"Titan, I always said you were a pain in the ass." So commented Frank 'Slats' Slattery upon completion of the second set at Kinsley this morning. "And it's my back that should be hurting, not yours, Tubby Tommy." 'Slats' was riled because he and TT had just dropped a set (4-6) to Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Carl 'Spindly Legs' Gessman. TT/'Slats' had opened up a comfortable 4-1 advantage before 'Slats' started thinking of his afternoon barbecue at Amackassin and that he was also commited to tournament play at the club. Your Titan had strained his back lifting a rowboat the other day and continues to pay a price for his stupidity. Stay home and miss tennis? No way Jose Cruz. Titan had absolutely no pop on the serve or jump to the ball but managed to place his serves and returns sufficiently well for he and 'Slats' to somehow upset George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Big Al' Dio Dati in TT's first set of the day (6-4). If it were not so pathetic it would be absolutely laughable watching the 'Geriatric Jerk' tap balls to his partner so that 'Slats' could pick them up and bounce them to Mr. Buffoon so that the "bombastic blowhard' wouldn't have to bend. 'Happy Jack' Carey, who had dropped the opening set with 'GK' to 'Slats'/'Chemist' delighted the crowd with, "Titan, I think you need a walker for your 61st bithday. I'll bring some 'Johnny Walker Red' next week!"
"Prez, I hope your American Express card is handy." So intoned TennisTitan at net upon completion of yet another dismemberment (6-0, 6-2, 6-1) of Rich 'El Presidente' Prezioso on the clay courts of Briarcliff Manor this morning. In what has become a spring ritual your Titan dined at the tony 'Squires Pub', courtesy of 'Prez,' who continues to believe that he has the game to force the 'bombastic blowhard' into taking out his moth-filled wallet. TT had the timerity to ask the waitress if "bagels were on the luncheon menu" but settled for food that epitomized today's dominance, "I'll have a smothered burger, with a couple of Coor's light." Prez assured the 'bovine bloviator' that his objective today was to shake off the rust of tennis inactivity and make the Titan over confident. As the two off-court friends, on-court foes parted until their next meeting, Titan chortled to his fellow conservative, "Just like George Bush said, 'mission accomplished'!"
Your TennisTitan accepted the invitation of Gene 'once a King' Slattery to participate in some round robbin mini sets at the Amackassin Tennis Club this evening. TT knew that this would be excellent preparation for his Tuesday match with 'El Presidente' on the BriarCliff Manor clay. Titan paired with Frank 'Slats' Slattery in the first two mini sets, winning the first easily against 'Happy Jack' Carey and Rich 'RC Cola' Condon before dropping the second in a cliff hanger to David 'Crafty Lefty' Jenkins and Brian 'Hit it Right' Wright. What your Titan didn't know was that his final mamby-pamby mini set would turn into a bloggable affair. With no other opponents available Titan and his partner 'The Imperial Caesar' would go the distance (6-4) to hand 'Crafty Lefty' Jenkins and 'Hit it Right' Wright their only defeat of the evening. Before the traditional photo opp could be arranged at net the 'Crafty Lefty' had slithered away and the 'Imperial Caesar' was heard mumbling "Et tu Brute" as he hastened to the locker room. 'Hit it Right' said "You've got to be kidding. You're a TennisTitan, like I built the first airplane!"
"My dad ACTUALLY beat me, or should I say ACCIDENTALLY beat me." This is what the TennisTitan heard upon the conclusion of his stunning (6-2) thrashing of 'Big Daddy' Jeff Briscoe as the upset victim responded to his wife when the weary combatants returned home from a one-setter played at the Dallas White tennis court in Northport Fl. this morning. Your Titan, only a few short hours from departing for NY, had been chomping at the bit to get 'some road work in' before returning to the friendly confines of Kinsley Park. Two scheduled matches with 'Big Daddy' earlier in the tour were rained out to the disappointment of Titan and his many fans. 'Big Daddy' had become accustomed to 'rolling over' TT, what with afternoon playing times and post-fishing trips being the norm, and heavily favoring the junior Briscoe. 'Big Daddy' was unprepared for the 'coffee effect.' Titan's regular opponents know that he is 'pumped' on java every Saturday at Kinsley. Forty (40!) ounces of 'joe' gets that motor-mouth going and puts some pop in the serve and (limited) jump to the ball. The savy Titan made very good use of today's wind, dropping a slew of balls out of reach of his more mobile opponent. The 'bloated behemoth' was mentally tough in dismissing with ease 'BD's' six aces against TT with the wind at his back. As Titan packed his bags into the car heading for the airport he opined to his elder son, "My new grandson, Joseph, may not be the most important joe in my tennis game now, but wait until he gets old enough to hit with his PopPa. Then we'll see. And Jimmy, PopPa's victory over daddy was another birthday gift from me."
"Titan, this was our fifth set today, what did you expect?" These words emanated from Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz at the conclusion of play at Kinsley today. 'GK' and partner George 'Chemist' Hauss had gone from the White House to the outhouse in their doubles play over the three hours they were on the court together. While TennisTitan and 'Big Al' Dio Dati cemented their first set victory over Sab 'Koide Kid' and Gene (once a)'King' Slattery (6-4) on the challenge court, 'GK'/Chemist authored consecutive doubles beatings (6-3, 6-3) to the new 'Blues' Brothers, Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Happy Jack' Carey. The trend continued when, with 'Slats'/HJ relegated to the challenge court, they dropped another (3-6) set to a revivified 'once a King'/'KK.' Your 'bloated behemoth' fared as poorly on the premier court when he and 'Big Al' tasted defeat at the hands 'Gimpy Knees'/'Chemist' - you guessed it- (3-6). The first chink was put in the armor of 'GK'/'Chemist' in their fourth set when the cousins Slattery, Frank and Gene, put on a near flawless exhibition of doubles teamwork to win convincingly (6-2). Your TennisTitan continued that mastery over the tiring duo of 'GK'/'Chemist,' when subbing for the departed 'Slats,' TT/once a 'King' pounded away to another (6-2) victory. As the boys met at net, Titan opined, "Joe, being the only Hispanic here, are you going to celebrate Cinco de Mayo by having a 'fifth' of rum at home or will it be 3, 6 packs of cervesa Corona given today's stats!?
As Jimmy Durante would say each week at the closing of his 1950's television variety show.
"Goodnight Mrs. Kalabash, wherever you are."
"Hey boys, we turned the tables on you in that second set."
Titan completed the '06-'07 indoor season this afternoon at the Yonkers Tennis Center in fine fashion. TennisTitan was again paired with Roy 'Mr Spin' Marzullo against Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and 'Big Al' Dio Dati. Although this is the best pairing of the four participants it is a difficult one for TT to succeed with. The record indicates that TT/'Mr Spin' had never beaten 'EBL'/'Big Al' previously this season. 'Mr Spin's game does not compliment TT's because he is strictly a baseline player whose game is one of finesse and guile. 'Mr Spin' does not use pace from the backcourt and is a craftsman in the art of lobbing deep to the forehand followed by short cross court cutters to the backhand. His game is not enriched by the 'immobile minotaur.' Titan's power game is negated by the absence of a poacher at net and by a player whose limited hearing makes communication during a point impossible. That being said, it was especially sweet for TT/'Mr Spin' to come away with a split of the two sets played to completion today (1-6, 6-1, 1-3 partial). Titan had some jump to the ball and placement on his serves in both sets. 'EBL' making his first appearance on the court in the past month showed no ill effects of his layoff as he covered the baseline and forecourt in his usual ubiquitous fashion. Indeed, 'Big Al's inability to support as well at net during set two was a significant factor in reversing the scores. As the foursome met at net for their pictures and final goodbyes two club pros and a dozen children receiving instruction shouted in unison as they raised their racquets, "Titan, remember it can be a blessing to be hard of hearing. See you next year!"
