Saturday, September 29, 2007

'Hot Dog' with 'Kraut'

"Psst, about the Titan, I think he's dumber than a hand truck too."

'Rockin' (2-6, 7-5, 1-6) and 'King'

"We should have beaten you all three sets."

'Speedy Legs' with 'Not ESPN"

"Titan, we swear: losing to you is a good thing. It gives us a reason to drink."

Half a Loaf

"Tommy Boy, I told you my father was a baker but he wouldn't have anything to do with bagels," proclaimed Bob 'Kraut' Kluge upon completion of his second set with TennisTitan. Der Klugemeister had held his service at 0-5 to avert the shutout (1-6) against 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and Gene 'King' Slattery. The 'bloated behemoth'/'Kraut' had captured their first set against 'RRR'/'King' (7-5). The weary 'immobile minotaur' had replicated his results obtained earlier in the day as 'Happy Jack' Carey's partner; first against 'RRR/'King' Gene (2-6) and then against Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and Stuart 'not Espn' Scott (7-5) at Kinsley in windy conditions. As the foursome met at net King remarked, "Kraut, you look quite fit, what with you having to load and unload cases upon cases of Pepsi on your truck route out in Chicago." Quipped 'Rockin,' "Not fit enough to carry the 'Over-Stuffed Avocado' he had as a partner today." 'Union rules!' rejoined 'Kraut,' "no loads wider than the hand-truck, no egos bigger than a two liter, all items must be able to return, not be readily broken, and served to the public in a timely fashion. That's not the Titan."

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Mike 'Canuck' Edwards

"Titan, in my country, they would call you "Les Midget, eh?"

Slats, Rockin' Rick, HJ, and Titan

"Happy Jack, I've got your back now, just like you had mine during our match."

Some Tennis, eh? Then I'm Jacked up!

Does that sound Canadian enough? TennisTitan paired with Frank 'Slats' Slattery for two sizzling sets of doubles at Amackassin Tennis Club on the clay this date. Mike 'Canuck' Edwards and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci were formidable opponents . 'Canuck' is a top ranked 'B' class player at Amackassin who hails from Montreal. 'RRR' was a steady contributor in both sets with timely volleys and short sliced back hands. The 'bombastic blowhard'/ 'Slats' droppped the opener (3-6). 'Canuck' worked over 'Slats' two handed back hand like a pizza man kneading his dough, pinning and pushing Frankie to the baseline and sideline regularly. 'Slats' bricked many a volley at net and lacked the capacity to carry the 'immobile minotaur' to victory in set two (4-5 partial). Titan fared better in set three as 'Happy Jack' Carey stepped in for the departing Les Habitant to pair with TT against 'Slats'/RRR in a highly competitive match. 'HJ' stepped up and rallied his partner from a 2-4 deficit to send the set to a tie breaker. In the breaker 'Happy Jack' swarmed the net with his gangling arms to lead the Titan to his only victory of the day (7-6 [3]). As the group met at net 'HJ' remarked, "Call me last minute anytime, Titan. With the kind of help Frankie gives his partners around here, you'll need a dispatcher to find someone to play with him! But it'll my pleasure to be at your side." 'RRR' quipped, "Jack, you mean you like to play with TennisTitan?" 'Slats' chortled, "Rick, Titan has already proclaimed 'Jack has no court sense.'

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Hit Man - "Mighty Mike"

"Titan, did I make my bones with you today? You told me to whack Frankie. In the old neightborhood I am a MADE MAN. At Kinsley I can even make you look like a tennis player."

The hittee [as in Hi TT (teehee)]

"Titan, now Patsy will never let me out of the house. Hmm, maybe if I vacuum, do the laundry and iron..."

First the Agony, then the Ecstasy

"Titan, let's just FORGET IT. I found my stroke. And like an idiot you got your thumb out of your ass just in time."

Amnesia and Blood Sport

"Titan, maybe seizures and a memory loss can be a good thing." Such was the caustic (backhand) comment emitted by Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott as he concluded his day's play as TT's partner. 'Not ESPN' had just reversed the fortunes of the 'bloated behemoth'/'not ESPN' combo with their second set thumping (6-3) of the new Amackassin Assassins, Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Happy Jack' Carey. TennisTitan had watched incredulously as 'not ESPN's backhands had hit the bottom of the twine and his put-away volleys clang off the rear fence in 'Slats'/'HJ's easy victory (2-6) in the opener. "Titan, you see, in set two, I seized the moment and managed to forget how woeful YOU played in the first set. How's that for a backhand, you boisterous, braggadocios, bloviating blowhard?!" opined Stuart as the 'bellyaching bullshitter' explained that Titan would be pairing with a newbie, Mighty Mike in the third set. And what a third set it was! Can you say riveting!? TT/'MM' took the Cousins Slattery - 'King Gene' and his minion Frank - to the tie breaker (7-6 [3]). As this quartet met at net 'Mighty Mike' exclaimed, "Titan, playing with you, one most certainly gets his exercise in!" TT quickly retorted, "Mike, how about getting your serve in! To wit 'Slats' chimed in "And keep your laser returns away from my glasses next time. You know I can't see anyhow" as he wiped the blood away from his brow.

Friday, September 21, 2007

"Titan, you're the baby of this group."

"We don't remember our gym teacher looking like that; but then again, we don't remember much at all anymore."

'Lean, Lanky, Lefty'

"Titan, wait'll you get to be my age. How about your 'LLL's.... Loud, Lethargic, Lumbering!"

Tooted, then Booted

"School's out'' yelled the TennisTitan as he completed his morning's play up at Edgemont HS this date. The 'pompous puppet' (see yesterday's blog) along with Ed 'Lean, Lanky, Lefty' Gordon, 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and Tony 'No Baloney' Guido were bumped by the tennis physical education class midway into their third set. The boys were each taking a turn pairing with 'LLL' to keep the competitive balance. TT dropped the first set (3-6) teaming with Ed. The 'bloated behemoth'/'No Baloney' limited 'RRR's total to two games (6-2) when he played along side 'LLL' in set number two. The group had been warned shortly after 9AM that they would have to vacate the court at 9:30 with the arrival of the next scheduled class. 'NB'/'LLL' trailed (2-1, on serve) when the gym teacherette tooted her whistle. As the quartet met at net 'No Baloney' remarked, "Ed, Ms. Phy. ED. looks like the kinda Ed I'd like to partner with." To wit 'RRR' chortled, "Yeah, Titan she's 'LLL' too. Luscious, Lithesome and ah..." "Rick, get your Libido in check the next time we play" interrupted the 'bombastic bloviator.'

Thursday, September 20, 2007

'Tutor' having some 'Java'

"Titan, did we urn your respect in the third set when we beat you a cup ala games. Now we're mugging for your stupid camera."

An Artist with his Easel

Or is it, Jerry Mahoney with Paul Winchell "(Thank God the Titan doesn't want to sit on my lap.)"

Coffee for Dummies

"EBL, every artist needs an easel" was how TennisTitan summed up his contribution to today's effort at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The 'bloated behemoth' had the good fortune to pair with Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully against the venerable Max 'Tutor' Tuchman and Lenny 'Java Man' Cooper who was a last minute sub for Mr Spin. TT rode the Tully gravy train to impressive (6-1, 6-0) victories in the two sets that were played to completion. EBL was in fine form early on, covering the net voraciously on TT's serve and patrolling the baseline efficiently on his service. 'Tutor'/'Java Man' insisted on remaining a team for the truncated third set and left the court with a 2-4 lead in games. As the boys met at net for post match repartee and pictures Tutor remarked, "Titan, you always said the third set was about heart - see I told you my bi-pass surgery was more your problem than mine." Java Man replied, "EBL, hitting against you is like me supplying StarBucks with their top-of-the-line Mocha; your partner here is like Taster's Choice Instant. One you savor, one you just tolerate." Tully retorted, "Lenny, Costello had Abbott, Allen had Burns, and you had Max. For me it's not so easy. Think of me as Paul Winchell or Edgar Bergen!" To wit Titan remarked, "I am a support player WOODn't you say?

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Big K's First Responders

"We gotta get a life, Titan."

Titan's Work Crew Got an Early Call

'TT, this is my forehand. I'll be acing you later."

'Rockin' Rick and 'Teacher'

"Boys, it looks like it rained on you for all three sets."

The Sun Came Out for TT/Chemist.

"My most important E.D. today was to choose the 'Bunsen Burner Man' as my partner."

Rainy Days and an Overdone Ad

"Titan, is that what it means? My wife's a nurse and she says it means something else" said the 'Teacher.' With that TennisTitan brought to a close a fun day of tennis at the Big K. A dreary, early morning steady drizzle had turned into a splendid, late morning, early afternoon for doubles. And as with the weather, the 'bloated behemoth's game decidedly improved as the day moved along. The 'immobile minotaur' paired with George 'Chemist' Hauss for his three sets today. 'Chemist'/TT got off to a rocky start dropping the opener (3-6) played in slick, wet-court conditions to Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Happy Jack' Carey. 'Slats' steady play was ably complimented by a very strong performance by 'HJ' whose serves and volleys were beyond usual expectations. 'Slats'/'HJ' continued their strong play together taking out the tandem of 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and George 'Teacher' Febles in a steady rain afflicting set two in a tie breaker (7-6 [3]) rallying back from a 3-5 deficit. The 'boisterous blowhard' and the 'Chemist' returned to the court with the sun peeking through the receeding clouds to outlast 'RRR'/'Teacher' (7-5) on the rain drenched champions court. The combo of 'Bunsen Burner Man' and the 'egomaniacal egotist' seared 'RRR'/'Teacher' (6-0) in the bright sunshine of the third set to close out the days play. As the boys met at net Titan noted somberly "I have E.D." "Erectile Dysfunction?" queried a disbelieving 'Chemist.' "No way" chipped in 'Slats,' "Titan makes 'Early Decisions.' "Is that why he called us early this morning telling us to come to Kinsley even though it was raining", commented 'RRR'. Finally, 'Slats' aced Titan with "No, Rockin,' that's why Titan calls the ball out at the baseline before it hits the ground!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Abada, Big Al, Mr Spin - Titan Abusers

"Titan, would you like to see something else on the menu to go with your turkey? Perhaps some humble pie?


TennisTitan opened his indoor season at the Yonkers Tennis Center today on a decidedly sour note. Titan was swept in the three sets he participated in. TT paired with 'Big Al' Dio Dati in the first two sets (5-7, 1-6) against Jim Addiss 'Abada' and Roy 'Mr Spin' Marzullo. Titan had no giddy-up to the ball or pop on his serve to off set the superior fire power of 'Abada'/'Mr Spin' combination. In the third set 'Big Al' rode the consistent stroking of Addiss to a comfortable victory (0-6) over the 'bloated behemoth' and 'Mr Spin' whose foot speed is no longer a factor in his game. 'Mr Spin's usually reliable lob was no where to be seen today. As the foursome met at net Titan opined, "Being it's a Jewish holiday today, I thought I'd order turkey in honor of Max being our captain and all." 'Big Al' chortled, "Yeah, but TT Jews put lox, not turkey, on their bagels. And Max 'Tutor' Tuchman went out to dinner, you were strictly out to lunch."

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Grand Slam Breakfast, Please

"Frankie, we should say 'We're going to Disney World' but we'll settle for Denny's.

Brunch Boys???

"Okay Slats/TT...we'll tip our caps to you, but we're not picking up the check."

The Brunch Bunch

'Titan, it's just as you often say...the third set is all about heart." Yes, these were the words of Frank 'Slats' Slattery upon completion of his four sets of doubles as TennisTitan's partner at the Big K this morning. Titan had heard the taunts from 'Rockin' Rick from the other side of the net ("Gimme something I like"; "Respect 'Rockin' Rick" et al.) as 'Slats'/TT seemed to be in the midst of a first class break down in their third set. 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'RRR,' who had been humbled (6-2) in the prior set, saw blood in the water as the 'bloated behemoth' and his leg weary partner dissipated a 5-2 lead to barely send the set to a tie breaker with a 12th game hold that included fending off two match points. The breaker was a reprise of the entire set. TT/'Slats' ran out of gas and relinquished a 5-0 lead to face match point twice more at 7-8 and 8-9! With 'Chemist'/'Spindly Legs' waiting eagerly in the wings 'Slats' had made his only bad play of the day when he said at 7-7: "These guys have waited long enough; first one to 10 wins." 'Frankie, how could you' thought the 'immobile minotaur' as he stepped to the line at 9-9. TT had no pop on his serve this day and had been nailed often on returns when he put his serve in reach of 'GK's' lethal forehand or 'RRR's sliced backhand. With the guile of a democrat senator and the precision of an atomic clock the 'egomaniacal egotist' nailed the 'back corner vertex' on 'Rockin' and followed the defensive backhand return with an unreturnable lob to 'GK's forehand corner! (7-6 [10-9]) was followed incredibly by what would have been unthinkable - the beloved bagel (6-0) of George 'Chemist' Hauss and Carl 'Spindly Legs' Gessman. As the exhausted teams met at net 'Slats' chortled, "Tommy-boy, taking out my cousin, your liege 'King Gene' Slattery, with 'Big Al' Dio Dati (6-3) in the first set, was but the fruit cup before our hearty breakfast." Titan quipped, "Enough of this Breakfast at Wimbledon crap - the Titan serves brunch before the US Open semifinals!"

Friday, September 07, 2007

Craftsmen on the Court

"I couldn't ACE Stanley with my Tools. But I did SEARS his pride a bit in todays match."

Stan 'The Man' Scher

"Titan, I am not sure if there is any TRUE VALUE in playing you again."

Ace Hardware v. Sears

"Well, 'Rockin,' I told you I needed a tune up - so I brought all my tools!" So concluded the TennisTitan upon completion of two well played sets of doubles at the 'Big K' this morning. 'Rockin' Rick Ricci' paired with the 'bloated behemoth' against his old nemesis Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and a newbie to Kinsley, Stan 'The Man' Scher. 'RRR' has been touting 'The Man' as a natural ("He swings like Musial") for the Saturday game at the Big K based on Stanley's play at the Yonkers Tennis Center and at the outdoor game at Edgemont. Can you say "run the diagnostics, Titan." Indeed, 'The Man' brought a solid, if unspectacular, game to the table. Titan had his 'A' game working. TT hammered the alley with big groundies, nailed the 'T' on his serve or screwed his opponents into knots with his twist serve in a first set (7-5) victory. 'RRR' laid the framework to the second set triumph (6-4) with improved net play and consistent returns from the baseline. Titan wrenched victory from defeat in the ninth game with several cross court lasers beating 'GK' at his shoe tops to put TT/'RRR' in the driver's seat to serve it out. As the foursome met at net, before 'The Man' bolted because of a previous commitment, 'Gimpy Knees' commented, "Titan, you make me nuts with that big mouth of yours." Coming to TT's defence immediately 'Rockin' chirped, "Joe, this 'bullshitting blogger' knows how to ratchet up his game. TT is able to chisel away at his opponents' confidence and remain level headed when facing your superior fire power." To wit Stan 'The Man' lamented, "it's plane as day to me now. What I saw this morning leads me to believe that TennisTitan is a CRAFTSMAN on these courts; I am but a humble STANLEY TOOL in his arsenal of adversaries."

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

'Electro Lux' with 'The Neck'

"Titan, consider yourself lucky to have taken the first set before we got in sync. In my field, I'd say you got hosed!"


TennisTitan managed to get two quick sets in today at the 'Big K' sandwiched between the women's and men's quarter finals at the Open. Your Titan partnered with Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz against seldom seen opponents Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching and John 'The Neck' Manzi in the opener. The 'bloated behemoth'/'GK' raced to a 5-1 lead in set one before prevailing at (6-4). Winning three out of the last four games was a harbringer of things to come for the tandem of the 'Neck' and 'Electro Lux' who dominated play thereafter. The 'boisterous blowhard' sat out the second set enabling 'Rockin' Rick Ricci to play beside 'Gimpy Knees.' Joe's game went completely south in set two as he netted uncharacteristically ball after ball and 'RRR' never found his rhythm or volley as the boys succumbed (0-6)! TT jumped in for the third set in place of 'GK' and with 'RRR' did not fare much better. The 'immobile minotaur' lived up to his name in the (2-6) defeat. The 30 minute respite did nothing more than further stiffen the joints of a man who already moves around the court like he's got lead in his shoes and a broom up his ass. As the quintet met at net the 'Neck' commented, "Titan, thanks for filling in at the last moment. I'll try not to call you at 11 PM the next time." 'Electro Lux' chortled, "Yeah, you guys all sucked today, even better than those expensive vacuums I repair!" TennisTitan rejoined, "Bill, glad you don't work with brooms - I'd have felt especially bad had we been swept!"

Tuesday, September 04, 2007


"Titan, what's this elder abuse crap. We've beaten you many times."

Ed 'Lean, Lanky, Lefty' Gordon

"I may have left my game in Israel."

The Rx - A Game of Singles

"...just what the doctor ordered!"

A Weary Rick Ricci

'Titan, I think I overdosed on yours."

'Twas Nothing Really

"This is nothing short of elder abuse" shouted 'Rockin' Rick Ricci at the conclusion of the one set played against the TennisTitan at Fredollino Park in Yonkers. The 'boisterous blowhard' had just steam rolled through the last 6 games to take the set (6-2). 'RRR' and the Titan had decided to play singles after three sets of doubles didn't sufficiently satisfy their need for competition on the tennis court. Earlier, along with 'Tony 'No Baloney' Guido, they had each paired with the 'Lean, Lanky Lefty' Ed Gordon in a set of doubles. 'LLL' dropped all three; (2-6 with RRR) and (3-6 with TT and 3-6 with 'NB'). In the singles finale 'RRR'opened with a hold then broke the Titan to gain a quick 2 game advantage. Then the 'bloated behemoth' kicked his game into gear breaking Rick at love and was never seriously challenged thereafter. Titan pasted 'RRR's serves down the lines and dominated on his own service games with big forehand groundies and cross court backhands. As the weary combatants met at net Titan opined, "Rick, you're game is just what the doctor ordered." To wit the retired NY Times pressman retorted, "Oh yeah, I think I overdosed on yours!"

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Awal the "Togo Man"

"Coming to America" has new meaning for me. See you soon.

Titan with his 'Pistol' at his side.

"You know the drill. My partner does all the work, I take all the credit."

Winners and Losers

"Titan, you know these damn pictures are annoying - just like you!"

Do you know about Togo?

"Pistol, you must have had blanks in the chamber during the first set." So said a very satisfied TennisTitan upon completion of his third set of the day with Lou 'Pistol' Gerencer. The 'boisterous blowhard' with his 'Pistol' by his side had just dampened a near perfect day for George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci by serving the bagel (6-0). 'Chemist'/'RRR' had reeled off victories in their first four sets of the day (6-2, 6-2, 6-0, 6-1) including a second set thrashing (2-6) of TT/'Pistol'. Titan/'Pistol' ran off the last three games in their second set in a nice comeback (6-4) against Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Awal the 'Togo Man' to earn the right to a rematch on the champions court. Carl 'Spindly Legs' Gessman and Stuart 'Not Espn' Scott could not halt the onslaught of the tandem of Hauss/Ricci in sets 3 and 4 anymore than 'Big Al' Diodati and 'Happy Jack' Carey could in the opening set on this beautiful morning at Kinsley. A revivified Titan with his reloaded firearm at his side had other ideas in the finale. Awal, making his first appearance at the 'Big K' was warmly greeted by the 'blogging bullshitter' at picture time. 'Gimpy Knees' opined, "Titan, you are so damn annoying when you win." 'Chemist' chirped, "Thank God it doesn't happen that often." 'RRR' said, "Awal, where is Togo anyway?" Titan responded, "Hey Rock, isn't "To Go" how your wife orders your pizza every Friday night?" To wit, 'Pistol' chortled, "Titan, you are TOo GOod!" Awal, shrugging his shoulders flashing a wide smile said, "I thought the movie 'Coming to America' was crazy, but this..."