Saturday, August 15, 2015

Happy 11th Birthday, Blog

Saturday morning at Kinsley continues to be a TennisTitan tradition even if he remains unmotivated to write a narrative. Here are 10 Boys of Summer that beat on me all too often.

Thursday, May 07, 2015

2015 Tennis Dinner


Saturday, April 25, 2015

Hiatus

TennisTitan is on an extended break from writing his inane self serving blog. He continues to enjoy playing as his body permits but has decided to discontinue the narratives for the time being. Perhaps new opponents will generate a renewed interest and ease my writer's block.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

A Repeat Performance

"My Nigerian Nightmare' dresses like Rinaldo but plays like del Potro."

Sartorial Splendor


"No matter the color of his shoes, I-Man can carry me to victory."

Still standing tall

"Titan, Carl disappeared on the court too."

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Instructor instructing

"Slats had already won three sets earlier  today with a superior player. He needed the challenge I provided."

Taking them to 'school.'

"We don't even know what a homonym is."

Baby Steps

TennisTitan returned to the indoor wars this afternoon. He teamed with long time doubles partner Frank 'Slats' Slattery for two sets (6-4, 6-3) against Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The 'bulbous buffoon' showed signs of improved play over his recent woeful Saturday morning performance. But once again his best play was pairing himself with the most dominant player. The tandem of 'Slats'/TT didn't hit their stride until 30 minutes into the action when they reeled off 8 straight games erasing a 2-4 deficit in the opener and then grabbing a 4-love lead in the second set. Titan had some pop on his serve but not any other tools in his on court toolbox. Titan commented to the gathering at picture time "the road back from hip surgery is longer than my trip north on I-95." 'Slats' quickly observed, "Anyway, I see you know where all the rest stops are regardless of the road you're on."

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Men of Color and Distinction Served Me Well


Dr. James Joseph: "I replaced his hip. I can't help his serve or his performance on the court."

 'I-Man': "Titan doesn't need a serve with me and the 'orange wings' on my feet do his running too."

Wounded Warriors

"I like to wear my USA shirt when I play with George - 'Usual Sucky Attitude' is how it reads.

Cheers

"I'll take my hat off to anyone who makes me look like a tennis player. The 'I-Man' did it

"Special" Guys

"Titan, you worked with handicapped students. Why do I have to be George's partner?"

Return of the Titan

"Playing with you always reminds me of a B grade movie - not much action, and too much dialogue" quipped George 'deli man' Hauss. The 'deli man,' himself, recovering from a partially detached retina, was quickly tested as TennisTitan's first doubles partner since the 'lumbering Lothario's hip replacement five months ago. 'Dave the Rave' and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella thoroughly outclassed the 'rusty rehabilitants' (1-6). "George, your game is not good enough to send me home a winner today" declared the 'deserting doofus,' I need to play with someone who is actually significantly better than me - and today it ain't you." "I can see that, (if not a tennis ball)" deadpanned the 'goggled googler.' With the aid of Chris "my Nigerian Nightmare" Ikhigbonoaremen Titan salvaged the day with a mid-morning bagel (6-0) over 'not so stellar/deli man'. As the 'hobbling hipster' waddled off the court following his beloved Tully he reflected on his indebtedness to his 'men of color' - the 'I-Man' for a short term boost, and 'Dr. JJ' for a continued life of fun. Thank you both.

Thursday, October 02, 2014

Misfit + (3)

"They told me that my play wasn't worthy of being on the same side of the net with any of them. It would be a lane violation."

Two Happy Guys

"See, Vic can smile in defeat. With me he's got no choice."

Bench Jockeys

"I always tell Max, 'Keep your chin up. Today he listened."

Feeling Violated

"Titan, you're a basketball referee's worst nightmare - and you do it on the tennis court," chuckled Gene ' once a King' Slattery upon completion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this date. 'Once a King' and Bill 'EBL' Tully paired for sets against the tandems of TennisTitan (1-6) with Vic 'not a Free' Mason, and then Max 'Tutor' Tuchman (1-6) with 'not a Free' Mason. The 'Energizer Bunny Legs' was returning after recent knee surgery and shoulder repair showed modest flashes of his once dominance. 'EBL' and the 'deposed despot' far outplayed their opponents despite 'not a Free' Mason's attempt to keep the games competitive. "Titan, I'd call 'a walk' on you every time the ball was hit to your side" quipped amateur basketball referee Slattery. "The pea would wear out in my whistle every time I worked a game you were in." "Wait a second" interrupted the 'Tutor.' "Titan likes to travel. As a matter of fact he's heading for Florida next week. He only played one set so he could sit comfortably on the plane."  EBL rejoined, "Max with the Titan you don't wait a second. It's a three second violation he commits when he attempts to react to a ball out of his reach."  Mason added "I'd like to call a 'block' on any future plans of me being his partner." "No, no Vic do what I do. When the 'bombastic blowhard' is my partner I yell that's a 'charge' and I make him pay my $17.38 fee for my playing time.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Georgie, come lately (brother of Johnny)

"He was 30 minutes late but thank God he showed up to save my sorry ass."

"We weren't counting on a tie breaker."

"Titan, give Vic some time. It takes a bit to get used to your on court blather."

Vic, but not like in victory (today)

"Seriously, is he like this every week?"

The Effort

"Come on now George, give me some credit, at least for effort if not for ability" Titan whined as he reached for his camera. "You can't even tie your sneakers without my help" exclaimed the 'deli man' George Hauss as a perplexed Victor 'not a Free' Mason looked on.  "And now you expect me to win every point as you stand there as a not so innocent bystander."  Vic Mason, a newbie to the Thursday afternoon group, received his baptism of TT bullshit as TennisTitan and 'deli man' rallied from a 2-5 deficit to steal the only set played this date in a tie breaker (7-6,[1]). The 'hobbling hobo' did his part in extending rallies and lasering an occasional winner past Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and his befuddled partner. "George, you were supposed to be here at 2 PM for the start of play, not 2:30" critiqued the 'bombastic blowhard. Don't screw up again!" "Me? Screw up!?! With you as my partner: impossible. I expended ninety minutes of energy playing an hour as your partner."  To wit 'not Free' Mason turned to 'not Espn' and said, "is he always like this? And he brings his dog too?"

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Solomonesque

"Instead of splitting the baby, we split the Slatterys...looks like I chose correctly."

Deposed

"What can I say? He's still a Prince of a Guy."

Royal Bullshit

"You're no Jim McKay" commented Gene 'King' Slattery alluding to the agony of today's (4-6, 3-6)
defeat.  Hell, you needed Barry MacKay to gain the thrill of victory against 'Tutor' and me" interjected Frank 'Slats' Slattery. TennisTitan was in no mood for humor as he tried to squat his fat ass on the bench without bending his hip at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. Titan was/had the ultimate pain in the ass this date as his play could only be generously described between pathetic and abominableTitan returned to the tennis wars after a month's absence hoping that his ailing joint wouldn't disappoint. It did, but not as much as his chosen partner. "You're as much of a 'king,' Gene,  as that Charles, Prince of Wales over in England who has been waiting for his mother to croak over 40 years and become 'King' of the Limeys" offered the 'hobbling hobo.' "Titan, your game is as ugly as his sour puss" retorted my Liege. "Fellas, fellas, this day is supposed to be all about my wonderful play at net" interjected Max 'Tutor' Tuchman "let's not dwell on the fact Gene couldn't make a volley all day and that Frankie severely outplayed him from the front and back court." "Yeah, Titan doesn't care much about who's king as long as it is from the 'House of Slattery.' He just picked the wrong partner" said the smiling 'coddling counselor.'

Monday, August 18, 2014

"Not today, Titan."

"Kraut, how could you let me down? You're supposed to have game, even if I don't."

Spoiled Sports

"We just wanted to give you a little something to think about on your upcoming trip to Florida."

The truth does hurt

"You see Titan, I can win with Joe, just not with you today."

On the Runway to Oblivion

Titan paired with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge for a disappointing loss (6-7 [4]) to George 'deli man' Hauss and Frank 'Slats' Slattery this date at Andrus Park in Yonkers in his final match before leaving town. In the opening set the 'Coddling Counselor' came up short as TT's partner in a (4-6) loss at the hands of Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Der Klugemeister.' At picture time the 'bombastic blowhard' remarked "now I know how Willie Mays felt when he played for the Mets in '73."

Saturday, August 16, 2014

On the Victory Express

"As usual 'Kraut' was driving the bus this morning. I think he ran over two senior citizens, however."

"We're just waiting for the bus."

"Titan, obviously we played you in off peak hours. We don't have a token of respect for your game."

Exact Change

"It's alright Titan. I'm allowed one carry on bag in each trip I make" chuckled 'Der Klugemeister' at picture time. "You fit snugly into the overhead compartment even if your jabbering drowns out my dispatcher." TT/'Kraut' managed a (6-4) victory against Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Happy Jack' Carey this ideal weather morning at Kinsley Park. "Titan, you should sit in the handicapped seat on Bob Kluge's bus the way you waddle around the court nowadays" observed 'Happy Jack.' "I wouldn't put any more money on your Metro Card" exclaimed 'Gimpy Knees.' Your ability to play competitive tennis is about to expire."

Thursday, August 14, 2014

"He asked for it...so..."

"I can get used to this."

Out Gunned

"Hey, I was happy to just be able to finish the set."

"With friends like these..."

"Insolent Idiot, you belong in a doubles game where some one can make you look half decent on the court."

"No Titan, you are just finished.

After waiting around too damn long to get into the next doubles match (which never did materialize) TennisTitan and Rich 'dozin' docent Gerchak opted for a set of singles. As in most sports the superior athlete will win out, and this was no exception. Titan opened a 2-love, 40-love lead only to drop the set (3-6). The 'dozin' docent' awoke in the third game to realize that all that was needed was an extended rally and the 'blogging bullshitter' would be unable to retrieve even the easiest of returns out of his strike zone. At picture time a 'gracious Gerchak' reminded the Titan, "remember back in our high school days we called our Principal 'The Gimp' he was so hobbled.  How about you adopting a new moniker: 'gregarious gimp.'

Saturday, August 09, 2014

"And on one leg, mind you"

"Prezzie showed up for the first time in months. I showed him who's (still) boss."

Laudable Losers

"Maybe we were outplayed, but with 'Not ESPN' I am never out classed."

Life Preserver

"I need someone with talent to beat you Titan."

Just Like Old Times

TennisTitan returned to the courts after more than a two week absence in deference to his ailing left hip. He could not have been happier to find at Kinsley 'El Prezidente' Rich Prezioso making a rare appearance. "I hear drums" announced the Titan as he and the retired health educator squared off for the umpteenth time in another singles match that goes back twenty years to their days at Lincoln High School together. "I now know what it takes to beat you" retorted the emboldened maven of Briarcliff Manor who, with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge won the opening doubles match (3-6) against TT and Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott. "Even I can win a doubles match against a superior duo when 'Der Klugemeister' is at my side. This is mano y mano, hombre." Titan raced to a 4-love lead and eased to a (6-2) victory that led to Prez observing, "anytime that a loss to you doesn't cost me a post match luncheon bill is a win for me, boisterous blowhard.' The fact that you didn't even suggest we do our usual bet shows that my game intimidated you." "No Prezzie, it wasn't that. I was trying to determine which drum to use. I beat you like a kettle drum when we played at Lincoln, like a bass drum when we play at Law Park in Briarcliff, but given the changing demographics here at Kinsley I decided that congas would be best" crowed the 'acerbic asshole' as he reached for his camera.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

"No 'weak sister' am I."

"I liked today's results much better."

Spin Master returns

"Don't mess with us. We're in shape and ready to Tae Kwon Do."

Terrible Twos Day boys?

"Weak sister? Me!? I played like a mensch."

Writing Rongs

"Yeah, I know that is not the spelling you expected 'Slats,' but it wasn't the results (6-4) you and George 'deli man' Hauss had anticipated either. TennisTitan was strutting and preening after his decisive first set win with Bob 'Kraut Kluge this afternoon at Andrus Park. "I don't even have a sister" exclaimed 'Der Klugemeister' but if I did I'd pick the Titan. He was not weak today, but clutch on the big points. 'Deli man' was caught several times leaving the alley open for the 'crafty charlatan' and you 'coddling counselor' could not out rally the 'boisterous blowhard.' "This has to go down as our 'terrible Tuesday' lamented the lame laggard,' Frank Slattery who with the 'deli man' sustained another (6-4) loss at the hands of the 'Kraut' and Jose 'Spin Master' Guzman, subbing admirably for the aching 'pusillanimous prevaricator' who rested on his laurels on the side lines. TennisTitan paired with the 'Spin Master' in a truncated third set (3-3 partial) against the tandem of 'Kraut'/'deli man.' Guzman, a Black Belt, paid Titan due homage at the conclusion of play noting that TennisTitan is a master at spinning in his blog. "Phew" interjected 'Slats,' I was afraid you'd call him 'Sensei' and we all know that if TT had any sense he wouldn't play with a deteriorating hip."