"Titan, I don't want to wait thirty years to see you win three in a row again" laughed Bill 'Electrolux' Ching as the 'bloated behemoth' trundled off to his car. TennisTitan had again gamely left his mark on Kinsley this afternoon sweeping the three sets he participated in. The 'bulbous blowhard' paired with 'Lil Papi' Saa in the opener against 'Electrolux' and Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev in a competitive set (6-4) that had the dog walkers agape with the deft shot making display. Set two and three saw the 'blogging bullshitter' head to the other side of the net to pair with 'Electrolux' in two more nail biters. 'Lil Papi'/'Russkie' gave it all they had in their (7-6 [4]) loss to TT and the maven of vacuum repairmen. John the 'Neck' Manzi teamed with the Russian immigrant entrepreneur only to be broken in the 12th game (7-5) and lose a chance for another tie breaker against a tiring TennisTitan and a tantrumming Ching. As the foursome met at net Russkie opined "in the USSR the Secretariat had great power just like you do on the court, Titan." 'Neck' Manzi Affirmed Vladimir's observation with "Titan, you hit a Seattle Slew of winners today." Titan quipped as he beat an especially hasty retreat to his car, "Gotta go. I took a laxative this morning. I'm afraid I have a 'Big Brown' in my shorts now."
"Atta boy Titan, at 62 years of age and on a tennis court, you remind me of a cricket player on the pitch in my native Jamaica - having eaten too much jerk chicken" chirped Clarence 'Gazelle' Williams, as he joined a group of eight (more or less) regulars for some doubles at Kinsley. Titan paired with Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz in his opener against Bob 'Kraut' Kluge and 'Happy Jack' Carey in a (6-2) victory on the challenger's court. Frank 'Slats' Slattery and George 'Chemist' Hauss rallied from a love-3 deficit to capture their set (6-4) from George 'Teacher' Febles and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. With 'Teacher'and 'Chemist' departing the 'bloviating blowhard' paired with 'RRR' for another stirring comeback ( 7-5) against the Amackassin duo of 'Slats' and 'Happy Jack.' As the boys met at net 'Happy Jack' opined, "Titan, was your strategy to always hit the ball to me today?" 'Slats' was quick to observe, "HJ, Titan's a fox. It's pretty clear his strategy was to make sure you were 'Kraut's and then my partner in sets he played! How else could he win!!" 'Gimpy Knees' reminded all, "I wanted to beat that lard ass laggard 6-2, not give him a 6-2 victory.
"Titan, that was my birthday present to you!" exclaimed Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz at the completion of the second set at Kinsley today. TT had teamed with 'GK' in administering a thumping (6-1) to John 'the Neck' Manzi and the 'Prozac Kid', Chris Tyrone. Truth be told (why start now?) 'GK' was on fire this afternoon. He teamed with Bill 'Electrolux' Ching in the opener against the 'bloated behemoth' and 'Prosac Kid' and had is way (3-6) then too. 'GK' flashed his ever-so-soft touch volleys and heavy groundies against all opponents on this beautiful spring day. Titan provided adequate support during the many long rallies played and occasionally had the pleasure of finishing off a point 'GK' had controlled from the get-go. Titan departed the courts with 'GK'/'Electrolux' continuing their mastery over an overmatched 'Neck'/'Prosac' tandem. As the 'boisterous bloviator' made his way to the car 'GK' shouted, "Amigo, together we won 6-1 because today is the last day you are 61. On Saturday I will beat your ass 6-2. And you'll know why. Cervezas for everybody!"
"Jack, playing with you is like dealing with the airlines nowadays. You know...paying for your baggage!" is all TennisTitan could say after he dropped a heart breaker (6-7 [5])with 'Happy Jack' as his partner this morning at Kinsley. "Bad enough that TT could only get one set in but Jack you make your partner pay dearly when you lose your concentration on court." TT/'HJ' were up 5-3 against Frank 'Slats' Slattery and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci with Jack having an opportunity to serve it out when the 'Marlboro Man' went south - double faulting three points. Titan managed to put his crew back in front on his serve 6-5 but 'HJ' offered no help in the critical 12th game and the deciding tie breaker. As the foursome met at net 'RRR' opined, "Titan don't take it so hard. When 'HJ' was my partner in the previous set against George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Slats' we got rolled six games to two." 'Slats' quipped, "Yeah Tommy, you actually came out ahead. We all figure you a two-time loser on most Saturdays." 'HJ" chortled, "This way the blog is shorter too. I smoke Marlboro Light for a reason."
"Titan, I told you when I first met you I was born in Wichita, Kansas, the home of the Wichita Wheat Shockers" exclaimed a jubilant George 'Genealogist' Pratt upon pulling off the upset shocker against the 'bloated behemoth' at the Tarpon Sail and Tennis Club this date. "T'was a long time coming but I am going to savor this moment" beamed a smiling 'Genealogist' to the group of geriatric women cheering his feat. Nancy Pratt, among those watching in awe as George rallied in the second set, coming back from 5-4 down to win (5-7) and defeat the 'blogging bullshitter,' rejoiced with, "Finally, no more crying at the dinner table. I can retire in peace" as her husband stood triumphantly over the 'fallen fabricator.' Titan, upon coming to his senses, grasping at straws, reminded all those who would hear him, "George, most of my blog will be about the first set which I won handily at (6-3)." The 'Genealogist' was quick to retort, "Bombastic Blowhard' need I remind you that I graduated from the University of Oklahoma nearly 50 years ago. Next time I will beat you SOONER!! Now go back to Blue Crab Key and stick to fishing!"
"Titan, singles are a man's game, a healthy man's game at that. You are disqualified."
"Titan, I'd like to give you some credit for my (6-1) thrashing of the 'Kraut' in the opening set, but then how do I explain my (6-7) [2] defeat in the second" opined Gene 'King' Slattery at day's conclusion. Indeed, TennisTitan had engaged Bob 'Kraut' Kluge in the first singles played this morning at Kinsley and acquitted himself well in a (5-7) loss. But at best it was a Pyrrhic victory with TT wearing down late in the set and dropping the final three games. The 'bloated behemoth' then jumped to the doubles court to challenge George 'Chemist' Hauss and 'Big Al' Dio Dati drawing 'Happy Jack' Carey as his partner in his (2-6) defeat. A tired and erratic 'Chemist' could do little right in the 'boisterous blowhard's final set of the morning allowing the tandem of 'Happy Jack' and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz to prevail (5-7). As the boy's met at net to recap the action, 'HJ' commented, "Obnoxious One, no offense, but 'Chemist' and 'Big Al' swamped 'GK' and I in the opening doubles (6-2) of the day. I'd have to go back to drinkin' and druggin' if he'd won another set me from me this morning." To wit 'GK' said "that's why we're partners."
"Today, Titan ol' boy, it was not just the Wehrmacht that did you in. I also brought the Luftwaffe . Such was the hubris displayed by the 'Kraut' Bob Kluge upon his annihilation of the 'egotistical egomaniac' who thought he could play singles against a man who is actually in shape. A rainy morning in Yonkers had turned into a teary afternoon for the 'bloated behemoth' who was outplayed (3-6, 3-6) at Freddolino Park in Northeast Yonkers. Titan managed to remain in both sets through the midway point but faced the unenviable task of a defeating a better conditioned athlete who is wise to TT's game. Herr Kluge no longer gives away points. There was a time not too long ago when 'Kraut' did not have the game or patience to beat a strategist on the other side of the net, even one with limited mobility. But no more! At the matches' conclusion 'Kraut' bellowed at net, "We Germans are the real supermen, meinen freund der Titan. I suggest that the next time we play singles, you not only wear a Superman Hat, but bring that red cape with an 'S' on it too. Perhaps the Luftwaffe would then have a challenge. But then I would bring the tanks.
'Where have you been Titan, hiding?" Such was the greeting your 'bloated behemoth' received this date from Max 'Tutor' Tuchman upon entering the YTC for his final indoor season match. TennisTitan, still weary from a nine day trip to Florida, showed no ill effects of being away from the racquet since April 19th and/or being stuck in the air and an airport for 12 hours. Indeed, the 'blogging bullshitter' enjoyed one of his finest on-court performances of the year when he paired with the 'Tutor' for two scintillating sets against old nemesis Joe ' Gimpy Knees' Cruz and the redoubtable 'Big Al' DioDati. 'Tutor' was on fire this afternoon, dominating from the back court with running forehands and consistent backhand volleys that undressed the adversaries. TT/'Tutor' narrowly escaped defeat in the opener when they halted a strong comeback attempt from 5-2 down by 'GK'/'Big Al' to take the set (7-5). Set two also belonged to the ecumenical duo. Knotted 2-2 in games the boys exploded into a (6-2) rout. With TT providing occasional pop on the serve and controlling the alley with his forehand passes a bewitched 'Tutor' flashed signs of Tullyism at net when he buried four consecutive volleys at the feet of a bothered 'Gimpy Knees' and a bewildered Big Al.' As the boys met at net for the final time 'Big Al' grudgingly noted, "Titan, your game today was especially appropriate. Your Jewish partner knows nothing of Ascension Thursday. If ever a game 'rose to heaven' it was yours today! To wit the acerbic 'Tutor' announced, "Goyim, check your calendars. Today is Holocaust Remembrance Day. You got yours from the ecumenical duo!"
"Prez, Big Papi is the baseball player. Il Papa is the pope and he is in Yonkers today as we play." That's how long Rich 'Prez' Prezioso has been out of the loop with sports in general and especially with the Kinsley tennis community and the Catholic faith. "Titan, you mean Lou 'Pistol' Gerencser, Bob 'Kraut' Kluge, and his Eminence Gene 'King' Slattery aren't here this morning to see my strokes!? Fortunately (for the Titan) the above referenced players, plus George 'Chemist' Hauss did not witness Prez/'Happy Jack' Carey's stunning (4-6) victory over 'Big Al' DioDati/TT on the adjacent court. 'King/'Pistol' were busy taking sets (7-5, 7-5) from the Teutonic Team that had ruled Kinsley last week. 'Big Al' was dreadful, and the 'bombastic bloviator' was not much better. In their second set the 'egomaniacal egotist' overcame his partner's inability to keep a volley on court and served out their equally unanticipated (7-5) victory over 'Prez' and 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz who let a five games to two advantage slip away. The final set of the morning had the Titan pair with the 'King' in a thrashing (6-0) of 'Chemist' and Stuart 'Not ESPN' Scott who was making his first appearance of the spring. As the boys met at net 'Kraut' noted, "Achtung Tommy boy! Don't forget my (6-2) victory over the 'Chemist' in the only singles match of the day. And remember 'Il Papa' - Cardinal Josef Ratzinger is from the Fatherland."
"Yeah, I've been beating the Titan since '92. That's more than 15 years of satisfaction added to my life."
"Titan, in the old country the NKVD would be at my door in the morning and I would be on a train to a Gulag in Siberia" was all that Vladimir 'Russkie' Kartsev could say upon conclusion of his second set as TT's partner this date at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The 'Russkie' was crestfallen to have let a set get away from him and the 'bombastic bloviator' (3-6) to 'Big Al' DioDati and Max 'Tutor' Tuchman after having opened up a three games to one lead. 'Big Al'/'Tutor' played Kartsev like Baryshnikov danced a ballet during the last 20 minutes of action. TT had nary a ball hit to him as Al and Max wore down 'Russkie' in long rallies and exploited his weak volley. In stark contrast to 'Russkie's second set play was his performance in the stirring rally put forth by the 'immobile minotaur' and the Russian emigrant in the opener. Trailing 3-4, love-40 TT/'Russkie' rallied to win the set (7-5). 'Russkie's forehand was a dominant factor and his mobility often enabled a point to be prolonged allowing TT to finish it with a winner. As the teams met at net Tutor opined, "this was a lot like 1957. The Russians got off to a great start then too with Sputnik, but you know we Americans got to the moon first in the end anyway." Big Al remarked, "Is that why Titan hits all those moon balls?"
"Let's just say, 'You Got Wiener Schnitzelled" chortled Bob 'Kraut' Kluge at the conclusion of play at Kinsley Park. The Teutonic Tandem of 'Kraut'/'Chemist' laid waste to TennisTitan/'Slats' twice this morning in hard fought sets (5-7, 4-6). Sandwiched between these two setbacks TT managed to drop another close set with 'Happy Jack' Carey (5-7) to the Pepsi Truck Driver from Chicago and the maven of the Bunsen Burner. Indeed, the Germanic Duo reigned supreme this date going four for four, counting their opening set victory (6-3) against 'Happy Jack' and 'Big Al' DioDati. As the teams met at net George 'Chemist' Hauss opined, "Titan, perhaps instead of breaking in a new racquet, you should try a new partner." 'Slats' quipped, "Yeah, but who else would want to play beside the 'immobile minotaur.' It's too much work." 'Happy Jack' quickly interjected, "Slats,' you, like my wife, work for the Board of Education. Ergo, you get plenty of rest Monday through Friday. You should be quite capable of carrying the 'bombastic behemoth' on Saturday mornings! My wife, she's rested enough to make me a Black Forest Cake this morning."
"Uncle Titan, please emphasize the 'whipped' part in your stupid blog" commented a relieved Rob 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe at the end of play this afternoon at Brookdale Community College. "And don't be crying that 'you're tired' when you are called upon to play at 5PM. Remember my work day starts at 5AM! Admit it ol' man, you got your ass kicked (1-6) in that second set. Indeed, the whippersnapper showed he mastered the learning curve in set two by cutting down on his errors and prolonging points against the 'immobile minotaur.' Rather than losing those multi-deuce games and doling out free points via double faults, (7) in the first set loss (6-1), he made the 'bombastic blowhard' earn his keep. TennisTitan played as well in the second set drubbing he took as he had in his rout of the upstart. The Brookdale College team practicing on adjacent courts were aghast when the 'Jersey Bomber' confronted the 'whipped whiner' at picture time with "Titan, how about YOU saying 'uncle' to me!"
"Ah, Titan do you expect me to clean up your mess" queried 'Jasper' George Maniscalco at the conclusion of play this morning at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The Oscar Madison of my tennis world was letting the 'boisterous blowhard' know in no uncertain terms that you can expect only so much from fellow Jaspers. TT/'Jasper George' had fallen meekly (3-6) in their set together against Tony 'no baloney' Guido and 'Lean, Lanky, Lefty' Ed Gordon. 'LLL' jumped on the band wagon also reminding the 'Tortuous Tortoise' that he had forgotten more than his camera today. "Titan, you barely beat me and Jasper (6-4) when you played that first set with 'no baloney' at your side. Did you really expect for me to save your Languid, Lethargic, Lugubrious ass in the third set (2-5, 40-30 partial) against 'JG'/'no baloney'"? Your 'bloviating braggadocio' could only timidly agree with Tony Guido's final assessment."TennisTitan, today you talked the talk, but didn't walk the walk. Next time you show up at the tennis center dressed like 'Big Bird' we don't want to hear a peep out of you!"
"Titan, I feel like I am making the big time, you know, with you featuring me on your blog" commented 'Jasper' George Maniscalco upon completion of play at the YTC this morning. "Don't be so happy about it George. Not, at least until you have read it," chimed in 'Lean, Lanky, Lefty' Ed Gordon. "Yeah, said 'Shillelagh Man,' Don Carmody, "I sometimes have wanted to hit him with my walking stick!" Such was the reception the 'bloated behemoth' received at net upon his dismantlement (6-4, 6-1, 5-2, 40-30) of his 3 compatriots today. The 'boisterous blowhard' rotated himself through the group, making sure that no one was spared the incessant chatter and insipidly inane commentary offered by the 'egomaniacal egotist.' "It ain't bragging if you can back it up" chortled the 'blogging bullshitter' as he snapped away on his digital camera. 'LLL' quipped, "No three losses for me today. Hey, I won 6-4 with the Titan when he was still rusty. I carried him." "Our 6-1 blowout was no contest. I dominated from the back court and at net" observed the 'Shillelagh Man.' 'Jasper George' quickly getting the hang of it retorted, "Titan, quit with the high arching lobs. It slowed the last set down. I was but one point away from getting my first official victory with you and you screwed it up!"
"So, 'Chemist,' did we provide this upstart with a good education this morning, or not" quipped the 'immobile minotaur' with that shit-eating grin hidden behind those white whiskers. Your Titan had just taken his nephew, Robbie 'Jersey Bomber' Briscoe, to the proverbial cleaners (6-2) in their set of singles to complete play at Kinsley this morning. Rob had started off quickly against the 'bloated behemoth' jumping off to a two-love advantage before guile and experience took over. TT proceeded to run the table as effectively as he 'ran his mouth.' 'Chemists' had defeated the neophyte (6-2) in the previous set as TT laid in wait, resting and devising his game plan. Indeed, George 'Chemist' Hauss had laid the groundwork for TT's victory by sapping the energy and deflating the confidence of the younger Briscoe in their mano y mano confrontation. Rob had sampled the sweet taste of victory in his first set playing alongside his erstwhile uncle in their (6-2) swamping of 'Chemist'/'Big Al' DioDati. But without the Titan to steady the ship Rob was run wild by the experienced 'Bunsen Burner' maven who prevailed in almost all extensive rallies and put his heavy top spin in play. As the boys met at net 'Chemist' used his keen analytical mind to opine, "Kid, maybe you're just not ready for prime time. Titan and I give away 20 years to you, but that's also twenty years of experience." The 'egomanical egotist' retorted, "Rob, lunch is on me. You made me feel 20 years younger!"
"Titan, Da, I always suspected that you were a Bolshevik. Those red shorts and hat made you a member of the new Red Army" quipped the 'Russkie', Vladimir Kartsev at the conclusion of play at the YTC this date. TT had done his part in the first two of three sets played to completion when he opposed the emigrant entrepreneur in abetting Jim Addiss 'Abada' in their thrashing of 'Russkie' and 'Big Al' Dio Dati (6-2,6-1). As proof that the weapon doesn't make the soldier, the 'bloated behemoth,' breaking in a new racquet, faired no better when he, as the White Russian's partner was similarly on the receiving end of the dismantlement administered by 'Abada'/'Big Al' in the third set (2-6, 0-3 partial). As the teams met at net 'Abada' opined, "Boys, I guess I held the balance of power today." 'Big Al' chirped, "When you play with or against TennisTitan, there is no feeling of 'detente' on the court. 'Russkie,' chimed in, "Vodka, I always have. Today I got CREAMed. Titan, you bring the Kahlua."
"Fantasy? Fantasy Baseball!?! You're going home to draft a fantasy baseball team, why Titan you've been playing Fantasy Tennis all morning," taunted George 'Chemist' Hauss as the 'bloated behemoth' left Kinsley this morning after only playing one set. And what a set it was. Like the spring crocus, if only in 36 degree weather, six veteran players appeared at 9AM to unofficially open the 2008 outdoor season. TennisTitan drew the venerable Sab 'Koide Kid' as his partner against the 'Chemist' and 'Big Al' DioDati. Waiting in the wings for the winners were 'Happy Jack' Carey and George 'Teacher' Febles. TT/'KK' trailed love-3 before the coffee kicked in as the odd couple rallied to knot the set at 3. Again, down 5-6, they broke through to send the set to a tie breaker (6-7 [2]). The 84 year old Asiatic doctor tried to comfort the 'immobile minotaur' with the wisdom of a zen master with, "Most 'egotistical egomaniac', 'Confucius say, a fantasy is to dream and be inspired to love, to live a good life.' But playing as your partner, is my Nightmare! It is worse than me running the NYC marathon without a bottle of water."
'Titan, where have you been?" queried Jim Addiss 'Abada' as your 'bullshitting blogger' made his first appearance on a tennis court in five weeks. The 'immobile minotaur' has been struggling through the winter months with an enduring cold, constant earaches from infected sinuses, and the pain associated with recently extracted wisdom teeth! So was it any wonder that TennisTitan had the doors blown off (0-6), when pairing with 'Big Al' DioDati against Joe 'I'll show you no mercy, blowhard!" Cruz in today's first set at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'Abada' came to his senses for the second (4-6) and third (6-3) sets when he agreed to pair with TT against ''Big Al'/'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. Both sets were highly competitive with TT/'Abada' opening up a break (second set) and double break leads (third set) that were difficult to maintain. By the third set the 'bombastic bloviator' had pop on his serve and was effective with his lobs but never got his groundies up to par. 'GK' was smoking with his returns and did the heavy lifting. 'Abada,' usually a lock with his lefty serve on the ad-side, struggled and his net game was not up to his usual high standards. As the boys met at net for picture time 'Big Al' wished all a Happy Easter and subtley reminded the Titan, "Tom, Jesus was raised from the dead, maybe your game will come back too!" 'Gimpy Knees' exclaimed 'maybe he can do something for your vision like that guy in the gospel." 'Abada' quipped, "He's already changed water into WHINE for the Titan, let's not expect another miracle."
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