Saturday, June 27, 2009

'GSA' Award Presentation

"It is fitting Bob receive the first Gray Socks Award. He is most likely to appear in a porn movie because of his stamina!"

Just Desserts?

"This is no way to treat me."

"6-4"... Now out the Door!

'Not so stellar" with 'not Espn'

"Not so fast! Until you defeat us, those socks are only loaners."

Socking It To Them

"Titan, we did mean it literally! Put a sock in it" chorused the three doubles teams remaining at Kinsley at conclusion of play. TennisTitan and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge had captured the impromptu Carl 'Speedy Legs Gessman honorific - the prestigious 'Gray Socks Award.' TT/'Kraut' defeated the tandems of George 'Chemist' Hauss/'Speedy Legs (6-4) and Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Big Al' Diodati (6-4) to remain the only undefeated pair this date. 'Slats'/'Big Al' ended the morning with but one win in a set having defeated Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella after dropping their opener against 'SL'/'Chemist.' As the boys met at net for the award presentation Titan magnanimously suggested that the pair of new socks go to 'Der Klugemeister.' The German had led the attack with superb court coverage in both victories and capitalized on TT's surprisingly effective volleying at net. The Teutonic marksman somehow took umbrage at Titan's remark that, "Kraut, you couldn't get your backhand over the net regularly or your serves in with your usual consistency. Perhaps you won't double fault getting the socks over your toes!"

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Apothecarial Apocalypse

"Lou filled the Rx for me today - Ipecac Syrup"

The Blues Brothers Revisited

Modern day Elwood and Jake. That's 'Prez' jaking off, messing up a picture as well as he does any point.

A Dose of His Own Medicine

"Titan, give 'Pistol' a break; he's been on the Disabled List for three weeks for Christ sake" hollered Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso at the conclusion of play this morning at Kinsley as the rain increased in intensity cancelling any thoughts of a rubber set. Titan was whining that his partner didn't bring his Luger to the court but rather a shotgun with loads and loads of buckshot. Indeed, Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser fired nothing but blanks especially at net during his and TT's split of two sets (6-4, 4-6) against the tandem of 'Prez' and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. The 'bloated behemoth' acquitted himself well considering his having logged five plus hours of intense doubles play over the previous two days. "No aches and pains today? 'truculent tortoise'" queried 'Slats' from the the adjacent court. 'Chemist' then quipped, "The bombastic blowhard's always a pain." 'Big Al' contributed, "he makes my ears ache." 'Dave the Rave' giggled "Because Titan's here I'm having fun." Gerencser, a retired pharmacist, acknowledged at plays conclusion "I know Titan, I have to take my medicine in today's blog. I doled it out enough in my 35 year career. Anyway I'm getting worse treatments nowadays than anything you can say about my game." 'Kraut' interjected "Yeah, you'll also get the typical side affects from the blog - headache, nausea and indigestion." 'Prez' finished it off with his only winner of the day: "Titan's already got diarrhea of the mouth!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Paul the 'Merry Mailman'

"As a kid I watched Dick Heatherton on his TV show... but that's because his daughter was Joey Heatherton - the Lindsey Lohan of the '60's."

Priority-FirstClass-Parcel Post

"Titan, would you call yourself 'junk mail?'

Carrying One Kind of Male

"I'm sending him home with a better appreciation of carrying his regular mail."

Going 'Postal'

"I am used to carrying a sack of mail through the street, not lugging a lard-ass loser on an asphalt tennis court" lamented the crest fallen letter carrier realizing that he had missed his opportunity for a sweep of the days action. TennisTitan had taken to the outdoor courts at Kinsley today, taking no chance that tomorrow's regularly scheduled game might be a rain out and it'd be a weekend without tennis. TT joined Frank and Gene Slattery and newbie 'Paulie the Merry Mailman' in four high quality sets of tennis. TT/'Merry Mailman opened the afternoon's action with a dominating (6-2) drubbing of the cousins Slattery. 'Slats' and Titan switched partners for the second and third sets. "Titan, I don't have enough postage on my return" was Frank 'Slats' Slattery's rationale. The 'Merry Mailman' continued to elevate his game as the afternoon progressed and significantly outplayed his opponents. 'MM' serves with pace and his ground strokes offer movement and great depth. 'King' Gene Slattery and 'braggadocios bullshiter' could only muster winning rallies against the more tepid returns of 'Slats' in their (3-6, 2-6) manhandling. The final set brought the original pairings back together again to conclude this three hour marathon. Cousins Slattery withstood 'MM's opportunity to serve it out at 6-5 rallying to take the final set (6-8). As the foursome met at net to plan another match in the future 'King' Gene remarked, "Paulie, you still have a first class game." Titan interjected "Gene, make it a priority to control your backhand volley. And Frankie, your serve is strictly parcel post!" In unison the trio turned to Titan and retorted: "You should be certified crazy. And all your returns - receipt requested."

Thursday, June 18, 2009


"I think you should drink before we play."

Questioning Titan's Ability?

"Ah, Titan. You don't have an answer for us."

Hell Freezes Over?

"We're just gonna sit here until you play a decent game of tennis, Titan."


"You better make that something stronger" quipped the TennisTitan to his partner Max 'Tutor' Tuchman at the end of today's play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. TT was reacting to 'Tutor's comment of earlier in the day that no matter how badly he and the 'bombastic blowhard' were defeated by Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and 'Big Al' Diodati he would still savor his two glasses of wine at dinner with his beloved Sandy. The maven of Dobbs Ferry and the peripatetic psychologist gave it all they had but still came up short in their (2-6, 3-6, 1-2 partial) losses. 'EBL' blanketed the net, fully anticipating every return made by the 'Tutor.' The Titan's inability to cover the short cross court return from 'EBL' prompted 'Big Al' to parry "Max would you like me to stand on the other side of the net and cover that shot for the 'bloated braggart?" Potential winner after winner was denied either by 'EBL's incredible court coverage or 'Big Al's commanding reach or reflex volley into the open court. As the teams converged at net Tully opined, "Hey we're all winners today to be even playing. Yonkers is getting 2 inches of rain and we had a hell of a good time for $52 of court time." Max retorted "for $52 I could be drinking campaign tonight." 'Big Al' ended the discussion with "Campaign is for winners. Have some Kedem. I understand it's kosher."

Saturday, June 13, 2009

TT was Desparate for a Win

"Gratitude is fine, but this is just too much - even for him."

'Handy Andy' and 'Not So Stellar'

Will they come back?

"Hell no!"... says the 'Rave'

"Slavery's over. I don't want to be your partner."

'Slats' getting in the last words

"Titan, I can win with these guys at my side. You just take the picture."

Sweating One Out

"Titan, you were damn near out of potential partners" quipped George 'Chemist' Hauss as the rain began to fall in earnest mid-day at Kinsley Park. 'Chemist' was the last of TT's three mates in the four sets the 'immobile minotaur' participated this date. Titan paired with 'Big Al' DioDati in his opening (3-6) loss to the 'Chemist'/'Speedy Legs' Gessman. Then the 'truculent troubadour' moved his moribund act to the challengers court wherein he teamed with newbie 'Handy Andy' Gilbert. The combo of 'Big Al'/Frank 'Slats' Slattery overwhelmed the 'pedantic panderer' and 'Handy Andy' (1-6). Next, stepping on to the court to deflate the 'flatulent fathead'/'Handy Andy' tandem were 'Dave the Rave' and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella who put another (3-6) hurtin' on the Titan team. With the departures of 'Slats,' 'Speedy Legs,' 'not so stellar' there were now no winners willing to adopt the 'languid loser' for one final set. 'Big Al' opined "Titan, I got that loser's taste out of my mouth when I played with 'Slat's' against you. Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso similarly begged off with, "I've already lost two sets, I don't need to be a three time loser, 'mendacious malcontent.' That said 'Chemist' stepped up. "Titan I didn't show the past two Saturdays at Kinsley. You're with me now because I deserve to be punished." Bob 'Kraut' Kluge snickered "my back hurts already anyway. I'd rather team with 'Dave the Rave' than the 'bloated behemoth.' The (7-5) victory eked out by 'Chemist'/TT over the 'Rave' and Der Klugemeister was especially sweet, if not pretty.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Eerie Ones...but they can play

"Look at those eyes... any wonder..."

Bearded Wonders

"I just love a white beard. But why can't I have his white hair too."

The Neck and Prosac Kid

Are they 'classics' or what!

"There (h)Ego(e)s Again"

TennisTitan joined Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching in a (6-2) victory against John 'Neck' Manzi and Chris the 'Prosac Kid' in the only set played to completion at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The 'motormouth monster' had it all working this afternoon leaving his adversaries scratching their heads unaccustomed to seeing such dominance from the 'bearded blatherer' and his partner considering setting up a rocking chair on court. This is not to say that TT was not heavily physically taxed. 'Electro Lux' can no longer serve and covers less ground than the 'bloated blowhard.' TT held service successfully four times, covered 'Electro Lux' backhand side impeccably on defense and lasered the backhand corner with unstoppable approach shots. 'SuperBillie Boy' Ching finished so often at net with easy put-away volleys that he had to remind the Titan, "easy, Big Guy, I'm trying not to lift my right arm over my head - cardiologists orders." As the foursome met at net the 'Neck' commented, "Titan - only contribute $10, not $15 for today's indoor session since I was delayed 30 minutes getting here. Same for you 'Prosac' and 'Electro Lux.' To wit 'SuperBillieBoy' answered, "John, consider the $25 you will now pay in court time fees a good investment. You attended a tennis clinic -TennisTitan style!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Old Farts at Play

"Can you guess who won by the picture?"

Bible Teacher

"I wore 2 'w's today. One for each win."

"Maybe Next Time Rick"

"Titan is such a dick. But he loves the game as much as I do so I put up with him."

Bible Studies

"Titan, I don't know how you do it, but you do it to me every time" commented an exasperated 'Rockin' Rick Ricci at the end of his 100 minute ordeal against the 'bloated behemoth.' TT had accepted a last minute invitation for a late afternoon singles match against 'RRR' to be played at Schultz Park in Northeast Yonkers. 'Rockin' Rick was itchin' to get off the schneid (having never beaten TT in singles) against another tennis whore who never has enough sense to 'just say no.' The two sets played were very different in content but brought forth the same happy result for the 'boisterous blowhard.' "It was like a truck hit me" lamented 'RRR' after the first set massacre (6-1) that saw TT run to a 5-love, 40-30 lead before choking on his bagel. The resurgent retired NY Times pressman broke the 'pathetic panderer' in the first game of the second set at love and held (also at love) to set the tone for the uphill struggle for the 'languid lothario.' TT came back from love-30 in the 3rd game, and love-40 to break 'RRR' after the 4th deuce to level the set at 2. The 'implausible impostor' ginned up his game to knot the contest at four and hammer nailed his forehand with precision to break 'RRR' at love in the decisive ninth game. As the combatants met at net after the 'flatulent fathead' served it out without difficulty, the Irascible Italian complained, "I blew that second set quicker than I ever blew into my saxophone in my gig playing days." Titan replied sheepishly, "what just happened, it's be done before: John 11:38-53.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

'Kraut' was Sour today

"Frankly, Titan, I'm kind of happy that I put the 'D' - as in defeat - in your Day!"

Played well this Day in Defeat

"We thought we had you, but we didn't have a plan to finish you off."

Speedy Legs with Dave the Rave

"I didn't come here for a history lesson."

It's War!

"Titan that first set reminded me of D Day. Just like 65 years ago today, June 6th 1944, you were slaughtered by a 'Kraut' as you hit your Omaha beach- Kinsley Park" chortled the Teutonic One, Bob 'Kraut' Kluge after he annihilated the TennisTitan in their set of singles (2-6). 'Der Klugemeister' then joined forces with the 'blundering blatherer' for a set of doubles against 'Rockin' Rick' Ricci and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott. 'RRR'/'not Espn' had survived their first set meeting (8-6) against the tandem of 'Dave the Rave' and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman to earn the right to defend champions court against 'Kraut'/TT. And defend they did! 'RRR' dominated the baseline rallies with 'Kraut' and 'not Espn' played above his norm to open a surprising four-love lead. But just as D Day turned the tide in the allies fortunes three generations ago, so too did the steady play of the 'ponderous panderer' working 'not Espn's' backhand. 'Kraut,' struggling with his serve and back hand this day, began to find the mark. With the set even at four, 'Kraut' was again broken to give the upstarts a 4-5 lead. The bombings of Dresden and Berlin to end WWII were no less devastating than TT's/'Kraut's winning the final three games to take the set (7-5). As the boys met at net 'Der Klugemeister' declared, "Tommy boy, you are the new Eisenhower! You may be run over by superior firepower at the beginning of a tennis battle, but you always seem to have a plan, an Operation Overlord, to win the set in the end. "Titan rejoined, "Kraut, my man Winston said "Never was so much owed by so many to so few" after the Battle of Britain." "This applies to you today."

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Everyone's a Critic

"Something stinks here. It's more than the tennis."

No way he tires me out.

Making My Case

"One Win, One Loss - not bad for me."

'I need their legs, not barks."

"My fan base is incredibly loyal."

The Familiar Family Failure

"Your dogs barking rattled my game more than anything you threw at me on the court, Titan" was Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe's comment during the changeover between sets one and two at Kinsley Park today. The 'bungling Bomber' (5 double fault gifts) had just dropped the first set (6-4) to TennisTitan and was determined to avoid the ignominy of a sweep. The 'unctuous uncle' captured the critical seventh game with a break at love and held on to serve it out three games later. The 'Jersey Bomber' went to plan B in set two and eventually righted the ship. The 'naughty nephew's hustle and all court play dwarfed his one dimensional 'rotund relation' throughout the two hour struggle. That effort paid off midway through the second set when the 'Jersey Bomber' turned a three-love deficit into a 3-4 lead with effective serve and volley play and consistently running down TT's near winners. Titan gamely hung in there avoiding a complete melt down evening the set at 5 apiece. "I talked to my cousins, Titan, - your sons - 'Big Daddy' Jeff and 'Hoya Saxa' Russ. They told me you can't finish. They're right!" quipped the 'resurgent Robbie' as he waltzed to his (5-7) victory by breaking his Godfather at love to end the match. "And TennisTitan please refer to me as the 'Mammoth of Monmouth' in your insipid blog. You'll hit the Chinese buffet harder than your first serve."