Tuesday, July 22, 2014

"No 'weak sister' am I."

"I liked today's results much better."

Spin Master returns

"Don't mess with us. We're in shape and ready to Tae Kwon Do."

Terrible Twos Day boys?

"Weak sister? Me!? I played like a mensch."

Writing Rongs

"Yeah, I know that is not the spelling you expected 'Slats,' but it wasn't the results (6-4) you and George 'deli man' Hauss had anticipated either. TennisTitan was strutting and preening after his decisive first set win with Bob 'Kraut Kluge this afternoon at Andrus Park. "I don't even have a sister" exclaimed 'Der Klugemeister' but if I did I'd pick the Titan. He was not weak today, but clutch on the big points. 'Deli man' was caught several times leaving the alley open for the 'crafty charlatan' and you 'coddling counselor' could not out rally the 'boisterous blowhard.' "This has to go down as our 'terrible Tuesday' lamented the lame laggard,' Frank Slattery who with the 'deli man' sustained another (6-4) loss at the hands of the 'Kraut' and Jose 'Spin Master' Guzman, subbing admirably for the aching 'pusillanimous prevaricator' who rested on his laurels on the side lines. TennisTitan paired with the 'Spin Master' in a truncated third set (3-3 partial) against the tandem of 'Kraut'/'deli man.' Guzman, a Black Belt, paid Titan due homage at the conclusion of play noting that TennisTitan is a master at spinning in his blog. "Phew" interjected 'Slats,' I was afraid you'd call him 'Sensei' and we all know that if TT had any sense he wouldn't play with a deteriorating hip."

Saturday, July 19, 2014

"Here's Joey..."

"I can't wait to find out what moniker Titan gives me. Actually it's the only reason I showed up after promising to make an appearance the past 5 years."

Before the match

"I can count on the 'Kraut' for maximum effort."

"Not today, not tomorrow and not on Tuesday."

Can I call you "Providence Patsy?"

"Titan, we wanted to send you home happy."

The aftermath...

"Kraut says 'I'm beyond his help and should change my nickname to 'Big Al' now that Diodati has retired."

It wasn't Devine Providence

"I see I must baby sit you now, Titan" chuckled Joe the 'flying friar' Polchinski at the conclusion of his first appearance at Kinsley Park this morning. "Twenty-five years ago you couldn't get enough of me when you needed a sitter for Russell. Now you should pay me that same $5/hr. to be an opponent you can beat" continued the Providence College grad. And so it was, TennisTitan salvaged what was a painful morning, literally and figuratively, with a (6- 1) victory over the 'flying friar' and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella with the aid of 'Der Klugemeister.' It was another story in the first set when the all court play of the formidable tandem of George 'deli man' Hauss and Frank 'Slats' Slattery proved too much for TT/'Kraut' (3-6). "I can run for you 'hobbling hobo' commented the 'testy Teuton' but I haven't figured out how to keep it in the court for you." "You are an albatross to my game - you, my 'bloated behemoth' friend are truly 'Big Al.'

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Saturday in the Park

Saturday in the Park

"Please note that size order is not correlated with ability. George is a teacher and he wanted me to remind you if you've never seen me play."

"He's My Redeemer"

"I keep telling him; 'this is what good friends are for. I want him to feel good about himself."

A Bit of Truth

"Either of us would have won too if we had played with 'Kraut' as a partner. We took a beating because you're a cripple Titan."

"What the F**k!"

"Stunned!? - just doesn't describe it."

Return to Normalcy

"Titan, no one wants a history lesson from you anymore than they would want a tennis lesson" snapped a disgruntled George 'teacher' Febles. He and Rockin' Rick Ricci had been spanked (6-1) by TennisTitan and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. "Yeah, interjected fellow 'acerbic Aryan' Carl the anonymous Gas Man' we Germans are still sensitive about the aftermath of World War I. You quoting Warren G. Harding is only appropriate because you'll likely be voted worst tennis player in Yonkers as he has been thought of as our worst president." Der Klugemeister came quickly to the Titan's defense. "Titan was on fire this morning. That 'bad boy' undressed Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott and 'the anonymous Gas Man' (6-1) with a fusillade of cross court winners and the occasional laser down the alley." "Nice of you to remind them Bobby" giggled the 'gaudy gargantuan.' Especially since these four 'lame losers' likely voted Democrat both times and have given us truly the worst president ever." "But that doesn't change your status 'bloviating  behemoth.' Somehow you get the most success out of the least talent," quipped 'Rockin' Rick.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Three Men Who NEED a Tub

"Welcome back Titan. Every group needs a 'bottom man' and you fit the bill perfectly."

"I expected more out of him...

It's about time

TennisTitan returned to the courts this day joining mates Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz, Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Frank 'Slats' Slattery in three sets at Andrus Park in Yonkers. Titan paired with the 'testy Teuton' for the first two sets and was spanked (0-6, 4-6) as he tried to shake off seven weeks of court inactivity and a balky left hip. Der Klugemeister performed far below his usual level, further exposing Titan's inability to carry his part of the load. Greater success was attained in the finale with 'Slats' doing yeoman work (4-6) bringing a modicum of respectability to the 'bloated behemoth's game. At picture time the affable group acknowledged that neither the Saturday Kinsley group nor the midweek sessions at Andrus had the intensity that TT's aggravating and aggrandizing comments add to the game. 'Slats' opined, "yeah Titan, with you back in the fold, I no longer have to worry that I am the weakest link in this chain of tennis players."

Thursday, May 08, 2014

The Venue: Dom and Vinnie's

"They always remember the mayhem we bring every year and they still let us in. And the food was top notch at the annual dinner."

"Doesn't get any better than this..."

"Ok boys, after the food, let's party."

On the horn

'Rockin' Rick Ricci... who also has the brass balls to lead us merrily in this idiocy."

On the accordion

Carl the "anonymous Gas Man" soon to be seen on the corner of Broadway and 79th St. with a cup near his feet.

On bass

"The Spin Master" Jose Guzman... lucky he has a day job.

Introducing the...

"Titanette Trio"

Live it! or ReLive It!!!

Well, follow the link and join the party

Saturday, May 03, 2014

Party Time

"We're doing the Four Tops classic from 1966, Titan: 'It's the Same Old Song.'

Never Admit Defeat

"I think we would have still won that second set had the 'gas man' been able to stay."


TennisTitan and Rich 'Dozin' Docent again paired together for doubles against 'Happy Jack' Carey and Carl the 'anonymous gas man.'  In two evenly played contests TT/'DD' managed a (6-4) victory in the only set played to completion. Set two ended (5-6 partial) when the 'anon. gas man' bailed Cinderella like at noon. As the harried husband hustled off the court to meet his wife's expectations, a haughty TennisTitan reminded the putative victors, "I only blog complete sets, and Carl. 'Cinderella had to be home at 12 midnight, not 12 noon." To wit, his partner, 'Happy Jack' remarked, "Titan, you can't weave Rapunzel into the story line because Carl's almost bald."

Thursday, May 01, 2014

Hook 'em Horns

"Make that two sets, please. We'll put one on each horn."

Men in Black

Combo Platter

"I would gladly trade my hair for his legs. But would he take that deal...that's what I thought too."

Jasper Jottings

Rick 'dozin' docent Gerchak was welcomed back to the tennis world in style as TennisTitan's partner today at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The pair of Manhattan Prep ('64) and Manhattan College ('68) alums routed Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman (6-2) in the first set and held on for a (6-4) victory in the second. 'Dozin' docent' displayed his exceptional court coverage and fine defensive ability to effectively compliment Titan's game. The level of play of the Jaspers dropped in the second set enabling 'Tutor'/'Russkie to erase a 1-5 deficit to make things interesting. At picture time 'Tutor' remarked, 'you guys play well together. Have you ever thought of going to a tennis academy together?"The 'Russian Bear' added, "that's one school they'd never graduate from."

Saturday, April 26, 2014

We so enjoyed it

"So thoroughly satisfying to shut you up."

Who? Me!

"Titan's never taken responsibility for anything in his life. And he has the nerve to complain about Obama!?"


"Sometimes we just shouldn't get out of bed" lamented the 'loathsome loud mouth.' That's about all TennisTitan could muster after he got his comeuppance along with partner 'Rockin' Rick Ricci.  The pair of (3-6,3-6) defeats administered by George 'Deli man' Hauss and 'Happy Jack' Carey put a damper on what had already been a damp day at Kinsley Park. Overnight rains had the six players expend precious energy (in Titan's case at least) preparing the courts for play. 'Happy Jack' while dragging on his post match cigarette as if it was fine champagne observed, "Titan, as soon as I saw you walking Tully and your laborious efforts picking up his dog crap, I knew you'd play like shit yourself." An inquisitive 'RRR' pressed 'HJ' for an explanation. "Rock, when the Titan has to use the frame of his racket to steady himself to bend over because he can't flex his knees, George and I knew that there was no way he'd get to a ball at his feet or out of his strike zone." "Did you ever think Jack that I was conserving my energy so I could enjoy my 50th High School reunion tonight" retorted the 'immobile Minotaur.'

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Call us 'The Creamsickle Boys"

"Look at him. Even 'Tutor' was stunned by my play."

"Class dismissed boys."

"What a difference a week can make."

Righting the Ship

"Max, last week was a nightmare for me against these guys" beamed the TennisTitan at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "I played so poorly." "You'll have sweet dreams tonight Titan" countered an ebullient 'Tutor' Tuchman. "Our (6-3, 6-3, 3-2 partial) victories over Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott was as impressive as our defeat at their hands last week was disappointing" continued the 'maven of mayhem.' Titan had his "A game" on display, featuring pop and placement on his serves, effective control of his ground strokes, and precision in his passing shots down the line. At picture time the 'Russian Bear' bellowed, "You were like Putin and we were your Obama; we gave you no resistance as you pushed us all over the court. Your mouth is Obama - like, many flowery words but with no substance to it." "And the blog" interjected 'not Espn,'  "is all lies, lies, lies."  "Tutor' giggled and said "Stuart, you can keep your partner next week too."

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Overdrawn Credit

"Joe, you understand now, don't you. I gotta take credit for your victory over these fellow tennis ho's."

Always Good for a Laugh

"Patsy, can I come home now? I think I have been humiliated enough here."

Shock 'n Awe

"Titan, we were indeed shocked by your level of play, and as always, in awe of your ability to take all the credit in the blog."

A Resurgence

TennisTitan broke out of his recent slump 'big time' this afternoon at Andrus Park in Yonkers, NY. The 'boisterous buffoon' joined mates George 'Deli man' Hauss, Frank 'Slats' Slattery and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz for three sets of high caliber play. Titan paired with the 'Deli man' in the opening (3-6) set loss and more than held his own in attempting to fend off the baseline power and finesse at net that 'Gimpy Knees' provided throughout the entire two and half hour session. Teaming with 'GK' in the second and third sets against the 'Slats'/'Deli man' tandem the 'egotistical idiot' provided ample support to enable 'GK' to sweep (6-3, 6-4) all his opponents this day. Titan did not have pop on his serve but for once had a semblance of a net game and well placed ground strokes. TT's baseline power and accuracy gave his opponents fits at net, blasting away at an overwhelmed 'coddling counselor' and often handcuffing the 'Deli man'. A bemused 'Slats' and a confused 'Deli man' acknowledged that defeating 'Gimpy Knees' is always difficult regardless of who his partner is, but it is near impossible when Titan fails to cooperate and make more unforced errors than they do.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Marone-ah Mia

"He could not pull me through, I played so poorly."

"With me, all things are possible!"

"But I could and did."

The Victors

"Everything turned out A-OK for us."

Innocent Bystanders

"When 'Kraut' and 'Big Daddy' rally in our doubles match we are lucky we don't have to pay to watch."

Master of Disaster

"Lethargic Libertine! That's what you should call yourself" offered the 'testy Teuton. Bob 'Kraut' Kluge paired with TennisTitan in an unevenly played first set and managed to eke out a (6-4) triumph despite the desultory, ineffective play of the 'bloated behemoth' beside him.The set contained marvelous rallies displayed between 'Big Daddy' Dave Lipscomb and 'Der Klugemeister' who exchanged powerful groundies from the baseline.  In stark contrast were the error laden balls misplayed by the Titan and the equally inept 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. After the set the 'Kraut' relinquished his spot to Jim 'Leaping Lefty' Marone making a rare appearance at Kinsley. 'Kraut' claimed fatigue from a a cold but it was clear to the onlookers that he had a serious case of 'titanitis' which demanded rest. TT and the 'Leaping Lefty' dropped the ensuing set (4-6) to George 'Deli man' Hauss and 'RRR.'  The 'Rock' reminded Titan and picture time that 'sometimes it's time to quit when you can't play to even your low standards."

Thursday, April 17, 2014

We Passover-ed You

"Our smiles tells it all."

The Ritual

"You can do this, Titan. It doesn't taste like gefilte fish."

Maven of Mayhem

"Try as he might, TennisTitan will never be a Jew if he only wants to eat knishes."

The new Old Testament

"Titan, I felt I was wandering in a desert for 40 years prior to our (6-1) victory in the final set" exclaimed Max 'Tutor' Tuchman at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "Max, today was a day like no other for the TennisTitan. I had an unleavened serve, dead legs and an ineffective forehand against Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. We were so badly outplayed (3-6, 2-6) in the first two sets that I felt I was at my own Bris."  Max replied, "TennisTitan, this was no seder, even if you had matzah during a change over. I am no mohel but I do note your last name bears a certain irony to our painful afternoon together. We were slaves to the precise serves of 'Russkie' and the dominance at net of 'not Espn' as surely as my ancestors were slaves to the Pharaoh" continued the 'maven of mayhem.' It should not be forgotten by the readers of your blog that our Exodus this afternoon, even after so pitiful a performance on our part, is on a winning note.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Proof of the Ravages of Time

Field Day April 1964

"Yeah, that's the Titan out in front."

Notice that we're still wearing white

Fifty years ago we competed against each other in the Field Day held for the senior class at Manhattan Prep... today we feel like Seniors and we had a 'field day' in that last set

"Titan, I can lose with the best of them."

"You know that when us Italians entered World War II on the side of the Germans in 1940, we helped you Americans win that then too."

Field Day 2014

TennisTitan continued on his roll this morning at Kinsley Park. Taking on the formidable pair of Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci the 'bloated behemoth,' with George 'Deli Man' Hauss providing ample support, erased a 2-4 deficit in the opening set to capture a (6-4) victory. Titan had pop on his serve and mastery of his ground strokes from the baseline, surprising 'Der Klugemeister' with nonreturnable serves, extended rallies and overpowering a defenseless 'RRR' at net. 'Happy Jack' Carey and Rich 'dozin' docent' Gerchak succumbed to a similar fusillade of precise power and surgical strikes from the baseline (6-2) in set two. However,the coup d' gras was the third set when Jasper classmates of 50 years ago, Gerchak/Briscoe, united for a stirring (6-4) triumph over the out dueled, out hustled tandem of 'Rockin' Rick and the 'Deli Man.' As the crew met at net for post match handshakes the Jaspers reminisced about that fateful day five decades ago. An irritated 'Rockin' Rick who had been abused terribly this week by the Titan scored big time with this observation: "I bet one of you had hair on his head in those days and one of you didn't have hair on your face. And you had to have been better looking then too."

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Doing a little tutoring myself

Max drove all the way home from Boynton Beach this week to play with the Titan. I didn't want to disappoint him now, did I?

Potent Pair

"Titan, we gave it our all but just came up a little short."

Return of the Jedi

"We were like Peaches and Herb" was TennisTitan's deadpan response to Max 'Tutor' Tuchman's innocuous comment.  TT/'Tutor' successfully paired for (6-4, 6-4) victories against the resilient duo of Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and Rich 'dozin' docent' Gerchak. TT/'Tutor' got off to slow starts in both sets but managed to come through as winners through a combination of guile and grit. The 'pusillanimous prevaricator' had pop on his serve at crunch time in both sets and the 'maven of mayhem' was adroit with his volleys and half volleys from the baseline. As the tandems met at net for the obligatory pictures and 'Briscoe banalities' Max wondered aloud as to how he and the Titan meshed so well together after not having played as partners in nearly one year. Titan broke into a chorus of the one-hit-wonder husband wife team from the spring of '79, Peaches and Herb .... 'Reunited and it Feels So Good.'  The 'dozin' docent' remarked, "Tom, you should call yourself TennisTritan because all your remarks are 'trite' at best!