"This is a 'newbie' I pressed into action because we needed a fourth. I owe him a lot already - he got me my 2 victories today!"
"Ahoy, matey, The Pirates of the Caribbean stole one from you" chanted Clarence 'Gazelle' Williams and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz as they came to net for pictures. The leg weary Titan was left on the sidelines for this day's finale which ended with Gazelle/GK's amazing comeback from a 1-4 deficit to take the set (6-4). Their victims were the German Juggernaut - Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and George 'Chemist' Hauss. Titan had paired with both Deutchlanders for a set earlier on this picture perfect day for his two victorys. TT/'Chemist' defeated 'Kraut' and newbie 'WWW' - 'Wondering Wondrous Wally' (6-3). Then pairing with 'Der Klugemeister'/ TT bageled 'Chemist'/'WWW' (6-0). Breathing a heavy sigh of relief that the 'braggadocios blowhard' was not on their dance card were the teams of 'Slats'/'Big Al' and 'Happy Jack'/'Speedy Legs' who had battled for two sets before calling it a day. With no opposition for the 'blogging bullshitter' to engage, entered The Jamaican Cricketeer. "Man, I will test my abilities and play with the 'loud-mouth loser' against you two who have already carried the 'bloated behemoth' to victory." The (3-6) defeat at the hands of the 'German Juggernaut' did not forbode the robbery that was to take place when the Puerto Rican maestro replaced the 'immobile minotaur' for the last set. The final insult was hurled by the 'Kraut' as Titan took the final picture, "There - (looking at TT) he blows!" The 'Chemist' wryly quipped, "Bob, Titan 'ain't no Moby, but he sure is a dick!"
"Titan, your stimulus package has arrived" chortled Frank 'Slats' Slattery at the conclusion of the second set at Kinsley Park this date. 'Slats'/'TT' had just completed a (7-6 [3], 6-3) sweep of 'Happy Jack' Carey and George 'Chemist' Hauss. 'Slat's had come up big in the second set leading the charge that saw his team rally to take the last five games of the contest. 'Slats' agility at the net had been sorely missing in the opener which had the 'bombastic blowhard' do much of the heavy lifting. This set also was marked by a rally from 1-3 and 2-4 deficits. The 'pedantic prevaricator's tenacity was never more in evidence with his service hold in the eighth game. Fending off five break points the 'obnoxious ogre' survived eight deuces to tie the contest. The 'crusty curmudgeon' was similarly clutch with an easy service hold to knot the set at six and force the breaker. As the teams met at net 'Chemist' related that he felt heartened by his ability to play as well as he did given the fact that he had fractured his toe with his fall at Kinsley about a month ago. 'Happy Jack,' not one to let a sitter go by, quipped "George, I always feel hobbled with you as my partner and my toes are fine. Why don't we fracture this uneasy relationship. I need a cigarette."
TennisTitan joined Georege 'Chemist' Hauss for a late afternoon game of doubles against Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. In a well played set 'Speedy Legs'/'Kraut' prevailed (4-6). With the set knotted at 4 apiece the 'Chemist' imploded at net. Der Klugemiester/'SL' capitalized on the vulnerable unprotected middle of the court time after time late in the match to secure their hard earned victory. Titan rallied impressively on several key points against the Luftwaffe but was undone by balls overplayed at net. As the teams met post match 'Speedy Legs' opined, "Titan, I guess you should have played with me, we had great success together last Saturday." 'Kraut' commented, "No, Carl, Titan should play with me - he's a hot dog on the court, ain't he? 'Chemist' erupted, "Why do I get stuck with him. I just took a Defensive Driving course. And he takes two points off every game!"
Your TennisTitan continued on his roll this morning on the Kinsley Courts. The 'immobile minotaur' partook in four sets of doubles this date and came away victorious in all of them. Titan first paired with Carl 'Speeedy Legs' Gessman for two sets. TT/'SL' had much too much for the tandems of Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Big Al' DioDati (6-1). Next up, Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Happy Jack' Carey who were shown the door at (6-2). With the departure of 'the Speedy One' the non paying crowd of Portuguese Americans on playing Courts 2 and 4 came to a stand still to watch the 'boisterous blowhard' hold serve with 'Slats' as his patner at (7-5) to close out the comback attempt by 'Kraut'/'Big Al' who had been down 5-3. The 'Yonkers Yakker' had much to crow about in the fourth and final set as he and 'Slats' swept to an easy defeat of the 'Kraut/'Happy Jack' tandem (6-2). As the teams met at net Der Klugemeister, seldom a three set loser, opined, "Titan, your best play today was when you picked your partners." 'Happy Jack' winced and responded, "Bobby, I wish I could say the same. I almost miss George 'Chemist' Hauss on a day like this." 'Slats' chimed in, "Titan you always said the 'third set was about heart,' but in that fourth set, we were absolutely 'heartless to them!"
Your TennisTitan joined forces with 'Big Al' Diodati at the Yonkers Tennis Center and went from heartbreak to heartthrob during the three sets played against Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. The 'bloated behemoth'/'Big Al' held a commanding 5-3 lead in the opener and were unable to close it out. 'GK'/'Russkie' rallied to force a tie breaker and played the critical points more effectively to come away with a (6-7 [4]) victory. But even more surprising than this disappointing defeat to the half dozen junior tennis players ringing court one was the total transformation and domination of play that occurred in the last forty minutes of play. Can you say 'goose eggs' on a roll, or more descriptively, "Joe and Vlad do not have to share, they'll each have their own bagel" as 'TT'/'Big Al' reeled off twelve (12) games in a row to rout 'Russkie'/'GK' (6-0, 6-0). "We were so hot" quipped the Italian Stallion, "that Vlad put sun tan lotion on his ashen skin and Joe thought he was back on a beach in Puerto Rico." At picture time Titan meekly inquired, "Russkie, since you had the bagel, I'll make the toast, God bless America, pass the Stoli."
"Hey, Titan, you left me holding the bag" charged Frank 'Slats' Slattery as the Titan made his way to the car. TT had paired with 'Slats' in the one set Titan played to completion. The bombastic bloviator'/'Slats' thrashed George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Happy Jack' Carey (6-1). Bob 'Kraut' Kluge joined forces with 'Happy Jack' against the tandem of 'Slats'/'Chemist for another (6-1) spanking as the Titan elected to walk his yapping dogs, Tully and O'Reilly. For the final set TT opened as the 'Chemist' partner against 'Kraut' and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman. Trailing love-four TT stepped aside for the prearranged re-entry onto the court of 'Slats.' As the 'immobile minotaur' opened the door to allow the Bichons in the backseat, he fired a perfect ace of bagged dog feces into the nearby receptacle. "No, Frankie, it is I who was left holding the bag. And I got rid of it! It's your job to spoil the bagel. Now that you've gotten rid of me."
The TennisTitan returned to the Yonkers Tennis Center for two wonderfully, competitive sets against Bill 'EBL' Tully and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev. The 'boisterous blowhard' joined forces with Hanibal 'Caballero' Mistorni subbing for the absent 'Big Al' DioDati. TT/'Caballero' suffered a let down in the second set allowing for a nice comeback by the opposition (6-4, 3-6, 1-2 partial) from a 3-1 deficit. 'Russkie's serve improved dramatically as the games progressed and 'EBL' began to more effectively find the range at the feet of the Argentinian craftsman. The 'blogging bullshitter' acquitted himself well throughout the match, engaging in several long rallies with 'Energizer Bunny Legs.' Hanibal's serve continues to be a significant part of his game. The 'Caballero' remains quick to and at the net. As the crew met at net when time expired, Titan quipped to Tully and Kartsev, "Hanibal was my AIG bailout this afternoon: 'He's Argentinian, he's Intense on the court, but, most importantly, he's Good!" And he saved my ass from another double defeat!!!
"Titan, what's this that 'You are an I.C.B.M.' The cold war is over, comrade" implored 'Russkie' at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. But the 'whining wanna-be' was taking no prisoners after another annihilation between the white lines (2-6, 4-6, 1-2 partial). Titan/'Russkie' were no match for John 'Irish' Gallagher and Tom 'Fireman' Conaty. Vladimir Kartsev did not have the game that distinguished itself so well last Thursday. But then again, he did not have a partner to cover his inability to anticipate returns or minimize the use of his backhand. TT was able to remain in rallies with the 'Fireman' but lacked the fire power to close out points against the speed and athleticism of the retired 'hose holder.' The unforced error always seemed inevitable once the ball went to 'Russkie's off hand or a volley was called for. 'Irish' more than held his own against the 'red menace.' As the foursome met at net 'Russkie' darted to the exit declaring, "Titan, you are no rocket, no matter what you call yourself! I have the A.B.M. system in place when I am your partner: 'All Balls Missed.' The 'boisterous blowhard' then went nuclear, "Russkie, remember: I.C.B.M.' I Can't Blame Me!" The 'Fireman' turned to Irish and with a twinkle in his eyes whispered "I had heard of the St. Valentine's Day massacre, not the Paddy's Day slaughter."
"He's no Kunta Kinte" whaled the 'Whining Wimp' to no one in particular as he took his seat to watch the final match of the morning while his partner slinked out the school yard. The 'immobile minotaur' was front row for the 70 minute slugfest between Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Happy Jack' Carey verses George 'Chemist' Hauss and the haughty one, Frank ' Slats' Slattery (7-5). 'Slats'/'Spindley Legs' Gessman had dispatched 'HJ'/'Chemist' (6-3), and then creamed TennisTitan (making his first Kinsley appearance in '09) and 'Dave the Rave (1-6).' 'Happy Jack'/'Kraut' took out Lou 'Pistol' Gerencer/'Chemist' (6-3) while TT/'Rave were served a bagel (0-6) in their second attempt at respectability against 'SL'/'Slats.' The 'bloated behemoth' took little solace from 'Pistol' seated next to him as they awaited winners in a game that would never happen. "Titan, they're afraid of us. I've taken so much Demerol these past few weeks, that playing with you would be painless!" 'Kraut' quipped, "the Rave would have to be Arthur Ashe to have won with you. Titan chortled, 'He's waiting for Obama to give him a scholarship to come to net!" 'HJ' queried, "Demerol?...hmmm. Can I smoke it?"
Your TennisTitan was back on the YTC courts this afternoon pairing with Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz against 'EBL'/'Russkie' in a heartbreaking loss (6-8). Vladimir Kartsev was a major contributor in the come from behind victory. 'Russkie' came up big on his service games at crucial times during this, the only set played to completion. His hold at 3-5 turned the tide. 'GK' couldn't get the job done in games 10 or 14, double faulting on the final point. Your 'bloated behemoth' did in no way distinguish himself, shanking some critical volleys that would have closed it out on set point. Titan/'EBL' were up (4-0, partial) in the second set when time expired. As the crew met at net 'GK' lamented, "Titan, only Bill Tully could mask your deficiencies today." 'EBL' quipped, "Mask? Joe, I needed my leprechaun costume to get us that four-love lead." Titan retorted, "Phew, I was afraid you noticed the four leaf clover pinned to my shirt. 'Russkie' slammed his final winner: "And here I thought that it was only me with horseshoe up his ass today!"
"Maybe 'Big Al' is also as old Julius Caesar" is how the TennisTitan summed it up as the threesome met at net. Titan had to dance to "Canadian sunset" in the finale of his double defeat at the hands of Bill 'EBL' Tully and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev (2-6, 2-6). In a group for which it is very difficult to balance out competitive teams 'Big Al' had crossed to the other side of the net to play opposite the 'Energizer Bunny Legs." And he paid the price as the 'immobile minotaur's partner. Down 2-4 to 'Russkie'/'EBL' the Italian Stallion pulled up lame attempting to return one of 'EBL's cross court droppers. Soon thereafter the ol' war horse was led back to his stall. Your 'egotistical egomaniac' (who only blogs complete sets) completed the beatdown solo. TT/'Big Al acquitted themselves reasonably well as team mates managing to be within striking distance at 2-3 in each set before their house of cards caved to the vastly more agile Tully. The 'bloated behemoth' quipped as he put his rackets away, "Lucky, 'Big Al' bailed before we took our pictures. I always wanted to see the movie 'They Shoot Horses, Don't They!" "I carry so much crap in this bag, I just might have a gun!"
"Titan, you know only some Russian history" cackled Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev between sets two and three. TennisTitan and 'Big Al' Diodati had just put the wood to the tandem of 'Russkie' and John 'Irish' Gallagher (6-2, 6-0). "This ain't no Battle of Stalingrad" quipped the 'braggadocios blowhard' as he and the Italian Stallion had ripped off nine games in a row in this one sided affair. Titan had it all working for him in this Yonkers Tennis Center matinee performance at which he was a last minute sub. The 'lumbering loudmouth' owned the alleys and the middle. Point construction went unchallenged as the 'egotistical egomaniac' took control either on his service or on his service return. After running off the first five games of the third set 'Russkie'/'Irish' broke through and the day ended mercifully for them trailing (5-2, 30-love partial) with 'Big Al' set to close it out. When the group met at net emigre Vladimir opined, "Titan, remember the Iron Curtain and your great President Reagan. It will soon be for naught. With that Articulate, Socialist Seditioner (ASS) in the White House, Putin will tell him he 'likes soul,' see that his spine is made of jelly. And tell him 'Tear down that Wall street, Obama!" It's already started.
"I am Emancipated!" shouted the TennisTitan to a group of young tennis players on the adjoining court at the Yonkers Tennis Center at the conclusion of his world class performance this date. "No, 'bloated blowhard,' corrected fellow retired educator Bill 'Energizer Bunny Leg's Tully, you are vindicated." Indeed the 'egotistical ego maniac' had left an indelible mark on the psyches of 'EBL' and 'Big Al' Diodati with his sterling effort as 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz' partner that had left the students' teaching pro's mouth agape. Titan had led by example, employing effective shot making and within-the-point-tactics to complement 'GK's firepower. TT/'GK' took games 9 and 10 in the opening set (6-4) which featured but one service hold (by 'GK' in the critical 9th game). Rallies were prolonged and the shot making exquisite on both sides of the net with winners, rather than unforced errors ruling the day. Set two was a tense, even more exhausting and riveting completion. Opening a four-love lead and seemingly on (sic) "Cruz Control" the Puerto Rican caballero and the 'bombastic bullshitter' barely survived the late match charge by their intrepid opponents as 'EBL's service was broken for the fourth time this date to close out this epic battle (6-4). As the group met at net 'Big Al' quipped, "Titan, you may be emancipated alright, but you sure are a slave to your blog." Wherein 'Gimpy Knees' commented, "It was Natural Selection. I mean we won because 'it was survival of the fittest.' 'EBL,' paying homage to the 'pretentious prevaricator' opined, "Only you Titan would remind your readers that today is both Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin's 200th birthday."
Your TennisTitan was back in familiar territory at the Yonkers Tennis Center for two sets of high quality tennis. Titan paired with Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz against Bill ' Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully and 'Big Al' Diodati. 'GK'/TT came away with a (6-4) victory in the opener. 'GK' proclaimed at sets beginning that he had a score to settle with 'EBL' having dropped both sets to this team last week when he paired with 'Russkie' Kartsev. The 'bloated behemoth' did his part in obtaining the brass ring despite 'GK's' insistence on a strategy that ultimately backfired in the second set. 'GK's power strokes to 'EBL are his calling card. He is reluctant to hit as hard at 'Big Al' and consequently locks himself into rallies against a more nimble and better strategist when going up against EBL exclusively. He over hits to 'Big Al' when trying to change his pace and can not match 'EBL' when volleying. Not so with the 'immobile minotaur' who looks to shift the point away from the dominant opponent as opportunity presents itself and await an unforced error. Set two saw 'EBL'/'Big Al' capture the final two games (4-6) as Joe ran out of gas and pulled up lame in the ninth game. As the foursome met at net, 'EBL' quipped, "Joe, have you had enough of me yet?" 'Big Al' said, "same sides next week." Titan responded, "GK, is all about pace. Even when playing doubles, he's really playing an opponent in singles."
"Titan, don't you read your blogs, - or do you just write 'em and forget 'em once you push 'publish?' snorted 'Big Daddy' Jeff Briscoe at the conclusion of singles play at Lehigh Acres Community Park this afternoon. 'Big Daddy' had just underscored the earlier remark of his brother Russell 'Hoya Saxa' Briscoe by first thrashing, then outlasting the 'bombastic bloviator' in two sets. If the 'ship had indeed sailed in singles' as Hoya Saxa proclaimed two weeks ago a life boat appeared on the horizon in the second set today. In a grinding one hour thriller Titan became a 'choking chameleon' as he failed to close out 'BD' serving at 5-4, and at 6-5. To boot, the 'lethargic Lothario' miscued at set point twice in the breaker (6-7 [7]). The (2-6) hammering applied by 'Big Daddy' in the opener was another matter. 'BD's height, speed and court savvy all came into play in the 25 minute rout. As the crew gathered at center court for the family trophy presentation Anna Briscoe proclaimed "Daddy, why you so mean to PopPa? Can't you see he's crying." Jimmy Briscoe responded "PopPa always says he's like Roger Federer. Today he was." A laughing two year old Joe Briscoe uttered, "uh, uh, uh" and while giving his grandfather a 'thumbs up' peed in his diaper.
"Take that back to your cronies in New York" chortled the 'Canadian Cruncher'. Joanne Van Dyck had proved true to her word leading the 'bloated behemoth to his only victory of the day (6-3) at Phillips Park. Fellow Michiganders Ron Van Dyck and Doug 'ever on the attack' Dack were less successful when pairing with the 'Yonkers Yakker.' Your 'boisterous blowhard' acquitted himself quite well in the (4-6 [with Dack]), (3-6 ]with Ron Van Dyck]) losses. TT's placement serve was especially effective with 7 of 8 easy holds. Titan led both of his partners to one break advantages early on in each losing set only to see the lead frittered away with loose play at the net by his partners. As the crew met at net to bid TennisTitan adieu as he departs Pine Island tomorrow for a few months, Doug Dack opined, "I wish I can say you'd be missed 'braggadocios bloviator' but being from New York, you'd know better." 'Michigander' Van Dyck interjected, "Doug, we're all from 'the Great Lakes State. We've lost so much industry in our state,' we should consider it our job now to make Titan think he can play competitive tennis with us down here in Florida." 'Canadian Cruncher' quipped, "yeah, Titan is competitive at Tennis...that Wii game played on an X-Box. Eh?!?"
Your TennisTitan hosted Ed 'Pittsburg Panther' Rubash, Jim 'Royal Tee' Cherfoli and Tom 'Captain's Cove' Marrs for three sets of fun doubles this morning at beautiful Blue Crab Key. Titan paired with 'PP' for a sweep of their opponents in the two hour match that was played under cloudless Florida blue skies in 70 degree temperature. Weather that Nancy Matuszak can only wish for back home in the Keystone State as her brother frolics with the 'immobile minotaur'. The 'bloated behemoth' and the bicycling geriatric from western Pennsylvania were too much for the men from Michigan. TT/'PP' cruised to an easy (6-1) victory in the opener. The Titan's placement serve and the back hand cross court slice from the man from Steel City were unstoppable. With the 'lagging Lothario's energy draining and the Panther's foot off the pedal, the second set became much more of a contest. The (6-3) victory saw the 'blogging bullshitter' and the 'fast-a-foot feline' take the last three games. Similarly, 'the big cat' started slowly in the finale but came on strong with his volleys as TT/'PP' rallied form a love-three deficit to take the last set (6-4). As the teams met at net Panther opined, "yeah Titan, it's going to be a big week for Pittsburgh. The Steelers will crush those birds from Arizona even more easily than I pounded my overhead volleys at net against these 'snow birds'. Your effective lobs to their baseline against these 'rust belt relics' were like Roethlisberger bombs." 'Royal Tee' quipped, "Ed, speaking of rust, you didn't bike up to Blue Crab because you knew you'd have to carry the 'bombastic blowhard' didn't you? To wit Captain Cove commented "Ed, don't talk! I got screwed royally with 'Tee' as my partner. Next time I play with TT!" Jim retorted "Marrs, you're not only out of your mind, you're in orbit!"
TennisTitan made a quick 300 mile round trip up the west coast of Florida to see some old friends and get in a couple of games of singles at the Sail and Tennis Club in Tarpon Springs this week. Your 'bloated behemoth' was granted his usual accommodations by Harry 'my Tom Bodett' Cardon ("back bedroom, no maid service, clean the toilet yourself, you freakin' freeloader!") and was graciously entertained between the white lines by the irrepressible George 'Genealogist' Pratt. 'Genealogist' is not used to playing in the crisp 40 degree temperatures that greeted the combatants this morning and is primarily a doubles specialist on his local court. Taking on the 'bombastic blowhard' was more a sense of duty for the transplanted Jay hawk who seldom doffs his windbreaker when temperatures fall below fifty degrees, no less pick up a tennis racket. Nonetheless, 'GG' rose to the occasion and gave the 'Yonkers Yakker' all he could handle in 90 minutes of intense action in the (6-3, 6-4) contest witnessed by the landscapping crew. As the 'crippled crybaby' exited the court Manuel Santana, the gardener, shouted "Viva el Gigante" as he resumed his hedge trimming duties. Andres Gomes relegated to raking debris commented, "Adios amigo, su juego es tan feo como la grasa de su cuerpo!" 'Genealogist' quipped, "Titan, what does he know? He voted for Obama!"
