"Titan, you may have pain from playing too much, but let me assure you, you cause more pain to us because you play at all" chorused the trio of George 'Chemist' Hauss, 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and 'Dave the Rave.' "We each had to carry you for a set against the other two and damn near broke our backs running for balls you should have had" lamented 'Dave the Rave' who paired with the 'bombastic blowhard' in the third and final set (4-6). 'Dave you're just pissed because Titan had enough game for us to eke out our (6-4) victory against you and the 'Chemist' responded 'RRR.' "Don't you guys notice that TennisTitan is always at his best in the opening set" commented the 'Chemist' who clearly benefitted from the 40 ounces of coffee jacking up the 'lethargic libertine's energy level in the opener (6-2). 'Rave' it's like this, retorted the 'aching asshole.' "I was a fan of Rudyard Kipling back in HS. You know his poem "The White Man's Burden." This little ditty is my tribute to you "No one here is rich, so playing with Titan is a bitch. I don't want to hear your lecture, until you let me take your picture. So now be nice and smile for a photo op, or the 'Black Man's Burden' will never stop."
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| "I demand a rematch." |
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| "Maybe he'll write about the restaurant instead" |
"Prezzie, I hope you're collecting the air miles" quipped the 'loathsome lardass' at plays conclusion. TennisTitan and 'El Prezidente,' Rich Prezioso resumed their annual battle at the Law Memorial Courts in Briarcliff Manor this afternoon. The two Lincoln HS compadres have been playing singles on the clay in the tony Westchester community once or twice per year over the past decade and one- half. Always at stake is the post match luncheon tab at Squires Restaurant in the upscale community. "Prezzie, the usual deal: Three sets; I win all three, you buy. You win two, I buy. You win one, it's dutch" and the game was on. Over the years the health educator has improved his chances of victory, being more physically fit and raising his game with increased play at Kinsley. TennisTitan has struggled to remain competitive against his peers on the singles court as mobility factors and stamina continue to reduce his effectiveness. "Strategy and execution are my forte" boasted the 'braggadocious blogger' after the (6-2, 6-2, 6-1) dismantling. "Too bad Squires is not like some Chinese buffets. You've bought me so many lunches over the years, it's time you get a free one somehow." As the boys adjourned for their libation and burgers at Squires 'Prez' opined to a befuddled waitress, "Shit, I feel like Evelyn Tangredi today (former principal at Lincoln). She tried for five years to get a days work out of her 'pompous pychologist' and got 'nada.' I just spent two hours in 85 degree temperature and 90 degree humidity and couldn't make you work either." To wit Titan turned to the perplexed server and said, "In honor of my friends chances and because we will be using his American Express card, 'I'll have the Blue Moon on draught, please." "Just once" sighed 'Prez' "that's all I'm asking for" as he looked skyward.
"Titan, this was my fifth set of the morning, what are you whining about" beamed a happy 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. The 'Rock' had teamed with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge in his third and final set (1-6)facing the 'bulbous buffoon' and Frank 'Slats' Slattery. "I feel like I just ate at Friendly's and this was my 'happy ending desert' continued the septuagenarian. "Carrying Titan through our (6-2, 7-6 [6]) victories against 'Happy Jack' Carey, and then 'Big Al' DioDati was the equivalent of a five-setter for me" responded 'Slats.' TennisTitan retorted, 'Rick, you went up the ladder when you teamed with a relatively fresh 'Der Klugemeister' against us. That was only the 'Kraut's second set and he was still smarting from his double loss with me from last week." "That bodes well for me" opined 'Slats.' It should be 'Rock's turn to play as your partner next Saturday then." "Hell no" quipped the 'pusillanimous prevaricator.' "The 'Rock' has yet to beat me in singles, try as he might, over the years. But I know he'd beat me in one thing if we were on the same side of the net." "What's that?" inquired the 'teutonic taunter.' "No contest! He out talks me every Saturday" offered the 'trash-talking' tease.
"Are you sure you didn't leave your game in Pittsburgh'' asked The Jersey Bomber? The brash Briscoe was feeling his oats now having come away with a double victory in this mornings matches played at Kinsley. Rob Briscoe teamed with George 'Chemist' Hauss for three impressive sets on this dreary, wet Saturday. TennisTitan and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge were outplayed (3-6, 6-7 [3]) by the tandem who performed near the top of their game throughout the morning. "Titan, it's understandable that you couldn't hold that 5-2 lead in the second set. You've been on the road the past three weeks visiting five major league ballparks as you traipsed across the country from Denver to New York. You've been sitting on your ass for 2300 miles, what's another two and one-half hours on the tennis court." "But Bomber, I'm bummed. It's not the 2300 miles. It's that today was 'Kraut's birthday and instead of getting a gift, he gave away that second set!' "So Titan, then you don't take any responsibility for the loss?" queried the 'Bomber.' "Hell, no! It's only because I left after two sets, and Carl the 'Anonymous Gas Man' took my place alongside of the 'Kraut' that he got a win (6-4) against you and the 'Chemist.' That was my gift to him."
