Saturday, May 14, 2011

Andiamo a mangiare! (Let's eat)

"I love Italians. I married one; best thing that ever happened to me. And I enjoy eating Italian, both in the trattoria and, especially on the tennis court.

My 'cannoli and sfogliatelle.'

"No self-respecting Italian woman would have put up with his blarney. Right, Rosalie?

"Can you tell who's paying?"

"Now this is a slice serve I can handle."

The Culinary Arts

'Give me a break, Titan. You are a muttonhead' wailed 'Rockin' Rick Ricci as the victorious tandem of Tennistitan and Frank 'Slats' Slattery proclaimed 'any day is a great day to be Irish' as they entered the pizza parlor, a short walk from Kinsley. "You donkeys eat mutton as a staple in Irish stew, Shepherd's Pie, and ballyhoo about the likes of blood pudding and your Irish soda bread." "We Italians have a cuisine that is highly desired all over the world, not just by the rummies slurping their Bailey's Irish Cream as they stumbled out of Rory Dolan's or the Rambling House at 4AM in your neighborhood" continued Mike 'not so stellar' Stella. 'RRR'/'not so Stella' were smarting from their third straight loss (6-2, 6-4, 6-2) to 'Slats'/'TT - the one that the pizza lunch bill hinged on and were in no mood for pleasantries. 'Slat's remarked, "Caphones! Titan and I recognize your culinary contributions, especially with the antipasti; that is why we gave you the (3-6) opening set loss as an appetizer, whetting your appetite. Unfortunately for you, it was cold antipasto- just as your game would become as the morning wore on. Titan then turned to 'Slats' and said, "Next time we play these wops, we'll go easy on them. I think the guineas might have invented Guinness Stout and just misspelled the name."

Thursday, May 12, 2011

I want my 'Just Desserts.'

"Come on, Russkie, I played great. You can call me 'EBL.' You know I Exaggerate, Bullshit and Lie in the blog all the time."

"God Bless America"

"Such nonsense. At home, he'd have been in a gulag for sure."

Stealing My Thunder

"Titan, have your little moment of glory. After all it is your blog - but tell them the first set 'your opponents played without racquets."

The Final Chapter

"Titan, that first set reminded me of my boyhood back in mother Russia in 1956" opined Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. "That was the year that Soviet tanks crushed the Hungarian Revolution in a nanosecond. Our demolition of 'Big Al' DioDati and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman (6-0) in the opener with us losing but 6 points in the 20 minute set was as devastating. Even playing with the 'Tullyville Trolley' regularly, I never experienced such domination of an opponent. Playing with the Titan gave me the same tingling in my legs that Chris Matthews gets when he listens to Obama." "Vlad, then what happened in the 2nd set" interjected an irritated 'Big Al.' "You lost that one (3-6)." "Very true 'Italian Stallion,' that was more like the US/Soviet race to the moon." "And I suppose the (6-4) victory you enjoyed with the 'lumbering loud mouth' in the finale was some other Soviet triumph" quipped the 'Tutor.' "Nyet" shot back the relieved emigre. "That we prevailed in a close contest is the story of my life. I came to America as a middle aged man, struggled to make business contacts and learn the language and have had some financial success in this great country that I would not have had under communism." "Wow, said Titan, and that struggle was like our effort to win that last set. I am honored to be part of that allegory.That's beautiful." "Don't be, responded 'Russkie, 'I realized that when my legs began to shake in the third set it was because I was excited that this was the end of the indoor season and I would not have to see my name in your insufferable blog or listen to your wretched voice for six months."

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

This is an Extracurricular Activity

"Maybe we should only proctor exams."

There's No Holding Dave Back

"I hear he's real good with a laser pointer and makes a mean petri dish."

"Medicare Men"

"We did Manhattan College, class of '68 proud today."


"Titan, our comeback today from 0-4 down in the first set was almost as good as the one I pulled off with 'Slats' on Saturday (1-5 to 7-5) against 'Kraut' and 'not Espn.' But you're right it feels so good beating Frank Slattery whether you are coming from behind or leading from the first ball toss" opined El Prezidente, Rich Pezioso at plays conclusion at Kinsley this windy Tuesday. "Why so?" queried 'Slats' partner for today's double defeat (7-5, 6-4) Dave 'Whirling Dervish' McDonald. "Dave, it's simple. Titan and I are Medicare Men, we retired from that boondoggle 10 years ago. You and 'Slats' are still sucking up paychecks from the Yonkers Board of Education. We know what it is to work on the court, you are employed by a bloated bureaucracy. The 'coddling counselor' writes college recommendations all day while you flash slide projections of amoeba and paramecium on the screen as your students sleep" countered 'Prez.' "But Prez, Dave is a distinguished chair of the science program at  the prestigious I.B. (International Baccalaureate) program at Yonkers High. He's held in high regard by students, faculty, and administration" answered 'Slats.' "Nonsense!" retorted the Titan. The 'Whirling Dervish' is a hydra at net, flailing his arms at balls whizzing by him. He needs to regenerate his tennis game, not his arms to be on the same court as me. And as for you, you flimsy venetian blind part, you should be saying: "I be wanting 'El Prezidente' as my partner the next time we play."

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Carping Carl

"Don't look at the camera. It only encourages his foolishness."


"Titan with you I get an earache. 'Not so stellar' is headache material."

"We had Chemistry today."

"That's 'Big Daddy' slinking away. I think he's embarrassed he almost lost to us."

A Sensitive (ass) Soul

"Who can blame him. Not many of us want our picture taken after losing so resoundingly to you" retorted George 'Chemist' Hauss. "Chemist'/TT has just hammered Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man' and Mike not so stellar' Stella in the final set of the morning (6-1) when the Gas Man walked off in a huff, rejecting his picture being taken. The 'accomplished accordionist' had his squeeze box flattened in short order and didn't want to face the music at picture time. "He's a sensitive guy Titan, but you can take mine twice" contributed a far more gracious 'not so stellar' who had fallen victim to the tandem of 'Chemist'/TT (6-0) when paired with 'Happy Jack' Carey earlier in the morning. "We played our best tennis in the set we lost" added the 'Bunsen Burner.' "Dropping the opener in a tiebreak (6-7 [3]) to 'Dave the Rave' and 'Dave 'Big Daddy' Lipscomb speaks well of our ability. 'Big Daddy' has a game to suit his mammoth size and the 'Rave' is like a Black Labrador in his ability to retrieve" continued the 'Chemist.' "But they wouldn't let me take a picture either" countered the Titan. "Perhaps by wining so narrowly against the likes of you, 'bloated blowhard,' they considered it a loss" observed 'Happy Jack.' "I just don't get it" said the TennisTitan. "Get what?" refrained the 'Chemist.' "I put my digital camera on the 'black and white' setting when I saw who our opponents would be."

Monday, May 02, 2011

'Arrogant Aryan'

"Titan, I believe you forgot your bus pass."

Ralph Kramden, he ain't!

"Come on, Titan. You know you're the original tennis whore of Yonkers. Don't get cute with me. Meet me at noon at Wilson." The 'Kraut' wasn't buying the 'whining wimp's pleas that he was still too achy from Saturday to play singles against the Bob Kluge. "We don't even have to play a set, cranky crybaby" continued the Klugemeister. "I just want an opportunity to work on my serve and try and develop a drop shot. I want you to be my Joe Palooka punching bag for an hour or so." The (3-6, 2-6) thrashing that ensued left the Titan smiling as he bid the 'Teutonic taunter' ta-ta. "It took you an hour and one-half to finish me off. Furthermore, you had to resort to your weenie shots to take control of both sets. But at least I got you to come to net to add some surprise to your game and gave you some 8 and 10 ball rallies that tested your court coverage before I wilted," lamented the 'lame lachrymose libertine.' "Titan, enough of your excuses. I got to get back to the depot pronto. People depend on me to shuttle them from the train station to the long term lot." "Kraut,' why do I think you threw me under the bus during your lunch hour" quipped TT.