TennisTitan has the wonderful opportunity to spend Christmas and New Year's with my son Russell in California. Russ has been working in Australia this past year and I am very excited to spend quality time with him. I will return to Australia with him for the month of January and eagerly look forward to my time in Sydney and Melbourne. Tennis fans, look carefully; you'll surely see me at the Australian Open and, God willing, talking some unsuspecting mate in a local park into a set or two.
"Titan, this is the way you end your year?" queried 'Big Al' Diadati. A (1-6) loss to Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and me is nothing to be ashamed about. It happens all the time." But remember when I was your partner in the first set you won two games (2-6). Does that make me twice the player that Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev is?" posited the 'Italian Stallion.' "Wait a minute" interrupted 'EBL.' Titan and I were hammering you guys three love (3-0 partial) when time expired. That 'loud mouth libertine' will be contending in his blog that he is half the player I am because he won three games (not 6) and is infinitely better than either of you two because he lost none with me as his partner" opined the Tullyville Trolley. To wit TennisTitan responded, "Bill you're a mathematical genius even if you don't know the difference between infinity and infinitely."
'Believe me, Titan, no one gives a crap here at Kinsley. That was 50 years ago anyway" retorted Rich 'dozin' docent' Gerchak to the 'blustering bullshitter.' 100% on the Geometry and Latin regents exams in 1962 doesn't mean you hit the ball with the proper angles or know how to apply English to your spin serves in 2012. Translate this in your 'jocular journal:' Your legs are as dead as that language.The proof is in today's results." Tennistitan and his Manhattan Prep classmate went toe to toe after their session as partners (6-3, 1-6) and the 'testy tortoise' was lauching an ad hominum attack against the 'gangly grouch.' "We handled 'Slats' Frank Slattery and 'Big Al' Diodati with ease in that first set, 'bombastic blowhard,' and now you want to take it out on me because 'Rockin' Rick Ricci ate our lunch when he paired with the 'coddling counselor.' "I don't seem to remember you coughing up the homework assignments in those subjects very readily back in the day. So why should I do your running on the tennis court now, wise acre. Et tu Brute! Got it? Jovial Jupiter" TennisTitan was last heard mumbling to his dog 'mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa' as he exited the court.
"Titan, you had lift off today' declared Frank 'Slats' Slattery who along with TennisTitan soared to (6-3, 6-3) victories against Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Rich 'dozin' docent' Gerchak on this crisp late autumn day at Andrus Park in Yonkers. 'We just took off with a strong tail wind behind us 'Slats' " proclaimed the Titan to an audience of no one. 'Kraut' and the 'dozin' docent' managed to get both sets even at three games apiece before they ran out of jet fuel. 'Slats' was the difference at the net. The 'bombastic blowhard ' more than held his own from the baseline against the superior fire power from the 'Teutonic taunter' and speed and superior reach of the 'gangly Gerchak'. "Your court coverage today was top notch" commented the bus driving 'German geriatric' at the end of his lunch break. "I fly Jet Blue all the time to Florida" retorted the 'jetting jerk.' They use the AirBus 360 on all their routes. So, Bobby, you know who drove the bus today, don't you? Captain Tom at the controls, partner. Frankie co-captained and provided the peanuts. Now get back to work."
"And you came home for this?' snickered Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this afternoon. 'EBL' and 'Russkie,' Vladimir Kartsev presided over the decimation of the TennisTitan and 'Big Al' Diodati (2-6, 1-6) in what amounted to a rude welcome home for the 'boisterous blasphemer.' "I only hope the air miles were worth it" crowed the gleeful 'Russian Bear.' "In the motherland, a beating such as you received today, Titan, would not be reported by Pravda, but would be referred privately to the Politburo as an "appropriate action was taken by the authorities to quell the obnoxious verbal outbursts of an unnamed dissident and a 'pompous patron' who were creating a public disturbance at a local tennis facility." 'Big Al' quipped, "Titan was suffering from jet lag today. He'll play better next week, but just in case, I'll bring a barf bag." 'EBL' concluded, 'Titan's game always reminds me of my last trip on TWA. He spends too much time taxiing to the ball, the speed of his serve is strictly turbo-light; he never gets enough altitude on his returns, and he's always late with his racket preparation. He'll be out of the tennis business for sure before he runs out of themes for that stupid blog. Yea, Titan is a Whining Asshole."
