"Titan, I forgot to tell you, I failed my HS Chemistry regents exam back in '62" a sheepish George 'Chemist' Hauss admitted at net. TT and 'Chemist' had paired for four sets this rainy morning at Kinsley Park with decidedly mixed results. The boys were on fire in the opener, bageling the tandem of Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and Rich 'El Prezidente' Prezioso (6-0). When Der Klugemeister Bob Kluge teamed with 'SL' for the second set the table was turned even more rapidly producing a (0-6) undressing of the 'Bokeelia braggart' and his MIA partner. 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Prezidente' continued to expose the errant play of the 'Chemist' and the lassitude of the 'indolent idiot' during the final two sets. After dropping the third set (4-6) due to the insistence of the 'stubborn scientist's failure to adjust his game to accommodate to the swirling winds and mist impacting play, the 'trash-talking tactician' turned it on for their finale, a (6-2) triumph. 'Prez' opined at departure, "Turkey Tom, sitting out the second set, I learned how to beat you - just get the ball back to your half of the court." 'Kraut' quipped, "yeah, without 'Chemist' being on his game, it was like two against none, rather than the usual 2 against 1." The 'somber scientist' offered this explanation for his inconsistent play. "I minored in physics. You guys all hit flat. My top spin was more greatly effected by Newton's little known 8th law: 'SBS' - Soggy Ball Syndrome. Titan commented 'I wonder if any of my readers remember the Cowsills." (don't forget to click on the blog title in red to obtain a special treat),
"Titan, maybe you should've stayed in Florida. The old folks there seem to be more your speed" chorused an ebullient 'Big Al' DioDati and an enervated Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. That trusted tandem had just completed 'the usual' - a two set sweep of the out classed pairing of TennisTitan and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman (2-6, 3-6). 'EBL' controlled the front and back courts with his speed game and the 'Italian Stallion' emulated "Old Reliable," Tommy Henrich, in inestimable fashion when need be by keeping points alive. 'Tutor' opined at net as the group was set to depart, "Titan, you'd think 'Big Al' would've treated you better today, with you having arranged that party for his 80th birthday the last time he saw you." Tully quipped, "Nah, Al is too much like Early Wynn. He'd knock down his grandmother with a high inside fastball if she was crowding the plate." 'Tutor' chortled "Titan, it looks like you were crowding the plate recently at those Early Birds." DioDati had the last word. "Titan, one thing I know is that when I play against you 'I have an early win!'
"Titan, you not only bring your dour disposition back from Florida, but also crappy weather" carped 'Der Klugemeister' Bob Kluge as the rain poured steadily down on TT and his three cohorts at Kinsley this morning. 'The Kraut' was in a sour mood because the 'flatulent Floridian' had teamed with fellow tennis whore George 'Chemist' Hauss in a one set triumph (6-4) over the tandem of 'Kraut' and Chris 'Prosac Kid.' 'Kraut' and 'Chemist' had squeegeed and rolled the puddle soaked concrete dry to enable the 'boisterous blowhard' to break more than wind in the 30 minutes of play before the heavens opened up with the teams tied at three apiece. With 'Prosac' showing signs of tennis withdrawal: "How can we play in this weather" Titan prevailed with his irrefutable logic as the set was played to completion. "The tennis balls are sopping wet already. We might as well stay and get our balls wet too." As 'Prosac' beat a hasty retreat to his lair across the street from the courts in the unrelenting downpour 'Chemist' averred "Chris just ain't into it like we are. How about a game of singles Bob" as Titan took out his camera.
"Okay wise ass, what have you got to say now" opined George 'Genealogist' Pratt after his first set thumping of the TennisTitan at the Tarpon Springs Sail and Tennis Club this morning. Indeed the transplanted Kansan put an indelible mark on the 'bloated behemoth's tennis curriculum vitae. It took TT until the 6th game (1-6) to get on the board against an erstwhile opponent that he once dominated. The smile on the 'Wichita Lineman's face surpassed that which he displayed when the sigmoidoscope was extracted from his rectum after he completed his recent colonoscopy. "Consider this your barium enema" chortled the 'preening peacock' as the combatants prepared for their second set at the idyllic complex where the 'bullshitting blogger' is about to purchase a condo. "I will not be your doormat here anymore!" Well, the Titan got off his duff and answered the bell in the second set, coming away with a (6-2) victory in a set that was closer than the score indicated. The 'Genealogist,' almost 10 years the 'boastful bumbler's senior, is light years quicker and in far better shape thanks to his active lifestyle. As the adversaries met at net to decide on their luncheon fare George quipped, " Do you eat crow? And Titan, there's still time to reneg on the purchase contract." TennisTitan turned to the 'avuncular antagonist" and said: "George, that endoscopy you said you also had. That'll be nothing compared to what you can expect upon my return in December. I will shove a three set sweep down your throat and even provide you a bagel to clear the esophagus!"
"The only thing Wrigley about you Titan is that gut you tote around Kinsley Park" a rankled Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso retorted at the conclusion of play this morning. TT had opined that "Kinsley is to the 'bloated behemoth' as Wrigley Field is to the Chicago Cubs: a great place to play if not win." But TennisTitan did win another thriller from the Mavin of Briarcliff Manor. Titan had paired with 'El Prezidente' in doubles in the opening set against George 'Chemist' Hauss and Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser. 'Prez' had played extraordinarily well in their (5-7) defeat that had relegated the two ex Lincoln HS compatriots to singles play on the challenger's court. TT dispatched the retired health educator (6-0) in their first set and seemingly had matters well in hand before a revivified 'Prez' rallied to take a 4-5 advantage. The tandem of George ' Teacher' Febles and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge who subsequently defeated 'Chemist'/'Pistol' (7-6 [5]) were privileged to witness with rapt attention the stirring come-from-behind victory the 'arrogant asshole' hung on 'El Prezidente.' "Coup d'etat" panted a near exhausted 'boisterous blowhard' as he closed out the breaker (7-6 [5]) to the amazed onlookers ready to administer CPR to the 'winded windbag.' "With the Titan, it's always about heart in the third set" shouted the 'Kraut.' "It can't be about ability" quipped the 'Teacher.' 'Chemist' chortled "smoke and mirrors - but most of all - experience."
