"Titan, you selected from column A, B, and C. And you lost 'em all. You must have eaten a misFortune cookie today!"
Titan traveled to tony Chappaqua to develop some new tennis contacts this date. TennisTitan, a member of the Westchester Tennis Meetup Group this past year, had recently made email contact with Leo "the Lion" Leung through the group. The 'Lion' arranged a doubles game pitting Titan with two of Leo's regulars - Phil 'Patrician' Paris and Bobby 'Chessmaster' Fisher at the Old Farms Condo tennis complex. TennisTitan got skunked - dropping all four sets ( 4-6, 0-6, 3-6, 4-6) as he rotated through the players. Titan seemed to bring out the worse in each of his partners, as each' level dropped when called upon to carry the 'bloated behemoth' this date. All sets, save the second, were competitive with the winning team breaking through in the penultimate game to serve for the set. TT did nothing to distinguish himself amid these players of comparable ability. Truth be told, the tennis was significantly affected by the windy conditions that played havoc on serves and returns that were more than one foot above the net. As the foursome met at net 'Patrician' opined, "Titan, we'd invite you back, but Bill Clinton already brings too much riprap into our upscale neighborhood." Our host at the Old Farms condo, the 'Chessmaster' quipped, "Yeah, Titan, Hillary even dresses better than you. And you have the same legs!" My new buddy, 'Lion' Leung gave me pause entering my car when he said "Titan, you're lucky that I am Chinese. Here it is only a few minutes after I beat you three times, and I already want to beat you again!"
"Titan, no partner wants to play two consecutive sets with you unless they have supplemental medical insurance, medicare is not enough" was the taunt hurled by Frank 'Slats' Slattery as he jocularly entered his car. TennisTitan was witnessing the meltdown in the second set of the 'Pistol' who had supported TT in their first set (6-2) victory over George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Big Al' Diodati. 'Rockin' Rick stepped in for 'Big Al' with the 'Chemist' for set 2 (TT's 4th of the day) and they came off the ropes to flatten the 'lethargic loudmouth' (2-6) and a tired 'Pistol' to cap a wonderful day of tennis at Kinsley Park in ideal conditions. 'Rockin' Rick's "You see, 'bombastic blowhard,' it's not me, it's YOU" snickered 'RRR' as he put away set point. Titan had pled his case unsuccessfully earlier in the morning when he paired with 'RRR' against 'Chemist'/'Big Al' in their opening set victory (6-4) before dropping their second set together (4-6) to Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Sab 'Koide Kid'. 'RRR' would have none of TT's "Rick rhymes with brick" nonsense that the Titan insisted was the cause of their upset loss. With a total of 10 players on hand there was continuous doubles action on two courts. 'GK'/'KK' (5-7, 6-4, 7-6) were an effective pairing. 'Slats'/'Happy Jack' justified their poor results (7-5, 3-6, 6-7) with "we didn't get a chance to fatten our record against the 'Tortuous Tortoise!' 'Spindly Legs' claimed "I played one set and won(6-3 with 'Pistol'). Titan how come you don't know when to quit!?"
"Titan, do you think this sweatshirt had anything to do with my (girlish) play today?
"Titan, you didn't expect him to abdicate did you?" said Frank 'Slats' Slattery after he and TennisTitan had withstood the late second set charge made by Gene 'King' Slattery and Carl 'Spindly Legs' Gessman. Nonetheless, it was an overthrow of a head of state. TT and 'Slats' had opened up a 5-0 lead with TT serving at 40-15 when the roof sprung a leak, so to speak. Just like last weekend's nor'easter that brought monsoon rains into Titan's center hall foyer, 'my liege' poured it on in an effort to retain his kingship at Kinsley. Thirty minutes later Titan was exalting for all in the neighborhood to hear, "Nobody denies Titan 13 set points and lives to brag about it" (12? maybe) as TT/'Slats' completed their 2 set sweep (6-3, 7-6). It was even sweeter breaking the 'King's service (no tie breaker) to close it out. Titan had stopped the hemorrhaging to draw even at 6-6. Titan and 'Slats' - a once formidable doubles combo- during the mid and late '90's, were once again a force to be reckoned with. On lookers from the vaunted Amackassin Tennis Club were left agape as they witnessed one of their club's top dogs succumb to the 'boisterous blowhard.' Titan and 'Slats' completed their day's work together by outlasting George 'Chemist' Hauss and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz in a third set (6-4). As the group gathered at net for the bloviator's picture taking, 'Chemist' remarked, "Wasn't it King George who abdicated the throne of Great Britain to marry a divorcee in the '30's?" Titan remarked, "George, you were divorced - but that' it - you are the 'Chemist' as chants of "Please join our club" redounded in the Titan's ears.
"Ahem, ah...Titan I believe I just took the Pepsi Challenge - and passed! Why are you trying to foist a can of coke on me now," a cheerful Bob 'Kraut' Kluge announced as he met TT at net at the conclusion of a resounding ( 6-1) thumping of 'Happy Jack' Carey and the downtrodden 'Chemist,' George Hauss. Indeed, Der Klugemeister was in Yonkers for the weekend to see his children and ventured over to Kinsley to get some games in. The Teutonic Pepsi Truck Driver, when pairing with Frank 'Slats' Slattery, had earlier taken out TT/'Chemist (3-6) and felt he owed the 'bloated blowhard' his best effort. It was almost a hat trick for the transplanted 'strudel man' from Evanston Il. who saw his opening set 3-1 lead that he had held (with 'Slats') dissipate against 'HJ'/'Gimpy Knees' Joe Cruz (6-7 [4]) in what was the best set of the day. 'Happy Jack' was indeed jacked-up with great play at crunch time in the first set. 'Chemist' concluded that 'HJ' was jacked-off in their finale against 'Kraut'/TT. As 'HJ' bid farewell to the 'Kraut' he queried, "Mein Herr, doesn't Pepsi market a product called "Pepsi Zero"... shouldn't YOU have to play with Der Chemiker next time?" To wit 'Kraut' responded, "Doesn't matter who I play with: I DELIVER for a living! Right, Titan?!"
"So Titan, this was the set you were looking forward to? I can't understand why, off your play this afternoon." Your Titan was being upbraided by his 'Tutor,' Max Tuchman after the tandem of TT/'Tutor' were thoroughly outplayed in their second set loss (1-6) to Roy 'Mr Spin' Marzullo and Jim Addiss 'Abada.' Indeed, TennisTitan had acquitted himself well in the first set defeat (3-6) at the hands of the septuagenerians from his beloved Inwood, in NYC. TT had pop on the serve and some hustle to the ball but did not effectively solve the deep lefty returns of 'Abada' or the reverse rotations of 'Mr Spin.' To make matters even worse, the once reliable put-away volleys at net, that were often there for the taking today, were marked "ABSENT" by the former educator, prompting TT to comment, "Max, did you co-author Pink Floyds '70's hit "Another Brick in the Wall?" TennisTitan paired with 'Mr Spin' for a third set (4-1 partial) to regain the little dignity left in his game. 'Mr Spin' and 'Abada' accorded Titan their highest accolade as they left the YTC court. "Titan, now we believe that you were born and raised in Inwood. How else could you talk such a big game, and have so little ability to back it up!" Ouch!
"Okay, Okay, dear readers, I know I shouldn't have done it, but you know the Titan... so I decided to get a couple of sets in today before Thursday's (more important to me) indoor contests. John 'The Neck' Manzi induced me to join him and two of his regulars for some late afternoon action at Kinsley. What I didn't count on from his phone call was for Mamby-Pamby Tennis, ala 'Slats' or 'Chemist's in recent outings. I just don't get 'no ad' tennis or truncated sets when time is not a factor. A true set demands physical conditioning and mental toughness to grit out both long points and multi-deuce games. Don't invite me if you are looking for a mamby-pamby type guy. Anyhow, TT paired with Bill 'Electrolux' Ching against the 'Neck' and 'Lil Pappy.' After playing a meaningless and uninspired 'no ad' first set Titan threw down the gauntlet. "I'll keep my commitment and play a second set as promised, but if you want me back on the courts in the future 'Neck,' I suggest we play a genuine set now." And so it was. Titan and 'Electrolux' kicked it up a notch (can you say "Emeril") and scored a hard fought, well played (6-3) victory. 'Neck' played particularly well, adapting a more aggressive game and Pappy is a very consistent and persistent defender. TT was most surprised by 'Electrolux' less argumentative court demeanor which is too often an element in his play. TT is happy that 'Electrolux' is back on the court after a 6 month hiatus to address coronary issues without his Type A personality. "You were SuperBillieBoy! true to your email handle."
This morning your TennisTitan joined last week's crew for a rematch at blustery Kinsley Park. With temperatures in the mid-thirties Titan again paired with the ancient, diminutive, sumo warrior, Sab 'Koide Kid.' 'Big Al' DioDati and George 'Chemist' Hauss were on their way to overwhelming your 'immobile motor-mouth' and his partner as they had last week when the spirit of the season intervened. Titan/'KK' rose from the dead by rallying from a double break, 2-4 deficit to take the first set (6-4) in most satisfying fashion. You might say that set 2 had the events of recorded Christendom in reverse order as your 'bloated behemoth' and the Japanese doctor were 'buried' (0-6) by their avenging antagonists. 'Happy Jack" Carey jumped in as TT partner for a third set that was not played to conclusion (5-4 on serve). The 'Chemist' proclaimed making a hasty exit, "Titan, I'm not a sissy because of the gloves, but I am afraid of my wife if I'm not home on time this morning." An incredulous 'Happy Jack' interjected, "Titan, who was that masked man who served silver bullets in the first set?" "Hi Ho, Silver," shouted the 'boisterous blowhard' as he trundled off to his grey camry.
