Thursday, October 02, 2014

Misfit + (3)

"They told me that my play wasn't worthy of being on the same side of the net with any of them. It would be a lane violation."

Two Happy Guys

"See, Vic can smile in defeat. With me he's got no choice."

Bench Jockeys

"I always tell Max, 'Keep your chin up. Today he listened."

Feeling Violated

"Titan, you're a basketball referee's worst nightmare - and you do it on the tennis court," chuckled Gene ' once a King' Slattery upon completion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this date. 'Once a King' and Bill 'EBL' Tully paired for sets against the tandems of TennisTitan (1-6) with Vic 'not a Free' Mason, and then Max 'Tutor' Tuchman (1-6) with 'not a Free' Mason. The 'Energizer Bunny Legs' was returning after recent knee surgery and shoulder repair showed modest flashes of his once dominance. 'EBL' and the 'deposed despot' far outplayed their opponents despite 'not a Free' Mason's attempt to keep the games competitive. "Titan, I'd call 'a walk' on you every time the ball was hit to your side" quipped amateur basketball referee Slattery. "The pea would wear out in my whistle every time I worked a game you were in." "Wait a second" interrupted the 'Tutor.' "Titan likes to travel. As a matter of fact he's heading for Florida next week. He only played one set so he could sit comfortably on the plane."  EBL rejoined, "Max with the Titan you don't wait a second. It's a three second violation he commits when he attempts to react to a ball out of his reach."  Mason added "I'd like to call a 'block' on any future plans of me being his partner." "No, no Vic do what I do. When the 'bombastic blowhard' is my partner I yell that's a 'charge' and I make him pay my $17.38 fee for my playing time.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Georgie, come lately (brother of Johnny)

"He was 30 minutes late but thank God he showed up to save my sorry ass."

"We weren't counting on a tie breaker."

"Titan, give Vic some time. It takes a bit to get used to your on court blather."

Vic, but not like in victory (today)

"Seriously, is he like this every week?"

The Effort

"Come on now George, give me some credit, at least for effort if not for ability" Titan whined as he reached for his camera. "You can't even tie your sneakers without my help" exclaimed the 'deli man' George Hauss as a perplexed Victor 'not a Free' Mason looked on.  "And now you expect me to win every point as you stand there as a not so innocent bystander."  Vic Mason, a newbie to the Thursday afternoon group, received his baptism of TT bullshit as TennisTitan and 'deli man' rallied from a 2-5 deficit to steal the only set played this date in a tie breaker (7-6,[1]). The 'hobbling hobo' did his part in extending rallies and lasering an occasional winner past Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and his befuddled partner. "George, you were supposed to be here at 2 PM for the start of play, not 2:30" critiqued the 'bombastic blowhard. Don't screw up again!" "Me? Screw up!?! With you as my partner: impossible. I expended ninety minutes of energy playing an hour as your partner."  To wit 'not Free' Mason turned to 'not Espn' and said, "is he always like this? And he brings his dog too?"

Thursday, September 18, 2014


"Instead of splitting the baby, we split the Slatterys...looks like I chose correctly."


"What can I say? He's still a Prince of a Guy."

Royal Bullshit

"You're no Jim McKay" commented Gene 'King' Slattery alluding to the agony of today's (4-6, 3-6)
defeat.  Hell, you needed Barry MacKay to gain the thrill of victory against 'Tutor' and me" interjected Frank 'Slats' Slattery. TennisTitan was in no mood for humor as he tried to squat his fat ass on the bench without bending his hip at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. Titan was/had the ultimate pain in the ass this date as his play could only be generously described between pathetic and abominableTitan returned to the tennis wars after a month's absence hoping that his ailing joint wouldn't disappoint. It did, but not as much as his chosen partner. "You're as much of a 'king,' Gene,  as that Charles, Prince of Wales over in England who has been waiting for his mother to croak over 40 years and become 'King' of the Limeys" offered the 'hobbling hobo.' "Titan, your game is as ugly as his sour puss" retorted my Liege. "Fellas, fellas, this day is supposed to be all about my wonderful play at net" interjected Max 'Tutor' Tuchman "let's not dwell on the fact Gene couldn't make a volley all day and that Frankie severely outplayed him from the front and back court." "Yeah, Titan doesn't care much about who's king as long as it is from the 'House of Slattery.' He just picked the wrong partner" said the smiling 'coddling counselor.'

Monday, August 18, 2014

"Not today, Titan."

"Kraut, how could you let me down? You're supposed to have game, even if I don't."

Spoiled Sports

"We just wanted to give you a little something to think about on your upcoming trip to Florida."

The truth does hurt

"You see Titan, I can win with Joe, just not with you today."

On the Runway to Oblivion

Titan paired with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge for a disappointing loss (6-7 [4]) to George 'deli man' Hauss and Frank 'Slats' Slattery this date at Andrus Park in Yonkers in his final match before leaving town. In the opening set the 'Coddling Counselor' came up short as TT's partner in a (4-6) loss at the hands of Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Der Klugemeister.' At picture time the 'bombastic blowhard' remarked "now I know how Willie Mays felt when he played for the Mets in '73."

Saturday, August 16, 2014

On the Victory Express

"As usual 'Kraut' was driving the bus this morning. I think he ran over two senior citizens, however."

"We're just waiting for the bus."

"Titan, obviously we played you in off peak hours. We don't have a token of respect for your game."

Exact Change

"It's alright Titan. I'm allowed one carry on bag in each trip I make" chuckled 'Der Klugemeister' at picture time. "You fit snugly into the overhead compartment even if your jabbering drowns out my dispatcher." TT/'Kraut' managed a (6-4) victory against Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Happy Jack' Carey this ideal weather morning at Kinsley Park. "Titan, you should sit in the handicapped seat on Bob Kluge's bus the way you waddle around the court nowadays" observed 'Happy Jack.' "I wouldn't put any more money on your Metro Card" exclaimed 'Gimpy Knees.' Your ability to play competitive tennis is about to expire."

Thursday, August 14, 2014

"He asked for"

"I can get used to this."

Out Gunned

"Hey, I was happy to just be able to finish the set."

"With friends like these..."

"Insolent Idiot, you belong in a doubles game where some one can make you look half decent on the court."

"No Titan, you are just finished.

After waiting around too damn long to get into the next doubles match (which never did materialize) TennisTitan and Rich 'dozin' docent Gerchak opted for a set of singles. As in most sports the superior athlete will win out, and this was no exception. Titan opened a 2-love, 40-love lead only to drop the set (3-6). The 'dozin' docent' awoke in the third game to realize that all that was needed was an extended rally and the 'blogging bullshitter' would be unable to retrieve even the easiest of returns out of his strike zone. At picture time a 'gracious Gerchak' reminded the Titan, "remember back in our high school days we called our Principal 'The Gimp' he was so hobbled.  How about you adopting a new moniker: 'gregarious gimp.'

Saturday, August 09, 2014

"And on one leg, mind you"

"Prezzie showed up for the first time in months. I showed him who's (still) boss."

Laudable Losers

"Maybe we were outplayed, but with 'Not ESPN' I am never out classed."

Life Preserver

"I need someone with talent to beat you Titan."

Just Like Old Times

TennisTitan returned to the courts after more than a two week absence in deference to his ailing left hip. He could not have been happier to find at Kinsley 'El Prezidente' Rich Prezioso making a rare appearance. "I hear drums" announced the Titan as he and the retired health educator squared off for the umpteenth time in another singles match that goes back twenty years to their days at Lincoln High School together. "I now know what it takes to beat you" retorted the emboldened maven of Briarcliff Manor who, with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge won the opening doubles match (3-6) against TT and Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott. "Even I can win a doubles match against a superior duo when 'Der Klugemeister' is at my side. This is mano y mano, hombre." Titan raced to a 4-love lead and eased to a (6-2) victory that led to Prez observing, "anytime that a loss to you doesn't cost me a post match luncheon bill is a win for me, boisterous blowhard.' The fact that you didn't even suggest we do our usual bet shows that my game intimidated you." "No Prezzie, it wasn't that. I was trying to determine which drum to use. I beat you like a kettle drum when we played at Lincoln, like a bass drum when we play at Law Park in Briarcliff, but given the changing demographics here at Kinsley I decided that congas would be best" crowed the 'acerbic asshole' as he reached for his camera.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

"No 'weak sister' am I."

"I liked today's results much better."

Spin Master returns

"Don't mess with us. We're in shape and ready to Tae Kwon Do."

Terrible Twos Day boys?

"Weak sister? Me!? I played like a mensch."

Writing Rongs

"Yeah, I know that is not the spelling you expected 'Slats,' but it wasn't the results (6-4) you and George 'deli man' Hauss had anticipated either. TennisTitan was strutting and preening after his decisive first set win with Bob 'Kraut Kluge this afternoon at Andrus Park. "I don't even have a sister" exclaimed 'Der Klugemeister' but if I did I'd pick the Titan. He was not weak today, but clutch on the big points. 'Deli man' was caught several times leaving the alley open for the 'crafty charlatan' and you 'coddling counselor' could not out rally the 'boisterous blowhard.' "This has to go down as our 'terrible Tuesday' lamented the lame laggard,' Frank Slattery who with the 'deli man' sustained another (6-4) loss at the hands of the 'Kraut' and Jose 'Spin Master' Guzman, subbing admirably for the aching 'pusillanimous prevaricator' who rested on his laurels on the side lines. TennisTitan paired with the 'Spin Master' in a truncated third set (3-3 partial) against the tandem of 'Kraut'/'deli man.' Guzman, a Black Belt, paid Titan due homage at the conclusion of play noting that TennisTitan is a master at spinning in his blog. "Phew" interjected 'Slats,' I was afraid you'd call him 'Sensei' and we all know that if TT had any sense he wouldn't play with a deteriorating hip."

Saturday, July 19, 2014

"Here's Joey..."

"I can't wait to find out what moniker Titan gives me. Actually it's the only reason I showed up after promising to make an appearance the past 5 years."

Before the match

"I can count on the 'Kraut' for maximum effort."

"Not today, not tomorrow and not on Tuesday."

Can I call you "Providence Patsy?"

"Titan, we wanted to send you home happy."

The aftermath...

"Kraut says 'I'm beyond his help and should change my nickname to 'Big Al' now that Diodati has retired."

It wasn't Devine Providence

"I see I must baby sit you now, Titan" chuckled Joe the 'flying friar' Polchinski at the conclusion of his first appearance at Kinsley Park this morning. "Twenty-five years ago you couldn't get enough of me when you needed a sitter for Russell. Now you should pay me that same $5/hr. to be an opponent you can beat" continued the Providence College grad. And so it was, TennisTitan salvaged what was a painful morning, literally and figuratively, with a (6- 1) victory over the 'flying friar' and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella with the aid of 'Der Klugemeister.' It was another story in the first set when the all court play of the formidable tandem of George 'deli man' Hauss and Frank 'Slats' Slattery proved too much for TT/'Kraut' (3-6). "I can run for you 'hobbling hobo' commented the 'testy Teuton' but I haven't figured out how to keep it in the court for you." "You are an albatross to my game - you, my 'bloated behemoth' friend are truly 'Big Al.'

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Saturday in the Park

Saturday in the Park

"Please note that size order is not correlated with ability. George is a teacher and he wanted me to remind you if you've never seen me play."

"He's My Redeemer"

"I keep telling him; 'this is what good friends are for. I want him to feel good about himself."

A Bit of Truth

"Either of us would have won too if we had played with 'Kraut' as a partner. We took a beating because you're a cripple Titan."

"What the F**k!"

"Stunned!? - just doesn't describe it."

Return to Normalcy

"Titan, no one wants a history lesson from you anymore than they would want a tennis lesson" snapped a disgruntled George 'teacher' Febles. He and Rockin' Rick Ricci had been spanked (6-1) by TennisTitan and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. "Yeah, interjected fellow 'acerbic Aryan' Carl the anonymous Gas Man' we Germans are still sensitive about the aftermath of World War I. You quoting Warren G. Harding is only appropriate because you'll likely be voted worst tennis player in Yonkers as he has been thought of as our worst president." Der Klugemeister came quickly to the Titan's defense. "Titan was on fire this morning. That 'bad boy' undressed Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott and 'the anonymous Gas Man' (6-1) with a fusillade of cross court winners and the occasional laser down the alley." "Nice of you to remind them Bobby" giggled the 'gaudy gargantuan.' Especially since these four 'lame losers' likely voted Democrat both times and have given us truly the worst president ever." "But that doesn't change your status 'bloviating  behemoth.' Somehow you get the most success out of the least talent," quipped 'Rockin' Rick.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Three Men Who NEED a Tub

"Welcome back Titan. Every group needs a 'bottom man' and you fit the bill perfectly."

"I expected more out of him...

It's about time

TennisTitan returned to the courts this day joining mates Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz, Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Frank 'Slats' Slattery in three sets at Andrus Park in Yonkers. Titan paired with the 'testy Teuton' for the first two sets and was spanked (0-6, 4-6) as he tried to shake off seven weeks of court inactivity and a balky left hip. Der Klugemeister performed far below his usual level, further exposing Titan's inability to carry his part of the load. Greater success was attained in the finale with 'Slats' doing yeoman work (4-6) bringing a modicum of respectability to the 'bloated behemoth's game. At picture time the affable group acknowledged that neither the Saturday Kinsley group nor the midweek sessions at Andrus had the intensity that TT's aggravating and aggrandizing comments add to the game. 'Slats' opined, "yeah Titan, with you back in the fold, I no longer have to worry that I am the weakest link in this chain of tennis players."

Thursday, May 08, 2014

The Venue: Dom and Vinnie's

"They always remember the mayhem we bring every year and they still let us in. And the food was top notch at the annual dinner."

"Doesn't get any better than this..."

"Ok boys, after the food, let's party."

On the horn

'Rockin' Rick Ricci... who also has the brass balls to lead us merrily in this idiocy."

On the accordion

Carl the "anonymous Gas Man" soon to be seen on the corner of Broadway and 79th St. with a cup near his feet.

On bass

"The Spin Master" Jose Guzman... lucky he has a day job.

Introducing the...

"Titanette Trio"

Live it! or ReLive It!!!

Well, follow the link and join the party

Saturday, May 03, 2014

Party Time

"We're doing the Four Tops classic from 1966, Titan: 'It's the Same Old Song.'

Never Admit Defeat

"I think we would have still won that second set had the 'gas man' been able to stay."


TennisTitan and Rich 'Dozin' Docent again paired together for doubles against 'Happy Jack' Carey and Carl the 'anonymous gas man.'  In two evenly played contests TT/'DD' managed a (6-4) victory in the only set played to completion. Set two ended (5-6 partial) when the 'anon. gas man' bailed Cinderella like at noon. As the harried husband hustled off the court to meet his wife's expectations, a haughty TennisTitan reminded the putative victors, "I only blog complete sets, and Carl. 'Cinderella had to be home at 12 midnight, not 12 noon." To wit, his partner, 'Happy Jack' remarked, "Titan, you can't weave Rapunzel into the story line because Carl's almost bald."

Thursday, May 01, 2014

Hook 'em Horns

"Make that two sets, please. We'll put one on each horn."

Men in Black

Combo Platter

"I would gladly trade my hair for his legs. But would he take that deal...that's what I thought too."

Jasper Jottings

Rick 'dozin' docent Gerchak was welcomed back to the tennis world in style as TennisTitan's partner today at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The pair of Manhattan Prep ('64) and Manhattan College ('68) alums routed Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman (6-2) in the first set and held on for a (6-4) victory in the second. 'Dozin' docent' displayed his exceptional court coverage and fine defensive ability to effectively compliment Titan's game. The level of play of the Jaspers dropped in the second set enabling 'Tutor'/'Russkie to erase a 1-5 deficit to make things interesting. At picture time 'Tutor' remarked, 'you guys play well together. Have you ever thought of going to a tennis academy together?"The 'Russian Bear' added, "that's one school they'd never graduate from."

Saturday, April 26, 2014

We so enjoyed it

"So thoroughly satisfying to shut you up."

Who? Me!

"Titan's never taken responsibility for anything in his life. And he has the nerve to complain about Obama!?"


"Sometimes we just shouldn't get out of bed" lamented the 'loathsome loud mouth.' That's about all TennisTitan could muster after he got his comeuppance along with partner 'Rockin' Rick Ricci.  The pair of (3-6,3-6) defeats administered by George 'Deli man' Hauss and 'Happy Jack' Carey put a damper on what had already been a damp day at Kinsley Park. Overnight rains had the six players expend precious energy (in Titan's case at least) preparing the courts for play. 'Happy Jack' while dragging on his post match cigarette as if it was fine champagne observed, "Titan, as soon as I saw you walking Tully and your laborious efforts picking up his dog crap, I knew you'd play like shit yourself." An inquisitive 'RRR' pressed 'HJ' for an explanation. "Rock, when the Titan has to use the frame of his racket to steady himself to bend over because he can't flex his knees, George and I knew that there was no way he'd get to a ball at his feet or out of his strike zone." "Did you ever think Jack that I was conserving my energy so I could enjoy my 50th High School reunion tonight" retorted the 'immobile Minotaur.'

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Call us 'The Creamsickle Boys"

"Look at him. Even 'Tutor' was stunned by my play."

"Class dismissed boys."

"What a difference a week can make."

Righting the Ship

"Max, last week was a nightmare for me against these guys" beamed the TennisTitan at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "I played so poorly." "You'll have sweet dreams tonight Titan" countered an ebullient 'Tutor' Tuchman. "Our (6-3, 6-3, 3-2 partial) victories over Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott was as impressive as our defeat at their hands last week was disappointing" continued the 'maven of mayhem.' Titan had his "A game" on display, featuring pop and placement on his serves, effective control of his ground strokes, and precision in his passing shots down the line. At picture time the 'Russian Bear' bellowed, "You were like Putin and we were your Obama; we gave you no resistance as you pushed us all over the court. Your mouth is Obama - like, many flowery words but with no substance to it." "And the blog" interjected 'not Espn,'  "is all lies, lies, lies."  "Tutor' giggled and said "Stuart, you can keep your partner next week too."

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Overdrawn Credit

"Joe, you understand now, don't you. I gotta take credit for your victory over these fellow tennis ho's."

Always Good for a Laugh

"Patsy, can I come home now? I think I have been humiliated enough here."