The Tsar of Tennis

"Hey, Vlad, you might as well have been on the Trans Siberian Railroad for all the support you gave Titan this afternoon" quipped 'Big Al' Diodati at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. "Nyet" retorted 'Russkie' Kartsev. "I left my game on the beaches of the Cayman Islands where I vacationed last week. 'Russkie, you appeared to be still on Russian holiday during today's match" interjected Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully. "The 'corpulent crybaby' chased down dozens of balls during today's rallies while you stood by as if you were receiving American foreign aid" continued EBL. "But we only lost that first set (5-7)" insisted the 'eponymous emigre.' "Can't I take some credit for that? We were down love-five and came back to tie it before TT was too tired to run anymore. Then we dropped the second set (1-6)." "Russkie," declared the TennisTitan, you play the game like you are a tourist standing in Red Square in Moscow. You do a great imitation of the statue of Lenin." "But of course" blasphemous blowhard," that is why my mother named me Vladimir." "Russkie, enough already!" screamed the 'apoplectic asshole.' She should have named you Ivan!" "Why's that?" questioned a bewildered Italian Stallion. "I know, I know" effused an ebullient 'EBL.' "Then tell him, Bill. I haven't the energy at this point" reposited the 'bloated behemoth.'... "Vlad, Titan thinks you are... TERRIBLE."