Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Guest Lecturer

"Titan, that Trooper had you so rattled today, that not only did I beat you a set, you forgot to take a new picture. So use this one from your archives."

A Double Defeat

"So Titan, which hurts more that ticket you got coming up to play or you dropping that second set to me (3-6)?" queried Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso. Indeed, the BriarCliff Manor maven was the 'Man of the Match' this afternoon. After the Titan had given him 'a clean sheet' with his (6-0) drubbing in the opener, the 'garrulous gargantuan' had his difficulties against the 'Prez' for the remainder of this sultry summer afternoon. The final set was 'level' at four games a piece with the pressure on the 'pusillanimous psychologist' to hold serve in the ninth game after two hours of intense play. The 'hearty health educator' was running every ball down for the past set and one-half and sustaining rallies against this 'weary wordsmith' like never before. But the 'corpulent competitor' came up with a 'set piece' at break point to take the third set (6-4). The combatants traded jibes as they ambled to their respective cars. "Prez' had you answered your damn phone the first or second time I called you unsuccessfully from the car, I wouldn't have gotten the freaking ticket on my 3rd attempt" lamented the 'loathsome loudmouth.' "Titan, you got what you deserved today. I ran your lard ass around the court, so now you're lighter in the gut. That State Trooper ran that hideous Honda of yours to the side of the road, and made you lighter in the wallet! Any call to me is worth a $100, especially if I come out a winner. Show up in court and plead 'stupidity"

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Ben Wein, the 'newbie'

"I swear, all I did was answer his email. And now this?"

Potent Pair

"The lil' professor enjoyed some 'fine wine' this morning."

We were in 'splitsville' but...

"Hey, it's always a victory for all of us when we get new blood in the game."


"Titan, it seems my partner is a real tennis player and is still a genuine school psychologist too - unlike yourself on both accounts" quipped 'El Pequeno Profesor' at the conclusion of play this sultry morning at Kinsley Park. George 'Teacher' Febles had every right to zing the 'bombastic bumbler' because his play during his final two set against the tandem of TennisTitan and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge was exemplary. 'El Pequeno Profesor' was the perfect complement to newbie Ben 'Fine Wine' Wein who made his first appearance at Kinsley at Titan's invitation. "If I knew you were that good, I would have insisted you be my partner" lamented the 'lethargic libertine' at picture time. "That's just like you" interjected the 'apoplectic Aryan' "I carry your 'listless lard ass' to a (7-5) victory in the opener and you do a Joe Stalin on me, stabbing me in the back, in our (4-6) loss." "But, 'Kraut', not only did 'Teacher' get the best of me all too often, 'El PP,' out rallied you with his defensive prowess most of the morning." The 'testy Teuton' retorted, "This 'Fine Wine' is not even aged yet; he's only 38 years old. How the hell can I contend with his ability, Titan, and your disability at the same time!?" 'Generous George' commented, "Bobby, maybe next week you play with me, then all your problems will be solved." "Hey, Titan, we beat 'em (6-4) in their first set" reminded Frank 'Slats' Slattery/George 'Chemist' Hauss in unison. Ben said, "That's pretty cool the Titan makes an anagram out of my last name, but I'd had preferred he 'just drop the 'e'; then I'd be "Ben WIN, it rhymes too" - see ya 'geriatric jokers!"

Thursday, June 24, 2010

A new Scarlet Letter, 'F' = failure

"He told me 'the stakes were high.' Who knew he didn't like those mailers from Omaha Steaks?"

I made this 'ram eat shit.'

"I always loved that chant as a Jasper. I told him I had a Ph D in tennis. Physical Domination."

Fordham 'flushed'?

"I better not say anything. This guy's ego could knock me down at this time. How do people bear playing him?"

The Third Internship

"So now, Flash, do you know 'what the hell a Jasper is'?" blistered the TennisTitan across the net as he fired his final ace (6th) at his shell-shocked opponent to end the match. Indeed the Manhattan College graduate '68 had taken the Fordham U. student, class of '12 to his own personal slaughter house under the Rose Hill campus lights. As the adversaries met at net the 'crotchety curmudgeon' continued the 75 minute assault on James 'Fordham Flash' Passarelli. The (6-2, 6-2) destruction on the court of the 'nattering neophyte' was not enough. "During my 8 years on the campus in the '60's at the Prep and College you guys dominated us in sports; tonight you got your butt Rammed" zinged the 'arrogant asshole' to the 'perplexed prodigy' from Omaha, Nebraska. "Titan, ease up, I don't need to be explaining a heart attack to these Jamaican security guards who think Bob Marley is jamming with Elvis Presley. Those bastards made me pay for the court time lesson you just gave me." "Buddy, your summer internships at WFUV and that record label downtown ain't nearly worth what you learned out here tonight." "How's that?" inquired the 'chastened cowboy' town youngster incredulously. "You've been schooled by the 'Master Baiter' in singles play; wait'll I make you my partner in doubles and blame you for all my mistakes. Now for your homework, go find out who the real 'Fordham Flash' was. And don't be telling me it was Pete Fornatale. And I'm throwing you a bone better than those in the Omaha Steaks... by promoting your website: http://inflatableferret.com/ "

Saturday, June 19, 2010

You can call me 'Charley McCarthy'

"Do you remember Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smith? Here they are reincarnated."


'Titan, we out lasted you. All we had to do was tire your partner out. That's 'Dave the Rave' behind us skulking away. He knows you're gonna roast his ass."

Ball Breaking

"At least 'not ESPN' didn't quit...and this idiot on my left thinks he's cute giving the camera 'the middle finger.' (Happy Jack thinks this means he's number one).

The Magicians

"What did you expect? Me to pull a rabbit out of a hat" quipped the TennisTitan at the conclusion of play this morning at Kinsley Park. The 'bombastic blowhard' was still smarting from his second consecutive tie breaker defeat when 'Happy Jack' Carey inquired if the Titan was a fan of Harry Houdini. "HJ' had nailed the last three points in the breaker (6-7 [4]) against a hapless Stuart 'not Espn' Scott to lead he and Carl the 'Anonymous Gas Man' to their hard fought victory. "I thought you might be Titan, because you'd have to be an escapologist to get out of the set with a victory with Stuart." "Happy, Stuart did his best and kept us in the match. The first set against George 'Chemist' Hauss and Frank 'Slats' Slattery was another matter." "Pray tell" interjected the 'Anonymous Gas Man.' "Carl, you guys followed the same formula as did 'Chemist'/'Slats' in the opener. You played 'keep away' - keep the ball away from the Titan and your chance of winning the point and game will improve." "Well, 'egotistical egomaniac,' your game was hotter than today's temperature" observed 'Happy Jack.' "You were tired too, Titan, but with you, it's all about heart." "Yeah, but 'Dave the Rave' did a disappearing act in the first set breaker (6-7 [8]). How does a guy try and quit at 8-8 and walk off the court with 'I'm tired. What's up with that?" HJ replied, "I knew you didn't have a chance when he came back on the court...the final points: that woeful return on a nothing Slattery serve, followed by an over hit on the next point that would have made the 'Kraut' proud. He quit but didn't tell you." 'Gas Man' observed, "Maybe, 'Dave the Rave' is a fan of Edgar Bergen or Paul Winchell,- he seems to like to play with dummies!"

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Cigarello, Not a Cigar

"Me and the 'Neck' should have closed out that third set before time ran out, but his game 'needed an adjustment' and I need a chiropractor to get to the ball after 90 minutes.

Vodka Tonic

"Titan, I think 'Russkie' outplayed you in that third set. He's like an aged bottle of Stolichnaya Elit."

Manzi Mania

TennisTitan responded to a late plea for a sub by John the 'Neck' Manzi to join him, Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev at the Yonkeers Tennis Center for three sets of doubles. Your 'bombasic bumbler' paired with 'Electro Lux' in the opening set and dominated in all phases of the game in the (6-1) shellacking of an overmatched 'Neck'/'Russkie.' TT had pop and placement on his serve and a particularly effective lob this day. The 'garrulous gargantuan' continued his 'lights-out' performance as 'Neck's partner in the (6-3) follow up. The final set, (4-5 partial, on-serve), saw a resurgence by 'Russkie'/'Electro Lux' that had them rally from a three - love deficit to grab the lead as time expired. When the group gathered at net 'Electro Lux' commented, "Titan, it appeared that you ran out of gas in that third set." The 'Neck' rejoined, "Bill, 'Russkie's service games were carrying the day for your side. He was staying in rallies with me that he couldn't handle earlier and his improved play as the match wore on was the difference maker." 'Russkie' observed: if I were the partner of the 'bulbous bloviator,' rather than that of the 'vapid vacuum man' in set 2 or 'neurotic nerd' in set 1, I would have already had my victories." The 'Neck' quipped, "Vlad, you are from the USSR... that means you must understand silly, sarcastic remarks made by the Titan during the match. Your victory was that you did not have to have Titan as your partner."

Monday, June 14, 2010

"The Whirling Dervish"

"I thought I rid myself of the Titan when he retired 8 years ago. Dealing with him is more difficult than getting my students ready for their I.B. Biology exam...but at least I get paid for that."

Like Ducks in a Barrel

"Titan, notice my steady aim. It's also how I generate those Buckshot forehands."

'A Priore' reasoning...

"I would take these boys under my wing, but that would be too much work for me."

Truth Be Told...

"Titan, you gave us more work on the court in two hours than we do all week at Yonkers High."

A Snicker Fest

"Titan, that was easier than trap shooting" exclaimed Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso at the completion of the third set at Law Memorial park in Briar Cliff Manor this afternoon. 'Prez,' this was your triple crown" retorted the 'boisterous blowhard.' "Bulltrap!, responded Dave 'Whirling Dervish' McDonald, "Prez, your triple crown is that rye whiskey you keep in your liquor cabinet. I haven't picked up a racket in eight years, and your three victories against me is supposed to be some kind of achievement?" "Easy, Dave, interjected Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "Prez hit 25 out of 25 clay pigeons recently in his trap shooting club, and he wants to count you as number 26, 27, and 28. "Yeah, Dave, in all my years of playing against/with Prez he's never come out on top in all three sets. Cut him some slack!" Our (6-1, 6-2) defeat of you and the 'coddling counselor' was not that difficult of an accomplishment." "And I suppose, Titan, your winning three games with Dave (3-6) as your partner against me and 'Prez," sighed an exasperated 'Slats,' is something to be proud of?" "Nah, not really, Frankie. What is most rewarding is seeing all that sweat on your shirt after the match knowing that I was responsible for almost all of it and that Patsy is only going to add to it when you walk in the door."

Saturday, June 12, 2010

"Kung Fu Fighting"

"I did not expect to be the focus of this blog. I keep my mouth shut and my ears open - unlike the Titan on most Saturdays."

Some Duo


"I didn't expect tennis could be this fun, especially with me having the 'Chemist' as my partner so often... now Dave was my partner today, he didn't expect to have his picture taken...he's giving you that "I'll kick your ass 'look', Titan."

A Nice Surprise

"I didn't expect to win with 'not Espn.' And I am sure he didn't expect to win with me either."

We took two

"The second win was a bagel! That was unexpected."

Kung Fu

TennisTitan joined ten of his mates for three sets of doubles at Kinsley park this morning. Titan paired with Stuart 'not Espn' Scott in the opener (6-2) against Frank 'Slats' Slattery and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella. 'Not Espn' then went on to win his second set this time pairing with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge (6-4) against Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man' and George 'Teacher' Febles. TT teamed with George' Chemist' Hauss for victories against the tandems of 'Slats'/'not no stellar' (6-3), and 'Dave the Rave'/'not so stellar' (6-0) in the finale. 'Chemist' had earlier split two (3-6, 6-3) as Sab 'Koide Kid's partner against 'Dave the Rave' and 'Happy Jack' Carey. As the group gathered at net a heated discussion ensued as to which outcome was most unexpected. Some thought 'not so stellar' losing all three sets was not nearly as surprising as 'not Espn' winning both of his contests. The men who had only played one set - 'Kraut', 'Gas Man', 'Teacher' - felt that they be recognized 'as unexpected' for that fact alone, regardless of the win/loss result. 'HJ' remarked that playing opposite the 'Chemist' rather than as his partner was most pleasureable, if not most unexpected. But it was 'Koide Kid,' the venerable doctor of Asiatic ancestry, who ended debate sagaciously with this observation. "As I advance well into my 80's I continue to observe the small, subtle changes that make the game of tennis so enjoyable to me. Today, we were so blessed." "Wow, this is like Kung Fu in the 1970's" interjected 'Happy Jack.' "Let the master finish" scolded the 'Chemist.' "Today, Titan was sick and therefore very subdued on the court. Could any of us care that he won all three of his sets so convincingly, so unexpectedly? No my children, we bask in the serenity of the moment, thankful that our ears were not continually assaulted by the 'bombastic blowhard."

Saturday, June 05, 2010

The 'Final Four'

"There were 13 of us out here this morning. I wish I had had the opportunity to play you all. The blog would never end though."

Effort with Effortless?

"I've been telling him what the third set is about for 20 years now. He finally listened."

Rx and OTC med men

"Next time we'll have the right antidote for all your nonsense, Titan."

In Happier Times

"Psst, I knew 'Pistol' had run out of bullets."

Easily Dispatched

The Right Medicine

"Pistol, you were so right" quipped the TennisTitan at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this sultry summer morning. TT was referring to the 'prophetic pharmacist's prediction after Thursday's abysmal showing that the 'bloated blowhard' might play better on Saturday. The 'lethargic Lothario' was paired again with the 'Pistol' in sets against George 'Teacher' Febles and Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott (6-2) and then against Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso and Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man' (6-2). "You raised your game a notch yourself" Titan retorted to the 'medicine mixologist.' "Titan, you gave me a dose of my own medicine in that final set" Pistol shot back. Frank 'Slats' Slattery quickly jumped in, sensing that the air of friendliness was leaving the conversation. "Lou, you can't expect to carry the 'garrulous gourmand' in a third set? I had to bear that weight of the 'witty whiner and play with him." "Frankie, cut the shit" blistered the 'cantankerous curmudgeon.' "I have preached that the third set is always about heart! Damn the ability, damn the conditioning, - it is about the will-to-win, and I have that! You needed me on your side." With that said Bob 'Kraut' Kluge couldn't take it anymore. "Lou, we lost a heart-braker; a nail-biting third set (7-5) to a 'pompous prevaricator' and his 'coddling counselor' who actually blew a 5-2 lead. I need a prescription for Acyclovir before we leave." "Bob, that's for an S-T-D, like herpes" informed the 'apathetic apothecary.' "Hell no" fired back the 'testy Teuton.' I'd use it to Stop Titan's Domination!!!

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Five and 'O'

"That's right, Titan. Between us we won all five sets we played individually. Blog that!

Words of Wisdom

"Don't worry 'cry baby.' You might play better on Saturday."

The Final Shot...

'Titan, do you feel better now? Remember I won more games with Sab than I did with you."

"I saved your ass."

"Titan, I've got a reputation to uphold. You understand, don't you?"

Cap Guns and 'Error' Rifles

"Titan, are you sure you packed your tennis racket for your flight back to NY yesterday" inquired Lou 'Pistol ' Gerencser at Kinsley this afternoon. "Your ground strokes (and your mouth) reminded me today of my Daisy Red Rider Air Rifle I had as a kid; plenty of noise but never any damage done." 'Pistol' had drawn the Titan as his doubles partner in what was anticipated to be a hotly contested affair against the tandem of Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Big Al' Diodati. TT was out played from the back court by the 'Italian Stallion' and ''Pistol' misfired often enough at net to make 'Slats' look like Stefan Edberg. The 'flatulent fathead' took a seat after the (1-6, 2-6) drubbing to watch 'Pistol' reload as 'Slats' partner in a (6-1) thrashing of Sab 'Koide Kid' and 'Dave the Rave.' The 'mendacious meat head' managed to salvage his third set because 'Dave the Rave' supplied enough defense against the pairing of 'Koide Kid'/'Pistol' for the 'gluttonous gourmand' to claim a (6-3) victory. As the foursome left the yard 'Dave the Rave' was still refusing to have his picture taken with the 'bloated blowhard.' "Titan, I'm a community organizer. How would it look if I became President and had to explain my association with you! I can't count on the press giving me the same break they have given Obama. You make Bill Ayers, Reverend Wright, Tony Resco, et al look like decent people."