A Lesson in Salesman Shit

Jesse, it's like this. Tennis is like sales. You've got to know how to close the deal." The old man was in rarefied air after this remarkable (6-4) victory in the second set against Jesse 'Blue Hen' Crossan on the grounds of the Hyatt Hotel abutting Old Tampa Bay this afternoon. TennisTitan had been blown out of their first set (2-6) as the 'gunning gargantuan' and a transplanted 'Philly Phanatic' (via the U. of Delaware) took firm command of the opener by winning the first ten points before the 'loathsome loud mouth' could engage him in a rally. Indeed, the former cracker jack Dell salesman lost but 2 points in his four service games in the first set. "Jesse, you are packin' heat" moaned the 'bloated blowhard' as the boys took a blow between sets. With temperatures and humidity both in the low 90's the 'sage sextagenarian' went back to the drawing board and developed plan B for the finale. "Once that 90 mile/hour fastball started to catch the cord this 'braggadocios bumbler' knew he had a chance." "Double faults are manna from heaven that save wear and tear on a 'tired tortoise' and sap your confidence." "Titan, you ran my weary ass that 2nd set. You controlled every point on your serve and moved me side to side in every rally that you seemed to always win." "I couldn't believe you broke me so easily in the ninth game and served it out at love with four incredible winners placed in the corners and clipping the baseline on every return." "Jesse, it's the A-B-Cs of the tennis world" expounded the 'pompous pudding head." "Not that 'always be closing' crap they preach at Dell." "Hell, no!" retorted the 'Yonkers yakker.' "A - analyze your opponents strengths and weaknesses. B - believe that you can raise your game to his level with the appropriate adjustments. And C - commit to that new plan of attack." "And I am supposed to believe you did that, TennisTitan?" "Hell, yes. Would you rather believe you lost to a 64 year old asshole more than twice your age who has to sit down to pee because of his knees and has to grab the towel rack to get off the toilet? You tell me!?" "Here are my A-B-Cs Titan. Lets' do it now....Amstel, Budweiser, Coors...I need a drink to tolerate your bullshit in this heat."