Saturday, November 21, 2009

Capo di tutti Capi

"Today, Rob became a 'made man.'

I wear a black wife beater...he goes Italian

"For this, I make a 125 mile round trip!?!

Big Al and Prezidente

"Titan, your ego is as big as this racquet's face."

Prozac Kid and Pistol

"The way I played today, I thought I was on Prozac."


"you couldn't beat us."

Coming of Age

"These guys make me feel young" beamed Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe at the conclusion of his fifth set this glorious day (for the Briscoes) at Kinsley. "Better still, they should make you feel talented - given their level of play" quipped the proud Tio Titan. The 'Jersey Bomber' had made the 60 mile trip in from Monmouth County to visit his mom and help TT with some repairs around the house. Who knew that his most potent assist would be repairing the Titan's tarnished image on his home court. After dropping their first set (1-6) to the tandem of George 'Chemist' Hauss and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman TennisTitan and the 'Jersey Bomber' were formidable: thrashing 'Big Al' Diodati/Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso (6-2); overwhelming Chris 'Prozac Kid'/Lou 'Pistol Gerencser (6-3); and outlasting Frank 'Slats' Slattery/ George 'Chemist' Hauss (6-4). The 'naughty nephew' reserved his finest offering for the crowd of defeated elders eager to hear his synopsis of his final victory of the day over 'Prozac'/'Chemist' when he paired with the 'Pistol' in their (6-3) triumph. "It's good that the Titan is watching and resting now, so that he can rest even more while he watches me from a lawn chair while I work on his roof. And you know those 'it's in the DNA' cries he was bellowing as I made shot after shot, running my ass ragged, to pull each set out. Well here's my DNA. "I - DIDN'T - NEED the ASSHOLE."

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Frustrated Flatulent Fabricator

"F...k, we had it. I could pull my hair out"

"Tsk, Tsk 'Tutor."

"Do I look sad enough now for you, Titan." (Hmm, I wonder what's for dinner).

The Stallion Prancing

"Here, have a drink. Cool off TT. You didn't have a snowball's chance in hell."

"that and $2.25 will get you on a subway"

"Titan, you can't play any better than that, and you still lost" gloated 'Big Al' Diodati at the end of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this rainy afternoon. TennisTitan had put together his strongest outing of the year and came away with 'nuttin'! Teaming with regular cohort, Max 'Tutor' Tuchman, the 'bloated barbarian' raised his game several notches in his double defeat to the 'Italian Stallion' and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully (3-6, 5-7). Tennis Titan connected on just about everything today; surprising himself with efficient net play, crisp backhand returns that prevented 'EBL' from taking control of points on his serve, well placed lobs when 'EBL' was coming in, and going backdoor on the Tullyville Trolly as the speed merchant anticipated needing to cover the middle at net." 'Big Al,' did I mention I liposuctioned your gut several times when I decided not to laser the forehand down the alley, but instead rocket it into the body?" TT/'Tutor' managed to get the second set to 5-5, rallying from 3-5 down, but did not get the job done. A remorseful 'Tutor' opined at photo time, "I feel bad for you, 'egotistical egomaniac.' Had I played half as well as you did today we would have had a victory." Tully chortled, "yeah, and I suppose you two will have a snowball fight in Florida."

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

"Nupercanal, Anybody?" says Mr. Whipple

"When I'm not being charming, I'm using Charmin."

Canyon of Zeros

"Okay, you won. Now what? A parade in Getty Square?!

'Gimpy Knees' Cruz Stategy

"You know I'd quit before letting you beat me."

Chaos at Court

TennisTitan took to the outdoor courts this afternoon at Kinsley and took down his adversaries as easily as the surrounding maple trees were losing their leaves on this beautiful, crisp fall day. TT paired with Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching for the first of his two sets. With the score knotted at four games apiece it became tennis-interruptus as John 'The Neck' Manzi excused himself for a 30 minute bathroom break! Indeed, the maven of mid-week tennis had to take an emergency dumper thereby temporarily abandoning his partner 'Lil' Papi. The 'boisterous blowhard' did not flinch at the opportunity to take 'Lil Papi' as his partner during the ensuing break. TT and the 'Ecuadorian Mosquito' led the tandem of Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Electro Lux' four games to two when the 'Neck' reappeared with his bathroom host, Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. The Titan and the vacuum repairman finished their business, wiping (and whipping) the asses of Manzi and Lil Papi in 2 quick games to complete their first set (6-4) victory. Because 'Gimpy Knees' reneged in his stated commitment to play a full set and ceded his spot along side 'Electro Lux' to the 'Neck,' 'Russkie' joined the 'bombastic blogger' to complete the aborted second set, another (6-4) triumph. As the group met at net 'Lil Papi' opined, "I don't know if I won or lost with the the 'Gringo Gigante? It's like I had a taco, but no enchillada." 'Electro Lux' commented 'You lost, we beat you 6-4." The 'Neck' cringed and quipped, "Titan is my hemorrhoid. I always feel a little bloody and sore after he works me over with the rough, raw lasers to the backside corner. I know I lost more than my dignity today."

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Oppressors

"Russkie, you remember another Red Army?"

"No, Titan, the joke's on you."

"Very funny Titan. But your Obama will soon give you socialism. None of you dumb Americans will be laughing then."

Who said What

"If I only had his hair. If he only had my net game."

Lend Lease Program Revisited

'So Titan, how else can you explain it" smiled 'Big Al' DioDati. "Each week you get your butt kicked by 'EBL' and me and your blog credits Tully with doing all the heavy lifting in my victory?" The 'Italian Stallion' was feeling his oats after this afternoon's (7-5, 3-0 partial) triumph (sans Bill 'EBL' Tully) as TennisTitan's partner against Max 'Tutor' Tuchman and a subbing Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. TT/'Big Al' appeared to on the way to an easy win, up 5-1 when the 'stoic socialist' caught fire and raised his game to knot the contest at five games apiece. "Big Al,' chortled the 'braggadocios blowhard, "how about that 11th game when I served at love to end the hemorrhaging? Vlad must have thought it was the Berlin wall coming down signaling the end of the USSR." 'Tutor' quipped, "you'll always be a loser in my eyes regardless of the outcome, - what's so beautiful is that I think of you as my loser." The 'reflective Russkie' opined "Da Comrades, no 'EBL' today! EveryBody Loses if Titan doesn't write his blog. Only Max loses if the Energizer Bunny Legs doesn't show up."

Saturday, November 07, 2009

"Ready, aim,...

"We usually play our best tennis when our backs are to the wall."

"Yada, yada, yada"

"I'm so used to this... you see, I'm married a long time."

'Fair Weather' Friend

"What'ja expect Titan? Me to cry over your disappointment."

The DL List

"Carl, you folded like that cheap accordion you diddle with from time to time" eviscerated the 'bloated blowhard' at end of the third and final set played this beautiful fall morning at Kinsley. Rather than being gratified that the 'grouchy grandfather had taken the set (6-4) against Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and a combination of George 'Chemist' Hauss (departed at 3-3) and an aching Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz, the TennisTitan was annoyed that he had to share the glory with partner Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "What's up with you" quipped the perplexed 'Slats' to the 'miffed misanthrope.' "Slats, there's no way I can be happy after the way 'Chemist' and I frittered away the second set to you and 'Big Al' Diodati (3-6) after having dominated you (6-2) in the opener." An injured 'Der Klugemeister,' in attendance to scout TT at a 2nd consecutive event, retorted from the sidelines, "Slats, - and you too Carl- put yourself on a 'DL' list with me immediately! - DON'T LISTEN!

Thursday, November 05, 2009

"Leave me out of this but...

"It's cheap entertainment. I was bored stiff at home and to see the 'wobbling whale' try and cover the court makes me feel less injured."

The Peanut Gallery

"We're always happy to have an audience. Our problem is that the 'Kraut' took one of the 'comp' seats that the 'lard-ass Lothario' uses during change overs."


"Titan, since when do you need and audience to show your ineptitude on the tennis court" queried partner (of sorts) Max 'Tutor' Tuchman at the end of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this afternoon. 'Tutor/'TT' had just received a (1-6) drubbing in the second set against 'Big Al' Diodati and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. The 'insufferable idiot' had played especially well in their (4-6) loss in the opener but the 'truculent teacher' was having none of it at picture time. "Titan, don't give me that crap! I can lose six love without you expending less energy in the defeat than giving it my all and losing a close contest with you at my side" an exasperated Tuchman trumpeted. The guest photographer opined, "I came to watch you guys play because I couldn't go to work due to a backache. Now I've got a headache to deal with too!" TennisTitan commented "Innocent Bystander Meddling."