"I'm making jambalaya for dinner tonight. So what'd you expect on the court this morning?" commented the 'boisterous blowhard' to a chuckling Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this morning. 'Speedy Legs' had just teamed with Father Tony Ekanem and put a hurtin' on the Titan and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella (1-6). The 'Cagey Cleric'/'SL' had dropped their previous set to the Joe ' Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Chris 'Prosac Kid.' The 'bloated behemoth' got his only victory of the day with a (6-4) triumph over Bob 'Kraut' Kluge/'not so stellar 'Stella when 'Lil Papi' made a surprise visit to Saturday tennis and paired with TT. Also making an unexpected return to the friendly confines was Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso. The former Lincoln HS health educator brought an unusually strong game with him that complimented his newly trimmed and svelte physique. Teaming with TennisTitan in the opening set 'Prez' didn't go into choke-mode until the twelfth and final game (5-7) against the tandem of the Georges; 'Teacher' Febles and 'Chemist' Hauss. As the group of twelve players convened at net fellow former Lincoln High educator Frank 'Slats' Slattery exhorted, "Tell him 'Prez.' You're in the same boat as (Principal) Tangredi was. Where's your partner today? In '94, it was where's my psychologist ?" 'Big Al' DioDati quipped, "Back then he was on the tennis courts. Today Tom Bristol was nowhere to be found!"
"Electro Lux, it's not a problem. I just reverse the motor and blow my opponents off the court" chortled the TennisTitan at the conclusion of his play at Kinsley this afternoon. The 'bombastic blowhard' was in rare form this day teaming first with Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching (6-3) and then with George 'Teacher' Febles (6-4) in handing a double defeat to John 'The Neck' Manzi. The Neck was stretched to the limit in set one in his attempt to stave off the looping lobs from the 'lumbering Lothario' when he paired with 'Lil Papi' the Ecuadorian Mosquito. Titan deposited winner after winner in the far corner over the 5'5" South American making the 'Neck' hot under the collar. Fast Eddie 'the Candyman' Whitman stepped in for 'Lil Papi' for the second set but was unable to put sufficient starch in the 'Neck's game to overcome their five games to one deficit. The 'Teacher,' adept in his defensive style of play and on target with his volleys was a tremendous support to the 'tiring tortoise' in their second set victory. At net during picture time the 'Teacher' was particularly instructive. "John, el Gigante is muy bueno, pero el profesor mejor de todos!" Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching piped up, "John, you saw the way Titan cleaned up the puddles on the court so we could play. He brings a roller, squeegee and a broom. Is it any wonder he vacuumed you off a dry court?"
"Titan, I have met many people during my time in Yonkers who happen to be pseudo Catholics, practicing only on Sunday. You are the only Catholic I know who is a pseudo tennis player, practicing only on Saturday. I must pray for you both because you sorely need redemption!" So ended my day at Kinsley with Father Tony Ekanen as my partner. The 'cagey cleric' and TennisTitan opened their day well with a convincing (6-3) defeat of 'Rockin' Rick' Ricci and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella (who filled in for the departing and inebriated Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz at 3-2 in games). Chris 'Prosac Kid teamed with 'RRR' in sets two and three against the 'peripatetic priest' and the 'ponderous puerile.' 'PK'/'RRR' played fantastic together, dominating the action with a resounding (1-6) thumping of TT/'CC' in the second set. More frustrating to the 'bloated behemoth' was the crushing third set defeat (4-6). The 'boisterous blowhard' and 'humble homilest' managed to flitter away a four games to one lead. As the disappointed 'petulant pedagogue' rationalized his defeat at net, the good Father interjected, "Titan, it is back to Africa for me now. The Holy Spirit needs to imbue you with an 8th gift. Seven are not enough for you. Wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord are insufficient. You need Humility too. As they say in Nigeria, "“ngwerre hara ukwu osisi aka akparaya.” This means "If the lizard leaves treading at the base of a tree, it will be caught. Meaning that one should only boast of the terrain he knows."
"Hey Poppa, remember... different county, different court, but same opponent equals same result" quipped Jeff Briscoe at the conclusion of his one set defeat of his ol' man in front of his three adoring children at Port Charlotte Beach Park. "Consider it a new axiom of your life dad, 'Big Daddy means even bigger problems for you on the court.' Indeed, 'Big Daddy' continued his recent dominance of the Titan in the sweltering mid-afternoon heat (93 degrees) at the nearby tennis facility on the banks of the sprawling Charlotte Harbor. The combatants struggled to a four-all tie before 'BD' responded to his own break of serve with a break of the 'sluggish septuagenarian' and an easy hold of the tenth and final game (4-6). The undaunted senior citizen surrounded by his three grandchildren chanting 'Poppa when can we get ice cream', cackled at net, "Jeff next time we play I won't be giving you 48 hours to rest up after you have moved before we meet on the court." To wit the 'brazen barrister' replied, "Nope 4 to 8 minutes should be enough."
"Titan, at least I can be assured a Saywell will come home victorious" opined Jim 'Super Angler' Saywell at Blue Crab Key as he left the tennis courts. Your 'bloviating blowhard' had somehow coaxed Jim's two college aged sons and their fellow Ohioan pal 'Mangrove Mike' Kelley into a late afternoon doubles match at BCK. TT paired with the 'Dayton Flyer,' Jim Saywell against younger brother, 'Tarpon Tom' Saywell and 'Mangrove Mike' for three highly entertaining and spirited sets. Your 'pedantic prevaricater' was unable to contain the 'Dayton Flyer's unbridled tendency to over hit in the first set resulting in their (4-6) setback in the opener. But the tide turned in sets two and three as the 'Flyer' flew around the rectangle covering the baseline side to side and played with some restraint. With 'Ozzie Osprey' eyeing the action from the 'R' building roof top and 'Edgar Egret' pruning the grass adjacent to the courts for insects, the TT/'Flyer' tandem soared to dominating victories (6-2, 6-3) to close out the action. As the weary combatants retreated to the pool to refresh themselves 'Tarpon Tom' quipped, "The 'Flyer' can sometimes get the best of me on land, but it's never happened on Pine Island Sound - whether on Dad's boat or in the canoe!" Mike turned to the Titan and said, "Get it right next time you write the blog. I caught a 100 lb Tarpon at the pass, not these guys. They're the 'Snapper Saywell's'
"Titan, losing to you is testing my faith" commented Father Tony Ekanen after suffering another defeat at the hands of the TennisTitan this morning at Kinsley. Your 'appalling apostate' teamed with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge in a one set slug fest (6-2) against the 'Cagey Cleric' and partner George 'Chemist' Hauss. The late arriving 'lothsome Lothaire'could only get one set in this hot, humid day due to construction going on at Titanville but the 'bothersome blowhard' made his abbreviated time count against the two weary warriors trying to defend champions court one last time. 'CC'/'Chemist' had reigned supreme against combos of Der Klugemeister /Mike 'not so stellar' Stella, and 'Rockin Rick' Ricci/ 'Speedy Legs' Gessman in earlier sets. Titan had the fresh (if not fast) legs and made dependable deep returns to the backhand corner that supplemented the usual fire power from the uboat Kapitan playing the forehand. As the teams met at net it was the 'incorrigible egomaniac' who offered pastoral counseling. "Father we will play again during the week. Perhaps I shall make an Act of Charity and let you win." 'Kraut' chortled, "Tommy boy, without me as your partner, isn't that an Act of Hope? 'Chemist' giggled, "It's an Act of Faith. Father told me he will take another Vow at the Altar: Not to lose to you again!"
"So what's with your friend, the Titan" asked Father Tony Ekanen to 'Big Al' DioDati at the conclusion of play at Kinsley this morning. "Titan thinks Christ said 'the meek shall not inhabit the tennis court.' He doesn't know about the 'meek inheriting the earth,' Father. He thinks Christ's Beatitudes meant "beat the dude!" reasoned 'Big Al' to the visiting cleric. Indeed the 'braggadocios blowhard' was anything but meek after this mornings three set sweep. The 'pedantic prevaricator' took out 'Handy Andy' Gilbert (6-3) in an set of singles to start his day off on the right foot. Then with the arrival of the parish priest and 'Der Klugemeister' he and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge led a blitzkrieg (6-2) against the tandem of 'Handy Andy'/'Cagey Clergy.' The carnage mounted further in TT's finale when 'Big Al' and George 'Chemist' Hauss succumbed (6-2) to the panzer attack of the 'Kraut' and the Luftwaffe lobs of the 'boisterous braggart.' As Titan retreated to his car for an early departure and the remaining six players formed new pairings, Father Tony remarked "Titan should teach homiletics at the seminary." Stuart 'not Espn' Scott quickly opined "one thing's for certain 'Titan hungers and thirsts for tennis, and he's never satisfied." 'Rockin' Rick Ricci quipped "And TennisTitan is 'not ever poor in spirit, his must be the Kingdom of Kinsley."
"The 'W' on my cap stands for 'Winner' of course. I wore whites today so that you'd know that you are my Wimbledon final" cackled the TennisTitan to an ashen and chasten 'Jersey Bomber.' Indeed the 'bloated blowhard' made his nephew Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe "say uncle" at the conclusion of today's match at the prestigious Winding Brook Tennis and Swim Club in Tinton Falls, N.J. The 'blogging bullshitter' had foregone regular Saturday morning play at Kinsley to fight the Garden State Parkway traffic for an opportunity to take the sting out of the pesty kinsman. The pair had split two 6-4 decisions when they met at Kinsley a month ago. The 'Jersey Bomber' was not so fortunate this date as he was steamrolled in the first set (6-2). Perhaps even more devastating to the athletic and physically fit 44 year old was to see experience and court savvy overcome a 3-5 deficit to rally and take the second set (7-5). When the combatants met at net to acknowledge the cheers and barks of family and canines present and pose for pictures, Titan said to his godson "And you don't think to call me Godfather; instead you come to your father's tennis courts on the day the Williams sisters play for the championship at Wimbledon and you are surprised that I have the stamina to win that second set from you?" With fire in his eyes the 'Jersey Bomber' retorted, "Next time we take it to the mattresses. Then I will make you an offer you cannot refuse. I'll bring the balls, you bring the canollis."
"Titan, we did mean it literally! Put a sock in it" chorused the three doubles teams remaining at Kinsley at conclusion of play. TennisTitan and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge had captured the impromptu Carl 'Speedy Legs Gessman honorific - the prestigious 'Gray Socks Award.' TT/'Kraut' defeated the tandems of George 'Chemist' Hauss/'Speedy Legs (6-4) and Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Big Al' Diodati (6-4) to remain the only undefeated pair this date. 'Slats'/'Big Al' ended the morning with but one win in a set having defeated Stuart 'not Espn' Scott and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella after dropping their opener against 'SL'/'Chemist.' As the boys met at net for the award presentation Titan magnanimously suggested that the pair of new socks go to 'Der Klugemeister.' The German had led the attack with superb court coverage in both victories and capitalized on TT's surprisingly effective volleying at net. The Teutonic marksman somehow took umbrage at Titan's remark that, "Kraut, you couldn't get your backhand over the net regularly or your serves in with your usual consistency. Perhaps you won't double fault getting the socks over your toes!"
"Titan, give 'Pistol' a break; he's been on the Disabled List for three weeks for Christ sake" hollered Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso at the conclusion of play this morning at Kinsley as the rain increased in intensity cancelling any thoughts of a rubber set. Titan was whining that his partner didn't bring his Luger to the court but rather a shotgun with loads and loads of buckshot. Indeed, Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser fired nothing but blanks especially at net during his and TT's split of two sets (6-4, 4-6) against the tandem of 'Prez' and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. The 'bloated behemoth' acquitted himself well considering his having logged five plus hours of intense doubles play over the previous two days. "No aches and pains today? 'truculent tortoise'" queried 'Slats' from the the adjacent court. 'Chemist' then quipped, "The bombastic blowhard's always a pain." 'Big Al' contributed, "he makes my ears ache." 'Dave the Rave' giggled "Because Titan's here I'm having fun." Gerencser, a retired pharmacist, acknowledged at plays conclusion "I know Titan, I have to take my medicine in today's blog. I doled it out enough in my 35 year career. Anyway I'm getting worse treatments nowadays than anything you can say about my game." 'Kraut' interjected "Yeah, you'll also get the typical side affects from the blog - headache, nausea and indigestion." 'Prez' finished it off with his only winner of the day: "Titan's already got diarrhea of the mouth!
"I am used to carrying a sack of mail through the street, not lugging a lard-ass loser on an asphalt tennis court" lamented the crest fallen letter carrier realizing that he had missed his opportunity for a sweep of the days action. TennisTitan had taken to the outdoor courts at Kinsley today, taking no chance that tomorrow's regularly scheduled game might be a rain out and it'd be a weekend without tennis. TT joined Frank and Gene Slattery and newbie 'Paulie the Merry Mailman' in four high quality sets of tennis. TT/'Merry Mailman opened the afternoon's action with a dominating (6-2) drubbing of the cousins Slattery. 'Slats' and Titan switched partners for the second and third sets. "Titan, I don't have enough postage on my return" was Frank 'Slats' Slattery's rationale. The 'Merry Mailman' continued to elevate his game as the afternoon progressed and significantly outplayed his opponents. 'MM' serves with pace and his ground strokes offer movement and great depth. 'King' Gene Slattery and 'braggadocios bullshiter' could only muster winning rallies against the more tepid returns of 'Slats' in their (3-6, 2-6) manhandling. The final set brought the original pairings back together again to conclude this three hour marathon. Cousins Slattery withstood 'MM's opportunity to serve it out at 6-5 rallying to take the final set (6-8). As the foursome met at net to plan another match in the future 'King' Gene remarked, "Paulie, you still have a first class game." Titan interjected "Gene, make it a priority to control your backhand volley. And Frankie, your serve is strictly parcel post!" In unison the trio turned to Titan and retorted: "You should be certified crazy. And all your returns - receipt requested."
"You better make that something stronger" quipped the TennisTitan to his partner Max 'Tutor' Tuchman at the end of today's play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. TT was reacting to 'Tutor's comment of earlier in the day that no matter how badly he and the 'bombastic blowhard' were defeated by Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and 'Big Al' Diodati he would still savor his two glasses of wine at dinner with his beloved Sandy. The maven of Dobbs Ferry and the peripatetic psychologist gave it all they had but still came up short in their (2-6, 3-6, 1-2 partial) losses. 'EBL' blanketed the net, fully anticipating every return made by the 'Tutor.' The Titan's inability to cover the short cross court return from 'EBL' prompted 'Big Al' to parry "Max would you like me to stand on the other side of the net and cover that shot for the 'bloated braggart?" Potential winner after winner was denied either by 'EBL's incredible court coverage or 'Big Al's commanding reach or reflex volley into the open court. As the teams converged at net Tully opined, "Hey we're all winners today to be even playing. Yonkers is getting 2 inches of rain and we had a hell of a good time for $52 of court time." Max retorted "for $52 I could be drinking campaign tonight." 'Big Al' ended the discussion with "Campaign is for winners. Have some Kedem. I understand it's kosher."
"Titan, you were damn near out of potential partners" quipped George 'Chemist' Hauss as the rain began to fall in earnest mid-day at Kinsley Park. 'Chemist' was the last of TT's three mates in the four sets the 'immobile minotaur' participated this date. Titan paired with 'Big Al' DioDati in his opening (3-6) loss to the 'Chemist'/'Speedy Legs' Gessman. Then the 'truculent troubadour' moved his moribund act to the challengers court wherein he teamed with newbie 'Handy Andy' Gilbert. The combo of 'Big Al'/Frank 'Slats' Slattery overwhelmed the 'pedantic panderer' and 'Handy Andy' (1-6). Next, stepping on to the court to deflate the 'flatulent fathead'/'Handy Andy' tandem were 'Dave the Rave' and Mike 'not so stellar' Stella who put another (3-6) hurtin' on the Titan team. With the departures of 'Slats,' 'Speedy Legs,' 'not so stellar' there were now no winners willing to adopt the 'languid loser' for one final set. 'Big Al' opined "Titan, I got that loser's taste out of my mouth when I played with 'Slat's' against you. Rich 'Prezidente' Prezioso similarly begged off with, "I've already lost two sets, I don't need to be a three time loser, 'mendacious malcontent.' That said 'Chemist' stepped up. "Titan I didn't show the past two Saturdays at Kinsley. You're with me now because I deserve to be punished." Bob 'Kraut' Kluge snickered "my back hurts already anyway. I'd rather team with 'Dave the Rave' than the 'bloated behemoth.' The (7-5) victory eked out by 'Chemist'/TT over the 'Rave' and Der Klugemeister was especially sweet, if not pretty.
TennisTitan joined Bill 'Electro Lux' Ching in a (6-2) victory against John 'Neck' Manzi and Chris the 'Prosac Kid' in the only set played to completion at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The 'motormouth monster' had it all working this afternoon leaving his adversaries scratching their heads unaccustomed to seeing such dominance from the 'bearded blatherer' and his partner considering setting up a rocking chair on court. This is not to say that TT was not heavily physically taxed. 'Electro Lux' can no longer serve and covers less ground than the 'bloated blowhard.' TT held service successfully four times, covered 'Electro Lux' backhand side impeccably on defense and lasered the backhand corner with unstoppable approach shots. 'SuperBillie Boy' Ching finished so often at net with easy put-away volleys that he had to remind the Titan, "easy, Big Guy, I'm trying not to lift my right arm over my head - cardiologists orders." As the foursome met at net the 'Neck' commented, "Titan - only contribute $10, not $15 for today's indoor session since I was delayed 30 minutes getting here. Same for you 'Prosac' and 'Electro Lux.' To wit 'SuperBillieBoy' answered, "John, consider the $25 you will now pay in court time fees a good investment. You attended a tennis clinic -TennisTitan style!
