"Speedy, are you sure you practiced your serve for 45 minutes yesterday" commented TennisTitan at the conclusion of play this evening at Kinsley. Your 'bloated behemoth' put together a doubles match involving Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman, and the Georges - 'Teacher' Febles and 'Chemist' Hauss. With the strong possibility of rain in the Saturday forecast, TT wanted a forum to apply lessons learned from his attendance at the Pilot Pen tournament on Monday. Titan teamed with the 'Chemist' for a three set sweep; 3,2, and 3. Your 'loathsome Lothario' had it all working this day: the folly floater to the backhand on the serve, the looping lob to force a defensive return, the twisting teaser to the forehand side to open up the court and the occasional laser to the open garage door middle. 'Chemist' feasted on set ups at net and imposed his will on the befuddled Febles and the garrulous Gessman with guile and agility. Gessman's usual solid game was undermined by his double figure double faults ( 7 to TT, 3 to 'Chemist'). As the crew met at net, 'El Profesor' opined, "Tommy TrashTalk, I went to the Pilot Pen with you. How come my game didn't improve today and yours did?" The 'blogging bullshitter' didn't hesitate: 'Teach, I took the Pilot Pen course for credit, you only audited it." 'Chemist' quipped, "Ain't that a Bic." 'Speedy Legs' chortled "Don't be Cross with us Titan, you kicked our ass." "I'm gonna celebrate at home with a Schaefer" retorted TT.
"Yeah Titan, it was about heart" yelled Frank 'Slats' Slattery as he beat a hasty retreat from Kinsley. "Titan, you know what it wasn't about; 'Briscoe! that's what. You were but an innocent bystander." What the hell mused the 'bloated behemoth.' Let that pussy whipped whelp think what he wants. TT/'Slats' had just rallied from a 1-4 deficit to defeat George 'Chemist' Hauss and Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso (7-5). 'Slats' continued, "When I paired with Chris 'Prosac Kid' I cruised to easy victories; (6-1) vs George 'Teacher' Febles and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge, then the bagel: (6-0) against 'Chemist'/'Prezidente. You were my challenge." For his part the 'stagnating stalicite' paired with nephew Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe in his two earlier setbacks, (2-6) v. 'Chemist'/'Prezidente.' and (1-6) v. 'Teacher'/'Kraut.' The 'Jersey Bomber' dropped a set of singles (4-6) to Der Klugemeister to complete his trifecta and the morning's activities. As the teams converged at net Sandy Hauss, from the park bench adjacent to the court, exclaimed, "George, I come to watch you play with your friends but once a year. Do you think you could win that ONE set against the 'lumbering loudmouth.' Worse still, instead of looking at six pack abs I see a case of Old Milwaukee empties!" 'Prez' quipped, 'that's another unreturnable against you Titan."
"It was like watching paint dry" cried TennisTitan to the old woman walking her dog as he got in his car. TT was so frustrated with the pace of play today at Kinsley he bailed after only one set, instead of the promised two. Losing that hard fought set (4-6) made it all the easier to depart and turn the reins over to Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching for the remainder of the day. Titan arrived promptly (for him) five minutes late for the promised one o'clock start. He endured a 20 minute warm up from the bench as Chris 'Prosac Kid' Tyrone and TT's eventual partner Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev hit in the oppressive 93 degree heat. John 'Neck' Manzi's 25 minutes of stretching exercise was followed by "Tom I need five minutes of hitting" - that somehow became became fifteen - before TT struck three balls to conclude the warm up. First serve at 1:38PM. The set itself was decent, if not the outcome. 'Russkie' has no touch at net, racket control, or ball anticipation. That said, he was still a significant contributor in TT/'Russkie's erasing a 1-4 deficit to knot the contest at four games apiece against 'Prosac Kid'/'Neck.' The Russian emigree could not hold his serve in the critical ninth game. The 'bloated behemoth' failed to convert at 4-5, 30 -40, and at ad out, in the tenth and final game. At 2:40PM, with the teams meeting at net, TT remarked, "Lads, we played 10 games in 30 minutes, we had 5 changeovers take another 32 minutes, now give me 1 miute to take these pictures and I'll get my sweaty ass out of here. As the 'lumbering loudmouth' headed to the exit 'Russkie' chortled, "Titan, would never make it in the USSR. Our 5 Year Plans were always 10." 'Prosac Kid' yelled, "Hey, take another Lexapro when you get home. You'll feel better."
"Titan, next time call me to substitute when I can be your teammate" complained the 'Prosac Kid' upon completion of the action at Kinsley this afternoon. Chris had been called with the first set at 6-5 in games and served the 12th game and held for the departed Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. The 'Prosac Kid' held serve to force the tiebreak he and 'Big Al' Diodati dropped to TennisTitan/George 'Teacher' Febles (7-6 [1]). 'Teacher' struggled with his backhand half volley through much of the afternoon but eliminated his errors in the breaker and returned to form in his second set pairing with the 'pedantic prevaricator.' Your 'immobile minotaur' turned in a solid performance in the muggy, mid-90's weather that baffled the 'Italian Stallion' and had his Mexican cohort shouting 'Ole amigo, Gigante, usted es un gran jugador de tenis" at the completion of their (6-3) rout of 'PK'/'Big Al.' When the foursome met at net 'Big Al' lamented, "Boisterous Blowhard' how is it that you play better on a hot afternoon than you do on cooler Saturday mornings." 'Teacher' quipped, "Titan knows how to pick his partners." 'Prosac Kid' responded "Lexapro! TennisTitan plays like a pro when at Kinsley. He must be taking Lucy's medication on the sneak."
"I'm making jambalaya for dinner tonight. So what'd you expect on the court this morning?" commented the 'boisterous blowhard' to a chuckling Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this morning. 'Speedy Legs' had just teamed with Father Tony Ekanem and put a hurtin' on the Titan and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella (1-6). The 'Cagey Cleric'/'SL' had dropped their previous set to the Joe ' Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Chris 'Prosac Kid.' The 'bloated behemoth' got his only victory of the day with a (6-4) triumph over Bob 'Kraut' Kluge/'not so stellar 'Stella when 'Lil Papi' made a surprise visit to Saturday tennis and paired with TT. Also making an unexpected return to the friendly confines was Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso. The former Lincoln HS health educator brought an unusually strong game with him that complimented his newly trimmed and svelte physique. Teaming with TennisTitan in the opening set 'Prez' didn't go into choke-mode until the twelfth and final game (5-7) against the tandem of the Georges; 'Teacher' Febles and 'Chemist' Hauss. As the group of twelve players convened at net fellow former Lincoln High educator Frank 'Slats' Slattery exhorted, "Tell him 'Prez.' You're in the same boat as (Principal) Tangredi was. Where's your partner today? In '94, it was where's my psychologist ?" 'Big Al' DioDati quipped, "Back then he was on the tennis courts. Today Tom Bristol was nowhere to be found!"
"Electro Lux, it's not a problem. I just reverse the motor and blow my opponents off the court" chortled the TennisTitan at the conclusion of his play at Kinsley this afternoon. The 'bombastic blowhard' was in rare form this day teaming first with Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching (6-3) and then with George 'Teacher' Febles (6-4) in handing a double defeat to John 'The Neck' Manzi. The Neck was stretched to the limit in set one in his attempt to stave off the looping lobs from the 'lumbering Lothario' when he paired with 'Lil Papi' the Ecuadorian Mosquito. Titan deposited winner after winner in the far corner over the 5'5" South American making the 'Neck' hot under the collar. Fast Eddie 'the Candyman' Whitman stepped in for 'Lil Papi' for the second set but was unable to put sufficient starch in the 'Neck's game to overcome their five games to one deficit. The 'Teacher,' adept in his defensive style of play and on target with his volleys was a tremendous support to the 'tiring tortoise' in their second set victory. At net during picture time the 'Teacher' was particularly instructive. "John, el Gigante is muy bueno, pero el profesor mejor de todos!" Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching piped up, "John, you saw the way Titan cleaned up the puddles on the court so we could play. He brings a roller, squeegee and a broom. Is it any wonder he vacuumed you off a dry court?"
"Titan, I have met many people during my time in Yonkers who happen to be pseudo Catholics, practicing only on Sunday. You are the only Catholic I know who is a pseudo tennis player, practicing only on Saturday. I must pray for you both because you sorely need redemption!" So ended my day at Kinsley with Father Tony Ekanen as my partner. The 'cagey cleric' and TennisTitan opened their day well with a convincing (6-3) defeat of 'Rockin' Rick' Ricci and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella (who filled in for the departing and inebriated Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz at 3-2 in games). Chris 'Prosac Kid teamed with 'RRR' in sets two and three against the 'peripatetic priest' and the 'ponderous puerile.' 'PK'/'RRR' played fantastic together, dominating the action with a resounding (1-6) thumping of TT/'CC' in the second set. More frustrating to the 'bloated behemoth' was the crushing third set defeat (4-6). The 'boisterous blowhard' and 'humble homilest' managed to flitter away a four games to one lead. As the disappointed 'petulant pedagogue' rationalized his defeat at net, the good Father interjected, "Titan, it is back to Africa for me now. The Holy Spirit needs to imbue you with an 8th gift. Seven are not enough for you. Wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord are insufficient. You need Humility too. As they say in Nigeria, "“ngwerre hara ukwu osisi aka akparaya.” This means "If the lizard leaves treading at the base of a tree, it will be caught. Meaning that one should only boast of the terrain he knows."
"Hey Poppa, remember... different county, different court, but same opponent equals same result" quipped Jeff Briscoe at the conclusion of his one set defeat of his ol' man in front of his three adoring children at Port Charlotte Beach Park. "Consider it a new axiom of your life dad, 'Big Daddy means even bigger problems for you on the court.' Indeed, 'Big Daddy' continued his recent dominance of the Titan in the sweltering mid-afternoon heat (93 degrees) at the nearby tennis facility on the banks of the sprawling Charlotte Harbor. The combatants struggled to a four-all tie before 'BD' responded to his own break of serve with a break of the 'sluggish septuagenarian' and an easy hold of the tenth and final game (4-6). The undaunted senior citizen surrounded by his three grandchildren chanting 'Poppa when can we get ice cream', cackled at net, "Jeff next time we play I won't be giving you 48 hours to rest up after you have moved before we meet on the court." To wit the 'brazen barrister' replied, "Nope 4 to 8 minutes should be enough."
"Titan, at least I can be assured a Saywell will come home victorious" opined Jim 'Super Angler' Saywell at Blue Crab Key as he left the tennis courts. Your 'bloviating blowhard' had somehow coaxed Jim's two college aged sons and their fellow Ohioan pal 'Mangrove Mike' Kelley into a late afternoon doubles match at BCK. TT paired with the 'Dayton Flyer,' Jim Saywell against younger brother, 'Tarpon Tom' Saywell and 'Mangrove Mike' for three highly entertaining and spirited sets. Your 'pedantic prevaricater' was unable to contain the 'Dayton Flyer's unbridled tendency to over hit in the first set resulting in their (4-6) setback in the opener. But the tide turned in sets two and three as the 'Flyer' flew around the rectangle covering the baseline side to side and played with some restraint. With 'Ozzie Osprey' eyeing the action from the 'R' building roof top and 'Edgar Egret' pruning the grass adjacent to the courts for insects, the TT/'Flyer' tandem soared to dominating victories (6-2, 6-3) to close out the action. As the weary combatants retreated to the pool to refresh themselves 'Tarpon Tom' quipped, "The 'Flyer' can sometimes get the best of me on land, but it's never happened on Pine Island Sound - whether on Dad's boat or in the canoe!" Mike turned to the Titan and said, "Get it right next time you write the blog. I caught a 100 lb Tarpon at the pass, not these guys. They're the 'Snapper Saywell's'
"Titan, losing to you is testing my faith" commented Father Tony Ekanen after suffering another defeat at the hands of the TennisTitan this morning at Kinsley. Your 'appalling apostate' teamed with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge in a one set slug fest (6-2) against the 'Cagey Cleric' and partner George 'Chemist' Hauss. The late arriving 'lothsome Lothaire'could only get one set in this hot, humid day due to construction going on at Titanville but the 'bothersome blowhard' made his abbreviated time count against the two weary warriors trying to defend champions court one last time. 'CC'/'Chemist' had reigned supreme against combos of Der Klugemeister /Mike 'not so stellar' Stella, and 'Rockin Rick' Ricci/ 'Speedy Legs' Gessman in earlier sets. Titan had the fresh (if not fast) legs and made dependable deep returns to the backhand corner that supplemented the usual fire power from the uboat Kapitan playing the forehand. As the teams met at net it was the 'incorrigible egomaniac' who offered pastoral counseling. "Father we will play again during the week. Perhaps I shall make an Act of Charity and let you win." 'Kraut' chortled, "Tommy boy, without me as your partner, isn't that an Act of Hope? 'Chemist' giggled, "It's an Act of Faith. Father told me he will take another Vow at the Altar: Not to lose to you again!"
"So what's with your friend, the Titan" asked Father Tony Ekanen to 'Big Al' DioDati at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this morning. "Titan thinks Christ said 'the meek shall not inhabit the tennis court.' He doesn't know about the 'meek inheriting the earth,' Father. He thinks Christ's Beatitudes meant "beat the dude!" reasoned 'Big Al' to the visiting cleric. Indeed the 'braggadocios blowhard' was anything but meek after this mornings three set sweep. The 'pedantic prevaricator' took out 'Handy Andy' Gilbert (6-3) in an set of singles to start his day off on the right foot. Then with the arrival of the parish priest and 'Der Klugemeister' he and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge led a blitzkrieg (6-2) against the tandem of 'Handy Andy'/'Cagey Clergy.' The carnage mounted further in TT's finale when 'Big Al' and George 'Chemist' Hauss succumbed (6-2) to the panzer attack of the 'Kraut' and the Luftwaffe lobs of the 'boisterous braggart.' As Titan retreated to his car for an early departure and the remaining six players formed new pairings, Father Tony remarked "Titan should teach homiletics at the seminary." Stuart 'not Espn' Scott quickly opined "one thing's for certain 'Titan hungers and thirsts for tennis, and he's never satisfied." 'Rockin' Rick Ricci quipped "And TennisTitan is 'not ever poor in spirit, his must be the Kingdom of Kinsley."
"The 'W' on my cap stands for 'Winner' of course. I wore whites today so that you'd know that you are my Wimbledon final" cackled the TennisTitan to an ashen and chasten 'Jersey Bomber.' Indeed the 'bloated blowhard' made his nephew Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe "say uncle" at the conclusion of today's match at the prestigious Winding Brook Tennis and Swim Club in Tinton Falls, N.J. The 'blogging bullshitter' had foregone regular Saturday morning play at Kinsley to fight the Garden State Parkway traffic for an opportunity to take the sting out of the pesty kinsman. The pair had split two 6-4 decisions when they met at Kinsley a month ago. The 'Jersey Bomber' was not so fortunate this date as he was steamrolled in the first set (6-2). Perhaps even more devastating to the athletic and physically fit 44 year old was to see experience and court savvy overcome a 3-5 deficit to rally and take the second set (7-5). When the combatants met at net to acknowledge the cheers and barks of family and canines present and pose for pictures, Titan said to his godson "And you don't think to call me Godfather; instead you come to your father's tennis courts on the day the Williams sisters play for the championship at Wimbledon and you are surprised that I have the stamina to win that second set from you?" With fire in his eyes the 'Jersey Bomber' retorted, "Next time we take it to the mattresses. Then I will make you an offer you cannot refuse. I'll bring the balls, you bring the canollis."
"Titan, we did mean it literally! Put a sock in it" chorused the three doubles teams remaining at Kinsley at conclusion of play. TennisTitan and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge had captured the impromptu Carl 'Speedy Legs Gessman honorific - the prestigious 'Gray Socks Award.' TT/'Kraut' defeated the tandems of George 'Chemist' Hauss/'Speedy Legs (6-4) and Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Big Al' Diodati (6-4) to remain the only undefeated pair this date. 'Slats'/'Big Al' ended the morning with but one win in a set having defeated Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella after dropping their opener against 'SL'/'Chemist.' As the boys met at net for the award presentation Titan magnanimously suggested that the pair of new socks go to 'Der Klugemeister.' The German had led the attack with superb court coverage in both victories and capitalized on TT's surprisingly effective volleying at net. The Teutonic marksman somehow took umbrage at Titan's remark that, "Kraut, you couldn't get your backhand over the net regularly or your serves in with your usual consistency. Perhaps you won't double fault getting the socks over your toes!"
"Titan, give 'Pistol' a break; he's been on the Disabled List for three weeks for Christ sake" hollered Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso at the conclusion of play this morning at Kinsley as the rain increased in intensity cancelling any thoughts of a rubber set. Titan was whining that his partner didn't bring his Luger to the court but rather a shotgun with loads and loads of buckshot. Indeed, Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser fired nothing but blanks especially at net during his and TT's split of two sets (6-4, 4-6) against the tandem of 'Prez' and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. The 'bloated behemoth' acquitted himself well considering his having logged five plus hours of intense doubles play over the previous two days. "No aches and pains today? 'truculent tortoise'" queried 'Slats' from the the adjacent court. 'Chemist' then quipped, "The bombastic blowhard's always a pain." 'Big Al' contributed, "he makes my ears ache." 'Dave the Rave' giggled "Because Titan's here I'm having fun." Gerencser, a retired pharmacist, acknowledged at plays conclusion "I know Titan, I have to take my medicine in today's blog. I doled it out enough in my 35 year career. Anyway I'm getting worse treatments nowadays than anything you can say about my game." 'Kraut' interjected "Yeah, you'll also get the typical side affects from the blog - headache, nausea and indigestion." 'Prez' finished it off with his only winner of the day: "Titan's already got diarrhea of the mouth!
