Thursday, September 10, 2009

Achey, Breaky,(we're) Back

"Back, knees, hips - with you Titan, it's always one thing or another - but for my money you're always one big pain in the ass!" So commented Max 'Tutor' Tuchman at the conclusion of the third set at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'Tutor' was feeling his oats having just tasted victory as Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully's partner in their (1-6) thrashing of TT and 'Big Al' DioDati. Max had been on the short end when he paired with the 'bombastic blowhard' in set one and suffered the humiliation of a '20 minute bagel (0-6). 'Big Al' put it in perspective perfectly when he carped, "Don't be taking any credit for that middle set bone we threw you TT when we insisted you be 'EBL's partner. Winning (6-2) is like a loss for you because Max and I got two games watching you piddle paddle across the baseline with your panties bunched in your crack." Indeed, the 'immobile minotaur' got pummeled on and off the court. His court coverage was reduced to spectator status as duly noted by club pro Simon offering to place a chair at the service line for the 'bloated behemoth 'and his cutting remark to the charges in his care: "Kids, this is why we do calisthenics as part of our warm up. That old guy over there. His warm up is opening a can of tennis balls and taking his sweats off. Then he never shuts up. His one-liners are flat and ineffective, just like his groundies. His serve wouldn't break a pane of glass - yes he's one royal pain in the ass!"

No comments: