net, Titan lightened the mood. "Boys, George's 90 year old mother is up from Florida for Mother's Day. Odds are, that was her on the phone, not his wife. He was just making her feel young again."

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Curtain Call

"Titan, no doubt you handle a knife and fork better than a tennis racket (or a camera). Let's eat."

Good Eats

"Legend has it that rather than a 38 special behind the toilet in the men's room, there is a Prince Titanium Long Boy strung at 65lbs."

The Empty Chair is for YOU!

"This waiter serves better than any of us."

Season Adjourned

"Well, Titan, I didn't want to make a complete liar out of you" Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully quipped at Dom and Vinnie's Restaurant. 'There's enough of that in the blog as it is." The Thursday foursome was putting a wrap on the indoor season with dinner together in the Hollow area of Yonkers. "I see you are having Chicken Giambotto" exclaimed 'Big Al' DioDati between bites of spinach lasagna. "Perhaps you and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman should order a carafe of Merlot to take away the bitter taste of the (1-6, 1-6) ass whipping 'EBL' and I administered earlier. "Easy Al, Titan foretold his readers of what was to come in yesterday's blog. Let's give him credit for being prescient anyway." "Titan - President?" - misheard Max, the Maven of Mayhem. "He acts so damn Supreme on the Court. "Congrats TT on finishing the season bageling 'Big Al'/'Tutor' (6-0) as my partner"chipped in 'EBL.' "Congress?" chortled the Maven, "I couldn't vote for the 'bodacious braggart;' Titan misses more easy shots than Nita Lowey misses budget hearings. And I'm a Democrat!"

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

This is Tennis; Not Ballet/Bowling

Titan Readers:
Guess whose feet?

None Other Than...

'Prosac Kid' is a picture of Sartorial Splendor

Tasting Success

'Prosac' and 'not Espn' each drank from my victory chalice."

You Were Super, Billy Boy.

"I wanted to make sure 'Electro Lux' went home with a smile under that wonderful beard."

The Midas Touch

"I figured I better get my wins today because tomorrow will be another story" commented the 'bloated behemoth' to the tennis pro on the adjacent court. TennisTitan had accepted a last minute invitation to substitute as the 4th in the 'odd trio' group at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The 'immobile minotaur' rotated through the 'tempestuous triad' giving each member his only taste of triumph. In the first and most challenging set TT paired with Stuart 'not Espn' Scott in a (6-4) defeat of Chris 'Prosac Kid' and Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching. Next Titan took 'Golden Shoes' under his wing and cruised to a (6-2) thumping of 'Electro Lux'/'not Espn.' The 'bombastic bloviator' dominated play by pounding the backhand corner and whistling forehands into the deuce court against all opponents. In the afternoon's finale the 'pedantic prevaricator' returned the smile to 'SuperBillyBoy' Ching's face with their (6-2) thrashing of 'Prosac Kid'/'not Espn.' As the crew convened at net Titan remarked, "Boys, tomorrow I get my ass kicked. So today I decided to take the Tullyville Trolley to the YTC and stay out of the rain."