"Are you kidding me" was the sarcastic response offered by Brad Philipps making his first appearance for Saturday morning play with the Kinsley Krew. Brad had just succumbed to the TennisTitan and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge, his 'very good German player' friend (4-6). "Don't let him kid you, Brad" interjected 'Big Al' Diodati,' who is seldom a loser to TT, "without der Klugmeister that 'loathsome loudmouth' would have lost to us like he lost the first set (0-6) to 'Dave the Rave' and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci." Hold on 'Italian Stallion' quickly retorted the 'blasphemous braggart.' George 'Chemist' Hauss was my partner in the opener. Need I remind you, that at least for today, George remains a good friend, but a lousy player." To wit, the 'Chemist' replied, "Odious oaf', need I remind you that even with 'Happy Jack' Carey as my partner I won two games (6-2) against the 'taunting titmouse' before 'Kraut's power took over. "And Titan," opined Brad, "don't be nicknaming me the 'Broken Broker,' not with the way you can't hold your serve. Call me, I. P. O. - because already 'I'm pissed off ' at you and your stupid blog."
"EBL, I don't have to remind you, do I?" beamed the TennisTitan. "What do you mean TT?" interjected an exasperated Max 'Tutor' Tuchman. "It's all about me, always was, always will be" retorted the 'bragadocious blowhard.' "Why else would I write this stupid blog these past seven years?" "Yeah, but even the Politburo couldn't get away with your lies in the old Soviet Union" quickly added the 'esoteric emigre,' Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. It was picture time at the YTC and the 'porcine prevaricator' was grasping for a reasonable rationale. "Max, we had the first set (4-6) against 'EBL'/'Russkie' had you not misplayed our one opportunity at break point in the ninth game to go up 5-4 by catching flies in your mouth as you let the 'Tullyville Trolley's lob fall two feet behind you." "Titan, you said you wanted to play with Bill "Energizer Bunny Legs" Tully in the second set because you tweaked your 'new nitwit knee" opined 'Tutor.' "You mean it was really my poor play?" "Nah, Max, it's simple. 'EBL' was wearing my Pepsi shirt. I already was a part of that first set victory. I just wanted to legitimize that I actually won a set (6-1). And remember, 'Pepsi is for those who think young' (but not necessarily clearly)."
"Titan, perhaps playing three of the last four days is a bit too much for you" questioned Rockin' Rick Ricci at the end of play this glorious Saturday morning at Kinsley Park. "Nah, it's not that, it's 'Big Al' Diodati. He played this morning as if 'EBL' Tully was his partner, and not the new knees nitwit." What do you mean by that" interjected Rich 'el Prezidente' Prezioso, who with 'RRR' at his side took 'Big Al' and the TennisTitan to the woodshed (2-6, 3-6). "Prez, 'Big Al' can play crappy and 'EBL' will still 'pull the iron out of the fire,' he's that dominant. But with me, I stoke the flames with my own poor shot selection and erratic execution. "So then, how do explain your third set victory," 'bombastic blowhard,' queried the 'Italian Stallion.' "That's easy" rejoined the 'boisterous bloviator,' "you foolishly picked Frank 'Slats' Slattery as your partner, leaving me with today's 'Can't Miss Kid," Rockin' Rick. Our (6-1) victory is the highlight of the eight sets I played these past four days" rhapsodized the 'raucous raconteur.' 'Big Al,' turning to his fellow paisan, 'RRR' exclaimed, "Slats' and Titan are youngsters. I am going to send them to an overseas tennis camp that I recently heard about. "Which is?" asked the 'Can't Miss Kid.' "Youth in Asia" dead panned 'Big Al..'
"Don't worry Max, I'll think of something" was TennisTitan's quick reply. 'Tutor' Tuchman had paired with the 'bloated behemoth' for the umpteenth time against "Big Al' Diodati and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and sustained the predictable results, a brace of losses (3-6, 2-6). "Don't you ever get tired of describing how well you played in losing efforts" opined 'Big Al.' "Al, do you ever get tired of eating pasta fagioli? Playing with 'EBL' is your sfogliatelli" was TT's only retort. "You're making me hungry" whimpered the 'Tutor' "and the end of the season dinner is still two weeks away." "The doctor gave you new knees, he didn't promise you new ability, Titan" continued the 'Tullyville Trolley.' "That's for damn sure" chirped the 'Italian Stallion.' "Titan had some jump to the ball today and some pop on his serve" commented the 'Tutor.' "Both of you guys played some good points" contributed 'EBL'. "But the longer the point went, the more likely they were to lose it" observed the 'obtuse octogenarian.' "Al, go easy, the 'Tutor'/Titan tandem is a special one. Two aging 'has beens' who really 'never were' much to begin with. The fact that one has had recent back surgery and the other replaced both knees to continue to play this game we all love, makes them winners in my book.
"Titan, you put the toppings on when we kneaded their dough in the second and third sets enabling me to get my game together" commented Rich 'el Prezidente' Prezioso smiling broadly at the conclusion of play this afternoon at Kinsley Park. "Hell Prez, we both ought to thank Dave 'Whirling Dervish' McDonald. His play was decisive in all three sets played today. He couldn't miss in the (0-6) rout he and Frank 'Slats' Slattery put on us in the opener. And he couldn't buy a serve or square up on a ball the rest of the afternoon (6-2, 6-2)." "What I don't get TennisTitan, is how your game remains so consistent" queried 'Slats.' "You've got a lot of crust, TT! You never run for the ball, admit a mistake, or give your partner his due" continued the 'coddling counselor.' "One other thing" added 'el Prezidente' as the foursome headed off the court to a nearby pizzeria, "Titan never wants to pay for the post match pie, that's why he takes me as his partner. I'm his legs so he doesn't have to reach for his wallet." "Well done, Prez, just like I want my pie" quipped the 'bloated blowhard."
"Titan, you are so bush league, don't flap your wings as hard as you flap that mouth of yours. You played better but you still run like an emu" an embarrassed and chastened Frank 'Slats' Slattery mumbled under his breath as he exited the court. 'Slats' and 'Not Espn' Stuart Scott had let a three to one lead get away in the opening set against the 'aging antagonistic avian' and Rich 'Dozin' Docent' Gerchak. The (6-4) victory was particularly sweet for the 'bombastic bloviator' because the 'boisterous bullshitter' had a full audience on three adjacent courts where contemporaneous doubles matches were being played. "You chirp more that a cockatoo when you're winning, TennisTitan, but we don't hear a peep from the 'pontificating provocateur' when you're pissing away leads" cackled 'el Prezidente,' Rich Preziozo, released for the first time this season from his tony Briarcliff hen house this beautiful Saturday at Yonkers Kinsley Park. 'TT'/'Dozin'Docent' continued their dominance (6-2) in a second set when 'Happy Jack' Carey paired with 'Not Espn.' A third set, tied at 3-3, between 'HJ'/'TT versus ''DD/'Not Espn' ended because of Stuart's dizziness. As the group gathered for pictures at departure time, 'Happy Jack' suggested that maybe Stu fell ill because he was tired of hearing the Titan parrotting the same trite comments throughout the entire morning. A dazed 'Not Espn' responded, "It's only a mynah part of my problem." "You guys were sitting ducks for me this morning" crowed the 'delighted dodo." "Don't you mean 'dildo" chuckled Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. "Toucan play that game, don't insult my partner, you gaggling German goose" interjected the 'Dozin Docent.' "Don't have a canary over this 'idiot idler!" cawed 'el Prezidente, "Shit, I mean skeet, I shoot clay pigeons at my gun club. Titan just treats all his opponents like we're parakeets in the cage of his mindless ideas." "Thank God he writes a blog and doesn't tweet" dead panned George 'Chemist' Hauss.
Back on his home turf, and playing against opponents of similar ability your TennisTitan made modest strides toward recapturing his game. Or maybe it was having the reliable George 'Chemist' Hauss as his partner in the first two sets at Kinsley that enabled the 'bloated blowhard' to feel good about the results (6-3,6-0). TT/'Chemist' defeated George 'Teacher' Febles and Rich 'Dozin' Docent' Gerchak who was making his maiden Saturday morning appearance at Kinsley. Winds were a factor throughout the match, often resulting in over hitting and slices that went awry. Set three pitted the 'Chemist'/ and the 'Dozin' Docent' against the Titan and 'Teacher.' At three games a piece the 'Teacher' went on sabbatical and was replaced by 'Rockin' Rick Ricci who proceeded to help Titan to his only loss (3-6) of the day. At picture time the 'bionic bloviator' waxed philosophical. "Boys, as a famous recording artist of the 1970's once sung, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad." 'Chemist' quipped if you're referring to Meat Loaf that's very apropos: you still loaf on the court and all your opponents see you as red meat."
"Was that your knees I heard creaking out there or was it just the rust crusted on your racquet" commented Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully at the end of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'EBL' had paired with 'Big Al' Diodati in the (4-6) defeat of the TennisTitan and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. In set two TennisTitan paired with fellow Manhattan alum, the 'Dozin' Docent,' Rich Gerchak and was flogged (0-6). At picture time 'Big Al' Diodati, a Fordham grad, reminded the 'Tullyville Trolley,' an Iona alum, that "Beating those two Jaspers is nothing new for us. I Rammed those weak returns from the Titan right back at his leaden feet. And watching the 'Dozin' Docent' flail at those balls just out of his reach told me that the only way 'TT'/'DD' could ever beat us is to have a gale at their back and not a Gael in front of them." Snidely the 'pusillanimous prevaricator' replied, "Big Al,' you know I am going to mention in my blog the (4-2 partial) third set when I did have a Gael at my back and you kept asking your partner 'what the hell is a Jasper."
