Friday, July 30, 2010

The Price of Victory

"I'm celebrating now. But in a few short minutes I was 'singing a different tune' flat on my back."

Cooler Heads Prevail

"Titan, I'm cooling myself down now. Will you tell your readers you almost passed out on the walk back to the condo? You were so drained."

Thermopylae Redux

"Titan, I suppose because Tarpon Springs has a rich Greek heritage you'll consider this a Pyrrhic victory" exclaimed an equally exhausted George 'Genealogist' Pratt at the conclusion of the (6-4) set at the Tennis and Sail Club. The 55 minute contest was played in oppressive Florida summer conditions that sapped the energy of both contestants to such a degree that the potential second set was cancelled after the third game required five deuces. The rejuvenated 'Kooky Kansan' again stymied the offense of the 'overbearing oaf' with clutch defensive returns that depleted the resources of both 'cranky curmudgeons.' One minute change overs became 4 and 5 minute respite breaks. The 'perspiring prevaricator' broke through at three games all and held on to serve it out against the 'sweating seafarer' who eventually lost his sea legs in the 10th game. "George, this was a 21st century Thermopylae. We were two Spartans out there defending our honor." The significance of that battle was not lost on this 'Son of the American Revolution' who eruditely commented: "Titan, the Persian General was Xerxes, right? I think you and I playing tennis in this weather are aptly named descendants of him - "Jerksies."

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Tom 'Polar Bear' Saywell

"Titan, just because I'm from a Division III school in Ohio, don't think I can't teach you a thing or two on or off the water."

Who's the Student, really?

"I wanted him to give me a fishing lesson. Not this!"

Lesson #1

"Titan, we cut the heads off the red fish first before we scale them. This way it's not torture, like (2-6), right?"

Fishing Lesson

"Say, what?' retorted the TennisTitan. "I said 'remember there are 2 'L's' in Saywell - neither of which stands for 'loser,' Titan. By the way, does 'TT stand for 'tired'and 'tortured?' because that's how you looked to me out there in our 4o minute match (2-6) under the midday skies of a hot and humid Blue Crab Key. Tom 'Polar Bear' Saywell took the measure of the 'bombastic blowhard' in their impromptu set at the facility before the Saywell clan hit Pine Island Sound for some red fish action. Dad, Jim Saywell had warned the 'blogging bullshitter' that Tom would use his racket like a rod and cast his magic on the Titan and lure him into complacency with good steady play between the white lines. "Titan, he had you on his hook from the first game" chimed in Uncle Bob with a broad smile. "He didn't even have to use his spinner return to bait you into the net" a proud father interjected. "He's in pharmacy school at Ohio Northern University. You should have expected to get a dose of your own medicine. "Yeah, but at least I didn't worm out of the set and retire at 2-4 when I was playing like a dead shrimp" responded the 'pedantic prevaricator.' "You'll have to gulp down this defeat and tackle how to beat him the next time your paths cross" commented Uncle Bob Saywell. "We learned our fishing on Lake Erie, tennis we picked 'on the fly' down here."

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Old One...

"A little of this...

Two Punch!

"and a lot of this!"

Humbled? NO! Humiliated!!

'"First my stomach hurt, then my legs hurt, now my pride is killing me."

Just Desserts

'Titan, why don't you have cheese cake every time we play. Matter of fact, I'll buy it for you, if I can get the same results" cackled George 'Genealogist' Pratt as the opponents met at net. The 'Genealogist' had given the Titan a severe whipping (3-6, 1-6) in the late afternoon heat at the Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club. From the first ball to the last winner that the 'immobile minotaur' again had no play on, the 'Senior Sooner' dominated play. "Scion of the Sunflower State', you must have read 'Prez' play book because you executed a similar defensive strategy that exposes my deficiencies. You and 'El Prezidente' are two guys I can no longer count on beating in singles due to your improved fitness." "What do you mean, 'bombastic blowhard.' All anyone has to do is get the ball back over the net and watch you 'whale waddle' to the ball." "Kooky Kansan, my biggest mistake was having a heavy meal at the Lucky Dill and chowing down on all the extras they give you - including the lead belly matzoh ball soup and raspberry cheese cake" opined the 'wimpish whiner.' "I beg to differ" wise cracked the 'wily Wichitan.' "I knew moving our game up from the evening to the late afternoon was all the help I would need. I work out each afternoon at my health club at that time while you take a 'sissy's siesta."

Saturday, July 17, 2010

A Junk Professor says...

"Trust me. The 'Fordham Flash' is wet behind his ears."

We're on Medicare; you got Medic-AIDE

"We're only kidding around now" claimed 'El Profesor Pequeno."

"I had some "Fine Wine' today.

"Titan, remember, 'you're all kids to me at my age - 80! And this 'kid' on my left can be my partner anytime."

Remedial Education

"Titan, what's the deal with the kid" moaned George 'Chemist' Hauss 'it's just not fair" at the conclusion of the final set played at Kinsley this sultry summer morning. "He's my legs, I'm his brain - between the two of us we're going to be one half-ass doubles team once he gets some seasoning" retorted the 'bloated behemoth.' The 'lumbering loud mouth' capitalized on the better conditioned 20 year olds mobility to salt away a (7-5) victory over the 'Chemist' and his partner, 'Senor Profesor Pequeno,' George Febles. "Titan, he's less than one-third our age; we've been playing for 3 hours in 90 degree temperature and 90 degree humidity," critiqued the 'teacher.' "PP, I took the 'Fordham Flash' to school after his woeful performance with me in our opening set loss to (2-6) Ben 'Fine Wine' Wein and 'Big Al' Diodati. I mean I was ready to christen this corn husking Italiano with an Irish nickname, - 'Hughie,' as in unforced errors." "I gave him 30 minutes of remedial education during my (6-1) drubbing in our set of singles as we waited our opportunity to end the morning on a more pleasant note." James 'Fordham Flash' Passerelli then aced his instructor with, "Pedantic prevaricator, are you taking credit for my improved play? I don't think it was as much your preaching 'serve at 75% power, don't over swing, it's all about placement' as it was my realization that if your tennis friends of 20 years can tune you out on the court and not listen to the 'Yonkers Yakker,' so can I after only 2o days!"

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Titan, you are my GUEST, Behave!

Will it be soft? Will it be lunar? Will it be aborted. Read the blog and find out for yourself.

TT, EBL, Tutor, Slats

"It was a Battle Royale"

The Final Word...

"Listen up, Titan. You're not going to come into my house and go home with a victory...try as you might. We know your words are bigger than your game!

Hospitality House

"Titan, that's not what I said. Everyone knows you're auditorially challenged. I said I couldn't play a third set today because my brother was in the hospital." "Max, don't be so short with the 'bloated blowhard;' he's justifiably disappointed. Coming back from 3-5 in the second set only to watch 'Slats' take a big bite of the apple on his service when they got ahead 6-5 has to be a heart breaker for the 'cantankerous crank." "Bunny-Boy, dropping the breaker (6-7 [2]) almost stings as much as the two blown big leads I had in previous weeks" the 'wimpish whiner' retorted to an enervated Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. "Titan, you and Frank 'Slats' Slattery really are all about 'heart" complimented Max 'Tutor' Tuchman to the crestfallen duo. ''Yeah, it sure isn't about talent with all the errors you guys made early on" contributed 'EBL.' "That first set drubbing (2-6) was very inhospitable of you, Max. I had expected better treatment. We are guests on your condos private court and expected to be treated accordingly." Max blistered, "I've heard enough of the 'bloviator's belly aching. First, he changes the venue at the last minute, I accommodate him. Then he wants me to be nice to him. I think he's from the P.L.O. He's always Putting Lobs Over my head. He'll just have to accept that playing him and 'Slats' was not an emergency, but rather it was a Crashed LANDING!"

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

"Damn Disappointing..."

"I thought he'd wilt in these conditions... but food seems to be a powerful motivator for the 'garrulous gourmand.'


"There's no rain delay in football, but he's about to serve at 4-5 in the third, so we'll wait a bit, until he's ready in this rain. Lunch is on the line."


"Prezzie, what position did you say you played on the Jasper football team in days of yore" Titan inquired of 'El Prezidente.' The former Manhattan College, class of '68 graduates had just exhausted themselves in a 2 hour 15 minute, rain plagued marathon at the Law Memorial Clay Courts in Briarcliff Manor, NY this muggy afternoon. The 'jocular jester' managed to get the best of the 'offensive guard' in all three sets (6-4, 6-1, 6-4) but not without considerable effort. Rich Prezioso served as an impenetrable wall through most of the contest returning all the fire power TT could muster. Too few points to the Titan's liking lasted less than a ten ball rally, taking its toll on the 'bloated blowhard' far more than 'Richard the retriever.' "Prez, you've got no offense, don't be defensive about your limitations in that area of your game. Because there was no end to your determination to thwart me winning our luncheon bet. "Titan you had me running back to the baseline on every lob" responded 'Prez.' "I hit almost all my forehands on the nose but I was unable to tackle how to handle the short returns you were making for winners consistently" suggested the 'dilatory dimwit.' "Prez, you got tight serving that last game. It's a shame that I couldn't end this day at Squires Restaurant on your dime but we are both soaked playing the last set in a steady rain. But I'll take a rain check."

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Stella D' Oro and 'Slats'

'Titan, my legs are fine now and my ears don't hurt when I play with him either."

The Weighty Discussion

"Wait a minute. George was just telling me 'his favorite TV show this season was 'The Biggest Loser.'

Rallied for their Victory

"After we beat you we went on to bigger challenges."


A baker's dozen was in attendance at Kinsley this morning for some spirited doubles play. TennisTitan failed to distinguish himself (news flash!) in the three sets he participated in. Titan paired with George 'Chemist' Hauss in his first and third sets. This tandem met their match in a (5-7) loss to Bob 'Kraut' Kluge/Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz pairing and (3-6) to Frank 'Slats' Slattery/Mike 'not so stellar' Stella. As the weary warriors exited the ball yard the 'bombastic blowhard' was quick to point out that the 'Chemist' blew up the lab this day, having suffered his third defeat with 'not so stellar' at his side when TT/'Slats' scored a (6-2) victory in the middle set. The 'coddling counselor' was quick to remind the 'irksome idiot' that victory has its price. "Titan, you won because of the weather." "What do you mean" inquired 'not so stellar.' It was hot and humid for all of us out there." "Mike, don't you get it? Titan only won because I decided WHETHER I'd be better off listening to my wife giving me orders around the house or being TT's partner and doing all the leg work on the court. Now my legs hurt and my ears will ache even more when I get home."

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Heads Held High

"No question. We gave it our best and left nothing on the table."

"Can you give us a minute..."

"I love it when EBL leads... both on and off the court."

Votto? Youkilis?? Swisher???

"He get's my All Star Vote."

"I do JUST enough, Titan"

"I love being Bill's partner. This is like my deck chair when he's cruising the baseline."

King James?

"Frankie, you were Plan B! screamed the TennisTitan at his doubles partner this date." The boys were frustrated by the results of their epic two setter against Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman in the 3 hour match held at Schultze park in Yonkers. "It's a freaking nightmare" anguished the 'pot bellied bumbler' to the 'coddling counselor.' Again, I was up 'big,' this time 5-1 in games, and still came up 'little' (5-7, 4-6). 'Tutor' chortled that's an improvement you 'whining woosey,' last week you and Gimpy Knees blew a 5-0 lead, and then were rolled easily in the second set. Today, you had 'fight' right to the last ball." "But Max, 'Slats' executed his part of the game plan very well; he didn't often lapse into singles play against EBL, ala Joe Cruz. "So Titan, then it was your fault?" inquired the Tullyville Trolley." "Hey, wise-acre, it's my blog. This is an 'N' 'M' 'F' situation for sure." Frank 'Slats' Slattery seeing the quizzical look on the 'Tutor's face jumped in. "Max, that's Titan shorthand for 'Never My Fault.' "And it wasn't, Cheich. I played above my ability level again, just like last week. My serve had pop and placement; I lasered Max at net, worked the alley effectively, and even made some decent volleys at net" responded the 'garrulous gargantuan.' Tully added "then next week, you'll have a Plan C? Perhaps a 'King' of Kinsley? Gene Slattery??." "Hell , no," retorted the 'raucous raconteur,' "I'm going to a LeBron-athon tonight." "If 'King James' is a Knick, he's Plan C - 'c' as in cash. Otherwise, Frankie will be Plan B1. "Be Fit" in this heat!"

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Black Power!

"Titan, where to start? We are your 'Earl the Pearl' and 'Clyde the Glide.' You know, we controlled the ball at all times. Playing you is like drinking a vanilla egg cream - very bland and unappetizing."

"Hands-On Coaching"

"Just a little encouragement for our second set."

'The Kid' and the 'Gas Man'

"Titan, it really would have been sweet had we been able to win that second set."

Sweet Nothings

"Titan, maybe you should have a chocolate shake with your lunch today" snickered 'Dave the Rave' as he and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott ambled over to the winners court to face 'Slats' and 'Happy Jack.' 'The Rave' was ebullient after his (4-6) victory over TT and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella in this morning's opener at Kinsley. The 'bloated blowhard' had declared that Brownies was always a favorite snack at the 'douche bag's domicile' in anticipation of an easy victory over the soft hitting African Americans. 'Odious Oaf,' you forgot that 'not so stellar' has a well earned appellation" observed a laughing 'not Espn' "he never saw a volley he couldn't take a full swing at nor a forehand he couldn't drive into the bottom of the net. And furthermore, you let him play the ad court thinking that he could control his backhand volley." Thereafter the 'fatuous fathead' decided to take matters exclusively into his own hands in the second set against 'Carl the anonymous Gas Man' and Sab the 'Koide Kid.' The 'nettlesome nitwit' fired three aces in his opening service game to set the tone early in the (6-3) victory he enjoyed with 'not so stellar.' Titan, on the backhand side once again, was flawless. Mike asked the 'wimpy wordsmith' if he had done enough to redeem himself by minimizing his errors in the second set. The 'cantankerous crank' quipped "Stella d' Oro was always a favorite cookie of mine as a kid. I always loved to drive by their factory on the Deegan going southbound at 238th St. and inhale that sweet anisette aroma. But you are no Star of Gold today - you stunk up the park! Don't ask. Your nickname remains the same."

Thursday, July 01, 2010

"Just too Good"

"Titan, July 1st is Canadian Independence Day. You brought the wrong flag, you dummy."

Hip, Hip, Jorge... Posada

"If this was the Puerto Rican flag, believe me, I'd be stuffing it down his throat!"

Canadian Sunset

"So, Bill, do you think the Titan has learned a lesson from this morning's results" cackled the 'Tutor.' "We'll find out soon enough when we read the blog" EBL retorted. TennisTitan had recruited Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz to pair with him against Max 'Tutor' Tuchman and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully at Schultz Field in Yonkers in a reuniting of indoor season players. "Max, during indoor season you're always stuck with me in a losing effort against 'EBL', explained TT "so today I made it your Independence Day." "Peel those plantains! - wait a minute - I am always TT's partner against 'EBL' too" interjected 'Gimpy Knees' at first opportunity. "Joe, after you guys got up on us by taking the first five games of the opening set I thought the 'Tutor' was going to request either of you two as his partner in the second set, I couldn't believe how well you started off" 'EBL' chimed in. "How could I, Bill, after they lost the next seven games (5-7) and then rolled over (3-6); I almost felt sorry for them. I wanted to call my doctor friend to come to Schultz and keep an eye on these two." "Why, Max" asked 'Gimpy Knees.' "Joe, his name is Henry Heimlich." EBL saw where this was going and quickly said, "Yeah, Joe was exhausting himself playing long points almost exclusively against me, tiring himself out in the process, and I just played defense against him awaiting the inevitable over hit or dump into the net." "That's a good synopsis 'EBL' but the truth is Henry's got a Maneuver that's more of a punch in the gut than this double defeat to you two is" quipped the Titan. "Lumbering loud mouth, aren't you ever short of breath?" inquired an exasperated Joe Cruz. "What's it to you, 'Gimpy' - you know C.P.R.... choking Puerto Rican!" "Max, I don't think the Titan learned that lesson you referred to, he's still a Taunting Terror" commented a beaming Tully.