Thursday, January 30, 2014
"Titan, I asked if you will watch the games at Sochi in Florida, not do you eat sushi" corrected a euphoric Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. "Your hearing is worse than your volleying" continued the 'victorious Vladimir.'"Rarely do I taste the sweet nectar of victory when I play with someone other than Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully, so today I bask in an unexpected outcome.To win with you TT against these two reminds me of the shock of the Miracle on Ice in the motherland." Indeed, TennisTitan and the 'rejuvenated Russian' managed a (6-4) triumph against 'Big Al' Diodati and 'EBL.' The tandem was a break up (4-3 partial) in the second set when time expired. Titan lauded the play of his usually moribund partner who showed hustle to the ball, pop and placement on his serve, and more control than usual on his oft erratic backhand. 'Big Al' put it in perspective at picture time noting that this outing was his first since returning from the outdoor courts at Pompano Beach, and that for today at least, 'EBL' stood for 'eviscerated, broken, limping' wheels accounting for the 'Tullyville trolley's inability to chase down balls that usually come back as winners.
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 5:00 PM
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
"Titan, what the
fuck" was all 'Rockin' Rick Ricci could say at 7AM at the Yonkers Tennis Center this snowy morning as Titan entered the locker room. 'Rock, I'm desperate. There's no chance of outdoor play with the snow cover here in Yonkers and temperatures always below 20. So I got up at 5AM first to shovel, then to get a couple of early bird sets in and wish you a happy birthday to boot." Aches and pains be damned, TennisTitan paired with the reliable George the new 'Deli man' Hauss in two hard fought sets against the inestimable 'RRR' and Dr.Steve 'DDS' Goldberg. After 90 minutes of play that foursome had split both sets (4-6, 6-4). A rusty 'odious oaf' and an over worked 'deli man' salvaged their morning by running the table in the second set after being down 1-4 to end the match on a high note. At picture time 'RRR' wondered if TT would note that the tandem of 'Rock'/Deli man had run roughshod over the Titan and Hannibal "Caballero' Mistorini (0-5 partial) before time expired. "Absolutely not 'Rock!' You know the blog rule: no incomplete sets are worthy of mention" countered the 'peripatetic prevaricator.' "How do you know Steve is a Doctor of Dental Surgery queried the 'Caballero.' "I don't" responded the 'bloviating bullshitter.' "But that lefty's got a Damned Deceptive Serve!"
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 12:53 PM
Monday, December 02, 2013
"Titan, Richie and I were just doing our part to get you properly prepared" grinned Gene 'King' Slattery at the conclusion of his three set sweep this afternoon at Kinsley Park. TennisTitan and regular doubles mate Frank 'Slats' Slattery were out gunned (2-6, 3-6, 4-6) by 'King' and Rich 'Royal Crown' Condon. "Frankie had to do more running for you today than usual" observed the 'man who reminds all 'my name ends in an 'n,' not 'm.' But he can't help you tonight 'laxative lackey,' you're on your own." "Frankie, I can't even say 'we were hosed' by bad calls" continued TennisTitan. "We just got the 'shit kicked out of us.' The man known as 'My Liege' remarked, "Oh, you'll be hosed tomorrow on that cold steel table.You'll wish it was by a tennis racket." "Not to worry'" 'soothed the 'coddling counselor,' you shouldn't have much trouble with the procedure...after all, you are the biggest asshole in the group."
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 8:26 PM
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 4:35 PM
"Today was really my feast" quipped an 'exuberant egotist' as he reached for his camera. "Titan, you've got much to be thankful for, but your tennis skills should not be on the list" opined 'Big Al' Diodati. "It probably should be your choice in partners" smiled George 'deli man' Hauss who led TennisTitan to impressive bookend victories (6-2, 6-2) against the chastened 'Italian Stallion' who had paired with Frank 'Slats' Slattery and then with Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man.' "And what of my third set triumph then?" deli man,' countered the 'blatant blasphemer.' I took the 'coddling counselor' under my wing, and lo and behold, 'Slats' had a win. Need I remind you former 'Chemist,' that I doused your Bunsen flame (6-4) to complete my sumptuous meal against all who opposed me this frigid morning at Kinsley Park. 'Happy Jack' Carey, victimized along with the 'haughty Hauss,' summarized it best as he dragged on his cigarette, "Titan, we all knew that your 'bloviating hot air babbling' during the sets would more than offset the 25 degrees temperature this morning."
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 4:28 PM
Saturday, November 23, 2013
"Why don't you just declare this 'Your Turkey Day' cackled 'Big Al' Diodati as he happily smiled next to Bob 'Kraut' Kluge as they reflected on their (3-6) opening set victory over TennisTitan and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. "You see 'odious oaf.' I can and do win when I pair with a complete player. And his name doesn't have to be the Tullyville Trolley, just not the 'braggadocios blogger" continued the 'Italian Stallion. 'Der Klugemeister' continued, "I might have had some concern in the second set when Rick wised up and chose to play with me when you drafted fellow Deutschlander 'Carl the Anonymous Gas Man' to be your partner, but even he could not negate your ineptitude on this chilly, windy day at Kinsley Park. The (2-6) thumping was the gravy on this blustery day you got your just desserts, Titan." "Bobby, you were stuffing your power serve right down the tee. With Mr.Potato head as my partner, there was not much I could do, We were mashed! 'I will turnip my nose and that cranberry soon enough. Let's get out of here before the turkey is cold," laughed the 'anonymous Gas Man.'
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 10:22 PM
Thursday, November 21, 2013
"But Al 'it's not over until the fat lady sings' was TennisTitan's pathetic response to a disconsolate 'Big Al' Diodati's forlorn look as he sat on the bench awaiting the inevitable end of match picture. "We were coming back from a 2-5 deficit in the final set and had it (4-5 love -30), well on our way to breaking when time ran out" pleaded the 'loathsome loud mouth.' "But 'insufferable idiot' responded the 'Italian Stallion,' you had dominated the opposition when you had had Max Tutor.Tuchman (6-2) and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev (6-1) as partners in the first two sets. You promised me a victory. Why did your game desert you when I was your partner, queried the 'officious octogenarian'.?" The 'Russian Bear' interjected "In the old Soviet Union our leaders were men like the Titan, 'boisterous buffoons,' always making promises they never intended to keep. To wit the 'sagacious septuagenarian' a taunting 'Tutor' replied, "Vlad, that seems to be the problem we have here in America now. And, by the way Al, you can keep your partner, period! And to think we both voted for that 'inept incompetent' twice."
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 8:51 PM
Saturday, November 16, 2013
"At least it was a beautiful day" offered Rockin' Rick Ricci in his attempt to soothe TennisTitan's disappointment in dropping both sets (3-6, 3-6) to 'RRR and Chris 'I-Man' Ikhigbonomarem at Kinsley this delightful fall morning.'Titan, you can't expect to play as well against "I-Man" as you did against me and 'Slats' yesterday; his game is at another level" sympathized George 'Deli man Hauss.' "But, how about me - and my game" interjected the 'Rock.' "Your play 'was lights out today' agreed the former 'Chemist' turned 'sandwich maker.' "The only way we would have won against these two this morning is if I invoked the old 'Deli man's' trick" observed George, "And what's that?" queried my 'Nigerian Nightmare.' "Thumb on the scale as you weigh the cold cuts." "Anyhow Titan, you already cheat with your bad calls" giggled 'Rockin' Rick.
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 10:30 PM
Friday, November 15, 2013
"Well I have been known to have had an occasional breakfast at the Mont Olympus diner on Central Park Avenue" was TennisTitan's deadpanned response to the praise lavished on him by Bob 'Kruat' Kluge following TT/'Kraut's double victory (6-4, 6-0) over George 'deli-man' Hauss and Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "You played like a veritable Greek god today, 'exalted egotist,' remarked a 'flummoxed Frank.' "He must be on steroids" interjected his 'Tuetonic teammate.' "Six weeks without playing a set in Florida and he dominates us with his play today" said a 'doleful deli man,' I suspect 'testosterone therapy' continued the 'coddling counselor.' Indeed, TennisTitan could do no wrong at the Andrus courts this date. Power serves, razor sharp returns, deft volleys coming off his racket like never seen before. The sine non qua that proved the Titan's unfettered prowess was TT/'Slats' (4-3 partial) effort in the truncated finale over 'Kraut'/'Deli man.' Fittingly, Titan ended the contest's tie breaker with a hard nonreturnable serve to 'Der Klugemeister.' "And remember 'V' is not only for Victory, but Viagra too" offered the 'vacuous vociferant' as he stood erect and then packed up his dog. "Two hours on the court or two minutes in bed. Sex was never this good," the group agreed as they headed to their cars.
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 6:00 PM
Thursday, November 14, 2013
"There's no place like home" sighed the TennisTitan as play concluded at the Yonkers Tennis Center this date. "This ain't Kansas" remarked 'Big Al' Diodati to the 'smiling sexagenarian.' Titan didn't much care that the results played out as expected in today's sets. The (1-6) opening set loss with 'Big Al' was the prelude to the (6-0) effort with 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Bill Tully as Titan's partner. The (3-4 partial) final set with Titan pairing with Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev proved to be the most competitive. "This is the pairing we should always use with this foursome" commented the 'bloated blowhard' at picture time."Well, some people without brains do an awful lot of talking don't they?" retorted the Russian bear. " I am not the Scarecrow" the Titan answered back. "I know who you are" interjected the 'Tullyville Trolley.' "Since you played with so much heart in that third set as you always do against me, you can't be the Tin Man. You must be the Cowardly Lion who has the courage to write this stupid blog." "Think again EBL" said 'Big Al.' "Who else brings a dog to a tennis match? And serves like a girl? Titan is Dorothy in drag!"
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 8:36 PM
Saturday, September 28, 2013
"Titan, now you can go to Florida knowing that you'll be remembered for something" giggled Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "You mean as a 'winner' retorted TennisTitan after he and the 'coddling counselor' had finished off Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott and George 'ex Chemist' Hauss (6-1) in today's finale. "No, not as a winner, but as a party pooper" chimed in 'Happy Jack' Carey. "We finally add the 'Chemist' as an always available player with his retirement yesterday and you go and beat him with me at your side twice, three consecutive sets (6-4, 6-2) exclaimed 'not ESPN.' The first order of business is 'I want a new nickname' commented George. The sobriquet 'ex Chemist' just doesn't ring true. How about 'Deli Man' recognizing my wicked side slice serve, and back spin dropper" added the 'ribald retiree'. "I was thinking more along the lines of 'cheeky coach' stated 'Happy Jack,' but then I realized George 'up 'YOURS!' Hauss has a meaning all in Kinsley would understand about your game.
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 6:37 PM
Thursday, September 26, 2013
'Big Al' you must have not noticed. Bill 'EBL' Tully was not your partner today' opined Max 'Tutor' Tuchman. The 'Italian Stallion' and the 'Tutor' managed to run out the clock and stave off 'Big Al's third consecutive defeat this afternoon at the Yonkers Tennis Center (5-3 partial) versus TennisTitan and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. "I must have been a more than suitable replacement for 'EBL' continued the Tutor.' "I managed to lead Titan back from a 1-3 deficit in the second set so that the 'bloated blowhard' can crow about a (6-3) victory in his self-serving blog over you and the 'Rock.' "That (3-6) setback you sustained in the opener with Titan as your partner was entirely TT's fault" continued 'munificent Max'. "How so, 'esteemed educator' queried 'Big Al.' "Had not the 'noxious nitwit' tired himself out warming up "RRR' and myself as we waited for our fourth, perhaps you would have had a victory in the first set" ventured the 'mawkish maven.' "But I was the fourth" responded 'Big Al.' " I know. That's why you would've deservedly lost all three sets, save for my dillydallying in the final set" replied a 'testy Tutor.'
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 8:02 PM
Thursday, September 12, 2013
"I can get used to this" TennisTitan remarked to no one in particular at picture time. The 'slothful slob' had just completed the daily double at the Yonkers Tennis Center with (6-4, 6-3) triumphs both against and with the Tulllyville Trolley. "Bill, I needed to beat you today because tomorrow you'll be celebrating your birthday and I prefer my notable victories to come against younger men." "So why did I lose to you twice this afternoon" groused 'Big Al' Diodati. "Al, you're the senior member of our little group.We all aspire to have a solid game like yours at any age, but it was apparent today that you had to save your breath to blow out four score and four more candles on your cake this coming Monday." "And what about me," inquired Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "Sad to say, Frankie, but beating you is no longer a notable victory. Tuesday's results ended that!" The 'coddling counselor' replied, "easy for you to say Titan, but my winning with you as my partner, especially against 'Energizer Bunny Legs' is always a notable victory for me in my book."
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 9:50 PM
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
"No, Frank. I don't wanna hear 'what would Julie say.' I want to hear what Patsy would say." "You pull that crap with her, like you did with me this afternoon, she'd have your ass in court for non-support" carped an enraged Gene 'King' Slattery to cousin Frank 'Slats' Slattery at Andrus Park. The 'King' was none too happy losing the first set, after being up 2-4, (6-4), along side his cousin, to the TennisTitan and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. "You know I can't take losing to anyone, especially when I am clearly a far better player, but to lose to that 'obnoxious oaf,' my God, my sons Chris and Chuck will be incredulous." "Gene, they went to Concordia. They don't know the meaning of the word" answered Frank. "They never lose in tennis, especially against the likes of that 'crippled curmudgeon and his motor mouth' responded my Liege. "Gene, I meant the word 'incredulous' corrected the 'coddling counselor.' "You abandoned me at my time of need with the irretrievable breakdown of your volley at critical times" critiqued a 'flummoxed Frank.' "And we did beat TT/'Kraut' (1-6) in the second set" continued 'Slats.' "Seems like you two need Richard Dawson here next time to play Family Feud" interjected the 'Kraut.' "But let me remind you," Titan and I were up (4-1 partial) in the rubber before my bus duty called. And if you two think you were coming back to beat us with the kind of support and team work I get from the Titan, then we have 'irreconcilable differences.' With that, a sheepish Frank turned to Gene and said, "how the hell can we explain this to Billy at our next game of hearts." "It's easy" quipped the Titan, 'tell him it'd be cruel and inhuman treatment to beat Titan at a sport he loves so much!"
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 5:27 PM
Saturday, September 07, 2013
"And this is a war Prezzie" was the TennisTitan's retort. Indeed, it was a battle from start to finish as the Titan and 'Happy Jack' Carey out lasted (7-6 ) George 'Chemist' Hauss and Rich 'El Prezidente' Prezioso in the opening set. Tempers flared on both sides of the net over alleged missed calls. TT's needling of the 'hapless health educator' was more than the maven of Briarcliff Manor could stand. Taunts of "your cataracts are riper than Beef Steak tomatoes" were hurled at the 'boisterous bullshitter.' "Prezzie, your barbs are no more accurate than either your rotten returns or 'opportune astigmatism.' Under cooler circumstances Titan paired with Frank 'Slats' Slattery for the second set with Stuart 'Not ESPN' Scott stepping in as 'Chemist' partner for the departed 'aggrieved antagonist.' The set was not played to completion, ending at 4 games a piece to enable the participants to watch the Men's Open Semifinal. 'Slats' opined "listening to you and 'El Prezidente' this morning, Titan, brings back memories of a McEnroe - Connors semi in the early '80s... not their tennis mind you."
Posted by Your bloviating TennisTitan at 10:17 AM