Saturday, August 30, 2008

Forehands and Foreheads amok

"I see you lost your game as well as your hair."

Applied Wisdom from 'Pistol'/'Chemist'

'Titan, we studied natural sciences in school. Ergo, we are naturals on the court!"

"Cogito ergo sum" Titanicus

"Titan, I didn't study anything in school, anytime, anyhow. And we still beat you"

'Prosac Kid' with 'Chemist'

"Titan, I don't think Chris will need his medicine to sleep tonight."

What's in a Name Anyway?

"You better tell Donna to look under the bed for it then" the infuriated 'egomanical egotist' yelled to a departing Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman as he sheepishly retreated to his car. Titan had paired with the peripatetic graphic artist in his first two sets at Kinsley this date and suffered two disappointing defeats. Up 4-2 to Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser and George 'Chemist' Hauss 'Speedy Legs' was no where to be found as the 'boisterous blowhard'/'SL' dropped the final four games (4-6) in a stunning turnaround. Banished to the challenger's court the tandem continued their listless play losing (4-6) to 'Happy Jack' Carey and George 'Teacher' Febles that set up verbal confrontation between the 'bearded buffoon' and the exiting 'balding blatherer.' "You forgot to bring your 'A' game this morning, you left it at home" bellowed the 'bloated behemoth' to his unremorseful ("I just didn't have it") partner. 'Happy Jack' came between the two sparring partners, reminding Titan "Take it easy big guy. It's all in Carl's name. He's really 'Spindly Legs,' not 'Speedy Legs' that he begged you to tag him with. And remember his last name is not really Gessman. It's "Out of Gas Man." Relieved of his angst the 'immobile minotaur' paired with Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz for two additional sets and was fully rewarded for his persistence and continued high level of play with a (6-1) thrashing of 'Happy Jack'/'Teacher' and an impressive (6-2) thumping of 'Chemist' pairing with Chris 'Prosac Kid' to complete the day's play.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Every Dog Has His Day

"So what! I am pooped. But Tully never 'poops' on the court."

"Bullets, Not Blanks"

"For a while there I thought I left my game at the US Open, blowhard."

Both White, Only One Russian

"Titan, no one accuses you of rushing on the court do they?"

I need a Stolichnaya

"Titan, I think your dog ate the bagel" groaned Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this date. 'Russkie'/TT had paired for three sets against the tandems of 'Happy Jack' Carey (first set), and then Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser with 'Big Al' Dio Dati. As always, Titan's fortunes are tied with the ephemeral performance of his net partner. 'Russkie' could not find the mark initially and the 'bloated behemoth' anguished at 1-3 down in the first set. (Can you see, "the look" Titan reserves for under performing partners as you read, 'Slats')? It made the (6-4) triumph over 'HJ'/'Big Al' that much sweeter as TT's consistency was inexplicably matched by the 'White Russian' as the set progressed. Indeed, the 'Caucasian of the Caucus' exceeded expectations in set two as 'Russkie' led the charged to the (sic) 'booblick' (6-0). Set three saw 'Russkie's game leave more quickly than he fled the broken Soviet empire in '92. Finally, 'Pistol' found the range, 'Big Al' supplying bullets instead of blanks, as they worked over the 'immobile minotaur' and 'erratic immigrant' in the (3-6) finale. As the teams met at net 'Russkie' opined, "Titan, I hope you enjoyed the bagel while it lasted. Me, I prefer a shot of Stoli when I get home to forget about you!"

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Thank You 'Big Al'

"Titan, I am always a Winner with Fran as my partner."

Ricci is Rich

"Titan, I occasionally lose on the court, but as you can see, never at home."

HJ's Best Serve

"Titan, and you think I am lucky on the court!? You should only know..."

Franks, Burgers, BLT's, Ham & Eggs

"Titan, you must have been a short order cook as a kid" quipped 'Happy Jack' Carey at the post match barbecue hosted by 'Big A'l DioDati. Indeed, the 'boisterous blowhard' and George 'Chemist' Hauss were hamming it up to all who would listen about serving up a bagel to 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and Chris the Prosac Kid (6-0) in the second set played this morning at Kinsley as the 'overblown oaf'' devoured his third hamburger. Titan had earlier saved Frank 'Slats' Slattery's bacon in the first set when the 'pedantic prevaricator' held fast on the critical points in the tie breaker (7-6 [3]) to give 'Slats' some bragging rights in the victory over 'HJ' and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. 'Gimpy Knees'/HJ had split their first two sets with 'Slats'/'Big Al'. "Titan, you'd had egg on your face had you lost that final set to us" retorted a grumpy 'Gimpy Knees' as he poured himself a Cervesa. "Lettuce" enjoy our victory chortled the 'Chemist.' Titan and I sliced and diced 'RRR'/'Prosac Kid' like a tomato in that final set shutout." 'Slats' punctuated the banter perfectly by stating unequivocally to Titan, "I relish playing wih this hot dog. He's my therapy on Saturday mornings." Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser remarked, "Titan's got rye humor, but he's toast against me. Now 'Prosac Kid' - he's got onions" as Chris took a dip in 'Big Al's pool

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Russkie Disputin' Putin

"Georgia? Isn't that in the Southeastern part of the United States? The weather must be like in Odessa on the Black Sea. Titan, you should go to Georgia soon."

Sage Advice

"Titan, I said "a fluke!" We'd all be better off if you took up fishing, not tennis, for a hobby."

Small Cup o' Coffee -

Titan stopped by Kinsley to return the racket that he had borrowed from 'Happy Jack' last Saturday. Problem was: no Happy Jack at Kinsley. So TT completed the foursome of 'Big Al' DioDati, Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. The 'bloated behemoth' paired with 'Big Al' in his only set, a (3-6) loss to 'Russkie'/'GK.' That magic that was in Titan's wand yesterday morning was no where to be found. Indeed, the 'cryptic cripple' played a very unremarkable set, not being able to hold serve or offer adequate support to 'Big Al' at critical times in the match. The highlight of the 'blogging bullshitter's afternoon was when a tardy 'HJ' showed to take over the reins for the second set. As the 'bombastic blowhard' exited the courts, 'Big Al' snickered, "I knew yesterday was a fluke. Titan, the day you play well with me, is the day I'll retire, and become a tennis junkie like you." 'Russkie' had the last laugh as he inveighed Titan with, "Comrade, instead of telling me to 'stay out of Georgia,' someone should tell you to 'stay out of Kinsley.'

Monday, August 18, 2008

"It was MY day; not "MAY DAY."

"Yeah, right. I'll have him kiss my ring. But after today's performance, he really should kiss my ..."

The Clinician speaks

"Pistol' is a retired pharmacist. Today, I was a practicing surgeon."

Clinic Attendees

"Al, don't take it to heart. We've been playing with and against this 'loathsome lout' for over 15 years and he's never had a day like this before. And won't likely have it again"

The Sizzle

"Titan, how come you never play that good with me" lamented 'Big Al' DioDati at the end of his two hour clinic at the hands of the 'bombastic bloviator.' The 'pedantic prevaricator' paired for the first two of the three sets played at Kinsley with Frank 'Slats' Slattery against 'Big Al' and Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser and then with 'Pistol' in the third set against 'Big Al' and 'Slats.' It mattered not who TT's partner was this morning, Titan was on top of his game from start to finish. The 'sultan of swat'/'Slats' served the breakfast bagel (6-0) in the opener and continued their mastery (6-4) in the more competitive second set. TT controlled the alley from the backhand side and managed a few crisp volleys in a dominating performance. The 'boisterous blowhard' bellowed to all who could hear within 300 yards of the court, "This is why I play the ad-side" while his incredulous partner smirked in awe. Titan backed up his already sterling performance in the third set when he put fresh caps in the 'Pistol' to lift Lou's play in an equally impressive (6-1) rout of a befuddled 'Slats' and a beleaguered 'Big Al.' As the boys met at net 'Big Al' continued to taunt the 'immobile minotaur' with "Titan, you were so usually hot today that if you play like that on Saturday morning, you can expect the hamburgers and hot dogs served at my afternoon barbecue to be coming off your racket!"

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Tired Tortoise? and Cap Gun?

"No wonder you lost to us. You couldn't even take the picture right this morning. This was from last week, with a little modification."

"Second set blahs"

"Iggy and I still work for a living. We only threw you a bone because you brought your dog."

"'s about heart, Titan"

"Titan, I guess your luck ran out. Or should I say energy?!"

Canine Comments

TennisTitan joined seven of his mates for some lively doubles play this morning at Kinsley. Being the last to arrive TT (with his dog and without his racket) was relegated to the challenger court wherein he teamed with Lou 'Pistol' Gerenscer in the first of his three sets. TT/'Pistol' drew 'Happy Jack' Carey and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz in their opening set (6-2) victory. 'HJ'/'GK' relished their 2 game victory having been bageled by Frank 'Slats' Slattery and George 'Teacher' Febles in the first set played today. 'Pistol'/TT rolled to a similarly easy victory in set two when they defeated the 'Slats'/'Teacher' combo by the same (6-2) score. The balloon burst for the 'bloated behemoth' and 'Cap Gun' Lou in the third set as a revivified 'Slats' pairing with 'Rockin' Rick Ricci administered a (1-6) thrashing to the 'Tired Tortoise' and his 'empty chamber' partner! As the boys met at net and agreed to a 9 AM rematch Monday, 'Slats' quipped, "Titan, Lou' had enough of your barking on the court. You'll be my partner. So don't dog it! And if you DO bring Tully again, use the muzzle on yourself!"

Saturday, August 09, 2008

'Pistol' and Titan Rolled

"The Pistol has earned top billing today with his four set performance."

'Kraut' and 'Pedantic Prevaricator"

"Who me? This is a factual blog!"

'Teacher' with "RRR' in a "Lost Day"

'Titan, you do know how to pick your partners if nothing else."

'Not Espn' and 'Speedy Legs'

"Titan, consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to play us today."


TennisTitan joined eleven of his fellow mates for three sets of fun tennis this morning at Kinsley Park in ideal conditions. TT drew Bob 'Kraut' Kluge as his partner for the first of his two sets (6-3, 6-3) played aginst 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and George 'Teacher' Feebles. Der Klugemeister powerful groundies dominated for the most part and the 'boisterous blowhard' did his part to prolong points long enough until the 'Panzer' pasted a forehand winner. In TT's finale the 'egotistical egomaniac' paired with Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser in a (6-2) thrashing of 'RRR' and Chris 'The Prosac Kid.' As the teams met at net a chastened Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman remarked "Titan, Stuart 'Not Espn' Scott and I defeated Frank 'Slats' Slattery and the 'Pistol' (7-5)." 'Slats' opined, "Yeah, but before that the 'Pistol' and I took out 'Speedy Leg's and 'Not Espn' (6-2) and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Big Al' DioDati (6-4) and 'RRR'/'Teacher' (6-4). 'Pistol' brought a smile to the thrice defeated tandem of 'RRR'/'Teacher' by remarking, "Winning that last set with the 'pedantic prevaricator' as my partner is my personal tennis highlight of the morning. Playing with 'Slats' is good doubles practice, but playing with Titan at your side, you get a good singles workout! In fact he's like mother's Hungarian Goulash - plenty of lard, very little meat to sustain you, with plenty of onions and garlic so you don't mind the grizzle and a dash of paprika for color."

Thursday, August 07, 2008

'Russkie' says "God Bless America"

"Titan, today I was the author of our defeat. (But you were a very good ghost writer too)"

'Happy Jack' and 'Big Al'

"So we're tired. So what! We won didn't we? And don't be hiding that fact with with your fancy vocabulary!"

Pistol with Gimpy Knees

"Titan, your Florida tan is the best part of your game."

Russian Literature

"Titan, I am an author by trade, not a tennis player. What's your excuse for your poor play?" harrumphed an exasperated Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev at the end of his ordeal playing two sets along side the 'bombastic bloviator.' Titan was taunting the Russian expatriate that he was toying with the idea of "Ivan the TERRIBLE" as this blog's topic until 'Russkie' redeemed himself with some improved play in TT/'Russkie' hard fought second set loss (5-7) to Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Lou 'Pistol "Gerenscer this afternoon at Kinsley. I do not consider myself in the class of a Pasternak, Chekhov or Solzhenitsyn but I have written a successful book about contemporary Russian politics that has been widely hailed. Have you ever heard of Vladimir Zhirinovski, a democratic Russian reformer in the 1990's?" "I want you to play like Andre Chesnikov or Mikhail Youzhny" whined the 'wounded wimp'! After the way you played in our (4-6) defeat at the hands of 'Big Al' DioDati and 'Happy Jack' Carey in the opening set, I was thinking of you more as Nikolay Davydenko who has been fined for tanking matches and betting on his opponents!