"Titan, you know what you can kiss" dead panned a relieved Walt 'Show Me' Klein at the conclusion of the second set played under the lights at Pine Island Center this evening. TT was beaming and had to settle for the knuckle bump. "Let's play a third" carped the 'capricious cretin." 'Coach' Klein had salvaged Titan's day by leading the way in the night cap of a two set split with the van Dycks (4-6, 6-3). Gusting winds played havoc with the group minimizing the effect of the usually reliable 'Show Me' serve and TT's lob game. 'Michigander' Ron demonstrated best utilization of the wind by keeping his returns low and short; the 'Canadian Cruncher's tireless work ethic waned in the latter half of the second set enabling TT/'Coach' to grab the final three games. "Titan, I hustled to make a buck at Cap'n Con's for seven hours while you were pinching pennies at the Dollar Store. I should be tired, and you should be rich! At least one of those statements is true." Ron interjected, "Titan, just admit it. Jo and I not only live on Kingfish St. - we are the 'King Fish' of any court you play on."
"Titan, you can't be serious" shrieked Ron 'Michigander' van Dyck in his best John McEnroe voice as the two partners walked to net to congratulate Ron's better half, Joanne 'Canadian Cruncher' Van Dyck and Walt 'Show Me' Klein. Ron being a gracious husband (if not clear thinking tennis player) had agreed to be TT's partner to enable Joanne to play along side of 'Coach' Klein in the second and final set of the morning. The (1-6) result was as inevitable as an Obama promise of jobs in his on going campaign for his (let's hope) one term presidency. "But Ronnie, avoiding the bagel was as precious to me as was the 'Cruncher' and I holding on for our (6-4) victory over you and that 'Missouri Mule' in the opening set" declared a euphoric Titan. "No bagel for me!" To wit the 'Canadian Cruncher' chortled, "Titan you don't know 'jack!' It's like you're the pot calling the kettle black. You calling Walt a 'mule', when every tennis player on the island knows that you are the 'ass!'
"We don't treat our husbands any better than we do you" chorused the trio of 'giddy gals' who mistreated the TennisTitan again this morning at Riverside Park in Tarpon Springs. "Next time we'll let you play with the fellas and you won't feel so impotent" consoled Suki the 'Korean Komet' who again outclassed (5-7) the 'boisterous blowhard' when he paired with Pam 'Here's Another Slam' Baldyga. "Titan, at least I won two games with you today cackled Dori 'Rhode Island Red' (2-6) but it's sure easier being Suki's partner than yours!" "But Titan I am your salvation am I not" opined Sukie. I let you put the cream cheese on the bagel (6-0) we authored against these 'heckling hens' by having you serve it out." After the obligatory picture was taken the 'tortured tortoise' smiled meekly and hobbled to the sidelines as Chris took his spot next to 'Rhode Island Red.' Sitting next to Danny, who would soon come on for the departing Sukie, the 'bombastic braggart' mumbled "I can't wait to play in a men's game next week. There I can lose and maintain a modicum of pride."
"Maybe you should wear a skirt" quipped Eastchester, NY's own, Dori the 'Rhode Island Red' at the end of two hours and fifteen minutes of play at Riverside Park this date. TennisTitan had finally found his match - and then some - when he hooked into a three setter this beautiful winter morning in the cradle of Tarpon Springs' tennis world. "Do you have to humiliate me this way in front of 12 men playing doubles on the three adjacent courts" pleaded the 'Yonkers Yakker' to Pam 'Here's Another Slam' Baldyga. TT had suffered loses playing as these gals (1-6, 5-7) partner when each had paired with the 'Asian Asteroid', Suki. The 'Korean Komet' speed and defensive prowess dominated all three sets including the (6-2) triumph she engineered with the 'bloated behemoth.' At picture time 'Suki' used her sliced backhand one last time to lacerate the 'lethargic libertine.' "In my culture, we must honor the elderly and enfeebled, 'loathesome loud-mouth,' but at Riverside you are just one of the girls! "Yeah, Dori cackled, don't get your panties in a knot. We beat those other guys too. We'll let you play again on Thursday.
"I told you so. I told you so. I told you so," chanted the smiling 'bloated behemoth' as he retreated to his apartment at the Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club late this afternoon. The 'insufferable idiot' had just had his way with the only half way decent player at the club who will engage in singles play. 'Genial George' the 'Genealogist' Pratt accepted the TennisTitan's plea for a game on short notice and proceeded to inflate the 'fatuous fathead's ego with a (6-3. 6-1) double defeat under clear blue skies in 48 degree temperature. 'Genial George' was anything but as the comrades wended their way back to the building complex. 'Boorish Bozo,' we Floridians don't play tennis under winter conditions. I was insane to go out there with you. You looked like the 'absolute asshole' you are wearing shorts and a tee shirt while the 'geratric grannies' were walking the grounds with hooded parkas, ear muffs, scarves and gloves! What are they to think of their new neighbor." "I don't give a damn what those 'botox biddies' think, retorted the 'bombastic blowhard.' The Titan has come to serve and volley, not to walk and talk." To wit the 'Wisecracking Wichitan' quipped, "Well, maybe not to walk ..."
"Pops, you can't be serious. The only way you'll ever beat me again is if I wear something different, not if you were to wear your stupid hat!" So responded Russ 'Hoya Saxa' Briscoe after his convincing (3-6) defeat of the TennisTitan. The ol' man was lamenting the fact that he donned his Longhorns cap rather than the TennisTitan chapeau that was left back in NY. "Russ, it was foreordained that I would lose with this cap on after last night's performance by the Horns." In a set played in NY-like weather (45 degrees, misting) at the Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club Russ answered every challenge TT could put before him. Titan moved the 6'6' sleek gargantuan around the court reasonably well, but Russ is no 'bloated behemoth' as he got to the droppers and the zingers to the corner baseline equally well. Titan showed no such ability. The Scion of Austin suggested to the Yakker of Yonkers at net, "let's stop now before either of us gets hurt in this rain and I'll take you to the mall and buy you another TennisTitan hat. Then, maybe we'll play again tomorrow." Titan quipped, "yeah, and I want to buy you a pair of snowshoes and a set of handcuffs to equalize things on the court."
