Saturday, May 31, 2008

"TT reminds me of jerk chicken"

"Nah, 'Gazelle'... just... a jerk!

Amackassin Duo Upset

"You know Titan, I am thinking of taking back those two racquets I gave you!"

Tennis Whores

"RRR runs like me now. If only I could volley like him."

Two at 62.

"Atta boy Titan, at 62 years of age and on a tennis court, you remind me of a cricket player on the pitch in my native Jamaica - having eaten too much jerk chicken" chirped Clarence 'Gazelle' Williams, as he joined a group of eight (more or less) regulars for some doubles at Kinsley. Titan paired with Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz in his opener against Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Happy Jack' Carey in a (6-2) victory on the challenger's court. Frank 'Slats' Slattery and George 'Chemist' Hauss rallied from a love-3 deficit to capture their set (6-4) from George 'Teacher' Febles and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. With 'Teacher'and 'Chemist' departing the 'bloviating blowhard' paired with 'RRR' for another stirring comeback ( 7-5) against the Amackassin duo of 'Slats' and 'Happy Jack.' As the boys met at net 'Happy Jack' opined, "Titan, was your strategy to always hit the ball to me today?" 'Slats' was quick to observe, "HJ, Titan's a fox. It's pretty clear his strategy was to make sure you were 'Kraut's and then my partner in sets he played! How else could he win!!" 'Gimpy Knees' reminded all, "I wanted to beat that lard ass laggard 6-2, not give him a 6-2 victory.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching

"I'll be taking your measure today, TT"

Prosac Kid and The Neck Manzi

"Titan, remember Joe was the difference - not you!"

"Gimpy Knees" Joe Cruz

"I can't miss today. Even with the 'blowhard' at my side"

Cruz Control

"Titan, that was my birthday present to you!" exclaimed Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz at the completion of the second set at Kinsley today. TT had teamed with 'GK' in administering a thumping (6-1) to John 'the Neck' Manzi and the 'Prozac Kid', Chris Tyrone. Truth be told (why start now?) 'GK' was on fire this afternoon. He teamed with Bill 'Electrolux' Ching in the opener against the 'bloated behemoth' and 'Prosac Kid' and had is way (3-6) then too. 'GK' flashed his ever-so-soft touch volleys and heavy groundies against all opponents on this beautiful spring day. Titan provided adequate support during the many long rallies played and occasionally had the pleasure of finishing off a point 'GK' had controlled from the get-go. Titan departed the courts with 'GK'/'Electrolux' continuing their mastery over an overmatched 'Neck'/'Prosac' tandem. As the 'boisterous bloviator' made his way to the car 'GK' shouted, "Amigo, together we won 6-1 because today is the last day you are 61. On Saturday I will beat your ass 6-2. And you'll know why. Cervezas for everybody!"

Saturday, May 24, 2008

unHAPPY Jack

"I used to think it was a challenge to have 'Chemist' as my partner. But, Titan, YOU are my Purgatory!"

Russ Hodges fans

"We're old enough to remember his call - and we say that to you Titan: "Bye, Bye Baby."

Carry On Luggage

"Jack, playing with you is like dealing with the airlines nowadays. You know...paying for your baggage!" is all TennisTitan could say after he dropped a heart breaker (6-7 [5])with 'Happy Jack' as his partner this morning at Kinsley. "Bad enough that TT could only get one set in but Jack you make your partner pay dearly when you lose your concentration on court." TT/'HJ' were up 5-3 against Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci with Jack having an opportunity to serve it out when the 'Marlboro Man' went south - double faulting three points. Titan managed to put his crew back in front on his serve 6-5 but 'HJ' offered no help in the critical 12th game and the deciding tie breaker. As the foursome met at net 'RRR' opined, "Titan don't take it so hard. When 'HJ' was my partner in the previous set against George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Slats' we got rolled six games to two." 'Slats' quipped, "Yeah Tommy, you actually came out ahead. We all figure you a two-time loser on most Saturdays." 'HJ" chortled, "This way the blog is shorter too. I smoke Marlboro Light for a reason."

Friday, May 16, 2008

SOONER or later...

"I even SHOCKED myself."


"Titan, have you been FLOORED by my success against you today?"

A real 'Wheat SHOCKER'

"Titan, I told you when I first met you I was born in Wichita, Kansas, the home of the Wichita Wheat Shockers" exclaimed a jubilant George 'Genealogist' Pratt upon pulling off the upset shocker against the 'bloated behemoth' at the Tarpon Sail and Tennis Club this date. "T'was a long time coming but I am going to savor this moment" beamed a smiling 'Genealogist' to the group of geriatric women cheering his feat. Nancy Pratt, among those watching in awe as George rallied in the second set, coming back from 5-4 down to win (5-7) and defeat the 'blogging bullshitter,' rejoiced with, "Finally, no more crying at the dinner table. I can retire in peace" as her husband stood triumphantly over the 'fallen fabricator.' Titan, upon coming to his senses, grasping at straws, reminded all those who would hear him, "George, most of my blog will be about the first set which I won handily at (6-3)." The 'Genealogist' was quick to retort, "Bombastic Blowhard' need I remind you that I graduated from the University of Oklahoma nearly 50 years ago. Next time I will beat you SOONER!! Now go back to Blue Crab Key and stick to fishing!"

Saturday, May 10, 2008

He Blew Up the Lab!

The 'Chemist' really blew the last set. The only set I had a chance to win.

"K-Men" 'Kraut' and 'King'

"Titan, singles are a man's game, a healthy man's game at that. You are disqualified."

Three Time Loser

"It was down the tubes today."


"Titan, I'd like to give you some credit for my (6-1) thrashing of the 'Kraut' in the opening set, but then how do I explain my (6-7) [2] defeat in the second" opined Gene 'King' Slattery at day's conclusion. Indeed, TennisTitan had engaged Bob 'Kraut' Kluge in the first singles played this morning at Kinsley and acquitted himself well in a (5-7) loss. But at best it was a Pyrrhic victory with TT wearing down late in the set and dropping the final three games. The 'bloated behemoth' then jumped to the doubles court to challenge George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Big Al' Dio Dati drawing 'Happy Jack' Carey as his partner in his (2-6) defeat. A tired and erratic 'Chemist' could do little right in the 'boisterous blowhard's final set of the morning allowing the tandem of 'Happy Jack' and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz to prevail (5-7). As the boy's met at net to recap the action, 'HJ' commented, "Obnoxious One, no offense, but 'Chemist' and 'Big Al' swamped 'GK' and I in the opening doubles (6-2) of the day. I'd have to go back to drinkin' and druggin' if he'd won another set me from me this morning." To wit 'GK' said "that's why we're partners."

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Der Klugemeister Rolled Twice Today

"I'll do anything to beat TennisTitan and shut him up once and for all."

Super Effort, but no Superman

"I need my cape to beat this guy... plus a lot of luck."

Did You Expect a Guy with a Pitch Fork

"Don't forget to tell everyone I SWEPT 2 sets, Titan.

Please, Not the Panzers.

"Today, Titan ol' boy, it was not just the Wehrmacht that did you in. I also brought the Luftwaffe . Such was the hubris displayed by the 'Kraut' Bob Kluge upon his annihilation of the 'egotistical egomaniac' who thought he could play singles against a man who is actually in shape. A rainy morning in Yonkers had turned into a teary afternoon for the 'bloated behemoth' who was outplayed (3-6, 3-6) at Freddolino Park in Northeast Yonkers. Titan managed to remain in both sets through the midway point but faced the unenviable task of a defeating a better conditioned athlete who is wise to TT's game. Herr Kluge no longer gives away points. There was a time not too long ago when 'Kraut' did not have the game or patience to beat a strategist on the other side of the net, even one with limited mobility. But no more! At the matches' conclusion 'Kraut' bellowed at net, "We Germans are the real supermen, meinen freund der Titan. I suggest that the next time we play singles, you not only wear a Superman Hat, but bring that red cape with an 'S' on it too. Perhaps the Luftwaffe would then have a challenge. But then I would bring the tanks.

Thursday, May 01, 2008


"I have to console my ol' nemesis 'Gimpy Knees.' He especially hates losing to me. Just look at the pain I put on his face."

'Today was a day like no other..."

"I NEVER AGAIN want to hear 'Tutor' claim 'Titan, I never play well with you."

"may day, May Day, MAY DAY"

'Where have you been Titan, hiding?" Such was the greeting your 'bloated behemoth' received this date from Max 'Tutor' Tuchman upon entering the YTC for his final indoor season match. TennisTitan, still weary from a nine day trip to Florida, showed no ill effects of being away from the racquet since April 19th and/or being stuck in the air and an airport for 12 hours. Indeed, the 'blogging bullshitter' enjoyed one of his finest on-court performances of the year when he paired with the 'Tutor' for two scintillating sets against old nemesis Joe ' Gimpy Knees' Cruz and the redoubtable 'Big Al' DioDati. 'Tutor' was on fire this afternoon, dominating from the back court with running forehands and consistent backhand volleys that undressed the adversaries. TT/'Tutor' narrowly escaped defeat in the opener when they halted a strong comeback attempt from 5-2 down by 'GK'/'Big Al' to take the set (7-5). Set two also belonged to the ecumenical duo. Knotted 2-2 in games the boys exploded into a (6-2) rout. With TT providing occasional pop on the serve and controlling the alley with his forehand passes a bewitched 'Tutor' flashed signs of Tullyism at net when he buried four consecutive volleys at the feet of a bothered 'Gimpy Knees' and a bewildered Big Al.' As the boys met at net for the final time 'Big Al' grudgingly noted, "Titan, your game today was especially appropriate. Your Jewish partner knows nothing of Ascension Thursday. If ever a game 'rose to heaven' it was yours today! To wit the acerbic 'Tutor' announced, "Goyim, check your calendars. Today is Holocaust Remembrance Day. You got yours from the ecumenical duo!"