Saturday, April 26, 2014

We so enjoyed it

"So thoroughly satisfying to shut you up."

Who? Me!

"Titan's never taken responsibility for anything in his life. And he has the nerve to complain about Obama!?"


"Sometimes we just shouldn't get out of bed" lamented the 'loathsome loud mouth.' That's about all TennisTitan could muster after he got his comeuppance along with partner 'Rockin' Rick Ricci.  The pair of (3-6,3-6) defeats administered by George 'Deli man' Hauss and 'Happy Jack' Carey put a damper on what had already been a damp day at Kinsley Park. Overnight rains had the six players expend precious energy (in Titan's case at least) preparing the courts for play. 'Happy Jack' while dragging on his post match cigarette as if it was fine champagne observed, "Titan, as soon as I saw you walking Tully and your laborious efforts picking up his dog crap, I knew you'd play like shit yourself." An inquisitive 'RRR' pressed 'HJ' for an explanation. "Rock, when the Titan has to use the frame of his racket to steady himself to bend over because he can't flex his knees, George and I knew that there was no way he'd get to a ball at his feet or out of his strike zone." "Did you ever think Jack that I was conserving my energy so I could enjoy my 50th High School reunion tonight" retorted the 'immobile Minotaur.'

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Call us 'The Creamsickle Boys"

"Look at him. Even 'Tutor' was stunned by my play."

"Class dismissed boys."

"What a difference a week can make."

Righting the Ship

"Max, last week was a nightmare for me against these guys" beamed the TennisTitan at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "I played so poorly." "You'll have sweet dreams tonight Titan" countered an ebullient 'Tutor' Tuchman. "Our (6-3, 6-3, 3-2 partial) victories over Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott was as impressive as our defeat at their hands last week was disappointing" continued the 'maven of mayhem.' Titan had his "A game" on display, featuring pop and placement on his serves, effective control of his ground strokes, and precision in his passing shots down the line. At picture time the 'Russian Bear' bellowed, "You were like Putin and we were your Obama; we gave you no resistance as you pushed us all over the court. Your mouth is Obama - like, many flowery words but with no substance to it." "And the blog" interjected 'not Espn,'  "is all lies, lies, lies."  "Tutor' giggled and said "Stuart, you can keep your partner next week too."

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Overdrawn Credit

"Joe, you understand now, don't you. I gotta take credit for your victory over these fellow tennis ho's."

Always Good for a Laugh

"Patsy, can I come home now? I think I have been humiliated enough here."

Shock 'n Awe

"Titan, we were indeed shocked by your level of play, and as always, in awe of your ability to take all the credit in the blog."

A Resurgence

TennisTitan broke out of his recent slump 'big time' this afternoon at Andrus Park in Yonkers, NY. The 'boisterous buffoon' joined mates George 'Deli man' Hauss, Frank 'Slats' Slattery and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz for three sets of high caliber play. Titan paired with the 'Deli man' in the opening (3-6) set loss and more than held his own in attempting to fend off the baseline power and finesse at net that 'Gimpy Knees' provided throughout the entire two and half hour session. Teaming with 'GK' in the second and third sets against the 'Slats'/'Deli man' tandem the 'egotistical idiot' provided ample support to enable 'GK' to sweep (6-3, 6-4) all his opponents this day. Titan did not have pop on his serve but for once had a semblance of a net game and well placed ground strokes. TT's baseline power and accuracy gave his opponents fits at net, blasting away at an overwhelmed 'coddling counselor' and often handcuffing the 'Deli man'. A bemused 'Slats' and a confused 'Deli man' acknowledged that defeating 'Gimpy Knees' is always difficult regardless of who his partner is, but it is near impossible when Titan fails to cooperate and make more unforced errors than they do.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Marone-ah Mia

"He could not pull me through, I played so poorly."

"With me, all things are possible!"

"But I could and did."

The Victors

"Everything turned out A-OK for us."

Innocent Bystanders

"When 'Kraut' and 'Big Daddy' rally in our doubles match we are lucky we don't have to pay to watch."

Master of Disaster

"Lethargic Libertine! That's what you should call yourself" offered the 'testy Teuton. Bob 'Kraut' Kluge paired with TennisTitan in an unevenly played first set and managed to eke out a (6-4) triumph despite the desultory, ineffective play of the 'bloated behemoth' beside him.The set contained marvelous rallies displayed between 'Big Daddy' Dave Lipscomb and 'Der Klugemeister' who exchanged powerful groundies from the baseline.  In stark contrast were the error laden balls misplayed by the Titan and the equally inept 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. After the set the 'Kraut' relinquished his spot to Jim 'Leaping Lefty' Marone making a rare appearance at Kinsley. 'Kraut' claimed fatigue from a a cold but it was clear to the onlookers that he had a serious case of 'titanitis' which demanded rest. TT and the 'Leaping Lefty' dropped the ensuing set (4-6) to George 'Deli man' Hauss and 'RRR.'  The 'Rock' reminded Titan and picture time that 'sometimes it's time to quit when you can't play to even your low standards."

Thursday, April 17, 2014

We Passover-ed You

"Our smiles tells it all."

The Ritual

"You can do this, Titan. It doesn't taste like gefilte fish."

Maven of Mayhem

"Try as he might, TennisTitan will never be a Jew if he only wants to eat knishes."

The new Old Testament

"Titan, I felt I was wandering in a desert for 40 years prior to our (6-1) victory in the final set" exclaimed Max 'Tutor' Tuchman at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "Max, today was a day like no other for the TennisTitan. I had an unleavened serve, dead legs and an ineffective forehand against Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. We were so badly outplayed (3-6, 2-6) in the first two sets that I felt I was at my own Bris."  Max replied, "TennisTitan, this was no seder, even if you had matzah during a change over. I am no mohel but I do note your last name bears a certain irony to our painful afternoon together. We were slaves to the precise serves of 'Russkie' and the dominance at net of 'not Espn' as surely as my ancestors were slaves to the Pharaoh" continued the 'maven of mayhem.' It should not be forgotten by the readers of your blog that our Exodus this afternoon, even after so pitiful a performance on our part, is on a winning note.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Proof of the Ravages of Time

Field Day April 1964

"Yeah, that's the Titan out in front."

Notice that we're still wearing white

Fifty years ago we competed against each other in the Field Day held for the senior class at Manhattan Prep... today we feel like Seniors and we had a 'field day' in that last set

"Titan, I can lose with the best of them."

"You know that when us Italians entered World War II on the side of the Germans in 1940, we helped you Americans win that then too."

Field Day 2014

TennisTitan continued on his roll this morning at Kinsley Park. Taking on the formidable pair of Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci the 'bloated behemoth,' with George 'Deli Man' Hauss providing ample support, erased a 2-4 deficit in the opening set to capture a (6-4) victory. Titan had pop on his serve and mastery of his ground strokes from the baseline, surprising 'Der Klugemeister' with nonreturnable serves, extended rallies and overpowering a defenseless 'RRR' at net. 'Happy Jack' Carey and Rich 'dozin' docent' Gerchak succumbed to a similar fusillade of precise power and surgical strikes from the baseline (6-2) in set two. However,the coup d' gras was the third set when Jasper classmates of 50 years ago, Gerchak/Briscoe, united for a stirring (6-4) triumph over the out dueled, out hustled tandem of 'Rockin' Rick and the 'Deli Man.' As the crew met at net for post match handshakes the Jaspers reminisced about that fateful day five decades ago. An irritated 'Rockin' Rick who had been abused terribly this week by the Titan scored big time with this observation: "I bet one of you had hair on his head in those days and one of you didn't have hair on your face. And you had to have been better looking then too."

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Doing a little tutoring myself

Max drove all the way home from Boynton Beach this week to play with the Titan. I didn't want to disappoint him now, did I?

Potent Pair

"Titan, we gave it our all but just came up a little short."

Return of the Jedi

"We were like Peaches and Herb" was TennisTitan's deadpan response to Max 'Tutor' Tuchman's innocuous comment.  TT/'Tutor' successfully paired for (6-4, 6-4) victories against the resilient duo of Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and Rich 'dozin' docent' Gerchak. TT/'Tutor' got off to slow starts in both sets but managed to come through as winners through a combination of guile and grit. The 'pusillanimous prevaricator' had pop on his serve at crunch time in both sets and the 'maven of mayhem' was adroit with his volleys and half volleys from the baseline. As the tandems met at net for the obligatory pictures and 'Briscoe banalities' Max wondered aloud as to how he and the Titan meshed so well together after not having played as partners in nearly one year. Titan broke into a chorus of the one-hit-wonder husband wife team from the spring of '79, Peaches and Herb .... 'Reunited and it Feels So Good.'  The 'dozin' docent' remarked, "Tom, you should call yourself TennisTritan because all your remarks are 'trite' at best!

Monday, April 07, 2014

From Start to Finish


"The streak is intact. He had me 1-3, 40-love in the 3rd set and things were looking bleak but..."

Stretching the truth

"I can't believe it, Titan. You did it to me again. A clean sweep (2-2-3). I am ready to burn my USTA card" frumped 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. "I've been trying to win a set from you in singles the past ten years and just can't seem to do it." "Rick, you are in very select company" responded the Titan. "You mean the guys at Kinsley and at the Yonkers Tennis Center who tolerate your bullshit and agree to play singles against an opponent who talks incessantly during the match" retorted 'RRR.' "No, guys who've never beaten me, but won't even call me for a match anymore." "Your a charter member for sure, Ricky, but you haven't given up hope. You called me for this match." My buddy in Tarpon, George 'Genealogist' Pratt has eight years of frustration under his belt; you'd come in second place with a 'decade of destruction' offered the 'bloviating blowhard.' "You mean there is a bigger patsy than me out there in your blogosphere" responded the 'incredulous Italian.' "Rick, he's another paesano. That's why I call him 'El Prezidente' in the blog. Rich 'Prez' Prezioso has been playing me since '92 back in our Lincoln HS days. He's 0 for two decades. I think he lost my phone number in '11."

Saturday, April 05, 2014

The Hauss is on Fire!

"The Deli Man is deadly with his slice on windy days."

Dave the Rave exits left.

'Titan, my partner doesn't want his picture taken for the blog. Who can blame him?"

'Rockin' Rick in a rare moment of silence.

"Rick, a big smile, no one will know we blew a 4-2 lead."

Two Too Many Ricks

"You almost blew that lead too, Titan. It would have been a Ricochet Romance, ala Teresa Brewer, 1955."

Let it Begin

Titan had declared the first Saturday in April the official opening of the 2014 outdoor season at Kinsley while luxuriating on the beach at Fred Howard Park in Tarpon Springs last week. So, he with six other stalwart Kinsleyites rolled the court dry this morning and engaged in three spirited sets of doubles in windy Yonkers.
Fittingly 'Rockin' Rick Ricci drew TennisTitan as his partner against 'Dave the Rave' and Frank 'Slats' Slattery. 'RRR'/TT squandered a 4-2 lead as they were outlasted (4-6) on the long points by their more fleet afoot opposition. 'Happy Jack' Carey and George 'Deli Man' Hauss also succumbed  (2-6) to that same pairing.The 'bloated blowhard's morning was salvaged when Titan and the 'Deli Man' held on for a (7-5) triumph over Rick 'dozin' docent Gerchak and Rockin' Rick.

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Final Jeopardy

"Today's category is 'Slattery.' And the final jeopardy answer is: 'Billy Slattery.' The Question please..."

The King and the Tsar

"Titan, you just barely managed to hang on against us. Treat us royally in the blog."

Is this Reparations?

"Titan, I don't care about the shots 'not ESPN' takes. I just like the calls he makes against you."

Where is the love?

'Slats' thinks I left my game in Florida. I told him it was not in the cards today to win that third set."

The Heart of the Matter

"It's all about heart" is what I said responded Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "Frankie, three sets is tough on the Titan" interjected Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott at picture time. "No Stu, what was tough on the Titan was that back breaking call you made in the ninth game of the third set that cost me a chance at a sweep (7-6 [4], 6-1, 4-6). Your partner, 'King Gene' swallowed the whistle as usual and made no call knowing that you were contorted into a knot trying to hit a shot over your left shoulder that clearly caught the line. "Titan, I crushed my cousin Frank for you in the second set. Show me some respect. Don't be a bitter old man. You should be used to losing by now" continued my Liege. "But I was going to 'shoot the moon' with that third set win lamented the 'lame libertine.' 'Not ESPN' jumped in quickly, "now don't be calling me the Queen of Spades" interjected Stuart. I am a proud heterosexual after all. "So who is the best HEARTS PLAYER in the Slattery clan" queried Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. "I think it is my uncle Bill" opined the 'coddling counselor.' "Let's give it to Billy Slattery" added Gene. He is the true "King" in the family. He reads this inane blog, at least.