Tuesday, November 27, 2007

'RRR' 'See No Evil'

"Titan, I'm lucky to see the ball strike my racquet. You can't expect me to watch the lines too."

Yossi 'Hear No Evil'

"Titan, what happened in the third set? You go on vacation early??"

My oh Myopia!

"Titan is this anyway to say goodbye" queried 'Rockin' Rick Ricci who was rocked by the TennisTitan at the YTC this morning. The 'bloated behemoth' paired with Hanibal the 'Caballero' against 'RRR' and Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman. Titan was precise with his groundies and lobs leading the way to a (6-0) clobbering of his opponents in the first set. With the teams remaining the same for the second set the 'bombastic blowhard'/'Caballero' had to pull out all stops to prevail (7-5) in an unexpectedly close contest that was significantly aided by the blown calls of his nearsighted opponents. 'RRR's errant call in game eight was a momentum changing mistake. TT/'Caballero' persevered making sure that no ball struck by them would go near the line as they rallied from a 4-5 deficit. The third set was a near complete with TT/'IT' being routed by 'RRR'/'Caballero 0-5 when time expired. The 'immobile minotaur' had run out of gas just as 'Israeli Time' imploded. As the boys met at net 'RRR' chided the 'boisterous bullshitter,' "Titan, I'd take umbrage at your criticism of my eyesight if I knew what the word meant. I figured I'd use it anyway because I worked at the New York Times for forty years and saw it in the paper many times." TT rejoined "I'll be playing in Florida for a couple of weeks, I doubt they use that word in the Fort Myers News-Press but I'll check."

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

TennisTitan with his Turkeys


"Titan, Ground Hog Day was one of my favorite movies. Who knew that it applies to tennis also," philosophized the business mogul of White Plains, Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman upon completion of play at the YTC this morning. 'IT' was beaming that he and the 'bloated behemoth' had closed out the final set with a (6-3) thumping of Ed 'LLL' Gordon and the estimable Hanibal the 'Caballero.' Just as yesterday, play opened up with Triple L teaming with 'Israeli Time' to face the harder hitting Argentinian Horseman and the 'bloviating blowhard' in a futile attempt (6-2) to quiet the 'blogging bullshitter.' Titan's second set with the Lean, Lanky, Lefty at his side was also a near reprise of yesterday's bagel (1-6). As the boys met at net to wish each other "Happy Thanksgiving" Yossi remarked, "A- Rod took some advice from my friend Warren to get back with the Yankees. Titan, now it is your turn for some counsel. 'Even I do not have enough money to pay for the lessons you would need to be the truly dominant player you already think you are. So don't waste yours on lessons! I thank Yahweh every time we play that even though he has diminished my sight (a minus against you), he has also limited my hearing (a plus against you) and given me the Midas touch at net and in real estate!" "Shalom" (picture to be uploaded at later time)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

O'Reilly 'Dogs It' during blog

"Titan is my master in the house. I hope you are his master on the court. He 'dogs it' standing up, I know better."

"What's to be Thankful for?"

How about:
1) Playing on a rainy day
2) Going to Florida next week
3) Guys like you tolerate my crap
4) Readers that 'get' this blog. YOU

Language Lesson

"Ah, Titan, can I suggest some 'L's' for you?" opined Ed 'LLL' Gordon upon completion of play at the YTC this morning. Perhaps, lethargic, lugubrious, lassitude, languid for your better educated readers. But LOUD, LAZY and LOSER is what even the illiterate would know about you! The 'bloated behemoth' joined with mates Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman, 'Lean, Lanky, Lefty Ed Gordon and Hanibal the 'Caballero' for some indoor tennis on a raw, rainy, Tuesday in Yonkers. TT paired with the 'Argentinian Horseman' in the first two sets and finessed his way to convincing (6-4, 6-1) victories. Hanibal was way off in his game, and with the 'egomaniacal egotist' keeping his foot off the gas, these two imbalanced sets were closer than anticipated. 'LLL's outburst was no doubt triggered by the bagel (0-6) administered to him by 'IT'/'Caballero' with the 'immobile minotaur' at his side. The fourth set ended 4-3 (on serve) emboldening the often Three Time Loser (LLL) to live in hope, only to die in despair. As the boys met at net Hanibal commented, "Titan, muy boca grande, pero mas talento pequeno." 'Israeli Time' queried, "Hanibal, did you tell the Titan, 'putting the key in the ignition is not enough - you must first have gas in the tank and then step on the accelerator!"

Saturday, November 17, 2007

The Prophet

"Titan, I told you 'it would be a cold day in hell when your mates show the same commitment you do to Saturday tennis."

One and Done

"Titan, hadn't you planned to call the blog 'Won and Done.' Guess that'll be for another day," snickered Frank 'Slats' Slattery at the completion of today's play at Kinsley. 'Slats,' with team mate George 'Chemist' Hauss had just come back to win their second set of the day (5-7) against the 'bellicose blowhard' and his partner Mike 'Not so' Stella. Indeed it was a disappointing morning at the yard for the 'blogging bullshitter' who waited patiently for more than one hour for the first set to be completed to get any action in. 'Slats'/'Chemist' had prevailed (7-6, 12-10) in their first set against 'Big Al' DioDati and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman. Titan, never a fan of Mamby-Pamby Tennis, wherein a 5th person sits out until an on-court team wins a "first to four" set, now understands the meaning of 'fair weather friends.' 'Big Al'/'Speedy Legs' beat a hasty retreat out of the 40 degree temperatures unwilling to do as TT had done. A somewhat reluctant 'Stella Fella' came out of his car to brave the cold and pair with the 'bloated behemoth' in a set that slipped away. Stella volleys went awry in the 11th and 12th games and Titan lived up to his 'immobile minotaur' moniker attempting to swat at balls too cold to bounce with legs too achy to bend. As the boys met at net Titan bristled, "Boys your commitment to the game is not picture-worthy today." 'Slats' commented "Now we know why Carl wants to be known as 'Speedy,' rather than 'Spindly Legs." Mike pleaded, "Titan, can't you upgrade me to 'Occasionally' Stella off my play in the first part of the set today? 'Chemist'/'Slats' chortled, "We got to go now, our wives don't want us sick for Thanksgiving - but make sure everyone knows we're winners."

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Minions at my Beck and Call

"Boys, first you roll for me. Then I ROLL for YOU!

More Arrogant than Ever

"Dear Reader, 'It was my day! I could've even won with YOU.' I'm playing lotto tonight!"

"Paid the Price"

"Titan the day you take me to school is the day I retire as a teacher." ... "And the day I resemble a turn style is the day you call me E-Z Pass... Hey, I don't want to give you any ideas - forget I said that."

The Great Imposter

"No Titan, it was YOU who were on a roll" commented 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and George 'Chemist' Hauss upon completion of play this morning at Kinsley. The 'bumbling buffoon' had just capped off and incredible week on the courts. 'Mr. 'My Legs Hurt' competed at a high level (for the Titan) in the 15 sets of doubles played over the past six days. TennisTitan, still reeling from 'Chemist's email earlier in the week demanding to know why the 'bloated blowhard' did not show up at Kinsley on Sat. the 3rd, called said Chemist at 8 AM awakening him and assuring the Bunsen Burner that TT would be on the court shortly, with roller, broom and squeegee. An intrepid 'Rockin' Rick and a incredulous George 'Teacher' Febles were next on the speed dial and the foursome was set. The 'blogging bullshitter' supervised his minions in insuring the wet court would be suitable for play before stepping on to captivate a disbelieving Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz in the spectators bench with an incredible display of near flawless tennis. Titan and 'Rockin' Rick romped to a (6-2) victory over the Georges in the opener. The 'immobile minotaur' split the Georges on the court with lasers down the middle more often the Einstein split the atom. The 'bombastic bloviator' continued that dominance in the second and third sets when pairing with the 'Chemist' in twin (6-3, 6-3) crushings of 'RRR'/'Teacher.' 'Rockin' looked like a subway turn style as TT's balls whizzed down the alley for winner after winner. The 'Teacher' was taken to school with Titan's precise forehand to the backhand corner or the deadly twist on the lob to the opposite corner. As the boys met at net to hear the 'ego maniacal egotist' preen 'Gimpy Knees' shouted through the fencing, "That's not the Titan I know. That mouth sounded the same, but the shot execution today tells me he's an imposter."

Friday, November 09, 2007

"Yossi, did you date Golda Meir?'

Titan... be careful. I know people in the Mosad.

Meshuggah? TT, you're crazy

"Titan, today I'll pose. I do know Ben Gay, not Ben Gurion."

Hanibal the 'Caballero'

"Titan, remember 'I rode you to victory' not the other way around.

Moshe Dyan, he ain't

"Titan, thank God there are no Arabs here" said Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman at the completion of the fourth and final set played this morning at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'Israeli Time' had just completed the super trifecta dropping his 4th consecutive set, this time at the side of the 'bullshitting blogger.' Yet the 'bombastic blowhard' was trumpeting his (3-6) defeat as a victory greater than the Six Day War of '67. TT's grabbing two games when down 1-5 gave the 'egomaniacal egotist' this days bragging rights, in that Yossi was trounced as Stan 'The Man' Scher's partner (6-2) in the opener when competing against Hanibal the 'Caballero'/TennisTitan. Mixing it up for sets two and three the 'bloated behemoth' joined with Stan 'The Man' and orchestrated a symphony of well executed lobs intermixed with lasers that found the middle seam with uncanny accuracy. Stanley used all his tools. He was deft at net and precise with his groundies. More importantly for the 'immobile minotaur' 'ToolMan' is indefatigable and able to cover those inevitable lobs over TT's head. The upshot: resounding (6-2, 6-1) thumpings of 'Israeli Time'/'Caballero'. As the boys met at net Yossi rationalized, "Thank God, Israelis may lose on the tennis ourt, but not on the battle field." The Argentinian Horseman quipped "Yossi, we could've used you in the Falklands in '82. Stanley commented, "Titan, are you meshuggah? I am Jewish too!"

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Tennis Cronies

"Hey Titan, we're happy you show up. We need FOUR. You still don't need to shout 'fore' with your serve."

'EBL' the Realist

"Titan, I'd kill you at golf too. Stick to tennis. There's no place for a mouth like yours on the fairway, only the midway!"

Max 'the Philosopher'

"Titan, I paid 80 cents for this bottle of water. And I dumped it accidentally on the court short of the net... Just like my volley.

Philosophically Speaking...

"Titan, the effort was there, just not the ability. Perhaps you should consider golf. We all know you've got a handicap to begin with!" Titan had just carouseled through his Thursday afternoon group at the Yonkers Tennis Center and was receiving the unsolicited advice from all three of his partners as they gathered at net. TT paired with Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully in the opener and the tandem eased to a (6-2) victory over Jim Addiss 'Abada' and Max 'Tutor' Tuckman. The 'belching bloviator's efforts as 'Abada's partner were insufficient to undo the superior court coverage of 'EBL' (3-6) with support from the 'Tutor' as necessary in the second set. TT/'Abada' dropped the last three games of the set that had been closely contested until 'EBL' started to dominate on cross court rallies with the 'immobile minotaur.' 'Tutor' and the 'bombastic blowhard' trailed 1-3 partial as time expired. At net 'EBL' opined, "Titan, you've got bad knees. Why punish yourself playing three, four times a week." Without missing a beat 'Tutor' quipped, "Bill are you crazy? Titan's punishing us by playing in our game once a week." Jim rejoined, "And what's this Addiss Abada crap? Halie Selassie wasn't on Ethiopia's Davis Cup team. He's playing Ryder Cup. "

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

"Herb earned a new name today."

"Titan, your reference to an inane contemporary movie is so much more fitting than one to classical literature. Wouldn't you agree, dear reader?"

Athos, Aramis, Porthos...?

"Okay Titan, you had your fun on the court now go waste more of your time at that (Alexander)Dumas keyboard."

The Love Bug

"Titan, you don't bug me. I love the way you communicate wih your partner on the court," so rejoiced Herb (formerly) 'Over Matched' Engle at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this morning. The 'bombastic blowhard' had fulfilled a promise made to himself at the beginning of play that he would play as necessary so that 'OM' would not go home an 'L-L-L,' a three set loser. No, TT had already coronated the Lean, Lanky Lefty, Ed Gordon with that appellation. To his chagrin the 'immobile minotaur' was paired with Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman in the first set against 'LLL'/'OM.' For some reason the older, less mobile, less powerful tandem thought that they would have a chance if TT played with 'IT.' Happily, 'Israeli Time' was broken immediately and the under-powered adversaries got off to a quick two-love start. TennisTitan kept his foot off the gas and used his folly-floater exclusively in the (6-2) trouncing that was soon administered. The second set saw 'OM' join the 'bullshitting blogger' in a fun, 50 minute marathon against a determined Gordon-Newman team. Titan continued to use his second serve exclusively and stepped it up on defense, covering for 'Over Matched' as necessary on the baseline, and charging the net occasionally. The upshot - a come from behind (7-5) victory that had Herbie chortling when time was called during the third set (2-3 partial, on serve). The 80 year old Engle quipped at picture time, "Titan, I haven't tasted a victory so sweet since I hit a trifecta at Yonkers in '66." To wit the 'pathetic panderer' retorted, "Herbie, today, with me at your side, 'you were no longer 'Over Matched!' I dub thee "Herbie the LOVE BUG!"

Monday, November 05, 2007

The Horseman with his Steed

"I'll never know if the "Caballero" would have rode me to victory in the third set."

Stan 'The Man' Scher

"So I was camera avoidant today. Did it ever occur to you that I had something better to do. Use your archived photos bozo!"

Camera Shy?

"Titan, we finally had 'em on the ropes. It was they who were saved by the bell" chirped Hanibal the 'Caballero' as he and TT left the courts with the third set hanging in the balance. It was a morning of first class recreational doubles played at the Yonkers Tennis Center between teams with contrasting styles. Opposing 'Caballero'/TT were Stan 'The Man' Scher and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. The ebb and flow of the three sets was notable. Each team had its runs and many points involved rallies of 20 balls or more with few games not going to deuce. TT could not believe that 'Caballero'/Titan had dug themselves into a 1-4 hole in the opener before getting in sync to hotly contest the first set (3-6). In set one 'Caballero's firepower was matched by 'The Man.' 'RRR' was equally adept at net negating Hanibal's mobility. Titan's lobs were effective but the 'bloated behemoth' lacked pop on the serve and pace on his groundies. Set two belonged to 'Caballero'/Titan ( 6-0) as they both hit bigger and more consistently than their opponents. Still, most games featured well played points and were competitive. Set three was a reprise of the entire match. To their great credit, 'RRR'/'The Man' held in the five-deuce opening game, then broke the Argentinian Horseman to gain the upper hand. The 'immobile minotaur' came up big in the fourth game to end 'RRR's/Man's run at three and turn the tide. Down 3-4, on serve, the 'bombastic blowhard' had just stepped to the service line when play was called. Stan, refusing to have his picture taken at net, hustled off to the locker room. The usually camera shy 'Caballero' exclaimed, "Titan, today I will pose with you. I know that the camera is your tool. I think Scher's afraid that you'll call him Stanley Tools again!"