Edict at Woodlawn

"Titan, instead of buying indulgences perhaps you should purchase something to steady your nerves," So quipped Bob 'Kraut' Kluge at the conclusion of the tiebreaker in which he routed TT seven - zero to take the set (6-7). "And no self-respecting Lutheran is going to be intimidated by a ne'er do well wearing a seventeen year old t-shirt with the likeness of a dead pope emblazoned on it." Titan had given the 'heckling heretic' all he could handle in the 65 minute set. Indeed the 'Catholic choker' served for the set twice at 5-4, and 6-5 only to be broken by the 'Germanic gyro.' "TennisTitan, you must Reform your game. Your salvation on and off the tennis court can only come through the grace of God (and maybe a few more unforced errors by me). Here's my Thesis, even though it's only one, not 95 like Martin Luther demanded: Go on a Diet of Worms: you'll wiggle out of difficulty easier as you slither around the court and as an added benefit we won't excommunicate you from Kinsley."

"Rock and Roll"

"Rick's earned that nickname with his rock solid play. And if you ever get a peek at Titan's silhouette, you'll agree 'Roll' does me justice.

Meet 'Befuddled and Bewildered'

"We still don't know what happened."

Focus on this

"We sped by them in the tiebreaker so fast it seemed like a blur to them too"

Not Worth Mentioning

"Kraut, I don't blog sets that are not played to completion" was the Titan's response. "Der Klugmeister had given his all as TennisTitan's partner in the set that ended (5-5) against Carl the 'anonymous Gasman' and George 'Chemist Hauss. "But Titan" continued the 'Teutonic dynamo' we came from 1-5 down in the breaker to win the eleventh and deciding game by taking six points in a row. Can't you report about that, if not boast about it?" "Sorry Kraut, beating the 'Chemist/'Big Al' Diodati tandem (6-3) in the first set with 'Rockin' Rick Ricci at my side will have to satisfy my readers that the 'bombastic blowhard' played some terrific tennis today."

Sartorial Splender

"Who wears a coral shirt!?"

His Hat is off to You

"Big Al' and I have been playing each other for 20 years.  Do you think by now he'd stop calling me Tom Bristol. Pasta fagioli in his ears, I think."

From Russia with Love

"I told him my name was 'Bond, James Bond." And Vlad responded, "My name is Vladimir, Vladimir Putin." But I think he's putin' me on.

Everything Has a Price

"Freedom isn't free" trumpeted the TennisTitan as he trundled off the court at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "But you're as cheap as they come anyway" chirped the Italian Stallion, 'Big Al' Diodati. Titan had just enjoyed the fruits of having paired with Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully in a second set (6-0) thrashing of the Italian Stallion and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. 'Big Al' was pissed because, unlike the 'Russian Bear' who in the first set had enjoyed a (2-6) triumph over the Titan with 'EBL," 'Big Al' could only claim a two (0-2) game lead against the TT/'Russkie' tandem when time expired. "Comrades" interjected the 'ebullient emigre,' I can assure that 'Freedom isn't free.' I had to pay the 'State' 1,500,000 rubles to leave the motherland in '92...and it has been worth every asinine moment I have had to spend with the Titan since."

Compound Good!

"This is more like it. 'Chemist' and I are like sodium and chloride. We are the 'salt of the earth' when we pair together."

Picture Perfect?

"Titan, unlike those wusses below, Rick and I can take our humiliation at your hands like men."

In Happier Days

"Titan, don't worry, we'll be ready next time. And don't you wish you had as many shots in your repertoire as you have pictures of us in your archives."

Camera Shy?

"That's more like it" tooted the 'bloviating bullshitter' as he headed to the bench to collect his camera. TennisTitan and George 'Chemist' Hauss had just completed their daily double by sweeping both sets played on this crisp early spring morning at Kinsley Park. 'Big Al' Diodati and Frank 'Slats' Slattery, no doubt seeing the handwriting on the wall exited the park midway through the Titan/'Chemist' (7-5) victory over Carl the 'anonymous Gas Man' and Rich 'dozin' docent' Gerchak. "Frankie, Titan is in mid season form. We might as well leave now. We've got no chance in a rematch" commented the Italian Stallion still smarting from their (6-3) opening set loss to TT/'Chemist.' "Big Al,' there's only one way to beat that 'ludicrous loud mouth' when he's on a roll - either cut his vocal chords or steal his camera...in this case, let's just get out of here before he takes our picture."

Titan Knows His Place

"Everyone should serve some purpose, right?"

Big Al, EBL, Russkie

"Playing you Titan, we leave no scuff marks on the court."

"I've seen this movie before"

TennisTitan returned to the Yonkers Tennis Center this date after an extensive absence. He joined regulars 'Big Al' Diodati, Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev, and Bill "Energizer Bunny Legs" Tully in three  eminently forgettable and predictable sets. "I feel like I am stuck in a revolving door" lamented 'Big Al' who suffered an opening set loss along side the 'bombastic blowhard' (1-6). "It's like a winter day in the Gulag" critiqued the 'Russian Bear' after succumbing (1-6) next to the 'noxious nerd.' "You guys are full of crap. This is invigorating" crowed the 'prevaricating protagonist' when he paired with 'EBL' in the (6-2) finale. As the foursome left the court the 'Tullyville Trolley' remarked "I feel like I just watched Groundhog Day for the eighty third time."

Me Mates

"Boys, thanks for a good time. Down here this Seppo would be known as the 'Laughing Larrikin."

Briscoe Bashing

"But at least I can say "I got to play in Australia."

Meltwater Men

"Titan this is how it's done 'Down Under."






"Haven't you been paying attention at the Open?"

The Wizards of Oz

"A bit tacky, wouldn't you say Jono" remarked Nick 'the Quick' Davis to his partner Jonathan Coleman at the completion of play at King Albert Park in South Melbourne this evening." "This bloke has been here a fortnight and all we've heard from him is 'Titan this, Titan that...let's play tennis' retorted 'Jonkeroo' to his mate. "He's got  more piss in him than any Sydneysider this side of Bondi. I'd say Titan's comments boomeranged on him as evidenced by his poor results, mate" commented the man known as the 'Hobbit' to his house mates in Carleton. "Don't have a 'cranky' quipped Russ 'Hoya Saxa' Briscoe to his work mates at Meltwater. The ol' man did contribute a middy in our (6-3) first set victory over you Aussies." "But then the Titan went on a walkabout" crowed 'Nick the Quick' in his best Bilbo Baggins voice." "London to a brick.!" "The Titan is nothing more than an earbasher" exclaimed a 'jovial Jonkeroo.' "He's not the full quid' if the TennisTitan thinks he can spin a first set win into a successful night of tennis. The bloke won only two games in the next three sets (1-6, 1-6, 0-6). "Bilbo, if  you'd had gotten off your date in the last set and played half as well as you did with Jonkeroo I wouldn't feel so stonkered whined the 'yabbeing yobbo Yank.' The Titan is nothing more than what we Aussies call a 'Figjam' but we knew that before the first ball. "At least he gave it a "fair go" rationalized 'Hoya Saxa'  "No worries, mate, anytime TennisTitan wants to pay for the court, it's a ripper of a day!" chorused the Wizards of Oz. "Just tell him not to play 'footy!'