Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Rocky Mountain Oysters

Paul: "Do you think he'll call himself 'Testicle Titan' after this?"
George: "Maybe, but my money says he'll be a 'Choking Chump' as he thinks about what he's eating."

"This was SWEET, see you in NY"

Maybe Next Time...

"This would provide a really good bashing.

Three B Bashing

"I wish I could say 'I hate to see you go' but then I'd be the bullshitter" opined George 'Genealogist' Pratt at the conclusion of play at the Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club earlier today. The 'Kansas Komet' had done his best to spoil the 'Tarpon Titan's upcoming departure with his feisty performance in a one set loss (7-5) that went down to the wire. TennisTitan fought off three set points in the tenth game when facing a 15-40 deficit on his serve before holding serve on the second deuce. 'Gentle George' was anything but gentile when he sprung the idea of the game on TT during an unanticipated morning visit. The 'Wichita Whiner' had a point when he challenged the 'Yonkers Yakker' during coffee using muddled mid-western logic. "Titan, you came to my Three B Bash at the last minute and proved your worth. You drank my BEER and BOOZE, and cobbled down a plateful of BULL's BALLS without batting an eye the other night. You handled that cow patty minefield and then the tossing contest without gloves like the man I know you to be - one steeped in BULLSHIT, a true 'master manure maneuverer' if I ever saw one." The 'bloated blowhard,' broken in his first service played catch up throughout the contest managing to get back on serve by the ninth game only to face down those set points. As the adversaries met at net for the final time this visit George summed it up succinctly. "Another Three B Bashing for me: 'Bombast, Bullshit and Briscoe." Titan calmly replied, "Petulant partner,' don't worry! I'm providing lunch: Burgers and Budweiser and, 10 minutes later, the Belching !"

Monday, March 21, 2011

Stretchin' It, - just a bit

"This was a sobering moment for Rob. See that puzzled look. I wanted this badly enough that I actually bought and used a stretching device while he was otherwise occupied." (see below)

Court Preparation

"Ha!!. He thought he was gonna sweep me too."

"I still can't believe it."

The Age of Reason

"Not so fast, sonny boy!" beamed the TennisTitan. The 'Battle of the Briscoe's' had one final act this morning at the Lake Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club wherein Darwinian Theory was soundly refuted by the results. Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe, fresh off a seven day cruise to Honduras, Belize and Mexico attempted to plant his imprimatur as the 'Briscoe with the dominant tennis gene.' But the 'braggadocios bullshitter' had other ideas. Wearing his knee braces, donning a newly acquired back brace, properly stretched out, and with three ibuprofens awash in 40 ounces of java, the newly invigorated 'Titan of Tarpon' torpedoed the 'mauler of Monmouth' NJ. The hotly contested, hard fought, seesaw battle (7-6 [4]) was resolved to the raucous delight of an admiring, if not confounded wife, witnessing her husband fending off the bombastic barbs and surgical strokes of their 'hostile host.' "Third rate tennis is more entertaining than second rate comics at 2AM in the morning even without the booze" quipped Therese as the men met at net. "It had to be the 5 hour drive from Miami last night" explained the 'naughty nephew' to his smiling spouse. "No way" pontificated the 'Pope of Pomposity.' "This was not about the 'survival of the fittest.' Your 'big bang' theory of serving against me was effectively countered by my 'natural selection' of spin and placement on all my shots. You double faulted three times on game point. There is an 'evolution' to my game. You ran but could not hide." To wit Rob responded "Okay, 'uncutous uncle' let's evolve now to the pool and have a race."

Saturday, March 12, 2011

After the first set...

"Believe me. When he was two years old I was taking his candy too."

"I'm still standing, guess who's not?"

"It's so much sweeter beating him with his own racquets, especially with my Mets jersey on. Watching the Yankees get crushed by the Blue Jays in person yesterday only added to my enjoyment. And Titan, the Yankees are an old team, just like you."

'In nomena patri..."

"I guess three days in a row is a bit too much for the old guy. But anyway, thanks for the accommodations."

Stormy Seas

"How about the best out of three" asked the TennisTitan. "You mean to see who is the better of us two" retorted Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe upon his arrival at the Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club earlier this week. "Then we better play one set each day to give you more of a chance, ol' man. I thought I'd play some tennis against my 'unctuous uncle' before I set sail with my wife on a cruise to the Caribbean but I don't want to leave you a cripple." But it was the Titan who cruised to a first set victory (6-2) before his 'naughty nephew' sailed to a come from behind (4-6) triumph in set number two. It was the final set, played on the third consecutive day, that told the unhappy tale for the 'bloated blowhard.' The 'Jersey Bomber' being fit and spry dominated from the first ball (2-6) of the third and final set. "Titan, your movement was even more limited than usual. Perhaps you who should live at the 'Snail and Tortoise' Club. Make sure that if you ever go on a cruise that you are never too far from a life boat. And you better be ceratin they have a moving chair lift to get you down the stairs into a life boat if you have done any exercise the previous two days."

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Sentenced to Defeat

"Did you ever feel trapped in a relationship and you don't know how to end it?"

Amiable Arrogant Asshole

"What's he bitching about? I belong to Triple A, New York. I didn't even charge him for the service call."

Road Service

"Now that you have a full tank of gas in that clunker of yours, I thought I'd tune you up before you head to Naples for the weekend" chortled the TennisTitan at the conclusion of today's impromptu two setter against George 'Genealogist' Pratt. The 'overbearing oaf' had not anticipated this morning's match at the Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club. 'Genial George' had visited the pumps at Sam's Club the night before with TT and had indicated to the Titan that he'd be on the road early. "Catching you off guard is what I do best, on and off the court, 'bulbous blowhard,' is how the early morning phone call began. "I'll meet you at the court in one hour." With barely enough time for a 10 minute oil change the 'miserly misanthrope' lubed up his knees with Icy Hot, added 2 Ibuprofen to his crankcase, and slid himself into first gear to keep the appointed date. The (6-0, 6-3) washing administered to the 'insolent itinerant' bemused the 'raucous rowdy' no end. "George, you better let Nancy drive to Naples. It looks like you don't know how to handle a 'blowout.' The 'Wichita whiner' shot back: "The hell with my tires! You got all the brakes. Titan, I am just tired of you braking my ball joints!"