"Titan, are you sure you wanted me as a fourth?" snickered 'Big Al' Dio Dati at the conclusion of the third set at the Yonkers Tennis Center this date. 'Big Al' filled in for an ailing Gene Slattery forcing a reshuffling of sides. Indeed, 'Big Al' was sitting in the cat bird seat having contributed mightily to the (3-6, 7-5, 0-6) defeat of the tandem of TennisTitan/Frank 'Slats' Slattery. Titan had proved prophetic in stating that the Italian Stalion's performance would determine to a large extent today's outcome. Not that Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' didn't shine throughout the well played contest. But that was to be expected. Not that the quickness and agility of 'EBL' were not effectively countered during the first 90 minutes of play by 'Slats' hustle and timely stroking by the 'bombastic blowhard.' But TT was not able to outplay 'Big Al' in set one resulting in a relatively easy win for 'Big Al'/EBL. Set two featured many 18-22 ball rallies that ultimately took its toll on 'Slats' in the finale when he was no where to be found. As the exhausted foursome met at net 'Slats' opined "Titan, I am going to call 'King' Gene Slattery and tell him you got me sick today making me run endlessly." To wit the 'boisterous blowhard' retorted "Slats, 'The King and I" was a Broadway smash 50 years ago; it would have been no different today at the YTC. I think the wrong Slattery showed up!"
TennisTitan celebrated the Christmas holiday in fine style this date by joining his cohorts in three sets of fun doubles at the YTC. Titan made sure that all of the participants got to play Santa Claus, and have to carry the Titan on his back for one set each! Your 'bombastic blowhard' wisely chose 'Big Al' Dio Dati in the opener against George 'Chemist' Hauss and George 'Teacher' Febles. Although Big Al/TT dropped the set (7-9) The Italian Stallion had the lightest load as the 'immobile minotaur' gave forth with his best effort of the day in rallying the team to extend the set into extra games. 'Chemist'/TT rolled to a (6-3) victory in the middle stanza on the strength of the slicing/dicing machinations of 'Chemist' and his court coverage for the tiring 'bloated behemoth.' The finale saw the surprisingly dominant performance of the TT/'Teacher tandem who had their complete way with the opposition in a (6-1) laugher. As the crew met at net Titan awarded the Santa's Helper's Hat to 'El Profesor,' Ignacio 'George the Teacher' Febles for his consistent play throughout the morning and the ease with which he slung Titan on his back in the final set. My Mexican-American friend calmly put me in my place by saying, "Gringos have prospered off the labor of my people for years. Why should you be any different!"
"So Titan, did I douse your flame or what?"commented Tom 'Fireman' Conaty at the conclusion of the set played at the YTC this date. TennisTitan had responded to the SOS sent out by 'Big Al' Dio Dati 20 minutes before match time to serve as a last minute fill-in for 'Russkie' Vladimir Kartsev. The 'immobile minotaur' moved faster to suit up than the retired 'Fireman' ever did sliding down the firehouse pole to get on the indoor court on this brutally cold day. The 'blogging bullshitter' paired with 'Big Al' in a (5-7) loss to 'Fireman' and John 'Relic' Gallagher. 'Big Al' was particularly disappointed in the defeat as the 'Relic' continued his inexplicable mastery over his 'Italian Stallion' compadre. This was only the second opportunity TT has had to stroke against the 'Fireman' and it was highly enjoyable. 'Fireman' possesses an accurate serve with pop and placement, speed akin to 'EBL' Tully and quick, agile movement at net. As the boys met at net the 'bombastic bloviator' lamented that 'Fireman' had to leave before the session was over. 'Fireman' quipped, "Titan, you only get one hosing today, but to your credit I'd have to list your game as a three alarm fire." 'Relic' chortled, "Al, you got smoked!"
"Titan, there's no way you can beat us when Joe plays like that"commented 'Big Al' Dio Dati at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this date. Titan had dropped both sets as 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz' partner to 'Big Al' and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully 2 and 3. Indeed, 'GK' was way off his game, over hitting his ground strokes and failing to convert volleys at net with uncharacteristic regularity. GK was the weakest rather than the second best player on the court. Titan didn't do the cause much good either; dropping all four of his service games in the match. Several times during the contest play was halted to allow 'GK' to settle his stomach. Titan remarked at net as they players left the court, "Joe, maybe if you had hurled you'd have gotten that bad play out of your system once and for all." The Puerto Rican quickly quipped, "Titan, it was your game that made me sick in the first place, not the rice and corned beef that I had for lunch." TT retorted, "GK, it's a deal. Next time I serve in the box, you barf in the bag!"
"Titan, maybe it's you who needs a bail out" quipped Ed 'Pitt Panther' Rubash at the conclusion of the third set played today at Blue Crab Key. The 'Panther' and Titan had succumbed to Darryl 'Wolverine' Tison and Walt 'Show Me' Klein (3-6) to end the day's play for TT on a disappointing note. The 'braggadocios braggart' had invited the trio to the BCK compound for some competitive doubles based on "you guys are the Big Three down at the center, now it's time to prove it he
re." TennisTitan paired with 'Wolverine' in the opener and dropped the set (6-7 [4]) to a determined, hustling Pennsylvanian and a big-serving, back-spinning Missourian. TT fared better (naturally) along side 'Coach' Klein as he and 'Show Me' dominated the middle set (6-2). As the opponents met at the twine Coach commented, "Titan, perhaps I should loan you some of my skills." The 'Wolverine,' having first hand knowledge of the auto industry, quipped, "Guys, Titan needs be be completely retooled. He has no second gear or reverse on the court. His only asset is his motor mouth which is always stuck in over drive. Let's find a foreigner to replace TT in our foursome."
Your TennisTitan has been in Florida for ten days and finally managed to engage in some competitive sets rather than the mamby-bamby four game rotation that is played at Philips Park to accommodate all ability levels.This morning TT met with Ron and Joanne Van Dyck at the Captain's Cove Condos to join host Tom 'out-of this-world' Marrs for three sets of doubles. With temperatures in the low fifties amid a continuously swirling wind Titan managed to emerge victorious in sets 2 and 3 when pairing with Ron 'Michigander' (6-4) and (7-5) with Joanne 'Canadian Cruncher.' The 'lumbering loudmouth' did not enjoy success with the host at his side in the opener when the waitress from Captain Cons and her husband served up a quick bagel (0-6). As the foursome met at net for pictures Titan remarked the Van Dycks play so well together it's no wonder that they have a beard named after them. Ron quipped, "my ancestors were related to the the Flemish painter Anton Van Dyck. He authored his masterpieces in oils on canvas, Joanne and I do ours on HarTru Courts with felt covered spheres hit with spin, power and precision." Host Tom Marrs commented "I'm going to grow one of those van Dyck beards so no one on the island will recognize me. The Titan's got the right idea with his tennis game and that face of his."
"Titan, don't be saying you are stiff from playing too much this week, you're always a 'stiff' in my book" chided Stuart 'Santa Anna' Gourd at picture time in Northwest Park. 'Santa Anna' had graciously agreed to renew his tennis rivalry with the 'boisterous blowhard' during his lunch break from his position of Assistant Supervisor of Appeals at the Texas unemployment division. Titan had fought gamely in the set one (4-6) loss at the athletic attorney, taking most games to multi-deuce and squandering several chances to get the early break back. Set two was entirely another matter. With his wheels firmly in the parked position, deflated from his narrow set back, the 'bullshitting blogger' packed it in, losing the last five games as if he had to catch his plane back to Nueva York today. The (1-6) demolition enabled the 'barnstorming barrister' to throw out an olive branch. "Enigmatic Egotist, I may be in NY this spring. Perhaps you can produce another (7-6) victory against me on your own turf like last year." Titan chortled,"Gourd, you abused me on this court like I was unemployed illegal. While you go back to work know that I am going to the Olive Garden and engorge myself." Stuart fired his last ace with, "Titan, at least I made you look like a gourd today. You were my personal 'pumpkin.'
"Is that Texas enough for you, ol' man?" snickered 'Special T' Travis Hubbard at McNeil Park in Round Rock at the conclusion of his one set shoot out with the Tennis Troubadour. 'Special T' had gotten his game fully together after dropping the opening three games to TT and resorted to some smash-mouth tennis, Longhorn style. The 'immobile minotaur' was facing an 80mph serve that painted the T and dotted the sidelines with increasing frequency in his (3-6) loss to this 'raging bull' out of Texas State. 'Never you mind' quibbled the 'bloated behemoth' to Cackling Chris Cockrum, 'Jesse Crossan is someone I know I can whip. He's from the northeast too." But we'll never know. The lights conveniently went out at the town park with TennisTitan up a break (2-0) and about to take the third game from the brash 'Broad Street Bully' from Newark, Del. Russ 'Hoya Saxa' Briscoe attempted to console his old man walking to the softball field with some soothing words. "Rest easy dad. Briscoe honor is fully maintained. I barbecued that 'BSB' in two straight (6-3, 6-2)." At the conclusion of the Dell team's 13-1 loss on the diamond, Grant 'The Enforcer' Brashear cracked, "Pigeon feet may help Jesse to take small steps on the tennis court, but all I saw was a lot of bird droppings around second base tonight." Cackling Chris commented "At least the beer is as cold as the team's sales performance this quarter." 'The Enforcer' didn't look none too happy.
"Titan in my country you would be a Brahman" in the tennis world exclaimed a befuddled Sanjay Tomato at the conclusion of his three set defeat at the hands of the TennisTitan this evening. Indeed the 'braggadocios blowhard' had agreed to an 8 PM match with the 'Man from Madras' India. Titan was afraid he bit off more than he could chew against the well- educated, athletic 29 year old emigrant who plies his trade in Austin's silicon valley. But it was the 'bloated behemoth' who imparted an advanced education in court guile and baseline control against 'Typhoon Tomato' in the crisp fall air at the South Austin Tennis Center. The 'pedantic prevaricator' only wishes his serve was 'Untouchable' to have made this a 'perfect storm.' The 'immobile minotaur' rolled to a (6-0, 6-1, 6-2) sweep. TT had it all working under the lights, quickly taking control of the points with groundies to both the forehand and backhand sides as he was never threatened by the man from the subcontinent. As the combatants met at net for the obligatory pictures (to be posted this weekend upon return to NY) TT explained the 'egomaniacal egotist's' blog, 'Typhoon Tomato' quipped, "Do not caste stones at me in your inane write up of this our first meeting. I will be travelling to New York in 2009. My game will continue to improve. Remember there is always a better second course in Indian cuisine! And are you not aware that in Texas Brahman is a type of cattle. And you should know the apostle Thomas was martyred in Madras"
"You can't threaten me. I didn't even watch the show" howled the TennisTitan at the conclusion of his two set sweep (6-0, 6-1) of 'Sally the Rancher' at Northwest Park in Austin, Texas. TT connected with this aspiring horse woman/itinerant masseuse from Brady Texas for some singles play. 'The Rancher' was 'broken more times than she has colts on the back forty' exclaimed the 'bloated behemoth' at picture time. The 'pedantic prevaricator' rejected Sally's insistence that if she brought the rest of the Brady girls -Marcia, Jan and Cindy- next time, they'd be sure to beat the 'boisterous blowhard.' The 'immobile minotaur' quipped, 'Rancher', you're supposed to have good hands in your line of work. You should have also reined me in at net."
"Titan, you are 'Unforgiven' for the way you played that second set" scolded Joe 'Gimpy Knees Cruz after his (3-6) loss with TT against George 'Chemist' Hauss and Lou 'Pistol Gerencser' this wet Saturday morning at Kinsley. The 'bloated behemoth' had performed like a "Million Dollar Baby' in their first set (6-3) victory over Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Big Al' Dio Dati to advance to the winners bracket. 'Kraut' whose game is 'Absolute Power' was deprived of his main asset due to the heavy water logged balls that prevented appropriate top spin. "Big Al' was often 'In the Line of Fire' exclaimed the exasperated 'Arrogant Aryan' upon his departure. At picture time, as the light mist turned to a steady rain 'Pistol' opined, "in these conditions you play to win 'Any Which Way You Can.' You had to run like you were on a 'Tightrope.' 'Chemist' remarked that in 'A Perfect World' Joe can be 'The Enforcer' on the court for the 'immobile minotaur, but today I threw down 'The Gauntlet' and hit the ball with such 'Sudden Impact' that I easily overcame Titan's 'Magnum Force.' With that 'Gimpy Knees' turned to 'The Beguiled' partner and said "Boisterous Blowhard, I hit the ball 'Every Which Way But Loose' and you stand there in a 'Dead Pool!' If I had 'A Fistful of Dollars' I'd be playing indoors today and never have to witness your game - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!'
"Tommy boy, 'If Heartaches Were Horses" and unforced errors were cattle, you'd be a rancher today" quipped Der Klugemeister at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this afternoon. Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz had attended to their unfinished business from Tuesday in capturing two of the three sets played. TennisTitan and Frank 'Slats' Slattery had come out smokin' taking the first set (6-3) in impressive style. The tide slowly turned in the middle games of set two when 'GK'/'Kraut' began to extend the rallies and gain full measure of control over their top spin power groundies. 'TT/'Slats' also acquitted themselves well in the second set (2-6) but they were too often responding from behind the baseline. The 'bloated behemoth' was neutralized with power strokes to the feet that yielded sitters for his bug eyed opponents at net. 'Slats' attempt to stave off the onslaught in the third set (2-6) went for naught as his defensive prowess was overwhelmed with power drives to his fore hand and an increasingly mobility-impaired bystander to his right. As the boys met in the twilight for pictures Titan remarked, "Kraut, I didn't realize you were into George Strait lyrics." 'Slats' winked and said, "Yeah Titan, your favorite must be "Give It Away." 'Kraut' opined "I just said 'Come On Joe' to begin that second set. Titan sighed and remarked 'It Just Comes Natural' I guess.
"I don't believe what I just saw" quipped a beaming Max 'Tutor' Tuchman in his best Jack Buck voice at the end of the ninety minutes of spirited play at Yonkers Tennis Center this date. Indeed, the usually bespectacled maven of Dobbs Ferry had announced upon arrival that he had forgotten his glasses, hence "don't expect too much from me today, Titan." But who knew? Titan had cast himself in the role of Curt Gibson and came up big in the clutch time after time in the only set played to conclusion (9-7, 1-3 partial). The 'immobile minotaur' who gets around on the court like Gibson did on the bases, was effective with his back hand against the tandem of 'Big Al' Dio Dati and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully to an uncommon degree. Placement serves and control of his baseline enabled the 'braggadocious bloviator' to dictate play as he proved time and again "this is why I play the ad side" to the chagrin of his opponents. TT was 4 for 4 in service holds winning the 12th game at love to force the extra session and closing it out equally impressively in the 16th. As the boys met at net, after TT and Tutor both chest bumped and hip bumped ala football style, 'EBL' opined with a wry twinkle in his eye, "It's what I like about you so much, Titan. You're so gracious in victory." Bob 'Kraut' Kluge, a spectator throughout the contest, scouting the 'boisterous behemoth' for tomorrow's match , cackled, "Titan doesn't remember how to behave after a victory; it's been too long." Max chortled "better I forget my glasses than my ear plugs."
"Well, you played like crap here, you might as well go now and do your thing in the proper environment" snickered Frank 'Slats' Slattery to TennisTitan as the 'bloated behemoth' made a hasty retreat to his car. TT was still smarting from the disappointing defeat he and 'Slats' received from Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz (6-7 [6]) at Kinsley this afternoon. It was a particularly well played set that saw both sides miss opportunities to close out games and the match itself due to fine play by the opposition. Down 3-5 the 'Slats'/TT rallied to send the set to a tie breaker. Up 5-1 in the breaker the boys couldn't close the deal as 'Slats' final backhand clipped the tape and fell back on to the wrong side of the court. Making matters worse for the Titan who was indisposed by a call of mother nature just as the second set was getting under way leading to his rapid departure were the comments of the intrepid victors. "Titan, I said 'run for the ball,' not 'run for the bowl' quipped 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. Der Klugemeister chimed in with, "Guys, those cheap Wilson sneakers the Titan wears that leaves marks on the court - the DNA will match the skid marks in his shorts today." The 'boisterous blowhard' yelled from his Honda racing up Park Av. "Yeah, and my cheeks will be tighter than Frankie's wallet on the 15 minute ride home.
"Maybe tomorrow Titan, that's when it'll be All Souls Day" commented Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman as he departed Kinsley this beautiful Saturday morning. TT was still smarting from his first set loss with 'SL' to the likes of Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Lou 'Pistol' (Goulash) Gerencser (5-7). TT/'SL' let a 5-4 advantage slip away and were relegated to the loser's bracket to salvage their second set victory (6-4) against 'Dave the Rave' and Frank 'Slats' Slattery. The 'Wimpish Whiner' was still pissin' and moanin' wondering when 'Speedy Legs' would run around that erratic back hand that had put the second set in jeopardy and provided the opening for the 'Kraut'/'Pistol' comeback when 'Slats' called the 'bombastic bloviator' to task at picture time. "Today, being All Saints Day Titan, consider yourself dead - like any self-respecting saint. By the way who's your patron saint? St. Choke-up!?
'Big Al' DioDati glumly turned to his partner Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs ' Tully and murmurred almost inaudibly, "Titan is truly 'capo di tutti capi.' Indeed, the 'bloated behemoth' was 'the boss' this date at the Yonkers Tennis Club as he and 'King' Gene Slattery presided over the execution of their opponents as surely as Don Corleone had. In an outstanding 100 minutes of on-court action TT/'King' defeated 'Big Al'/'EBL' (6-4, 6-3) in the two sets played to completion. A hobbled 'King' mirroring the foot-speed of the 'egomaniacal egotist' throughout the contest could only agree at picture taking time. Titan had exploded with pop on his serve at crucial times and made 'digs' at net that had Tully exclaim 'you should work at Gate of Heaven, Titan!' The 'bombastic blowhard' retorted, 'EBL, now you come to me and you say "TennisTitan, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come onto my tennis court on the day that I dominate the action and you reject me as your partner for a third set." 'King' intervened before blows were thrown. "Titan, remember what happened to Santino and Fredo - we have a third set to play" (2-5 partial). 'Big Al' quipped, "Titan, maybe you'd be better off to 'leave the racquet and eat the canoli' the next time we play!'
"Titan, you've been away three weeks - and your game looked it!" howled Bob 'Kraut' Kluge at the 'bloated behemoth' upon completion of the fourth set played this morning at a windy Kinsley Park. Der Klugemeister had victimized the 'immobile minotaur' in the first three sets, pairing with George 'Chemist' Hauss for two and then with Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser for the final two. "Jah, this is mein Octoberfest!" cackled the 'arrogant Aryan' who dominated from the baseline (3-6, 5-7, 3-6) in his three victories. When the combatants met at net a contrite 'Pistol' opined, "Titan, I played so miserably with you in those first two sets against the 'Teutonic duo, I almost felt bad for you in that final set when you went from 5-1 up to 5-4." Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz snickered, "After losing that third set with TT, I won that last set (6-4) for Titan to save his life. If Isaiah Thomas, making twenty million a year from the Knicks for doing nothing, takes 1o sleeping pills and blames his daughter, I was afraid the 'boisterous blowhard' who does nothin' on the court would go home, take 20 laxatives - he played like shit - and blame his dog!"
TennisTitan continued his dominance against recent opponents Frank 'Slats' Slattery and George 'Teacher' Febles this morning at Kinsley. TT paired with Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman for three sets of doubles. First up was 'Teacher' and 'Happy Jack' Carey who succumbed meekly at (6-2). Even more satisfying to the 'pedantic prevaricator' was the (6-3, 6-4) defeats administered to 'Slats' and 'Dave the Rave.' 'Slats'/'Rave' were still smarting from their loss to George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Big Al' Diodati (6-2) when they were relegated to the challenger's court to face the 'bloated behemoth' and the sometimes gasless Gessman. 'Speedy Legs' did just enough to get the tandem to victory with his all court coverage and potent serve. As the crew met at net for their post match photo op the 'Rave' opined, "Titan, no pictures of me today. I only want them taken after I win a set." 'Speedy Legs' observed, "then you better pick your partners more thoughtfully." To wit the Yonkers High Guidance Counselor remarked, "And Carl, playing next to the Titan, thought is not required - just ear plugs and incredible stamina."
"Titan, mi amigo, I didn't realize that you invited me to the Alamo" cried Ignacio Febles, Aka, George the 'Teacher' at the end of play this date. 'Teacher' along with Frank 'Slats' Slattery, Gene 'King' Slattery, and your humble 'blogging bullshitter' had just completed three hours of doubles play at Amackassin Tennis Club this date. Save for one set, the (0-6) bagel TennisTitan would love to forget 'Teacher' and 'Titan' played opposite of each other. TT/'Slats' mastered the tandem of 'King'/'Teacher' (6-2, 6-2) in the first two of the five sets played. Set three saw the Titan lead 'King' Gene to his first victory of the day (6-3) as 'Slats' came to realize who really does the heavy lifting when he teams with TennisTitan! The cousins Slattery blew the doors off the 'immobile minotaur'/'profesor' Febles in the fourth set. 'Slats' couldn't resist challenging the 'egomanical egotist' to a fifth and final set demanding that the 'bloated blowhard' live up to his oft heard cry, "It's all about heart in the final set." In the best set of the day, TT/'King Gene' prevailed against 'Slats'/'Teacher (7-6 [5]) to bring the combatants to net for picture time. 'King' Gene expressed admiration for TT's withstanding the rigors of 5 sets. 'Slats' retorted to 'Teacher's Alamo comment most memorably. "Titan, it really HERTZ losing to you. DOLLAR for dollar you are so THRIFTY with how you expend your energy on the court. You show ENTERPRISE with your shot selection. Your blog, if not your game, is a NATIONAL treasure to behold." To wit, 'Teacher' quipped, "Yeah, but his BUDGET doesn't include purchasing any tennis balls! 'King' smiled and said, "but he does try harder - because he's always number two."
