"You can't threaten me. I didn't even watch the show" howled the TennisTitan at the conclusion of his two set sweep (6-0, 6-1) of 'Sally the Rancher' at Northwest Park in Austin, Texas. TT connected with this aspiring horse woman/itinerant masseuse from Brady Texas for some singles play. 'The Rancher' was 'broken more times than she has colts on the back forty' exclaimed the 'bloated behemoth' at picture time. The 'pedantic prevaricator' rejected Sally's insistence that if she brought the rest of the Brady girls -Marcia, Jan and Cindy- next time, they'd be sure to beat the 'boisterous blowhard.' The 'immobile minotaur' quipped, 'Rancher', you're supposed to have good hands in your line of work. You should have also reined me in at net."
"Titan, you are 'Unforgiven' for the way you played that second set" scolded Joe 'Gimpy Knees Cruz after his (3-6) loss with TT against George 'Chemist' Hauss and Lou 'Pistol Gerencser' this wet Saturday morning at Kinsley. The 'bloated behemoth' had performed like a "Million Dollar Baby' in their first set (6-3) victory over Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Big Al' Dio Dati to advance to the winners bracket. 'Kraut' whose game is 'Absolute Power' was deprived of his main asset due to the heavy water logged balls that prevented appropriate top spin. "Big Al' was often 'In the Line of Fire' exclaimed the exasperated 'Arrogant Aryan' upon his departure. At picture time, as the light mist turned to a steady rain 'Pistol' opined, "in these conditions you play to win 'Any Which Way You Can.' You had to run like you were on a 'Tightrope.' 'Chemist' remarked that in 'A Perfect World' Joe can be 'The Enforcer' on the court for the 'immobile minotaur, but today I threw down 'The Gauntlet' and hit the ball with such 'Sudden Impact' that I easily overcame Titan's 'Magnum Force.' With that 'Gimpy Knees' turned to 'The Beguiled' partner and said "Boisterous Blowhard, I hit the ball 'Every Which Way But Loose' and you stand there in a 'Dead Pool!' If I had 'A Fistful of Dollars' I'd be playing indoors today and never have to witness your game - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!'
"Tommy boy, 'If Heartaches Were Horses" and unforced errors were cattle, you'd be a rancher today" quipped Der Klugemeister at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this afternoon. Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz had attended to their unfinished business from Tuesday in capturing two of the three sets played. TennisTitan and Frank 'Slats' Slattery had come out smokin' taking the first set (6-3) in impressive style. The tide slowly turned in the middle games of set two when 'GK'/'Kraut' began to extend the rallies and gain full measure of control over their top spin power groundies. 'TT/'Slats' also acquitted themselves well in the second set (2-6) but they were too often responding from behind the baseline. The 'bloated behemoth' was neutralized with power strokes to the feet that yielded sitters for his bug eyed opponents at net. 'Slats' attempt to stave off the onslaught in the third set (2-6) went for naught as his defensive prowess was overwhelmed with power drives to his fore hand and an increasingly mobility-impaired bystander to his right. As the boys met in the twilight for pictures Titan remarked, "Kraut, I didn't realize you were into George Strait lyrics." 'Slats' winked and said, "Yeah Titan, your favorite must be "Give It Away." 'Kraut' opined "I just said 'Come On Joe' to begin that second set. Titan sighed and remarked 'It Just Comes Natural' I guess.
"I don't believe what I just saw" quipped a beaming Max 'Tutor' Tuchman in his best Jack Buck voice at the end of the ninety minutes of spirited play at Yonkers Tennis Center this date. Indeed, the usually bespectacled maven of Dobbs Ferry had announced upon arrival that he had forgotten his glasses, hence "don't expect too much from me today, Titan." But who knew? Titan had cast himself in the role of Curt Gibson and came up big in the clutch time after time in the only set played to conclusion (9-7, 1-3 partial). The 'immobile minotaur' who gets around on the court like Gibson did on the bases, was effective with his back hand against the tandem of 'Big Al' Dio Dati and Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully to an uncommon degree. Placement serves and control of his baseline enabled the 'braggadocious bloviator' to dictate play as he proved time and again "this is why I play the ad side" to the chagrin of his opponents. TT was 4 for 4 in service holds winning the 12th game at love to force the extra session and closing it out equally impressively in the 16th. As the boys met at net, after TT and Tutor both chest bumped and hip bumped ala football style, 'EBL' opined with a wry twinkle in his eye, "It's what I like about you so much, Titan. You're so gracious in victory." Bob 'Kraut' Kluge, a spectator throughout the contest, scouting the 'boisterous behemoth' for tomorrow's match , cackled, "Titan doesn't remember how to behave after a victory; it's been too long." Max chortled "better I forget my glasses than my ear plugs."
"Well, you played like crap here, you might as well go now and do your thing in the proper environment" snickered Frank 'Slats' Slattery to TennisTitan as the 'bloated behemoth' made a hasty retreat to his car. TT was still smarting from the disappointing defeat he and 'Slats' received from Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz (6-7 [6]) at Kinsley this afternoon. It was a particularly well played set that saw both sides miss opportunities to close out games and the match itself due to fine play by the opposition. Down 3-5 the 'Slats'/TT rallied to send the set to a tie breaker. Up 5-1 in the breaker the boys couldn't close the deal as 'Slats' final backhand clipped the tape and fell back on to the wrong side of the court. Making matters worse for the Titan who was indisposed by a call of mother nature just as the second set was getting under way leading to his rapid departure were the comments of the intrepid victors. "Titan, I said 'run for the ball,' not 'run for the bowl' quipped 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. Der Klugemeister chimed in with, "Guys, those cheap Wilson sneakers the Titan wears that leaves marks on the court - the DNA will match the skid marks in his shorts today." The 'boisterous blowhard' yelled from his Honda racing up Park Av. "Yeah, and my cheeks will be tighter than Frankie's wallet on the 15 minute ride home.
"Maybe tomorrow Titan, that's when it'll be All Souls Day" commented Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman as he departed Kinsley this beautiful Saturday morning. TT was still smarting from his first set loss with 'SL' to the likes of Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Lou 'Pistol' (Goulash) Gerencser (5-7). TT/'SL' let a 5-4 advantage slip away and were relegated to the loser's bracket to salvage their second set victory (6-4) against 'Dave the Rave' and Frank 'Slats' Slattery. The 'Wimpish Whiner' was still pissin' and moanin' wondering when 'Speedy Legs' would run around that erratic back hand that had put the second set in jeopardy and provided the opening for the 'Kraut'/'Pistol' comeback when 'Slats' called the 'bombastic bloviator' to task at picture time. "Today, being All Saints Day Titan, consider yourself dead - like any self-respecting saint. By the way who's your patron saint? St. Choke-up!?
