Saturday, June 29, 2013

"At least 'Chemist' came to play."

"He works Monday through Friday. I figure he should work Saturday mornings too."

Not ESPN and Gas Man

"Maybe we shouldn't showed up either,Titan."

Kennel Club

TennisTitan paired with George 'Chemist' Hauss at Kinsley this date and came away with wins  (6-4, 6-3) over Carl the 'anonymous gas man' and Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott. Down love - three in set one thanks to the superb play of  'not ESPN' the victors ran off five straight games to ease into winner's circle. TT/'Chemist' cruised to a 5-1 lead in set 2 before allowing the opposition back into the match. At picture time the 'gas man' observed, "with the heat and humidity this morning, Titan, it was very appropriate, if not humane, that you brought Tully. It seems that the dog days of summer have arrived early."  And 'Chemist' quickly added, "Titan was really dogging it too. Did he run for one ball? Tully lifts his one leg more than Titan lifts two!"

Thursday, June 27, 2013

My Bubble is Burst

"The question is; Which prick did it?"

Need More Proof? Just Read

"Alright, let the moaning and groaning start.'

Master of Disaster

"Titan, I can't do it all. Not every freaking day I am stuck with you" commented Bob 'Kraut' Kluge to a disappointed  TennisTitan. "But you have to" interjected a jubilant Frank 'Slats' Slattery "that's a prerequisite when you're Titan's partner." It had started so well at Wilson Park in Yonkers this summer afternoon with TT/'Kraut' easily handling 'Slats' and Joe 'Gimpy Legs' Cruz (6-3) in the opening set. But at the conclusion it was a different story with TT/'Kraut' on the ropes (at 3-5 partial) before play was halted by 'Der Klugemeister's need to return to work. "Bob, your're leaving none too soon. The Titan is surely going to blame you for that second set defeat (4-6), what with him deferring opening serve to you and you losing game one and five at love! Your serve and crisp back hand deserted you quicker than TennisTitan can say 'you' as he expects his partner to save his ass from a ball he should have played," critiqued 'Slats.' "No Frankie, I blame your ophthalmologist and the poor job he did with your cataract surgery. Had you not missed that call in the ninth game of the second set by calling a ball 'in' that was clearly an inch out, you would have lost the second set" whined the "whipped wimp.' "Ha! exclaimed 'Gimpy Knees.' "Bob says Titan's got new knees when Titan makes a rare good play, but I say 'he's got the same old excuses."

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Same players, same result.

'Rock', and 'Gimpy Knees' were too exhausted to pose for a new picture on this hot, humid day. This from last week after they dropped the second set 11-9 when they were 'weary warriors.'

"Twas no sweat on our part."

"We cooled them off with our consistent play."

The Heat was on

"The truth is you were feeling the heat from the first ball" crowed Bob 'Kraut' Kluge, who with the TennisTitan dominated play in sultry Yonkers this afternoon. TT/'Kraut' took on 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. The (6-3) romp was followed by a (3-love partial) before the combatants came to their senses and stopped play in the 90 degree temperature 80 degree humidity that engulfed Andrus Park in Yonkers. "Let's live to play another day" encouraged 'Der Klugemeister who led the charge to curtail play after seeing 'RRR' unsteady on his legs during the serve toss to begin the fourth game of set 2. 'Rock' insisted he could continue, "I've been drinking water all morning" assured the 'intrepid icon.' "Yeah, Rock, but you forgot the Crown Royale to go with it" chipped in his partner, 'Gimpy Knees.' I've been drinking since I got up at 4AM. A High Ball always improves my toss." "Joe, I think you need to work on a vodka volley" added the 'pompous prevaricator.'

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Double(s) Trouble

"Titan, double replacement hip surgery trumps double replacement knee surgery, as you can see from today's results."

Carl gassing me...

"He dresses in white because it's Wimbledon this week; unfortunately he plays like a Simpleton."

Like Old Home Week

"Sometimes you're just outplayed and you've got to tip your hat to the other guy" was the rationale offered by Carl the 'anonymous Gasman' this beautiful summer morning at Kinsley Park. Rarely does Titan get the opportunity to pair with 'AG' so it was especially disappointing to drop both sets (4-6, 3-6) to George 'Chemist' Hauss and, a once familiar face at Kinsley, making his first appearance in five years, 'shillelagh Bart.' "Titan, we used to hear you on the adjacent court when Chris 'ex copBaldasarri and I would play singles back in the day and dread the day that our game would be brought down to your level, but here I am." It took double hip replacements to reduce me to join a game of doubles with you and the other codgers, but enjoy it I did. Chris had told me back in '08 that he had turned in his NYPD badge with no regrets, but if the day ever came when he needed to play doubles with you competitively, he'd either turn in his racket or become an undercover tennis player." The 'Chemist' who had had his way all morning with TT, concluded with "Shillelagh Bart, did you notice that Titan's comments are like listening to a Saturday morning infomercial on low testosterone - he's the very definition of 'low T'' "And his irritating voice is like scratching your nails on a chalk board" contributed the 'anonymous Gasman.' "Not nice Carl; you may be ethanol free but you're not error free either" retorted 'bombastic blowhard.'

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Weary Warriors

"Titan, you gave us more than we bargained for. You play better when you are not prepared to play at all."

Tired and Nattily Attired

"It took eleven wins for us to put that set away."

Delivering the Goods - Timely

"Titan, you were there when we needed you, is all I can say" was the summary comment made by Frank 'Slats' Slattery. 'Slats' had called the TennisTitan to fill in for the 'Kraut' who had failed to show at Andrus Park for a scheduled doubles match against Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. TT had been taking an afternoon stroll with Tully in nearby Bronxville Park when he received the S.O.S. Ala Clark Kent he transformed himself into a 'tennis tornado' in a matter of minutes. Teaming with 'Slats,' Titan transitioned himself from 'peripatetic patroon' walking his dog to 'deadly dynamo' 'walking the walk' to capture the first set (6-4). Two hours later TT/'Slats' pocketed another (11-9) hard fought set. A dispirited  'Gimpy Knees' opined "I know you saved the day for us by coming over so quickly without notice but your saving five set points on your serve was incredible." 'Slats' remarked "and he held serve in crunch time, at 4-5, 6-7, 8-9, equally impressive." "And he even dressed a good game because he didn't know he was going to play when he left his house" said 'Rockin' Rick.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Vociferous Victor

"There is much to celebrate on this Father's Day."


"Go ahead. Knock yourselves out. The survivor gets to play me."

That's More Like It

TennisTitan spent a wonderful Father's Day in New Jersey doing what he likes to do best in the best way possible. Wisely deferring his play until his son Russell, 'Hoya Saxa,' and nephew, Rob, 'Jersey Bomber' had exhausted themselves splitting two sets against each other, Titan took on his host in a one set thriller. "I am here to pick up the pieces" chortled the 'odious oaf' at plays conclusion. And the biggest piece was a broken 'Jersey Bomber' serve in the pivotal 11th game enabling the 'garrulous godfather' to serve out the set (7-5) for a well earned - er, planned - victory. "You wouldn't have beaten either of us if we had played you in singles first rather than each other during the ninety minutes you sat on the sidelines and ran your mouth" chorused the cousins Briscoe. "I am the father to one of you and the godparent to the other, you are lucky I didn't win at love, because that's what I have for you on this special day. Now let's go have a barbecue."

Saturday, June 15, 2013


"Titan, you're lucky I am not the Stuart Scott on Sports Center. This would be my opening comment."


"I love a good sport, and Rockin' Rick is certainly that."

One Baby Step

"Rock, if I had gotten a little more consistency from you, we could have come away from here with another victory or two" was all the Titan had to say. TennisTitan did manage to get into the victory column in the second set with a (6-0) defeat of George 'Chemist' Hauss and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott sandwiched between two (3-6) losses. Titan held serve in all 6 opportunities during the course of the morning but couldn't overcome the erratic back hand volley of 'Rockin' Rick Ricci to secure a second triumph. Solid play from the 'Chemist' who had an effective back up spinner going and sharp back hand returns from 'not Espn' were the highlights of this action. The 'bombastic blowhard' was bellowing to all who could hear him as he exited Kinsley, "Just wait, it's coming, it's coming I assure you." To wit, 'RRR' responded, "I should live so long to see it (and not hear about it first!)"

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Flight Crew

"We relegate you to flight attendant status, Titan. Your game is a truly a bag of peanuts and a stale biscotti."

Some "how do you do."

Twelve hours after touching down at LaGuardia TennisTitan came in for a real hard landing at Andrus Park. "Don't worry boys I have crashed and burned many times against lesser players than you and got off the tarmac to get air borne again" proclaimed TT at the end of two hours of play and a three set loss. Titan lost 4-3-2 (a certain symmetry to my declining games) when paired with Joe 'Gimpy Legs' Cruz, Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Frank 'Slats' Slattery, respectively. "Wait'll you see me on Saturday at Kinsley" puffed the 'prevaricating pomposity' as he excused his erratic play to a one month layoff while in Florida. "Titan, when we play with you, we carry a lot of baggage. You give true meaning to the name AirBus" quipped 'Slats' "I am an American Express Delta Gold Card man" retorted the 'odious oaf.'  The first bag is free," Frankie. "Titan, your name should never be associated with anything 'Express' giggled 'Der Klugemeister.' "I hope Delta's air miles points are not based on points you win in tennis" dead panned 'Gimpy Knees'. "You'll never earn a free flight."