"Toora loora toora loo-rye-aye" the 'boorish baseliner' cackled at 'Big Al' Diodati as the foursome left the fileld of play. "In Ireland our match would be classified as a donnybrook" contributed Titan's partner, Tom 'Fireman' Conaty. "Hey, Titan is from McLean Heights in southeast Yonkers. This was a bar fight outside of Rory Dolan's as far as he's concerned" quickly interjected an eneravated Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. "Nah, not Rory's" snapped a disgusted 'Italian Stallion. "I know this 'pusillanimous pecuniary' for 20 years now, no way he'd drink anywhere there is a cover charge. He's strictly Blarney Stone material." "Be nice, Al, I contributed the balls today, didn't I. I booked both dates to play indoors this week as always, didn't I. I let you team with the two Irishmen you most like to play with and with whom you regularly beat me, didn't I," retorted the 'bloated blowhard.' 'EBL' sheepishly replied, "but neither 'Slats' nor I could get the job done." "But I thought we were going to play two sets" remarked the 'Fireman.' "Tommy boy, quipped the 'jocular jester' take it from me, we played three. When I play 20 games against 'Big Al'/'EBL' every other Thursday it's usually (0-6, 1-6, 1-6) in the blog. (11-9) has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? "Titan you can steer my truck anytime. Your serve had more heat on it than a two alarmer" responded Conaty. "I just didn't want to see 9-11, it's a bad memory." 'Big Al' sighed and said, "Now I know why men of the FDNY are the "bravest." "You get stuck with 'lumbering loud-mouths."
"Titan, I see Santa brought you an accurate 'big serve' this Christmas" commented Frank 'Slats' Slattery at the conclusion of play this date at the Yonkers Tennis Center."Yeah, Frankie' interjected 'Big Al' Diodati who was victimized countless times by nonreturnable first serves from the 'bombastic blowhard,' "but the Titan's serve is more like a Christmas decoration. It'll be gone by the weekend." The boys were having a little fun at the 'egotistical egomaniac's expense after the TennisTitan and George 'Teacher' Febles took two of the three sets played to completion. The day did not start quite so well for the 'obnoxious oaf' and 'el profesor pequito' as they dropped the opening set in short order (1-6) to 'Slats'/'Big Al.' "That was some strategic time out between sets one and two" lamented 'Big Al' at picture time. Pat Rogers must really know how to coach." "Al, he said 'just let it rip big guy, that Irishman on the other side of the net is not Tully. 'Big Al' is without his lifeline today. Pull his strings to close him out, twirl your racket lie a venetian blind rod and unload. 'Slats' is a piece of balsa wood - break him with your heater." With that Titan rode the wave the next two sets leading the 'sensational senor' to resounding (6-2-, 6-1) triumphs with his wrist bending serves that garnered five aces and another half dozen service winners. Leading (3-2, break up, partial) the 'nettlesome nitwit' taunted the departing 'Italian Stallion' and 'coddling counselor' with, "Thursday, I'm bringing my own Irishman who knows how to play this game. 'EBL' Tully better be in shape. My goal is to close out 2010 on the crest of this wave."
"Titan, perhaps you should have some Stoli when you go home. It will take away the pain of another loss, both physical and mental" snickered Komrade Kartsev. "I should have that drink 'Russkie' chimed in 'Big Al' Diodati. "After all I drew 'the short straw' in pairing with TennisTitan in this afternoon's (1-6, 2-6) pounding at the Yonkers Tennis Center. Titan had pop on his serve, some hustle to the ball, but as always no answers to the consistency and athleticism that Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully brings to the game. Trailing (2-4 partial) with 'Russkie' as his partner, Titan told the Russian emigree "Vladimir, you don't have a Kahlua on the court. You are always out of position and unable to anticipate where the next ball will be returned." 'EBL' interjected, "Russkie, tell that 'boisterous blowhard' that you are not a Black Russian, regardless of how you are dressed today." "I thought the 'Man in Black' was supposed to be Johnny Cash" corrected 'Big Al.' "Bullshit" retorted an indignant Titan. "Look at him. Those black rimmed glasses. He's Roy Orbison. Only the Lonely (1960) would want to partner with Vladimir." "I'd be Crying (1961) and Running Scared (1961) too if he were my partner" claimed 'Big Al.' "Pretty Woman (1964) would want him as a partner observed 'EBL' to a smiling 'Russkie.'
"Titan, this is the price you gotta pay" opined George 'Chemist' Hauss. "First you abandon us for three weeks to go to supposedly warm Florida - and you can't find a game down there, now this." Frank 'Slats' Slattery interjected, "those Florida rubes won't even wear shorts if it's under 60 degrees and you had temperatures of 35 - 55 each and every day. Those snow birds can't fly, they're turkeys!" "Yeah, but this is even worse" responded TennisTitan. "I take umbrage at that" snickered 'Happy Jack' Carey. "You and 'Slats' losing to me and the 'Chemist' (5-7) in the opener, especially after I made it possible to play with my ice melting crystals, chopping and broom work at game time, is no disgrace." "Titan, said 'Slats,' dropping the second set (6-7 [6]) wasn't entirely my fault, you know. Your legs never moved at all in this morning's 28 degree temperature. And Jack, you don't even know what umbrage means. You must have read it in some asshole's blog." "Frankie, it's not that. I am pissed at 'Dave the Rave.' He and the 'Chemist' squeaked out that second set. But my legs finally loosened up for the third set when it's always about heart anyway. I sacrifice far more in the pain I will endure post match when I play a third set, than any of the other guys, and that yokel 'Dave the Rave' quits down 5 - love (partial). 'HJ' reminded us all, "maybe it's in his DNA."
"Titan, perhaps you should elect a 'pat down' rather than going through the metal detector" quipped 'Slats.' "Yeah" exclaimed the 'Chemist,' "why submit to the slightest bit of radiation when it's clear that your legs are never nears balls on the tennis court or elsewhere!" The victorious partners were having their due at picture time, basking in the sunny but chilly 4o degree temperature at Kinsley Park this windy morning. TennisTitan and the 'anonymous' Gas Man were swept (0-6, 4-6) to conclude their play together. The man once known as 'Speedy Legs' proffered, "bulbous buffoon' at least we won the opening set together. That (6-2) pounding we gave 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and Stan 'Capt. Fire' Nowak was a strong effort on our part." "Speedy, I mean Spindly Legs, the way you folded in the sets against 'Slats'/'Chemist' reminded me of a squeeze box. Your legs were those of an old accordionist sitting on a rickety three legged bar stool." To wit Frank 'Slats' Slattery added, "When you take your grandchildren to see Santa in Florida, don't forget to ask him for something for yourself." "And, pray tell, what would that be" rejoined the Titan. George 'Chemist' Hauss replied instantly,"For starters, I'd suggest some energy to chase down balls that drop in front of you."
"Titan, you must have played Black Jack at some point" quipped Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully at the conclusion of play this afternoon at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "EBL' had put on the after burners in the second set leading the Tullyville Trolly and 'Big Al' Diodati to a resounding second set victory over the TennisTitan and Gene 'King'Slattery (1-6). The tandem also led (0-3 partial) in the third set when play was called mercifully by the encroaching Junior Tennis Program. 'Big Al' opined, "I told you, Titan it was an aberration when we lost both sets to you two weeks ago." "Make that three" chimed in the 'King.' Indeed, TT and 'My Liege' had taken today's opener in exquisite fashion (6-3) and appeared to be well on their way to another glorious double win afternoon. Titan had a strong first set but followed that with an error prone second. 'King' whose serve was untouchable two weeks back did not have consistency on his first serve and paid a price on his second serve in both contests. As the foursome met at net 'Big Al' inquired of his partner, "Bill, you don't look like much of a gambler, whether on the tennis courts or down in Atlantic City.What are you talking about?" "I'm not' admitted the the 'Crestwood Comet.' It's just that sometimes when you split 'Kings,' like the Titan did this afternoon, you go bust once in awhile. "Slattery had an ace beside in that first set, but was stuck with a joker for the rest of the afternoon."
"Titan, even a fireman can't save you" cackled 'Dave the Rave,' TennisTitan had just suffered his third consecutive defeat at Kinsley on this beautiful fall morning. 'Dave the Rave' paired with Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe for (2-6, 3-6) victories over the 'mammoth misanthrope' and Stan 'Captain Fire' Nowak. "Hey, 'Rave,' my performance was no act for you to follow. "The Captain here is making his first appearance at Kinsley in several months. He threw in more doubles today than his crew downs at the 'house' after a busy night in the south Bronx" retorted the 'bombastic blowhard.' The 'Jersey Bomber' quipped, "Uncle Tom, it was smart of you to give him the hook after your third set, because I went up the ladder at net for you so often in that final set (7-5) comeback victory against the 'Rave' and George 'Chemist' Hauss that my back is hurting now. "Rob, you're just blowing smoke. You just don't want to finish that set of singles we started (4-2 partial) because I had fire in my game earlier" rejoined the 'unctuous uncle.' 'Chemist' interjected, "Titan, that (1-6) beating you took at the hands of Dave 'Big Daddy' Lipscomb and 'Big Al' Diodati pales in comparison to the loss the entire Kinsley Krew feels with the passing of Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser." "Amen to that" chorused the group.
"But Max, what did you expect!? Bill would have had to have the back surgery, not you, to make a difference in the outcome." Such was the wisdom proffered by the 'mendacious masochist' who submits himself to the physical abuse meted out by Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and whomever he pairs with. Today was another case in point. TennisTitan played his predictably decent game in an effort to provide worthy opposition to the Tullyville Trolley who chugs along effectively regardless of the shortcomings of his partner. There is no such margin of error for the Titan in these circumstances. 'Big Al' Diodati paired with the 'overbearing oaf' in the first two sets and was vastly outplayed by the 'Russian Rocket' Vladimir, 'don't call me 'Russkie' (today) Kartsev. Those 'easy points' 'Big Al' missed at net became godsends before the afternoon was over. The (1-6, 0-6) shellacking had the Titan remarking to the 'taunting Tutor' on the sidelines, "Max, Bill must think I am Democrat, like 'Big Al' with the beating he's giving us." The 'contentious Conservative's strong play was well matched by the 'Russian Rocket' in a third set that was played to near completion. TT/'RR finished at (5-5 partial) and the Titan had the chance to serve it out with "RR" sitting passively on the lauching pad. As the teams met at net Max 'Tutor' Tuchman reflected upon all that he had observed during the ninety minutes of play and opined, "Titan, why don't you give me the camera. You haven't made a shot all day. Why start now?"
"I don't want to hear it ever again: commented George 'Chemist' Hauss at picture time. The Bunsen Burner Man was reacting to the oft heard refrain from the 'blathering blubber mouth,' "Titan never double faults." 'Chemist' is no mathematician but he can certainly count the seven (7) doubles the 'bloated blowhard' threw in during this mornings play at windy Kinsley Park. The days action started out so promisingly with TT/'Chemist' cruising to a (6-2) victory in the opener against 'Happy Jack' Carey and 'Dave the Rave.' The good fortune continued into the first half of the second set against 'Big Al' Diodati and Frank 'Slats' Slattery when TT's serve deserted him. With the 'Chemist' misfiring his forehand long with increasing regularity and the 'immobile minotaur' living up to his moniker, it was no surprise that 'Big Al/'Slats' salvaged their only win of the day with a (4-6) triumph that was the harbinger of worse things to come. The (2-6) shellacking administered by the gleeful tandem of 'Dave the Rave/Carl the 'anonymous gas man' was about all the 'Chemist' could stomach. "Titan, have you got squatters rights on that three yard circumference you patrol? You threw more serves into the net than Obama has reasons for the the republican landslide. Have I communicated that effectively to you? Do you need a press conference with softball questions to explain why you don't run?" TennisTitan retorted, "Calm down Georgie, have some calamine Tea when you get home. I don't want to be a Party to your having a nervous breakdown. Watch some more MSNBC. Mostly Stupid Nitwits Betraying the Country." 'Dave the Rave' shot back, "Go FOX yourself, Titan, you lost here and that's what counts."
Today TennisTitan returned to the indoor battle ground with notably different results. Titan paired with Gene 'King' Slattery for two sets of scintillating tennis against 'Big Al' Diodati and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. Unlike Wednesday's double defeat your erstwhile 'blogging bullshitter' grabbed the brass ring in this afternoon's contest at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The 'King and I' was not only a Broadway smash hit 50 years ago but was an exercise in doubles domination (6-3, 6-2) this rainy afternoon. As always Titan flourishes when cast in the role of support player. 'My liege' dominated on his serve and was extremely effective coming to the net in both these hotly contested sets. TT very ably complemented 'King's aggressive style with precision returns of serves and timely volleying at net in both winning efforts. The 'nettlesome nitwit' impressively assisted 'EBL' to a near third set win (5-2 partial) when 'Big Al' teamed with the 'King.' At photo time 'EBL' opined, "Titan, I thought for sure the reason I lost the first two sets had to be due to the play of the 'King' with little regard to your contribution. But after our strong showing together against the 'King' and 'Big Al' I may have to reconsider. 'Big Al' quipped "next week will tell the story for sure, but like always the 'medacious motor mouth' will be a 'lying lout' in today's 'bloviating blog.'
TennisTitan returned to the Kinsley battle grounds for the first time in a month this beautiful fall afternoon. The Titan paired with John the 'Neck' Manzi for a two set defeat at the hands of Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev (3-6, 4-6). The 'bombastic blowhard' was particularly sluggish afoot and the 'Neck' had a poor day at net leading to the unhappy outcome. That having been said 'Russkie' far exceeded his usual level of play and was highly instrumental in securing both victories. TT was ineffective during his service games and 'Neck' was caught time and again by the fortuitous mishits and lobs of the Russian immigrant. Trailing 3-4 in the second set TT/'Neck' were unable to take advantage of the departure of the 'Kraut' who had covered ground so effectively on the baseline. 'The 'Prozac Kid,' Chris Tyrone, secured the victory with some fine defense in the tenth and final game sending the 'bloated bumbler' home with two more loses and two throbbing legs. As the foursome met at net, fittingly, the Titan's camera faltered causing the 'blushing Bolshevik' to exclaim "Titan, double A batteries for your camera, but may I suggest you need a 12 volt deep cell marine battery for your legs."
Both Anton and Anand turned in unison to Russell 'Hoya Saxa' Briscoe and chortled "Sorry Russ, there will be no second round for you today." The three MBA soon-to-be-graduates of the McCombs School of Business had assembled earlier on the U. Texas intramural tennis courts to join the TennisTitan in some doubles. Each paired with the 'pusillanimous psychologist' and the 'Dell dilettante' for a set and both came away losers when saddled with the younger Briscoe. TennisTitan and Anton 'Kalifornia King' Goldman took the opening set (6-3). The 'gregarious Georgetowner' threw enough double faults into the net to make his first set Indian partner Anand the 'Bombay bombardier' Sankaran, caste an evil eye toward the 'plodding pariah.' Titan kept his game simple, rushing the net as necessary and lobbing effectively to counteract the hard hitting 'HS'/'BB' tandem until the 'Kalifornia King' salted away the point. Anand the 'Bombay bombardier' remarked at sets' end, "Russ, I may be Hindu, but I sure do have a beef with your game." The second set was more to the liking of the 'enigmatic computer engineer' from the subcontinent. ''Playing along side your son was bad karma for me" quipped Anand, "but having you at my side Titan, I am now reincarnated." You are the 'Brahmin Briscoe' that the Vedas exhalt." TennisTitan replied, "It Paes to have me as you partner. Russell may know more about the Bhagavad Gītā than I do but I am the 'Krishna of the Court.' "Bhupathi, er, bullshit, I mean to say" screamed the 'Kalifornia King,' "Titan winning the second set (7-6 [1]) as you did with Anand was not as great an achievement as Russell getting to the second round in the job interview process with the Alexander Group, Wipro, and possibly Cognizant. Only there is he coming up aces through no fault of his own."
"Yeah, Titan. I am big. But my game is even bigger... and I am mobile, ahem, unlike certain players I might add."
"Titan, believe me, the pleasure was all mine" retorted the 'Big Cat.' Less than 18 hours after the TennisTitan was hammered by 'Santa Anna' Gourd, the 'masochistic malcontent' was ready to take his lumps from an even stronger singles player: Carlos the 'Big Cat' Peredo. How ironic that today's action took place at Davey Crockett HS in South Austin. "Big Cat,' perhaps you should have a tennis battle here with my boy, 'Santa Anna,' in the coming months, to celebrate the 175th Anniversary of the Alamo" suggested the 'bombastic blowhard' at the match's conclusion. The 'ludicrous libertine' was served a New York bagel (0-6) by the transplanted Marylander, computer programmer, who has had to temporarily adjust his career aspirations in this depressed economy. Titan fought gamely in dropping the first set (2-6) against the rocket returns and 85mph plus serves of the 'talented terrapin' before succumbing at love in the second set. "Titan, I admire your willingness to take me on in a third set" exclaimed the 'Big Cat' at picture time. "Take you on!?" shot back the 'blogging bullshitter,' I got 4 games off of you! (4-6). "Titan, I told you, it's part of my job. I'm stuck in a customer service position for a lawn mower replacement parts outfit. I gotta keep the client happy so they keep coming back. Get it now? That's how you won 4!" "And by the way, I graduated from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute ; that's RPI. You just received your R.I.P."
"Stu here chose to put me out of my misery more slowly in the second set today. Tell you the truth, losing the first as I did so quickly was even more painful."
"But Stuart, it's October. It's Halloween. That's why I came to Austin" was the TennisTitan's feeble, transparent attempt to change the subject. The 'loathesome loudmouth' had again been decimated at the hands of Stuart 'Santa Anna' Gourd (1-6, 4-6) at Northwest Park. "No pumpkin jokes in the blog, that's it, Titan. A gourd is not a pumpkin!" demanded the victorious attorney. "Next time you should just settle with me 'out of court' and we'll both be the happier for it" opined the superior athlete. "You save some pride, some of that precious energy you expend like it was gold and I don't have to get aggravated and abused in your piddling literary exercise" carped the 'boastful barrister.' "I knew that being break down against you in that second set was like me being break up against my daughter; neither of us having a real chance to take the set." "Watching you pant and barely hobble to the center hash mark to retrieve my shots down the line at crunch time makes me value Dr. Jack Kervorkian all the more. He should have been your tennis trainer."
"Titan, I was afraid you'd use that nickname. That's why I had to crush you (0-6) in the second set. You're from NY and can appreciate a good bagel," replied Will 'Bumbling' Brumby. Dropping the opener to you (6-4) was somewhat of a surprise, me being so much younger (27) than you. I guess experience counts more in this sport than I realized" continued the neophyte attorney from Conyers Georgia currently making his home in St. Petersburg. "I think I made more errors late in that first set than I made on the Florida bar that I just past" exclaimed the Indiana U. graduate. "Bumbler, your quickness around the court is your greatest asset against the 'prevaricating procrastinator, let's hope you have it of mind in the court room. You'll be at the hospital before the ambulance, no doubt." "Titan, I don't need lectures from you between the white lines. I've had enough from real 'professorial pedagogues' in my time. And by the way, if anyone asks, "Hoosier tutor in all things tennis? The answer is: Will Brumby, Esquire!"
