"This is no way to send me home, but at least I am not going home empty handed" pleaded the TennisTitan at the conclusion of play this afternoon at Brookdale Community College in Middletown, NJ. TT had just been 'smoked' by his 'naughty nephew,' Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe in their second set (0-6). "Serving you a bagel seemed most appropriate 'unctuous uncle' after you overindulged yourself at the Thanksgiving Day table. Might as well feed you today too. Your reach with your back hand should only be as good as it is across the table for a third helping of all the fixings' continued the 'vociferous victor.' "Consider yourself the beneficiary of a take home doggy bag, what with your surprising (6-3) triumph over me in the opening set. I don't know how I lost six of the last seven games to a 'bloated blowhard' who is a charter member of over eaters anonymous." "By the way Rob, I can't wait to get back to those early birds in Florida next week. Turkey will not be on the menu."
"Titan, enjoy writing that blog later" sneered 'Rockin Rick' Ricci pounding his breast after beating TennisTitan in three (3) sets of doubles this date at Kinsley Park. "Don't forget me" crowed George 'Chemist' Hauss who paired with 'RRR' in roasting TT throughout the morning. 'Happy Jack' Carey played valiantly next to the 'libertine loud mouth' all to no avail in their (3-6, 4-6) losses. We basted you with precise volleys and carved you up with our overpowering ground strokes." Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe was both baked and mashed in his (1-6) drubbing with you as his partner, Titan" "Did you ever see sausage being made" queried 'Happy Jack.' "I felt like I was going through a meat grinder the way the 'Chemist' slices the ball" continued 'HJ.' "It sure is sweet shutting you up on the court" laughed 'Rockin' Rick.' "It'd be pure gravy if we could bagel you next time." "Naughty Nephew" chuckled and said in his youthful voice, "Peas don't tease my uncle Tommy. He cranberry nasty to me when he visits me on Thanksgiving. Just be thankful that you gave him his just deserts today and had so much fun doing it."
"I just needed a taste" TennisTitan remarked at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this afternoon. This, after he enjoyed a whitewashing of the 'Italian Stallion' and the 'Russian Bear' (6-0) when TT paired with Bill 'Energized Bunny Legs' Tully in the opener. Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev (aka 'Russian Bear') whined "Tom, you are too good to play with Bill" during the massacre. TennisTitan corrected the 'European emigree' with "Tom and too good should never appear in the same sentence. Vlad, maybe too achy, too annoying, too asinine, but never too adept." Indeed, your 'bombastic bullshitter' was feeling the effects of yesterday's outdoor play and used the first set to loosen up so that he could be competitive going against 'EBL' in sets two and three (2-6), 3-3 partial when TT paired with 'Big Al' Diodati (aka Italian Stallion) and the 'Krank Kartsev.' At picture time in response to 'Big Al's' reference to him feeling like he was "hit by a Mack Truck' in the first set, the 'Tullyville Trolley' opined "playing with you guys is Amateur Hour for me." TennisTitan rejoined, "Makes sense to me. Ted Mack's show was only a half hour long. Our playing time here is 90 minutes. Bill, weren't you a NYC teacher? That explains the math." To wit 'Russkie' quipped "This is why Titan you are my American Idol.'
"Damn right, Frankie! Don't pull that Ralph Kramden crap on me now" exploded the TennisTitan at the conclusion of play at the Andrus Tennis Courts this crisp fall afternoon. 'Slats' had told the Titan that he was in the market for a new doubles partner, that carrying the 'whining wimp' through another less than satisfying performance by the 'bloated blowhard' was getting just too much to take. 'Humma, humma, humma" retorted the 'bombastic bloviator' who made you Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of the Raccoon Lodge? "Titan, you're done as a competitive tennis player. You don't know how to address the ball when it is hit right at you. It's time to take up golf" ranted Frank 'Slats' Slattery stung by the (6-7 [5]) loss to Rich 'dozin' docent' Gerchak and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. "We beat these guys 6-2 on Saturday when you were somewhat motivated to run for the ball" complained the 'coddling counselor.' "Holding them to a 4-4 partial second set is just not good enough." The 'Kraut' said " I gotta go back to work. You guys, enjoy your lunch at the Chinese Buffet. Speaking of running, I've got to run to drive the commuter bus now, not Ralphie Briscoe... and 'Slats,' it's your game that is in the sewer!"
TennisTitan joined ten of his mates for a not so triumphant return to Kinsley Park this morning. Your 'not so humble tennis whore' was used and abused in three entertaining, hard fought sets. TT/'Chemist' George Hauss were spanked in the opener (2-6) by 'Happy Jack' Carey and Chris 'I Man' Ikhigbonoaremen. 'HJ'/'I Man's game was too strong for the flamed out 'bunsen burner' man and 'haughty hustler.' That was not the case when Titan hooked up with Frank 'Slats' Slattery for a (6-4) nail biter over Rich 'dozin docent' Gerchak and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. Flush off that scintillating victory TT/'Slats' attempted to take the measure of the always formidable 'Teutonic Twosome,' the 'Kraut' and the Herr (with no hair) Carl the anonymous Gas Man. After a fast two love start the 'Irish Idiots' were bulldozed (2-6) by a revivified 'AGM' and the blitzkrieging 'Kraut.' "We beat the Panzer off you micks" crowed the 'Germanic Jerks' as they celebrated their sweeping the last six games of the set with a traditional 'teutonic two-step.'
"Titan, do you have a permit for that concealed weapon" whimpered 'Big Al' Diodati after the second of three sets played at the Yonkers Tennis Center this date. TennisTitan rolled out the big guns in the decimation of the 'Italian Stallion' and Rich 'dozin docent' Gerchak (6-0, 6-1). Indeed, after a one month absence from the courts while in Florida the 'peripatetic prevaricator' came back hunting for bear, as in the 'Russian Bear.' TennisTitan was recruited to play along side Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and was treated to a strong offensive performance by the 'munificent Muscovite.' "Titan, I'm not talking about your play being a weapon, but Vlad was making more quality shots than Obama had dead people voting for him and you know that 'Russkie' seldom shows us that arsenal" contributed the 'dozin' docent.' "It took Rick and I two sets to wake up" snipped 'Big Al,' delighted in the fact that they took the final set (3-6), winning four of the final five games. "Titan, look at it this way," explained the 'Russian Bear.' "You ran out of gas just like hurricane Sandy did to everyone in the area, and I ran out of ammo like Romney did after the first debate." "Sorry Vlad, not good enough," retorted TT. "Next week I play with Ben Gazzi as my partner."
