Saturday, July 27, 2013

Rosalie's Boy

"Today is Rick's 39th wedding anniversary. He says, 'thank God I picked a better partner to share my life with than I got stuck with trying to win a set this morning."

Out Gunned

"We'll see you later this morning...when you're more tired."

"I'll vote for him."

"The 'Chemist' won 'em all today."

"Titan, I've got your number!"

Numbers Game

"Titan, you don't even play Lotto. How in hell do you expect to beat 'not Espn,' Stuart Scott" reasoned George 'Chemist' Hauss, who along with Stuart ruined TennisTitan's near perfect morning. Titan and the 'Chemist' had teamed for the first two sets and defeated  the tandem of 'not Espn' and Rockin' Rick Ricci (6-2, 6-4). "How do you think I feel" lamented 'Rockin' after dropping the finale as TT's partner (4-6). I lost all three sets today." "You can't expect to be lucky in love and in tennis" chirped 'not Espn.' "You've had 39 years with a woman you love, be thankful you only had 39 minutes with the Titan at your side! And Titan, since we all know I've got your number, I'd like you to refer to me as the 'Black Avenger' in the blog once in a while." "Stuart, there's nothing conservative about your tennis game" retorted the 'bombastic bullshitter' as he focused his camera.

Monday, July 22, 2013

We failed

"He's gone the way of Edward VIII. And I'm no Wallace Simpson."

"We prevailed."

"It should be an interesting pizza luncheon."

The Exile

"Titan, but who is next in line? Surely not you." queried Frank 'Slats' Slattery over pizza and pitchers of pepsi post match at Frank Pepe's Pizzeria. TennisTitan had just defrocked Gene 'King' Slattery from this titular status first accorded him in 2005 when he dominated play at net and in his service at Kinsley. "Liege, your skills have eroded worse than Tiger Woods' putting game these past two years. Your inept volleys at net are akin to three putting a par three." Titan/'King' had just dropped the rubber (6-8) to 'Slats' and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz after splitting sets (2-6, 6-3) at Andrus Park in Yonkers. 'Gimpy Knees' came out firing in the opener and dominated with his forehand overpowering TT with pace and having 'King' mistime his forehand repetitively into the net. Finally settling into the rhythm of Titan's deep returns to the base line in set 2, 'King' began to cherry pick the feeble returns at net with a modicum of success. But not at crunch time. 'King' you remind me of Eldrich in another way too. You never come from behind to win the set. You have no more confidence in your serve with pace than Tiger has in dating Black women. You reach into your bag for Big Bertha and come out with a pitching wedge."  "Titan, it was you who had your service broken in game 14 of the third set" countered the once coronated one. "You are the one who plays tentatively, that your opponents exploit with short balls. The only wedge you know about is in your underwear." Indeed, Liege, you make valid points. But we actually lost the set in the 10th game when you failed to convert game/set point six times with those awful shanks at net. 'Gimpy Knees' couldn't buy a point in the third set, he was so tired and you didn't make him pay for it." I formally send you into exile for two weeks at Lake Sebago, Maine. Play some golf, Hit a ball that is not moving." "Titan, I have a small handicap when I play golf, but with you on the tennis court, that's another story." 

Saturday, July 20, 2013

A true 60's Party!

"Sweating with the oldies."

Cream Cheese and Chives, please

"We gave you an everything bagel."

"Today, I was a black Russian, Titan."

"Vladdy, but you told me to bet on the red."

Russian Roulette

"This is how you treat a comrade?" chided Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. "Titan, First you beg me to come and play on Saturday morning throughout the year, and when I finally show up, you treat me like Putin treated Alexei Navalny." "Russkie, with the way you played this morning as my partner (0-6, 3-6) in losses to Frank 'Slats' Slattery, first with 'Big Al' Diodati and then with Rockin' Rick Ricci, I should have treated you like Putin treated Edward Snowden. You would get no asylum from me, 'Russkie.' I would send you home in the plane that brought you from Hong Kong. Your game betrayed you, not me" "But Titan, countered the 'Russian Bear,' there are no state secrets I needed to divulge so that everyone would know how to beat you. Your game is like a Russian car, the Lada, - always breaking down." "Thank God 'Slats' took pity on a fellow Irishman and paired with me in a (6-4) victory against the 'Chemist,' George Hauss and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella to conclude the days play in 90 degree temperatures" continued the 'otiose oaf.' 'Big Al' interjected, "Bulbous bullshitter,' I think you lost more pounds in water weight than you lost games to me and Frankie. Be thankful for that."

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Saturday Morning Blues

"I need a stronger drink."

Had Enough?

"Titan, we made you knockwurst."

Before the Set

And After

Lethargic Losers Lament

"Well, at least we played" was about all TennisTitan could offer at the end of a tough outing at Kinsley Park this morning. Eventually the morning drizzle gave way to gray overcast, oppressively humid skies enabling the six tennis whores who sponge rolled and swept the puddles form the court to get a few sets in.  "Chemist, you must have used all your energy up pushing the broom" was TT's comment to his partner after the (2-6) lambasting administered by Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Rich 'dozin' docent' Gerchak in the opener. Der Klugemeister proceeded to go mano y mano in singles with Chris 'Nigerian Nightmare' Ikhigbonoaremen enabling Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man' to pair with the 'dozin' docent' in the second set of doubles (6-2) against TT/'Chemist.' The final set was not played to completion (3-3 partial) when the participants cried 'uncle, it's too freaking draining' to end a very sorry, soggy performance by the four wet, weary warriors. Not to be outdone off the court, as he was on the court, 'Chemist' asked, "Titan, did you use all your energy up getting out of bed." Truer words were never spoken.

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Enjoy the Independence Holiday

"We have much to be thankful for. Not the least of which was the greatest of all American presidents."

Before the Crash Landing

"One thing TennisTitan, you're no Abe Lincoln, even with that scraggly beard of yours - always remember that."

Who Knew?

"You're surprised? How the hell do you think I feel."

What the f---- happened!?

"Don't worry boys, you'll be Emancipated too" proclaimed the Titan.

Now, what was that address?

"Titan, this is so fitting. It's the 150th anniversary of the bloodiest battle in American history and you redefined the word carnage on the tennis court with your play this morning" lauded Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "Frankie, let me paraphrase something for you I wrote on the back of my business card while I had my 5th cup of coffee at the kitchen table to jack myself up for our match. "The tennis world will little note, nor long remember what I say in my blog, but I will never let you, nor Max 'Tutor' Tuchman and Jose 'Spin Master' Guzman ever forget what we (and I really mean 'I') did here this morning. We were engaged in a great tennis match, testing whether KINSLEY players who are so dedicated, can long endure against a distinguished team from the prestigious LANDING condo in Dobbs Ferry. We met on the the great battlefield of the Yonkers Tennis Center. "Oh, stop with the self-serving speeches' interjected the 'Tutor,' who had mercifully ended their agony at (6-6 partial) in the third set with "I gotta get to New Jersey using the cheaper EZ Pass rate on the GWB." "Spin Master' quipped, "Max, that reminds me. You were passed so many times by TennisTitan during our (6-2, 6-1) shellacking that your racket began to look like mud flaps from my position on the baseline. "Jose, reminded Max, 'four double faults and seven unforced errors ago, you thought we'd roll through these guys. Let us resolve that our ass kicking was not in vain. My tennis game is of the people, by the people, and for the people of the Landing and as long as I continue to make the schedule, it shall not perish from the earth. Jose rejoined, "I should'a stuck to baseball." (Follow the underlined link)