Thursday, December 27, 2007

"An Extra Hour is Never FREE with TT"

"You with the camera. You fit the description of Santa Claus. Where were you on Monday night?"

Ho, Ho, Ho ... bah humbug!

"That last set was a belated Christmas Gift for 'King Gene' and his little elf 'Rockin' Rick.

Christmas Vacation Maneuvers

"Cousin Gene will rub my nose in this for months Titan. The third set is about heart you always say. Okay, you won that set with him. But from now on my partner in the fourth set will be Dr. Heimlich, not the TennisTitan that is for damn sure!" fumed Frank 'Slats' Slattery at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. TT/'Slats' had just dropped a heart breaker to Gene 'King' Slattery and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci (8-10) to end three hours of doubles play. Up 5-1 in the final set TT/'Slats' just couldn't reel it in and saw their lead turn into a 5-6 deficit before extending play for another 30 minutes. Titan had a strong day on the court using his guile and lobbing ability in all four sets before tiring late in the match. The 'boisterous bloviator'and 'RRR' came back from 2-5 in the opener before dropping set 1 (4-6) to the cousins from Dobbs Ferry. The second set had TT/'Slats' run rough shod over 'King' and an over matched 'Rockin' Rick (6-2). 'Bloated Behemoth' and My Liege held on for a (6-4) victory over 'Slats'/'RRR' in the third set. As an omen of things to come, TT saw a 5-1 lead shrink to 5-4 before icing the set. As the boys met at net the foursome all commented on the high level of today's play when 'Rockin Rick' interjected, 'Titan, this was some fun tennis. The King and I won our $5/man bet against you guys that last set." The 'King' smiled and said "They may make musicals about me Titan, but let's just say, I gave you a Royal Flush to ease the pain you must have in your throat right about now." Cousin 'Slats' quipped "Hey, we all won. TennisTitan had prepaid for two hours of court time when we played a solid three hours on a rainy day in Yonkers. As far as I'm concerned this fat bearded, bespectacled guy is Santa Claus!"

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Vladimir 'The Russkie' Kartsev

"Titan, in the USSR, there was no shortage of scientists, just barbers."

Herbie 'The Love Bug' Engle

"Titan, you make me feel young again... but please don't run me over."

Another 'Odd Couple'

"One of us was a Beetles fan, the other a Sinatra devotee. Can you guess?"

Das Vidanya, Vladimir

TennisTitan was joined by a subbing Herbie 'Love Bug' Engle as his partner this date at the Yonkers Tennis Center. TT/Love Bug competed admirably against 'Big Al' DioDati and an also subbing Vladimir 'The Russkie' in two evenly played sets. Titan and 'LB' rallied from 4-5 down to take the opener (7-5). The second set was incomplete at 4-4 when time was called. Titan played two strong sets limiting his unforced errors to a handful and kept The Love Bug in most points. Indeed, many points were decided by Herb's play at net, either put-away volleys or shanks. 'Russkie' plays a solid game from the back court, possesses an adequate forehand and utilizes his relative quickness well. 'Big Al'/'Russkie' wisely chose to play the short angles or hit at the feet of the Ardsley octogenarian. As the foursome met at net Vladimir opined, "Mr. Titan, my government was fearful of America's missile bearing your name. I have no such problem with that misguided rocket that you call 'your serve'!" Herbie quipped, "this Love Bug is more afraid of being squashed by the out-of-control running of the 'bloated behemoth' on the court!" To wit 'Big Al' observed, "TennisTitan, - run? Bug Man, you're just not old, you're delusional."

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

"We once played Ponce de Leon"

"Titan, we're looking for that 'Fountain of Youth' too!"


"Titan, who the hell do you think you are...Ponce De Leon? The Yonkers Tennis Center is your Fountain of Youth!'' chorused Tom 'Mick' Ahern, Herbie 'The Love Bug' Engle and the 'Lean, Lanky Lefty' - Ed Gordon at the conclusion of today's play. The 'bloated behemoth', at least 15 years junior than any one in this venerable trio, could do no wrong this date. The 'boisterous bloviator' paired in the first two sets with the 'Love Bug' and dominated 'Triple L' and the 'Mick' (6-1, 6-1). TT did not bring pop to his game today, wishing instead to hone his placement serve and precision returns, both in the doubles allies and down the seam against men no more mobile than he. Talk about slow motion tennis! Set three saw TennisTitan pair with fellow Irishman Tom 'Mick' Ahern against the Semitic duo. "The Jews didn't win this war" commented the 'egotistical ego maniac' at the conclusion of another (6-1) thrashing authored by the 'bullshitting blogger' with the "Map of Ireland" at his side. "I was born in Bally Knock, Ireland many years ago" said Ahern at net as the boys met for pictures. "Gees, remarked the 'Lean, Lanky, Lefty,' I thought a "Tom-Tom" was a global positioning device for your car." "Not so" quipped the 'Love Bug' - "Today, "Tom-Tom" meant the TennisTitan was everywhere on the court!"

Thursday, December 06, 2007

"The Son took Both Sets"

"Hello, is this Elias?... No, I wanted the Elias Sports Bureau."

Was it 'The Sun or The Son?"

"It really was 'no sweat' in other ways of course."

"I retired from school... nah"

"Hmm, how can I explain this one?"

Was it "The Sun?" or "The Son?"

"The sun set on your game long before I dropped the hammer on you in the second set," chirped Jeff 'Big Daddy' Briscoe in the twilight at Dallas White Park in Northport Fl. That scion of sarcasm was reminding his ol' man that his first set (3-6) victory over the TennisTitan in the glare of the setting sun was as satisfying as the (1-6) dismantling of the 'bombastic bloviator' in the embers of daylight. The 'bloated behemoth' played well - sans any jump to the ball - in the two set affair that was played in late afternoon. TT was unable to threaten the agile attorney in the critical break point opportunities that the 'immobile minotaur' was able to generate. The disappointed senior member of the Briscoe fraternity of tennis players remarked, "Jeff, you ran down my supposed winners a lot quicker than any of your creditors chased you down - and you had success!" The victorious progeny retorted, "Pops, as they say in bankruptcy procedures 'them's the breaks'! Titan commented as pictures were taken, "at least I made you sweat" to wit the barrister countered, "physically maybe, but not figuratively!"

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Grouper Basket

The Titan made his maiden appearance this winter season at the Phillips Park Tennis Courts. To his great surprise and pleasure he was invited to participate in an excellent doubles game subbing for a departing player. TennisTitan paired with Ron 'Michigander' Van Dyke in the first set against Kim 'Along Came' Jones and Joanne 'First Mate' Van Dyke. Trailing 2-5 the 'bombastic bloviator' pulled his game together to support 'Michigander' in an effort that just fell short at (4-6). Titan played along side of 'First Mate' whose game is FIRST RATE in the second and third sets. The 'immobile minotaur' did his part in assisting the waitress at Capt. Con's restaurant to victories (6-3, 6-4) over her hubby and Kim. As the foursome met at net TT remarked, "Too bad I forgot my camera." First Mate commented, "Too bad you don't have a serve! If I served as badly as you at Captain Con's I'd lose my job."

Sunday, December 02, 2007

The 'Blowhard' with 'I Try Hard' Pratt

"Georgie, you are going to have to repeat this grade - your effort today was incomplete."

'Buffalo Bob' Smith

"Titan, how come I had to play with that clown!?"

Nancy 'Teacherette' Pratt

"Titan, I so enjoyed taking my husband to school with you."

Hey kids, it's HOWDY DOOTY time

"Titan, didn't you mean to say "clear as a bell" queried Nancy 'Teacherette' Pratt at the conclusion of their two set match at the Tarpon Sail and Tennis Club. "No way" retorted the TennisTitan," "These guys remind me of clowns on the court against us, Nancy." The 'bombastic bloviator' had just helped put the spark back in the marriage of the 'Teacherette' and her husband, George 'Genealogist' Pratt with their (6-4, 6-1) spanking this morning. A befuddled Bob Smith, the 'Genealogist's partner in this debacle, lamented as the foursome left the court. "Titan, I'll gladly accept the moniker of 'Buffalo Bob' Smith in your write up of our performance. But please call George 'Clarabell the Clown.' All he can do is honk on the court anyway. His racquet doesn't do the talking for him, that's for sure. And consider yourself the Mayor of Doodyville off your fine performance today. Phineas T. Bluster has nothing on you. Because that's what your tennis game mostly is: BLUSTER!"

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Titan with Genealogist

"George, are you ready to be swept?"

The Price of Victory

"Hey Titan, get up or I'm going to SWEEP YOU!"

Prate Falls?

"Well, Georgie, maybe your surname does fit you" teased the TennisTitan upon completion of his three set sweep of George "Genealogist' Pratt this morning at the Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club in Tarpon Springs, Fl. The 'bloated behemoth' started his Southern Senior Tour on a decidedly upbeat note grinding out victories in sets two and three against the better conditioned athlete. Pratt, who can trace his lineage back to the Mayflower group of pilgrims apparently had no tennis players in the family tree. The Titan, who proudly traces his conception back to a case of Schaffer Beer and a Victory-over-Japan celebration in the summer of 1945, must have had some brush with Don Budge, Bill Tilden or Fred Perry in a past life. How else can you explain TT surviving 7 break points in the first set and coming away with a (6-2) result. Maybe the word is Pratt fails, not prate falls! Set two was especially tough for the 'boisterous blowhard' when a determined 'Genealogist' made his mark early on, breaking the 'blogging bullshitter' twice, to be on serve at four games a piece. Enter the dragon. Your Titan came up with the goods breaking the 'Genealogist' in a triple deuce game and then serving out the set (6-4). The weary combatants signed on for a third set that had TT's 85 year-old host Harry Cardon commenting from the nearby bench, "What's this, 'slo-mo' tennis? I can run as fast as you two bums. I want winners!" Again, it was gut check time for the 'whining warrior' who squeaked out a love-forty game to break in the seventh game and ran the table to an impressive (6-3) victory. A disgusted 'Genealogist' remarked as the 'immobile minotaur' left the court. "Doubles tomorrow. We'll see if you are a 'bloviating braggart' when my wife is your partner!" (Great pictures to be uploaded at a later time.)