"Titan, you must have been a short order cook as a kid" quipped 'Happy Jack' Carey at the post match barbecue hosted by 'Big A'l DioDati. Indeed, the 'boisterous blowhard' and George 'Chemist' Hauss were hamming it up to all who would listen about serving up a bagel to 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and Chris the Prosac Kid (6-0) in the second set played this morning at Kinsley as the 'overblown oaf'' devoured his third hamburger. Titan had earlier saved Frank 'Slats' Slattery's bacon in the first set when the 'pedantic prevaricator' held fast on the critical points in the tie breaker (7-6 [3]) to give 'Slats' some bragging rights in the victory over 'HJ' and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. 'Gimpy Knees'/HJ had split their first two sets with 'Slats'/'Big Al'. "Titan, you'd had egg on your face had you lost that final set to us" retorted a grumpy 'Gimpy Knees' as he poured himself a Cervesa. "Lettuce" enjoy our victory chortled the 'Chemist.' Titan and I sliced and diced 'RRR'/'Prosac Kid' like a tomato in that final set shutout." 'Slats' punctuated the banter perfectly by stating unequivocally to Titan, "I relish playing wih this hot dog. He's my therapy on Saturday mornings." Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser remarked, "Titan's got rye humor, but he's toast against me. Now 'Prosac Kid' - he's got onions" as Chris took a dip in 'Big Al's pool
Titan stopped by Kinsley to return the racket that he had borrowed from 'Happy Jack' last Saturday. Problem was: no Happy Jack at Kinsley. So TT completed the foursome of 'Big Al' DioDati, Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. The 'bloated behemoth' paired with 'Big Al' in his only set, a (3-6) loss to 'Russkie'/'GK.' That magic that was in Titan's wand yesterday morning was no where to be found. Indeed, the 'cryptic cripple' played a very unremarkable set, not being able to hold serve or offer adequate support to 'Big Al' at critical times in the match. The highlight of the 'blogging bullshitter's afternoon was when a tardy 'HJ' showed to take over the reins for the second set. As the 'bombastic blowhard' exited the courts, 'Big Al' snickered, "I knew yesterday was a fluke. Titan, the day you play well with me, is the day I'll retire, and become a tennis junkie like you." 'Russkie' had the last laugh as he inveighed Titan with, "Comrade, instead of telling me to 'stay out of Georgia,' someone should tell you to 'stay out of Kinsley.'
"Titan, how come you never play that good with me" lamented 'Big Al' DioDati at the end of his two hour clinic at the hands of the 'bombastic bloviator.' The 'pedantic prevaricator' paired for the first two of the three sets played at Kinsley with Frank 'Slats' Slattery against 'Big Al' and Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser and then with 'Pistol' in the third set against 'Big Al' and 'Slats.' It mattered not who TT's partner was this morning, Titan was on top of his game from start to finish. The 'sultan of swat'/'Slats' served the breakfast bagel (6-0) in the opener and continued their mastery (6-4) in the more competitive second set. TT controlled the alley from the backhand side and managed a few crisp volleys in a dominating performance. The 'boisterous blowhard' bellowed to all who could hear within 300 yards of the court, "This is why I play the ad-side" while his incredulous partner smirked in awe. Titan backed up his already sterling performance in the third set when he put fresh caps in the 'Pistol' to lift Lou's play in an equally impressive (6-1) rout of a befuddled 'Slats' and a beleaguered 'Big Al.' As the boys met at net 'Big Al' continued to taunt the 'immobile minotaur' with "Titan, you were so usually hot today that if you play like that on Saturday morning, you can expect the hamburgers and hot dogs served at my afternoon barbecue to be coming off your racket!"
TennisTitan joined seven of his mates for some lively doubles play this morning at Kinsley. Being the last to arrive TT (with his dog and without his racket) was relegated to the challenger court wherein he teamed with Lou 'Pistol' Gerenscer in the first of his three sets. TT/'Pistol' drew 'Happy Jack' Carey and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz in their opening set (6-2) victory. 'HJ'/'GK' relished their 2 game victory having been bageled by Frank 'Slats' Slattery and George 'Teacher' Febles in the first set played today. 'Pistol'/TT rolled to a similarly easy victory in set two when they defeated the 'Slats'/'Teacher' combo by the same (6-2) score. The balloon burst for the 'bloated behemoth' and 'Cap Gun' Lou in the third set as a revivified 'Slats' pairing with 'Rockin' Rick Ricci administered a (1-6) thrashing to the 'Tired Tortoise' and his 'empty chamber' partner! As the boys met at net and agreed to a 9 AM rematch Monday, 'Slats' quipped, "Titan, Lou' had enough of your barking on the court. You'll be my partner. So don't dog it! And if you DO bring Tully again, use the muzzle on yourself!"
TennisTitan joined eleven of his fellow mates for three sets of fun tennis this morning at Kinsley Park in ideal conditions. TT drew Bob 'Kraut' Kluge as his partner for the first of his two sets (6-3, 6-3) played aginst 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and George 'Teacher' Feebles. Der Klugemeister powerful groundies dominated for the most part and the 'boisterous blowhard' did his part to prolong points long enough until the 'Panzer' pasted a forehand winner. In TT's finale the 'egotistical egomaniac' paired with Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser in a (6-2) thrashing of 'RRR' and Chris 'The Prosac Kid.' As the teams met at net a chastened Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman remarked "Titan, Stuart 'Not Espn' Scott and I defeated Frank 'Slats' Slattery and the 'Pistol' (7-5)." 'Slats' opined, "Yeah, but before that the 'Pistol' and I took out 'Speedy Leg's and 'Not Espn' (6-2) and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Big Al' DioDati (6-4) and 'RRR'/'Teacher' (6-4). 'Pistol' brought a smile to the thrice defeated tandem of 'RRR'/'Teacher' by remarking, "Winning that last set with the 'pedantic prevaricator' as my partner is my personal tennis highlight of the morning. Playing with 'Slats' is good doubles practice, but playing with Titan at your side, you get a good singles workout! In fact he's like mother's Hungarian Goulash - plenty of lard, very little meat to sustain you, with plenty of onions and garlic so you don't mind the grizzle and a dash of paprika for color."
"Titan, I am an author by trade, not a tennis player. What's your excuse for your poor play?" harrumphed an exasperated Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev at the end of his ordeal playing two sets along side the 'bombastic bloviator.' Titan was taunting the Russian expatriate that he was toying with the idea of "Ivan the TERRIBLE" as this blog's topic until 'Russkie' redeemed himself with some improved play in TT/'Russkie' hard fought second set loss (5-7) to Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Lou 'Pistol "Gerenscer this afternoon at Kinsley. I do not consider myself in the class of a Pasternak, Chekhov or Solzhenitsyn but I have written a successful book about contemporary Russian politics that has been widely hailed. Have you ever heard of Vladimir Zhirinovski, a democratic Russian reformer in the 1990's?" "I want you to play like Andre Chesnikov or Mikhail Youzhny" whined the 'wounded wimp'! After the way you played in our (4-6) defeat at the hands of 'Big Al' DioDati and 'Happy Jack' Carey in the opening set, I was thinking of you more as Nikolay Davydenko who has been fined for tanking matches and betting on his opponents!
"Titan, face it. You are no match for me in singles anymore" quipped George 'Chemist' Hauss at the end of play at Kinsley this evening. TT had been outclassed in the only set played to completion (2-6) by the 'bunsen burner man and was struggling mightily to remain on serve in the second set (2-3 partial) when darkness called a halt to play. The 'bombastic blowhard' wanted to get one more tennis opportunity in before departing for a two week sojourn to Florida. The 'pompous prevaricator' performed to his overall ability against the 'Chemist' but was typically undone in the long rallies that 'Chemist' can sustain. As the boys met at net in the glimmering twilight with the distant thunder rumbling in the background Titan remarked, "George, taking that last game from you putting us back on serve is about all the victory I can expect tonight. I think it's too dark to continue." To wit the laboratory maven retorted, "I don't know how you actually won the four games you did, 'bloated behemoth. Perhaps the poor lighting effected your ability to put one foot in front of another and run after a ball out of your one yard radius?!"
Less than 18 hours after TennisTitan awoke from his Demerol daze the 'boisterous behemoth' was back on the courts at Kinsley. TT paired with Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz for two sets today that will approximate the conditions the 'pedantic padre' will face when he next takes the court in Lee County Florida. In stifling humidity with temperatures in the mid 90's Titan prevailed in both sets. 'GK' did not have his 'A' game today and it was the egomanical egotist' who did more than his share of the heavy lifting in the (6-4) defeat of 'Happy Jack' Carey and Pedro 'Portuguese Pup' Monteiro in the opener. TT/'GK' then outlasted the 'Portuguese Pup' when he paired with the always formidable George 'Chemist' Hauss in a thriller (7-6 [0]) that tested the heart and stamina of all leg weary participants. As the boys met at net to replenish their lost body fluids 'Chemist' remarked, "Titan, yesterday's colonoscopy appears to have elevated your game somewhat." 'Happy Jack' interjected, "Yeah George, I'm looking forward to giving yours a lift too one of these days." To wit the newbie to the group, 34 year old Pedro, opined "Gigante, tu e seu amigos seja louco but I had mucho fun. Obrigado!"
"Titan, you should thank me! With me there is no co-pay," chuckled Frank 'Slats' Slattery after his woeful performance as TT's partner in their humiliating two set defeat at the hands of Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and George 'Chemist' Hauss this evening at Schultze Park. It all started out so wonderfully. TT/'Slats' had a 3-1 lead in the first set that became a (3-6) defeat quicker than 'lax laxative taker's' proctologist will say on Friday "now roll over on your side and try and relax, this won't hurt a bit." Titan didn't know that he'd get a more painful hosing 40 hours before he's to be truly violated! Set two was more of the same as the 'bombastic bloviator' would prevail in his only service game (1-6) as 'Slats' lived up to his moniker - easily broken, offering no support!" As the foursome met at net, 'Slats' lamely opined, "Titan, I shouldn't have played between 2 and 4pm knowing that I'd have to carry you at 6pm." Kraut commented, "Frankie, you just had a bad day." Chemist quipped, "Guys, let's look at it this way. Soon the "bloated behemoth" will be a little less bloated. Frankie, you did play like crap. Titan will be thinking of you when he's tethered to the toilet tomorrow. Maybe there'll even be less bullshit in the blog!"
"Titan, you'd have no chance against us - you might as well let 'Slats' screw up your singles game" was the sage advice from the 'Chemist' on the adjacent court. George 'Chemist' Hauss and his buttinsky partner for the morning were in the process of dispatching their fourth doubles opponent - Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Chris the 'Prosac Kid' (6-4). This is the same score they had wrested control of the court from 'Big Al'/'GK' (6-4) two hours earlier. TT's efforts against 'Rockin' Rick Ricci in singles were rudely interrupted. It's not that the 'immobile minotaur' hadn't had his chance to dethrone the arrogant duo. But then again, a twosome of TT and 'Happy Jack' Carey leaves TT short a net player. The predictable result, (1-6) was only matched by the thumping administered to Stuart 'Not Espn' Scott and HJ by Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Big Al' Diodati in the opener. 'NotEspn/'RRR' fell (6-2) to 'Chemist'/'Slats' who dominated all morning. So 'Slats,' who didn't mind others waiting idly for a game on his court, took it upon himself to invite 'Mike the Marine' and Randy 'Handy-Dandy' who had waited 20 minutes for a court opening, to play doubles aginst the 'bombastic blowhard' and 'Rockin' Rick. After the two veterans annihilated the generation xer's (6-1) 'Rockin' commented, "Gentlemen, what'd you expect? A walk in the park!"
"Frankie, I said can I call you if I have leg cramps?; not call me lagging Gramps!" So lamented the 'exhausted egotist' at the conclusion of play at Schultze Park this evening. Titan had done all he could on the court to insure his maximum performance (except properly hydrate himself) for a late day session. The 'boisterous blowhard' and Frank 'Slats' Slattery did battle against Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and George 'Chemist' Hauss in two high quality sets of doubles. TT/'Slats' fell quickly behind in set one, love - three, but made the Teutonic duo sweat it out as they rallied to a 5 all tie. TT failed to hold in the critical 11th game and 'Chemist' served it out for their (5-7) victory. In the second set it was 'Chemist'/'Kraut' who played catch up as TT/'Slats' closed out the evening with a (6-4) triumph. As the boys met at net to offer congratulations to one and all for an exceptionally well played match 'Kraut' opined, "Let's see, 'Slats' you're on summer vacation and Titan you're retired. 'Slats' you claim you rested all day "to carry the Titan" this evening and TT you had 4 cups of coffee at 5PM to jump start your performance." With that 'Chemist' intervened, "Bobby, we out-worked these yokels both before and during the match!."
"Titan, now don't you go counting this as a victory. After all it was only one game that you won" snickered Frank 'Slats' Slattery when play was halted during TT's fourth set of the morning at Kinsley. The 'boisterous blowhard' had paired with George 'Chemist' Hauss in what was to be the final set when the rains returned with TT/'Chemist' already down 1-3. The 'obnoxious ox' had already dropped the first three sets he participated in when he paired with Stuart 'not ESPN' Scott against Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman (2-6). And then with 'Happy Jack' Carey (4-6) against George 'Teacher' Febles and Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser and against 'Slats' and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge (2-6). TT was the last to arrive at the rain-swept court and drew a rusty 'not ESPN,' making a rare appearance, and the already once defeated, always court-challenged 'HJ' as his partners. The 'immobile minotaur' does not have sufficient game to counter more mobile pairings when so encumbered. As the boys retreated to their cars in the pouring rain 'HJ' observed, "Titan, even your camera misfired today when you took your group shots." Not ESPN opined, "No Sports Center for you tonight, blowhard. You are reduced to watching ESPN Classic - Riggs vs. Billie Jean King. And my back hurts!"
"No wonder you lost the cold war" complained the 'boisterous blowhard' at the completion of the second set played at Kinsley today. TennisTitan was quick to lay blame at the feet of Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev for their (3-6) defeat at the hands of "Pistol" Lou Gerenscer and 'Big Al' Diodati. "The statue of Vladimir Lenin in Red Square moves better than you on the court, Russkie" whined the 'bombastic bloviator' to the bemusement of Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz and 'Happy Jack' Carey who sat idly on the sidelines. 'HJ'/'Gk' had been dispatched (7-6 [4]) in their meeting with TT/'Russkie' in today's opening match. The late set charge that had brought Titan/Vlad back from a 3-5 deficit in set one was no where to be found against the veteran pairing of 'Pistol'/'Big Al' in the nightcap. As the boys met at net 'Russkie' got off his best volley of the day stating, "Titan, comrade Lenin is long since dead. But you, who still suck all the oxygen out of the air, have cement in your sneakers and show the loyalty of Trotsky to your partners. You are indeed a 'dead man' walking!"
"Titan, it can't be this easy" yelled 'Happy Jack' Carey from the sidelines as he eagerly awaited the opportunity to compete against the 'bloated behemoth' as George 'Chemist' Hauss' partner in the ensuing set. 'HJ' was brought out of his chair with his telling remark as TT snapped off a cross-court volley to end the set (6-4) that he and Frank 'Slats' Slattery had captured from a determined 'Big Al' DioDati and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. TT continued to make it look easy in his second set as the 'egotistical egomaniac' then paired with Bob 'Kraut' Kluge in thumping the tandem of 'HJ'/'Chemist' (6-1). Der Klugemeister continues to shine since his return from Chi Town as evidenced by his (6-1) victory over 'Chemist' in an early round singles contest. In early match action a pairing of 'Slats'/'Chemist' again proved too formidable as they hung on to defeat "Big Al'/'Gimpy Kness' (7-5) in today's opening doubles. As Titan trundled off to his car with HJ/Chemist v 'Kraut'/'Prosac Kid' deadlocked at 3 games a piece, 'HJ' shouted from afar, "It IS easy, Big Guy - what's difficult is to have George as my partner!"
"Perhaps, Titan, you should consider sleeping late on Saturday mornings - you seem to doze off at crucial times anyway" snickered Frank 'Slats' Slattery upon completion of play at Kinsley today. 'Slats' had done his part, along with partner George 'Chemist' Hauss, in deflating (3-6) TT's Father's Day weekend. The 'bloated behemoth' drew 'Rockin' Rick Ricci for his partner in the two sets played this day in oppressive summer conditions. 'RRR' recovering from replacement hip surgery in January cannot yet cover the court as he once had. The quickness of the 'Slats'/'Chemist' tandem is formidable. TT/'RRR' seem not to be able to power past these defenders nor win long points. TennisTitan/'RRR' also dropped the 'losers game' to Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and Big Al DioDati (4-6) that was played afterward. As the boys met at net the 'boisterous blowhard' reminded all who would hear, "Slats, my Liege 'King' Gene Slattery and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz did my bidding. I tired you out, hence they came from behind to defeat you two roadrunners (6-4) in the set that counted the most." 'Big Al'/'Gimpy Knees' had lost the opening set of the day to 'Chemist'/'Slats' (6-3).
"Olla, Gigante" was the greeting the 'bloated behemoth' heard as he entered Kinsley this afternoon to watch some amateur tennis. It was none other than 'Lil Papi' Saa - with racquet in hand - looking to play one set of singles. Who could say no? Not this Tennis Whore. So back to the car to fetch the spare racquet and the sun glasses (sorry no camera). 'Lil Papi' gave me all I could handle in the 40 minute set that had the 'boisterous blowhard' come out on top (6-4). Papi declined a rematch but Titan was pressed into action in the doubles match he went there to watch. Subbing for a departing Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev at 5-2 TT got the job done, even though it went to a tie breaker (7-6 [4]) as John 'Neck' Manzi's partner. A frustrated Bill 'Electrolux' Ching and Chris the 'Prosac Kid' invoked the words of the late Jim McKay at net as the 'egotistical ego maniac' accepted their plaudits. "Titan, twenty minutes of you on the other side of the net gave us both "the trill of victory, and the agony of defeat."
"Clarence, after we won that first set I swear I heard bells coming from the sky" declared TennisTitan at the completion of the 'Gazelle'/TT (6-4) victory over Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman and Lou 'Pistol' Gerenscer in today's opener at Kinsley Park. Quipped Frank 'Slats' Slattery from the adjacent court, "Blowhard, that's the ice cream truck. It is you, for whom the bell tolls now that 'Chemist and I have prevailed (7-6 [4]) over Big 'Al' DioDati and Bob 'Kraut' Kluge. With that my personal 'Big Brown' abandoned moi to the singles court where he defeated 'Der Klugemeister' 3, and 4 in the oppressive heat. And 'Slats' made good on his word as he and George 'Chemist' Hauss cruised to a (2-6) thumping of TT and Gene 'King' Slattery. The team of 'Speedy Legs'/'Gimpy Knees' Cruz whipped 'Big Al'/'Pistol' (6-2) to close out the action on court two. The finale of the day, played in 93 degree temperatures, with 8 weary legs laboring had the 'King' declaring at sets end, "Titan, this angel just got his wings" as he and 'Pistol' toughed out a (4-6) triumph over the 'bloated behemoth'/ 'George Bailey' Slattery. As the exhausted crew headed to their air conditioned cars Clarence 'Gazelle' Williams chortled in his heavy Jamaican accent, "Hey, mon, there is only gonna be one 'Big Brown' who is a winner today. And he's got two legs and loves reggae!"
